At first I was troubled by this and then I realized that these people wrote on the walls because they had to. They hated to have the writing erased as if it seemed to be some part of them. They'd carve their messages in the wooden doors with a knife. You couldn't put them down as freaks because there were thousands of them and it gave me a very deep insight into how, lonely and horny mankind is. So then one night-one morning, really-it was after three o'clock, it was closer to four-I was mopping the floor when this man came up to me and said help me, help me, help me, I think I am going to die. He was a well-dressed man but his face was very gray. So then I said a patrolman came through the concourse about now and I could go upstairs and get him and he could call an ambulance. But then he said don't leave me, I don't want to die alone, so then I said let's go up to the concourse together then, I'll help you. So then I took his arm and we went up to the concourse very slowly-he was groaning-but when we got there there wasn't any patrolman around, there wasn't anybody around, and he said that he had to sit down and we sat down on some stairs. It was very gloomy and cold and bare and empty there but that great big colored picture that advertises cameras was lighted. It was a picture of a man and a woman and two children on a beach-a lake I guess-and behind them, way off in the distance, were all these mountains covered with snow. It was a beautiful happy picture but it seemed more beautiful because the concourse was so cold and bare and had nothing happy about it. So then I told him to look at the mountain to see if he could get his mind off his troubles. So then I said let us pray and he said he couldn't remember any prayers and I realized I couldn't remember many prayers myself so I said let's make up a prayer and then I began to say valor, valor, valor, valor, over and over again and in a little while he joined me. So then I said some other words and he said them along with me and then he said that he felt better and after a little while he said he thought he'd take a cab to a hotel and get some sleep and he said goodbye and I never saw him again. A few weeks later I came out here to work with Mr. Percham who is my cousin and a carpenter."
The rain lets up. Nailles comes home. Swallows and blackbirds hunt in the early dark. The wind is out of the northeast and coming up the steps he can distinguish the sounds made by the different trees as the wind fills them: maple, birch, tulip and oak. What good is this knowledge for his son or himself? Someone has to observe the world. The steady twilight seems like a sustained note, perfect in pitch. Nellie tells him that the guru is upstairs but that he cannot be disturbed. Nailles drinks heavily and after dinner Nellie says she is going upstairs to lie down. She makes Nailles promise not to disturb the guru. He gives her a kiss and picks up a novel to bolster his self-control. "In the little town of Ostervogen in northern Denmark," he reads, "the following events took place in 1869. One morning in January a young man could be seen walking down the main street. The polish and elegance of his boots and the cut of his clothing suggested that they had been bought in Copenhagen or Paris. He was bareheaded and wore on his left hand an enormous signet ring, engraved with the crest of the Von Hendreichs. It had snowed during the night and the roofs of the little village were white. Maidservants were sweeping the dry snow off the walks with brooms made of twigs. The young man-it was Count-Eric von Hendreichs- stopped in front of the largest residence and consulted a heavy, golden pocket watch. A moment later the bells of St. Michael's church rang eleven. As the last vibration of the bronze bells died on the cold air the young man ran lightly up the steps of the house and rang the bell. A maid wearing the apron and ribbons prescribed for servants at that time answered his ring, gave him a shy smile and dropped a deep curtsy. She was a pretty young woman but even the voluminousness of her costume could not conceal the fact that she was pregnant. He followed her down a dark hall to a large drawing room where an old lady sat by a samovar. The young count greeted his hostess affectionately in French and accepted a cup of tea. 'I can only stay a moment,' he said. Tm taking the stage to Copenhagen and the evening packet to Ostend.' 'Quel dommage,' said the old woman. At her side was an embroidery frame and below this a gilded basket heaped with hanks of colored yarn. She reached into the basket, extracted a small ivory-handled pistol and shot the young count through the heart…"
Nailles slams this book down on a table and picks up another called Rainy Summer. He reads the first sentence: "It was a very rainy summer and the ashtrays on the tables around the swimming pool were always filled with rainwater and cigarette butts…" He throws this book across the room. The doorbell rings. Nailles opens it and sees his neighbor Mrs. Harvey. Why is her face wet, he wonders. Beyond her shoulder he can see stars in the sky. Can she be crying and why is she crying? It is his turn to cry. "Please come in," Nailles says. "Please come in."
"I don't think I've been here since I solicited for the mutual fund," she says. She is crying. 'I'm soliciting again." Red Cross, thinks Nailles, Muscular Dystrophy, Heart Trouble? "What is your cause tonight," Nailles asks.
"The Harvey family," she says. "I'm soliciting for Dads." She laughs; she sobs.
"Please come in and sit down," says Nailles. "Let me get you a drink."
"Well it's a long story," she says, "but I guess I'd better tell it if I expect your help. I guess you know that Charlie's a junior in Amherst. He went down to Boston and took part in a demonstration. He was arrested and spent a couple of nights in jail but they let him off with a fine and suspended sentence. Then two weeks ago the draft board changed his classification from student deferment to 1A. He was ordered to report for induction the day before yesterday. I mentioned the fact that he was going to be inducted when I was at the beauty parlor and the woman beside me-I don't really know her-told me there was a psychiatrist in the village who makes a specialty in drilling young men in how to disqualify themselves for the army. He charges five hundred dollars. I thought of speaking to Dads about this but it seemed dishonest. Charlie doesn't want to be a soldier but he doesn't want to be a liar either. I mean it seems like killing yourself in order to avoid getting killed. Anyhow I didn't mention this. He was supposed to report for induction on Thursday and on Wednesday Dads went to the savings bank and took out three thousand.
It was all we had. He gave Charlie five hundred in cash and the rest in a certified check. We never once discussed his plans. After supper he went upstairs and packed a suitcase and came down and Dads drove him to the station. They didn't say anything, they didn't even say goodbye. Dads said he didn't dare say goodbye because he would start crying. I suppose he's in Canada or Sweden but we haven't heard from him. Well a day later a man came to Dads's office- a man from the government-and said that he knew Dads had taken three thousand out of the bank in order to enable his son to emigrate. Dads and I thought our bank accounts were private but evidently not. He said that he wanted to see Dads at home so Dads took an early train today and the man drove over-the government man-from the county seat where his office is. He first accused Dads of assisting a draft evader and then he said he was going to make it short and sweet and he took a cigarette out of his pocket and put it on the table and said that Dads was under arrest for the possession of dangerous drugs. The cigarette was a marijuana but it was the first one Dads had ever seen. The man explained that he was after draft evaders because he had spent a year and a half in a POW camp in Germany, eating rats and mice. He wanted the younger generation to learn what it was all about. So then Dads called the lawyer here-Harry Marchand-and they all drove over to the county seat and Dads was arrested for the possession of drugs and put into jail. They set the bail at two thousand and because this is the end of the month we simply don't have it so I'm going from house to house trying to raise it."
"I think I have two hundred upstairs," says Nail-les, "if that would help."
"Oh it would help."
In the dark bedroom Nellie asks who is downstairs. "It's Grace Harvey," Nailles says. "I'll tell you about it later." When he opens the wall safe and takes out the money she asks: "Is the swami finished? Are you paying him?"
"No," Nailles says. "I'll tell you about it later."
"Would you like me to write a receipt," Grace asks.
"No. Of course not."
"I've done the mutual fund for five years," she says, "but I never thought I'd be going from door to door collecting bail for Dads."
By now Tony's room smells strongly of sandal-wood. "Ever since my experience in the station," says the swami, "I have believed in prayer. As I am not a member of any organized religion you might well ask to whom it is that I pray and I would not be able to answer you. I believe in prayer as a force and not as a conversation with God and when my prayers are answered, as they sometimes are, I honestly do not know where to direct my expressions of gratitude. I have cured several cases of arthritis but my methods don't always work. I pray they will work for you.
Your mother has informed me that you were an athlete and played football. I would like you to think of me as a spiritual cheerleader. Cheers don't make touchdowns, do they, but they sometimes help. I have all kinds of cheers. I have love cheers and compassionate cheers and hopeful cheers and then I have the cheers of place. In the place cheers I just think of someplace where I would like to be and then I keep repeating to myself a description of the place. For instance, in a place cheer I'll say that I'm in a house by the sea. Then I pick the time of day and the weather I like. I'll say that I'm in a house by the sea at four in the afternoon and it's raining. Then I'll say that I'm sitting in a kind of chair, a ladderback chair, and I have a book in my lap. Then I'll say that I have a girl I love who has gone on an errand but who will return. I say this all over and over again. I say that I'm in a house by the sea at four in the afternoon and it's raining and I'm sitting in a ladderback chair with a book in my lap and I'm waiting for a girl I love who has gone on an errand but who will return. There are all kinds of place cheers. If you have a special city you like-I like Baltimore-then you pick the time of day and the weather and the circumstances and you repeat all of this. Now will you do what I say?"
"Yes," says Tony, "I'll do anything."
"I want you to repeat after me whatever I say."
"Sure," says Tony.
"I am in a house by the sea."
"I am in a house by the sea."
"It is four o'clock and raining."
"It is four o'clock and raining."
"I am sitting in a ladderback chair with a book in my lap."
"I am sitting in a ladderback chair with a book in my lap."
"I have a girl I love who has gone on an errand but who will return."
"I have a girl I love who has gone on an errand but who will return."
"I am sitting under an apple tree in clean clothes. I am content."
"I am sitting under an apple tree in clean clothes. I am content."
"That was very good," the swami says. "Now let's try the love cheer. Repeat Love a hundred times. You don't really have to count. Just say Love, Love, Love until you get tired of saying it. We'll do it together."
"Love, Love, Love, Love, Love…"
"That was fine," the swami says. "That was very good. I could tell that you meant it. Let's see if you can sit up."
"It's crazy," Tony says, "I know it's crazy but I do feel much better. I'd like to try another prayer."
When Nailles hears them chanting HOPE, HOPE, HOPE, he has another whiskey. Was he a voodoo priest? Would he put a spell over Tony? Since Nailles claimed not to believe in magic why should magic have the power to frighten him? Out of the window he can see his lawns in the starlight, HOPE, HOPE, HOPE, HOPE. Their voices sound like drums. His lawns and the incantations came from different kingdoms. Nothing made any sense.
"Now try and sit up," the swami tells Tony. "Sit up and see if you can put your feet on the floor?"
Tony stands. He has lost all weight and muscle. His ribcage shows. His buttocks are wasted and there are red sores on his back.
"Take a few steps," the swami says. "Not many. Just two or three."
Tony does. Then he begins to laugh. "Oh I feel like myself," he says. "I feel like myself again. I'm weak of course but I'm not sad any more. That terrible feeling has gone."
"Well why don't you put on some clothes and we'll go down and see your parents," the swami says.
Tony dresses and they go down together. "I'm all better, Daddy," Tony says. "I'm still weak but that terrible sadness has gone. I don't feel sad any more and the house doesn't seem to be made of cards. I feel as though I'd been dead and now I'm alive."
Nellie comes down the stairs in a wrapper and stands in the hall. She is crying.
"How can we thank you," Nailles asks.