?Certainly, sir,? said Denis proudly, ?if they are asked with a civil tongue. I am Denis Cobtree, and my father, the squire, is the best-known man on Romney Marsh.?
?Then,? ordered the seadog curtly, ?fetch him along her quick!?
?Really, sir,? retorted Denis hotly, ?I do not think you would afford him sufficient interest. He has not the honour of your acquaintance, and I am bound to consider that he?ll have no great zeal to make it!?
38
?Nor I, neither,? said Mr. Mipps, who had been looking round the kitchen door. ?I don?t like his looks.?
The infuriated officer was inside the kitchen like a hurricane, glaring at the little sexton with all the condensed fury of the British navy.
?What?s this?? he said, addressing himself again to Denis, who had followed him into the kitchen to be quit of the crowd of seamen. ?I suppose you?ll tell me that this shrivelled up little monkey is a squire?s son too, eh??
?A squire?s son!? repeated the sexton. ?Oh, well, if I is, I ain?t come into my title yet.?
?Don?t you play the fool with me, sir!? thundered the King?s man.
?And don?t you try the swagger with me, sir!? volleyed back the sexton.
?The swagger with you, sir?? exploded the officer.
?Right, sir,? exclaimed the sexton, ?that?s what I said?the swagger, sir!?
But the other swallowed his wrath and announced coldly:
39
?I am Captain Collyer, Captain Howard Collyer, coast agent and commissioner; come ashore to lay a few of you by the heels, I?ve no doubt.?
?Oh! is that all?? replied the sexton with a sigh of relief. ?Well, there, I have been mistook. I?d quite made up my mind that you was the Grand Turk or at least the Lord Rear Admiral of the Scilly Isles.?
Ignoring the sexton?s humour, the captain turned to Denis and said: ?Who is this person??
But Mipps was not so easily crushed, and he cried: ?A man to be looked up to in these parts. I undertakes for the district. The only one wot does it for miles around. They all comes to me, rich and poor alike, I tells you; for they know that Mipps knocks ?em up solid.?
?Knocks what up solid?? demanded the captain furiously.
?Coffins up solid,? replied the sexton promptly.
40
?Coffins!? repeated the captain. ?Oh, you?re a coffin-maker, are you? Yes, you look it. Thought you might be the landlord of this run-amuck old inn here. That?s the man I want. Where can I find him??
Mipps pointed out of the window toward the church.
?Up in the churchyard,? he said.
?What?s he doing in the churchyard?? demanded the captain.
Mipps came right up to him and whispered in this ear the significant word, ?Worrumps!?
?What?? shouted the captain, who didn?t understand.
?Sh!? said Mipps, pointing across at Mrs. Waggetts, who had begun to weep into her apron. ?He?s a-keepin? ?em out.?
?Keeping who out?? snapped the captain.
?I keep telling you,? replied the sexton. ?Worrumps!?
41
?Danged if I can make out what you say.? The captain?s patience was well-nigh exhausted. ?Go and fetch the landlord!? he ordered.
?Oh, would that he could,? sobbed Mrs. Waggetts. ?Oh, dear, oh, dear!?
The captain turned on her with an oath. ?What?s the matter with you, my good woman?? he said.
?That good woman is the landlord,? volunteered Mr. Mipps.
?You exasperating little liar!? shouted the captain, seizing the enigmatical sexton and shaking him violently; ?you said the landlord was in the churchyard a minute ago.?
?A minute ago!? cried the breathless undertaker. ?Why, he?s been there a year and a half, and there he?ll stop till as wot time as they gets him. Though I must say I gave him the best pine and knocked him up solid with my own hands ??
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?Released from Missus Waggetts
I left him to the maggots?
and there?s Waggetts, and she?s the landlord,? and the sexton, chuckling with delight at his ready wit, pointed to the still weeping landlady.
?Well, ma?am,? said the captain, coming to the point at once, ?you must really blame yourself if your scores are not settled. A little potboy who has to stand on tiptoe to look over the bar is not the sort of person to prevent people helping themselves; and that?s what my seadogs are doing now?helping themselves.?
Mrs. Waggetts, with a scream, rushed from the kitchen, followed by Imogene, the sexton and the schoolmaster being glad enough to follow their example and so escape from the bullying captain, who was now left alone with Denis.
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?Now, then, Mr. Squire?s son, listen to me,? he said.
?My name is Denis Cobtree,? returned the young man. ?The name Cobtree is well enough known upon the Marsh to be remembered by a sea captain.?
?Look here, young fellow,? said the officer warningly, ?I am here representing the law, commissioned by King George.?
?I have heard that the King?s taste may be called in question,? Denis replied.
?I can prove to you otherwise,? returned the captain, ?for it so happens that Captain Collyer holds the majority for stringing up smugglers. I have sent more from the coast to the sessions than any of his Majesty?s agents. And stap my vitals, I believe I have landed on a perfect hornets? nest here. Now tell me, sir,? he went on with that tone of authority that Denis found so utterly aggressive, ?what do you know of the smuggling business in these parts? I have small doubt but that your father finds the business a pretty valuable asset to his land
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revenues, eh? I warrant me half goes to your own pockets and the rest to the lost cause of the Jacobites.?
The captain was becoming insulting, so Denis took great pains to hold his temper in check. ?Let me tell you, sir,? he said, ?in the first place, my father is no Jacobite, no, nor yet his father before him. My people were instrumental in bringing across William of Orange. Although my father has withdrawn from political strife, he is still a profound Whig; and on that score he and I have but little sympathy together; for I stoutly affirm that the Dutchman had no right whatever in England, and I never lose an opportunity of drinking to our King over the water, and praying for a speedy restoration.?
?You just bear in mind, young man,? said the captain, ?that the ?45 was not so very long ago. I am here to look for smugglers, not royalists, but there?s still a price on their heads, so you should keep whatever opinions you may hold to yourself.?
45
?If you are really here to look for smugglers,? said Denis, scorning his threat, ?you must first take pains to curry favour with my father, for he is the head of our jurisdiction. The Marsh has its own laws, sir; and you will find to
*
your inconvenience, I fear, that the ?Leveller of the Marsh Scotts? is a bigpower.?
?I hold my commission from the King?s Admiralty, and that?s enough for me,? laughed the captain, ?and for Marshmen, too, as you?ll find.?
But Denis replied: ?Possibly, sir, you have not heard of the old saying, that ?The world is divided into five parts?Europe, Asia, Africa, America, and Romney Marsh?. We are independent on the Marshes.?
*
The old title of Head Magistrate on the Marsh.
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?The Act of Parliament,? retorted the captain largely, ?brought in by the late King William against all smugglers will cook that goose, young sir.?
?Ah, well,? said Denis finally, ?it?s no odds to me; but let me tell you this: Your King George may rule Whitehall, but my father rules Romney Marsh,? and humming an old royalist tune, much to the annoyance of the captain, the young man sauntered out of the inn.
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accounted for by the scrags of pure white hair that grew from the skull. These were bound at the back into a thin pigtail, leaving the sides of the head bare, and it must have been this that gave him that curiously revolting look, for the foreigner had no ears. Another horrible thing about him was that he could not speak, for his tongue had been cut out by the roots. He had evidently suffered much, this cook.
?Job Mallet,? said the captain, when the door was shut, ?we have now got this room to ourselves, and as there is no time like the present, turn that white-haired old spider of yours on to the floor and walls. This panelling seems likely.?
The bo?sun approached the mulatto, and jabbered some weird lingo into his ear-hole, which immediately made the uncouth figure hop about the room, spreading his lean arms along the panels, which he kept tapping with his fingers, at the same time executing a curious tattoo with his bare feet upon the
49
floor. In this fashion he encircled the room twice, apparently without achieving any result. In the corner of the room was fixed a wooden table with a heavy flap which reached nearly to the ground. Upon this table was a large assortment of cooking utensils, while underneath, almost entirely hidden by the rags, there reposed a like collection of buckets, pails, and old saucepans.
The mulatto, after his double journey round the room, turned his attention to this table. He struck the flap up and, pushing aside the pots and pans, uttered a strange, excited gurgle.
?Ha! ha!? said the captain to the bo?sun, “your spider has caught a fly, eh?”
Job Mallet looked under the table and saw the mulatto pulling desperately at a brass ring that was fixed to the floor. Pushing him aside, the bo?sun had pulled up a trap and was descending a flight of steps before the captain had even locked both the doors.
?What is it?? he whispered; for the bo?sun had entirely disappeared.
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?Here you are, sir,? said the sailor, reappearing with a bottle in his hand. ?There?s a wine-cellar down there the size of an admiral?s cabin.?
?Oh!? replied the captain. ?Well, like enough it?s the regular cellar.?
?Then why should they be at such pains to hide the entrance, sir?? returned the bo?sun.
?There?s nothing in that,? replied the captain. ?It?s natural that they don?t want every Tom, Dick, and Harry going into the wine-cellar.?
?I suppose it is, sir,? agreed the bo?sun, ?but it looks a costly bottle, though it could do with a bit of a shine,? he added, spitting on it and giving it a vigorous rub with his sleeve.
?Let?s look at the label,? said the captain. ??Alsace Lorraine, White, Rare 500?. What on earth does ?500? mean??
?The date, sir,? ejaculated the bo?sun; ?it?s the date. My eye! that?s enough to give a man a bad head. It?s over a thousand years old.?
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?Nonsense, my man,? said the captain, laughing. ?It means that this bottle is one of a cargo of five hundred.?
?Of course,? said the bo?sun, slapping his knee. ?What a thundering old idiot I am, to be sure. You?re right, sir, as you always are, for I see the other four hundred and ninety-nine down below there. But,? he added ruefully, ?we?ve got no proof that they?re smuggled.?
?We?ll soon get to that,? said the captain, thrusting the bottle into the capacious skirt pocket of his sea-coat. ?Put these things back, and summon the landlady.?
Then the captain unlocked the door and quietly opened it.
Coming up quickly from a stooping position near the keyhole was Mr. Mipps, the sexton.
?You?re a fine fellow,? he said, not at all put out of countenance by the captain having found him eavesdropping, ?a very fine fellow to come lookin?
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for smuggling, with a gang o? blasphemous scoundrels wot kick up more to-do than the Tower of Babel. Look here, sir, are you coming in to keep order or not? I only want a word, Yes or No, for I shall go straight round to the Court House and report you to the squire. And then p?raps he won?t put you and your crew into the cells there; p?raps he won?t?only p?raps, ?cos I?m dead sure he will.? than the Tower of Babel. Look here, sir, are you coming in to keep order or not? I only want a word, Yes or No, for I shall go straight round to the Court House and report you to the squire. And then p?raps he won?t put you and your crew into the cells there; p?raps he won?t?only p?raps, ?cos I?m dead sure he will.?
?What are my boys doing?? laughed the captain.
?What are the little dears not doing?? answered the sexton, thoroughly angry. ?Oh, nothing, I assure you! Only upsetting the barrels, throwin? about the tankards, stealin? the drinks, and makin? fun of Missus Waggetts.?
?Oh, that?s all right,? said the captain. ?Tell Mrs. Waggetts to come here.?
?You tell worse men than yourself to do your dirty work,? replied the sexton. ?Do you think I?m a powder monkey that I should fetch and carry Missus Waggetts for you? Fetch her yourself, or send old fat-sides there,? he added, jerking his thumb at the bo?sun, ?or that dear old white-haired admiral
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wot?s lost his yellow ear-flaps. As for me, I?m a-goin? to the Court House, and if you don?t know what for, you?ll soon learn?you and old fat-sides.? The bo?sun made a grab at him, but Mipps slipped through the crowded bar and was running up the highroad. bo?sun made a grab at him, but Mipps slipped through the crowded bar and was running up the highroad.
The captain now stepped into the bar. Order was at once restored. ?Now, ma?am,? he said to Mrs. Waggetts, ?while the bo?sun is seeing that your score is paid, give me a bottle of wine.?
?Port or claret, sir?? said the landlady.
?Neither,? said the captain. ?I have a fancy to try a bottle of Alsatian. Yes, a white wine from Alsace Lorraine.?
But before the captain had time to smack his lips Mrs. Waggetts replied: ?Oh, we don?t keep that, sir.?
?No?? queried the captain.
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?No, indeed, sir,? said the landlady. ?You see there?s no call for it in these parts. And then the customs are so high we couldn?t afford to stock it for the few and far betweens as might ask for it. Why, for my own part, sir, though I?ve been in the business these?well, many years now, I?ve never even heard of it.?
?Really!? said the captain. ?Well, it?s a good wine, ma?am. Now, bo?sun, pipe the men outside.?
?Won?t you try a bottle of claret, sir?? asked the landlady with persuasion.