“I just joined the staff,” answered Jupe. “You were asking about Juliet Coop, Mr. ”
Jupiter was hoping the caller would fill in the blank with his name.
Instead the man asked, “How is she?”
“Well, I’m only supposed to give out that information to the immediate family,” Jupe said. “Are you a family member?”
After a pause, the man said, “I’m a friend of the family.”
“A close friend?” asked Jupe.
Question and answer. Thrust and parry. Cat and mouse. The mouse ducked into another hole.
“Look, all I want to know is, is she going to be all right?” said the man.
“She has regained consciousness,” Jupe said, listening carefully for the reaction on the other end of the line. “She’s out of danger,” he added.
“Yeah,” said the voice. But it didn’t sound like a happy yeah, or a relieved yeah, or even a questioning yeah. It sounded very much to Jupiter Jones like a that’s-what-you-think yeah.
It gave Jupe a bad feeling. “I’ll be happy to tell her you called,” Jupe said, trying once more to get a name from the caller.
“That’s okay, Doc,” said the voice. “I’ll be interfacing with her.” The man hung up.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” asked Pete, impatient with Jupe’s silence.
“He stopped interfacing with me,” Jupe said, putting the phone back on the desk just as Nurse Lazar returned with a young intern.
“The guy’s a real pain,” she said to the intern as she picked up the receiver. But the line was dead. “I don’t believe it. He hung up!” she said in disgust.
“He’s more than a pain,” Jupe said softly to his friends. “He’s a mystery. Something is going on and I don’t understand it.”
“Translation: You’re not quitting after all, right?” Bob said.
“I never said I was quitting,” Jupe replied. “I don’t know what and she can’t remember why, but I think Juliet Coop is in some kind of danger. And we’re the only ones who know it. We’ve got to stay close to her.”
But for the time being, they couldn’t stay close to Juliet because they each had pressing things to do. Pete, who often did auto repairs for a few bucks, had to finish adjusting the ignition timing on his neighbor’s Corvette.
Bob was due again at the talent agency, where he worked part-time. One of its rock bands needed help setting up for a club date.
And Jupe had promised to check in with Mrs. Teitelbaum, the neighbor who had given him the melon diet in the first place. Mrs. Teitelbaum considered herself to be Jupe’s personal one-woman diet support group.
So it was the next morning when two of the Three Investigators got together again. Jupe and Pete met at the hospital because both Kelly and Juliet were checking out.
Kelly was ecstatic to be leaving. Juliet’s spirits had improved, too, but her memory still hadn’t returned. She sat on her bed, waiting for Big Barney to come and take her home.
“Knowing Big Barney,” Juliet said, “he’ll probably show up in a gorilla suit, or bring a mariachi band to the hospital. My dad loves jokes, you know.”
Ten minutes later Big Barney stuck his head in the door. “Hey! Remember me?” He was wearing a brown jogging suit and he had a fake arrow through his head.
“Dad, I’ve only forgotten twenty hours, not twenty years,” Juliet said. “Of course I remember you. The question is: Did you remember to bring the stuff I asked for?”
Big Barney produced a small suitcase and Juliet opened it. She pulled out a pair of blue silk pajamas and held them up.
“What are these?” she asked.
“Blue silk pants and blouse,” Big Barney said cheerfully. “Just like you asked for.”
“Wrong closet, Dad.” Juliet laughed. “These are pajamas. I can’t go outside in pajamas!”
Big Barney pushed his sunglasses onto his forehead and held out the pajamas at arm’s length. “Pajamas?. Okay, no problem,” he said, the gears in his head already clicking full speed. “We just tell people you’re late for a pajama party. Hahaha!” His laugh boomed through the hospital.
“No way,” Juliet said, shaking her head. “If Mom were still alive, she’d punch you for even suggesting that!”
“Okay, no problem,” Big Barney said. He looked Kelly over as she stood by her bed, packing to leave. “How about her? She looks about a hundred and fifteen pounds.”
Kelly was amazed. “One fifteen exactly,” she said. “How did you know?”
“I know how much a chicken weighs from thirty yards,” said Big Barney. “Similar bone structure. I’d say your clothes would fit my Julie.”
“Come on, Dad,” Juliet said, embarrassed. “I can’t do that. Sorry, Kelly. Sometimes he forgets that the whole world doesn’t jump when he pushes an intercom button.”
“Hey, it’s a great idea,” Kelly said. “You’re welcome to borrow some clothes.”
“You’re a lifesaver!” Juliet said gratefully. She closed up the suitcase Big Barney had brought. “Maybe I could borrow some makeup, too? No makeup bag, Dad,” Juliet scolded. She hopped out of bed, gave her father a hug, and said teasingly, “Which one of us lost our memory, I wonder?”
“Here,” Kelly said, carrying her own suitcase over to Juliet’s side of the room. “Take what you want.”
“Thanks,” Juliet said. “I’ll get them back to you.’
“No rush,” said Kelly.
“Hey, you know what?” Juliet said. “Dad’s giving me a welcome-home party in a couple of days. Why don’t you all come? It’ll be a great party and you can pick up your clothes then, Kelly.”
“Sounds great!” Kelly exclaimed.
Jupe also smiled, but he kept it to himself. A party at the Chicken King’s house? A chance to observe Big Barney up close and personal? What could be better?
He stood up and tucked a bright polo shirt into his chinos. He faced his mirror. Not bad for a slightly overweight, medium height guy with unruly black hair. Wait a minute. Did the shirt look better tucked in or left out? It was stretching rather tightly over his stomach.
Then be began to have an imaginary conversation in his head. He was talking to a girl, the girl he’d like to meet at the party. She was petite and dainty, with short, curly hair.
“You probably haven’t noticed me, but I’ve been staring at you uncontrollably for half an hour,” said the imaginary girl with a smile.
“I notice everything,” Jupe answered confidently.
“Want some chicken?” she asked, temptingly holding out a plate of Big Barney’s best.
“No, thanks,” Jupe said, looking into the mirror in his room. “I’m trying to lose a few.”
“Gee, I really admire guys who have will power,” replied the girl in Jupe’s daydream.
She likes me, Jupe thought.
“Are you a friend of Big Barney’s?”
“Actually I’m here to see if he’s poisoning his chickens,” Jupe said bluntly.
The girl’s eyes opened wide. “You mean,” she said excitedly, “you’re a real detective?”
But by the time Jupe had tried on a more flattering T-shirt, his imaginary date was asking him a really tough question. “Why would someone who’s made millions selling fried chicken suddenly decide to poison his own food?” she asked.
“That’s a very astute question,” said Jupe. “And I’m not sure of the answer. Maybe he’s trying to scare ol’ Michael Argenti. Maybe he’s poisoning just a small sample of his own birds, so that when Argenti takes a sample, he’ll find contamination. Or maybe he’s poisoning Argenti’s Roast Roost chickens as a counter attack. There are a lot of possibilities.”
“You’re so smart and logical,” said the girl in the daydream.
“And I know judo, too,” Jupe added.
“You’ve probably already got a girlfriend,” the girl said.
“Well. ” Jupe said.
“Hey, Jupe. Are you ready?” asked a voice from behind.
Jupe snapped out of his daydream and saw Bob standing in the doorway. He was wearing a navy-blue and red striped polo shirt and white casual pants.
“Who were you talking to?” Bob asked as they walked to his car.
“Just going over the facts of the case,” Jupe answered, his face flushing.
When they arrived at Big Barney’s enormous mansion in Bel Air, Pete and Kelly were waiting for them.
“Hope you brought a lot of change,” Pete said. “You need bus fare to get from the front door to the pool.”
The mansion was a stately forty-room, three-story stucco building with ivy growing on the walls. But that’s where any semblance of elegance stopped. Everywhere there were reminders of how the Chicken King had made his millions. Instead of lawn jockeys there were chickens in jockey uniforms. The windsock on top of the flagpole was a rubber chicken. And many of the fat, round shrubs were trimmed into topiary versions of chickens wearing crowns.
The party was being held poolside, behind the mansion. There, two hundred people, young and old, were gathered around a chicken-shaped swimming pool, eating fried chicken, dancing, and having a great time.
“Remember, we’re not here just to have fun,” Jupe said. “Especially you, Kelly. Be sure to ‘forget’ to pick up your clothes from Juliet. That way you’ll have an excuse to see her again.”
“I know, I know,” Kelly said impatiently. “Come on, Pete, let’s go find Juliet. And if I catch you having any fun, I’ll tell Jupe on you.” Kelly laughed as they walked away.
“Why does she take everything I say so seriously?” Jupe asked Bob.
Bob shook his head. “No — why do you take everything she says so seriously? C’mon, let’s look around.”
They squeezed their way through the crowd. It seemed to Jupe that everyone had a juicy drumstick or — a chicken wing in their hand. They were pointing with them, waving them, even dueling with them. But most of all, they were chewing on them.
“This is torture,” moaned Jupe. “When the wind blows in our direction, I can smell all eight of the herbs and spices in Big Barney’s secret patented formula.”
“Jupe, have some chicken,” Bob said. “It won’t kill you.
Bob looked at Jupe and Jupe looked at Bob, and they both winced. Maybe it wouldn’t kill them, they realized — and then again, maybe it would!
“No, thanks,” said Jupe.
“Hi,” said a girl. She was about seventeen, with swept-back short brown hair. She had a juicy drum-stick in one hand and an empty soda cup in the other.
And she was staring right at Bob. “I’ve been watching you ever since you came in.”
Bob gave her a winning smile and said, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
The girl laughed. “Now there’s a new line,” she said. “Sure you know me. I’m your mother.”
Bob laughed and steered the girl away. “Hi, Mom. Let’s go get something to drink and I’ll tell you what a wonderful kid I was.”
Jupe sat down in a lounge chair and watched Big Barney work the crowd like a night club comedian. Every once in a while his big voice boomed across the pool, drowning out the chatter of all the other party guests.
But suddenly another voice caught Jupe’s attention. It was coming from a man standing directly behind Jupe. Jupe casually turned his head. He saw an energetic man in a white suit introducing himself to a blonde young woman who was only a few feet away.
“Don Dellasandro,” the man said, handing the woman his business card.
“Peggy Bennington,” said the blonde.
“It’s nice to network with you, Peggy,” Don said.
The more Jupe listened, the more certain he was that he recognized the man’s voice.
“I’m doing some market research, Peggy,” said Don. “Do you want to taste something that’s going to impact on your life significantly?”
“Sure.”
Don handed her a small foil-wrapped candy.
Jupe stood up to get a better view.
“Miracle Tastes?” Peggy said, reading the words on the wrapper.
“That’s my company and this is my latest,” said Don.
Peggy unwrapped the candy. It was a piece of chocolate. Jupe thought it looked cream-filled.
“I try to stay away from candy,” Peggy said.
“But this is zero calories!” Don said with a grin. “And that’s only half the miracle.”
The candy was in Peggy’s right hand, which Dellasandro pushed closer to her mouth. “Taste it and enter the twenty-first century.” Peggy finally took a bite.
“It’s really good!” she exclaimed.
Jupe’s tongue was practically hanging out of his mouth. The man noticed.
“Don Dellasandro,” the man said, handing Jupe his business card and a candy at the same time.
The candy was smooth and creamy and delicious.
“What do you taste?” Don asked.
“I distinctly taste three things,” Jupe said. “Dark chocolate, marshmallow, and mint. No calories? How do you do it?”
“Flavorings,” Don replied. “That’s what Miracle Tastes is all about. I create flavors. And you did perfectamento at picking out the tastes. I’m glad I interfaced with you.”
Jupe’s eyes opened wide. He had been so interested in the delicious calorie-free candy that for a second he’d forgotten about Don’s voice — until that moment. But there was no doubt in Jupe’s mind. Don Dellasandro was the man who had been calling the hospital every half hour to ask about Juliet Coop! “I’ll be interfacing with her,” he had told Jupe just before he hung up.
“I don’t suppose you’ve got a card, do you?” Don said. “You’re one heck of a taster.”
“Of course he doesn’t,” Peggy Bennington said, laughing at Don. “He’s a teenager.”
As a matter of fact, Jupe thought to himself, I do have a card. But that was the last thing Jupe wanted to do — give Don Dellasandro one of his Three Investigators cards. He didn’t want Dellasandro to clam up just when Jupe needed to ask him a million questions. Like, why had he called the hospital? Why was he being so mysterious on the phone? And what was Don’s connection to Juliet or Big Barney?
Juliet came up to them just then and took Don Dellasandro’s arm. “Don, I’ve got to have another candy. You didn’t warn me I couldn’t stop eating them,” she said happily.
Don gave Juliet another piece of candy in the Miracle Tastes wrapper. “This kid is a natural taster,” he said, pointing at Jupe.
“Don’t steal Jupiter Jones from me,” Juliet said. “Jupe and his friends are detectives, and they’re going to help me figure out where I was the day of my accident.”
Keep your face frozen, Jupiter told himself. Don’t let on that Juliet just blew your cover.
“No kidding,” Don said, looking at Jupe with narrowed eyes. “I never would have known it to look at you, pal.”
Jupe had to find Bob and Pete fast. He had stumbled onto some kind of a clue, although he wasn’t sure what it was.
Jupe excused himself and wandered through the crowd, looking for his friends. Near the beak end of the chicken pool there was a cluster of people, and in the middle, towering over his guests, stood Big Barney Coop. Anyone who was six feet six inches would stand out in a crowd. But that wasn’t enough for Big Barney. He wore a bright-orange jogging suit with his chicken emblem stitched over his heart.
“And I said, ‘I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out why the chicken crossed the road,’ ” Barney said with a guffaw. Laughter did not just come out of Big Barney Coop. It detonated, and when it did, even though the jokes weren’t the funniest, the aftershocks made the crowd roar.
“Big Barney, just what did happen with the whipped cream chicken shortcake?” someone asked.
“What can I say. 1986,” Big Barney said. “The world just wasn’t ready for an all-chicken dessert. Hey, does everyone have enough to eat?”
“Actually it was 1985,” Jupe interrupted. He couldn’t stop himself.