"Life is hard. Loving is even harder. There is evil in your soul, just as there is in mine, but that does not matter. You would never do what your people did at Minbar.... never. And you know you would not."
"Yeah.... yeah. I guess so, but...."
"There is one thing you must always remember, one thing the best of us have forgotten at times.... Why are you fighting?"
"Because.... it's.... in a good cause?"
Valen smiled. "Are you asking me, or telling me?"
"Because it's right."
"There you are. Remember that always, and never forget. The people who attacked Minbar.... they forgot."
He nodded. "I guess so." He left then, not saying another word.
Valen looked out over the cityscape. The last hints of sunlight had gone. The night was here. He sighed softly.
* * *
"So.... what is this ritual for, then?"
Delenn smiled and nodded, gesturing towards a small pattern drawn on the floor of her quarters. John looked at it, and cocked his head slightly. "It's.... a circle," he said. "Yup. Definitely a circle."
"Not just a circle," she corrected, with mock firmness.
"Um.... two circles joined together?"
"It represents the cycle of our lives. We are born, we live, each of us in our own circles of life.... At this point here," she pointed to a part of the pattern, "lives intersect and join, becoming one. Then, eventually.... the lives end, and we pass beyond." John looked down. Quickly, painfully, Delenn continued. "But the circle does not end." Her voice was thick. "It continues. We are born again, renewed. We live again. Death.... is not the end."
John nodded. "I.... see. Our.... souls will go on?"
"Yes. There are.... places where no shadows fall, where we can be united in death as we were in life, until our souls find new forms in new bodies."
"Ah.... yes. Do.... all your people believe this?"
"Most do. Not the warriors as such. They have.... different theories and beliefs, but my.... former.... caste, and the workers. Yes."
"So, what do we do in this ritual then?"
"It is quite simple. It is usually performed when.... the couple become so close as to be almost one. It is one of the final rituals before.... our spirits are joined, and become one."
"Right. Got you. I think."
"John." He looked at her. "I chose this ritual for what it symbolises as well as for what it is. I love you, and no matter what happens, we will be together.... afterwards."
He reached for her hand. "I believe you," he whispered.
Blinking away a single tear, she led him to the pattern drawn on the floor. There were three candles on the edge of the pattern - one at the top of one circle, another at the top of the other and the third in the area where they overlapped.
Delenn sat down in the centre of one circle, crossing her legs and resting there. John, following her lead, did the same in his circle. Slowly, she reached out her right arm, holding her hand above the centre candle, palm facing him.
"Do the same," she said. "Touch my hand."
Tentatively, John did so. Her palm was warm and soft against his.
"Now close your eyes," she whispered. Her eyes were already closed.
There was a silence, as thick and heavy as the grave. It touched him, battering at him like a storm front at a marble wall. Not even the sound of her breathing.
"What now?" he said at last, speaking so quietly he wasn't even sure he'd spoken at all.
"You'll know," she said, her words even quieter than his. "We'll both know."
And he did.
* * *
"The war destroyed far more than just our homeworld and our children. It destroyed our dreams as well. It destroyed our hopes and ambitions. We'd all thought we were the dominant force in the galaxy. We were the young bravos, wandering through the skies, righting wrongs, making allies, thinking we were creating a better universe just as we'd deluded ourselves we'd created a better Earth.
"Those dreams weren't just limited to the soldiers, you know. Yes, the Dilgar War had gone well, but all of us dreamed of superiority. Do you remember much about the years of expansion? No? A shame. It was an exciting time, a powerful time. Do you know the definition of a golden age? It is a time when so many things are wonderful and new and vibrant that they're all taken for granted. Well, maybe I'm just an old man, but that time was a golden age.
"You see, all we businessmen.... we all had dreams too. Admittedly ours were more along the lines of becoming fabulously rich rather than saving the galaxy, but there you go. I founded Edgars Industries just before the Dilgar War and soon saw an opportunity to expand it. Before the.... Minbari War we were not as powerful as I would have liked, but we did know what we were doing. We were arrogant and expanding and determined that we'd soon be rich.
"Just like the rest of humanity.
"And then came the war. We'll skip the historical details if you like. I'm sure you know them all. Edgars Industries was based on Mars and we had considerable off Solar System holdings, so we weren't as badly affected as some. IPX of course had even more extensive alien holdings than we did, so they fared even better.
"I remember escaping from Mars that night, watching as the skies above me were lit, not with red light, but with a multitude of falling stars. I could imagine the screams up there. I could only watch as the destiny of the human race was decided, right above my head.
"Ah, well.... Back to the point somewhat. I relocated to my Orion holdings after escaping from Mars. Things were.... tight then, and the Government needed as much revenue as it could get. Foreign trade was considered one of our top priorities. IPX, which by its nature had the largest alien holdings, began snapping up as many other companies as it could. AreTech was one of the biggest, but there were quite a few others. I managed to keep Edgars Industries solvent, thanks to some useful Government contracts for chemical research.... biological weapons and so forth.
"And then.... one night, I was woken from a fitful sleep by a very strange visitor. He made me a simple offer. I would have power, wealth, all the resources I needed, and a part to play in human destiny.
"All it would cost me would be owing this man a little favour.
"He wanted you...."
* * *
"Uh.... hi."
Valen turned, and smiled warmly as he saw the figure approaching him. "Lyta. Welcome."
"I was just.... that is, just wandering. I heard you were here and...."
"Please, stay with me."
"I will," she whispered.
* * *
And he saw....
Random images, thoughts and feelings, faces....
Some he recognised, some he did not. A Minbari he thought he knew. The one who had been standing next to G'Kar once.... He was kneeling, saying something. The words didn't matter so much as the meaning. Then he rose to his feet and, not saying a word, bowed and left. He knew he would never return.
"What?" John Sheridan whispered. Darkness was engulfing them, but there was a light, just ahead. He made for it.
A face he did not recognise, one he had seen once, but whose name he had forgotten. He was talking, in a scholarly, lecturing tone of voice. His words were.... important, somehow.
John blinked and staggered on. The light seemed further away than ever.
A face he had never seen. Coughing blood, trying to whisper something. Words he could not hear, could not understand. A sudden and shocking feeling of absolute grief, of absolute anger.
The light was there, directly before him. John blinked.
"Be one," said a voice.
Another voice. "I am lost in darkness for you." Her voice.
John started. That.... felt wrong. Very wrong. Out of place. A memory. A dream.
"I am lost in darkness for you."
"There is no darkness here," he said softly. "I love you, Delenn."
"Love is not enough," said the first voice. "To love, you must understand."
"I.... see."
"Be one, and understand."
"I will."
* * *
"I thought this man was joking, of course. A madman even. He offered me all the power, money, resources, everything I needed. He didn't explain how he could get me these things. He just said he had a number of.... associates he could call on to help.
"And so I asked him what he wanted in return....
"'Just a little favour. I've helped you out, so when we need help in turn, you'll owe us a favour. Simple as that.'
"'Ah.... Mr..... Morden, was it? Mr. Morden, I am an experienced businessman. I know a great deal about the give and take of bargaining. Nobody ever wants nothing for something. You came here for a very definite reason, and if you want to give me all these things you've promised, then it's because you think I can give you something back in return. What is it?'
"'Very perceptive, Mr. Edgars. I.... represent certain interested parties. Allies of humanity, you might say. Now, these associates of mine have a certain skill in foreseeing the future, and they have divined that one day, not too many years from now, a leader will arise. Someone very powerful, capable of changing the political alignment of the galaxy. My associates are waiting until the political climate is right for this leader to emerge, but he must be.... guided, controlled.... advised, even. My associates believe that there is one person uniquely suited to serve as liaison between us and this leader. Currently, she is working for Interplanetary Expeditions in a minor exploratory position. We would like you to guide her and keep her safe until such time as this leader arises. That is all.'
"'Who is this person? And what link does she have with this.... leader you expect?'
"'Her name.... is Catherine Sakai. And she has a greater link with him than you might imagine.'
"I asked for time to think about the matter, and this was granted. I used that time to check out your background and credentials, which were both most favourable. The next time Mr. Morden contacted me, I agreed to his offer.
"The next few months were ones of quite frantic activity. I contacted the executive board of IPX and arranged a takeover of my company. Very few of them knew the exact details of why I wanted that takeover, and only one knew just how much of my company was in fact being taken over. A young and dynamic board member named Orin Zento.
"This done, and with Edgars' Industries now a part of Interplanetary Expeditions, I announced my formal and public retirement. I faded behind the scenes and to all intents and purposes I died, alone in the shadows. This gave me the room to manoeuvre.
"Time passed, the political situation changed. Orion fell, and IPX lost a lot of its resources. With the help of Mr. Morden and his associates however, we survived, and were able to pursue an aggressive marketing strategy, taking over other companies. We became as powerful as I'd always dreamed, and I was there in the shadows, a hand on the tiller so to speak. Mr. Zento then became CEO, with not a little influence from yours truly. He knew a little of the bargain I'd made with Mr. Morden, just enough for him to be suitably helpful.
"During this time you were promoted, and given more and more responsibility. We had you sit in on meetings of the Resistance Government, at the request of Mr. Morden and his associates. We gave you tasks to prove your worth, and you were more than ready.
"Other matters also concerned us at this time. The.... G'Kar incidents. I'm not sure how much you know about his more.... secretive activities, but G'Kar has been building a fairly powerful private army for the past few years. He has allies everywhere, he knows almost everything that is going on in the galaxy. He also has the backing of some of Mr. Morden's associates. I do not know the full details, but I have gathered that some of Morden's friends are split on certain issues. One faction is helping G'Kar. I gather Morden is working for the other, but I am not sure exactly. Regardless, Morden wanted G'Kar helped, so we did so, taking time out of regular missions to supply him with whatever he needed.
"Then.... a month or so before the New Year, Mr. Morden contacted me. The leader they'd been expecting was ready to arise, and it was time to get you ready. I personally had you assigned the task which led to your uncovering the G'Kar File. Morden and I both wanted to see how much you would be able to work out for yourself. We were.... very pleased with your progress.
"Yesterday Morden himself arrived here, after quite a long absence, and I was told it was time. All today's events were orchestrated by Morden and myself, both to test you and to.... erase your past life. You have a new destiny now."
Edgars fell silent, and for a long time Catherine could only stand and stare. "I.... don't believe this," she whispered. "The last few years.... everything has been.... I didn't earn those promotions.... you killed Dan.... Julie.... you.... you.... All for some babble about a leader!"
Edgars smiled. "I realise this must all be difficult to understand, but...."
"Difficult! You.... you.... Whatever this is, I won't do it. I'm.... not jumping through your hoops any more!"
"Ah. I too had doubts at first, but there is something else you should see." Edgars stood up. "You can come in now."
Two figures began coming slowly into view. One was human, the man she had glimpsed briefly in Julie's apartment. That must be the.... Mr..... Morden Edgars had talked about. The other figure....
.... was definitely not human. Catherine had never seen one before, but that did not matter. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the alien next to Mr. Morden was a Vorlon.
* * *
And she saw....
Faces, some she knew, some she did not. Images, randomly chosen, floating through the forefront of their minds, joined as one.
A face she had only seen once, but one she could never forget. The face of a woman dying before her eyes, shot down by the man both of them loved.
Your.... pain, she thought. O h, John.... how could you endure...?
Another face, one she did know very well, mouthing lies and half-truths and rumours disguised as the truth. The face of the woman who had brought her to a place where she could be tortured, who had broken open her cocoon, the woman who.... who had inadvertently brought her and John together.
I cannot hate you. Whatever you have done, I cannot hate you.
Before her there was a column of light, but it was not strong. What should have been a brilliant beam rising up into the sky was a thin pencil, battered on all sides by the darkness.
Oh, John.
And then a voice, a booming, mocking voice, one she knew all too well.
I am lost in darkness for you.
She started. Her voice. Words she had never spoken to him, but her voice.
Knowing what she had to do, she ran towards the light that was the soul of the man she loved.