Короткое молчание.
– Что случилось, Мэри?
Миссис Моррис прикрыла глаза, медленно, задумчиво провела языком по губам. Вопрос Элен заставил ее вздрогнуть.
– А? Нет, ничего. Просто я как раз об этом и думала. Насчет того, как пропускаешь мимо ушей. Неважно. О чем, бишь, мы говорили?
– Мой Тим прямо влюбился в какого-то мальчишку… его, кажется, зовут Бур.
– Наверно, у них такой новый пароль. Моя Мышка тоже увлеклась этим Буром.
– Вот не думала, что это и до Нью-Йорка докатилось. Видно, друг от дружки слышат и повторяют. Какая-то эпидемия. Я тут разговаривала с Джозефиной, она говорит, ее детишки тоже помешались на новой игре, а она ведь в Бостоне. Всю страну охватило.
В кухню вбежала Мышка выпить воды. Миссис Моррис обернулась:
– Ну, как дела?
– Почти все готово, – ответила Мышка.
– Прекрасно! А это что такое?
– Бумеранг. Смотри!
Это было что-то вроде шарика на пружинке. Мышка бросила шарик, пружинка растянулась до отказа… и шарик исчез.
– Видала? – сказала Мышка. – Хоп! – Она согнула палец крючком, шарик вновь очутился у нее в руке, и она защелкнула пружинку.
– Ну-ка, еще раз, – попросила мать.
– Не могу. В пять часов вторжение. Пока! – И Мышка вышла, пощелкивая игрушкой.
С экрана видеофона засмеялась Элен.
– Мой Тим сегодня утром тоже притащил такую штучку, я хотела посмотреть, как она действует, а Тим ни за что не хотел показать, тогда я попробовала сама, но ничего не получилось.
– Ты не впе-ча-тли-тель-ная, – сказала Мэри Моррис.
– Что?
– Так, ничего. Я подумала о другом. Тебе что-то было нужно, Элен?
– Да, я хотела спросить, как ты делаешь то печенье, черное с белым…
Лениво текло время. Близился вечер. Солнце опускалось в безоблачном небе. По зеленым лужайкам потянулись длинные тени. А ребячьи крики и смех все не утихали. Одна девочка вдруг с плачем побежала прочь. Миссис Моррис вышла на крыльцо.
– Кто это плакал, Мышка? Не Пегги-Энн?
Мышка что-то делала во дворе, подле розового куста.
– Угу, – ответила она, не разгибаясь. – Пегги-Энн трусиха. Мы с ней больше не водимся. Она уж очень большая. Наверно, она вдруг выросла.
– И поэтому заплакала? Чепуха. Отвечай мне как полагается, не то сейчас же пойдешь домой!
Мышка круто обернулась, испуганная и злая.
– Да не могу я сейчас! Скоро уже время. Ты прости, я больше не буду.
– Ты что же, ударила Пегги-Энн?
– Нет, честное слово! Вот спроси ее! Это из-за того, что… ну просто она трусиха, задрожала – хвост поджала.
Кольцо ребятни теснее сдвинулось вокруг Мышки; озабоченно хмурясь, она что-то делала с разнокалиберными ложками и четырехугольным сооружением из труб и молотков.
– Вот сюда и еще сюда, – бормотала она.
– У тебя что-то не ладится? – спросила миссис Моррис.
– Бур застрял. На полдороге. Нам бы только его вытащить, тогда будет легче. За ним и другие пролезут.
– Может, я вам помогу?
– Нет, спасибо. Я сама.
– Ну хорошо. Через полчаса мыться, я тебя позову. Устала я на вас смотреть.
Миссис Моррис ушла в дом, села в кресло и отпила глоток пива из неполного стакана. Электрическое кресло начало массировать ей спину. Дети, дети… У них и любовь, и ненависть – все перемешано. Сейчас ребенок тебя любит, а через минуту ненавидит. Странный народ дети. Забывают ли они, прощают ли в конце концов шлепки, и подзатыльники, и резкие слова, когда им велишь – делай то, не делай этого? Как знать… А если ничего нельзя ни забыть, ни простить тем, у кого над тобой власть – большим, непонятливым и непреклонным?
Время шло. За окнами воцарилаеь странная, напряженная тишина, словно вся улица чего-то ждала.
Пять часов. Где-то в доме тихонько, мелодично запели часы: "Ровно пять, ровно пять, надо время не терять!" – и умолкли.
Урочный час. Час вторжения.
Миссис Моррис засмеялась про себя.
На дорожке зашуршали шины. Приехал муж. Мэри улыбнулась. Мистер Моррис вышел из машины, захлопнул дверцу и окликнул Мышку, все еще поглощенную своей работой. Мышка и ухом не повела. Он засмеялся, постоял минуту, глядя на детей. Потом поднялся на крыльцо.
– Добрый вечер, родная.
– Добрый вечер, Генри.
Она выпрямилась в кресле и прислушалась. Дети молчат, все тихо. Слишком тихо.
Муж выколотил трубку и набил заново.
Ж-ж-жж.
– Что это? – спросил Генри.
– Не знаю.
Она вскочила, поглядела расширенными глазами. Хотела что-то сказать – и не сказала. Смешно. Нервы расходились.
– Дети ничего плохого не натворят? – промолвила она. – Там нет опасных игрушек?
– Да нет, у них только трубы и молотки. А что?
– Никаких электрических приборов?
– Ничего такого, – сказал Генри. – Я смотрел.
Мэри прошла в кухню. Жужжанье продолжалось.
– Все-таки ты им лучше скажи, чтоб кончали. Уже шестой час. Скажи им… – Она прищурилась. – Скажи, пускай отложат вторжение на завтра.
Она засмеялась не очень естественным смехом.
Жужжанье стало громче.
– Что они там затеяли? Пойду, в самом деле, погляжу.
Взрыв!
Глухо ухнуло, дом шатнуло. И в других дворах, на других улицах громыхнули взрывы.
У Мэри Моррис вырвался отчаянный вопль.
– Наверху! – бессмысленно закричала она, не думая, не рассуждая.
Быть может, она что-то заметила краем глаза; быть может, ощутила незнакомый запах или уловила незнакомый звук. Некогда спорить с Генри, убеждать его. Пускай думает, что она сошла с ума. Да, пускай! С воплем она кинулась вверх по лестнице. Не понимая, о чем она, муж бросился следом.
– На чердаке! – кричала она. – Там, там!
Жалкий предлог, но как еще заставишь его скорей подняться на чердак. Скорей, успеть… о боже!
Во дворе – новый взрыв. И восторженный визг, как будто для ребят устроили невиданный фейерверк.
– Это не на чердаке! – крикнул Генри. – Это во дворе!
– Нет, нет! – задыхаясь, еле живая, она пыталась открыть дверь. – Сейчас увидишь! Скорей! Сейчас увидишь!
Наконец они ввалились на чердак. Мэри захлопнула дверь, повернула ключ в замке, вытащила его и закинула в дальний угол, в кучу всякого хлама. И как в бреду, захлебываясь, стала выкладывать все подряд. Неудержимо. Наружу рвались неосознанные подозрения и страхи, что весь день тайно копились в душе и перебродили в ней, как вино. Все мелкие разоблачения, открытия и догадки, которые тревожили ее с самого утра и которые она так здраво, трезво и рассудительно критиковала и отвергала. Теперь все это взорвалось и потрясло ее.
– Ну вот, ну вот, – всхлипывая, она прислонилась к двери. – Тут мы в безопасности до вечера. Может, потом потихоньку выберемся. Может, нам удается бежать!
Теперь взорвался Генри, но по другой причине:
– Ты что, рехнулась? Какого черта ты закинула ключ? Знаешь, милая моя!..
– Да, да, пускай рехнулась, если тебе легче так думать, только оставайся здесь!
– Хотел бы я знать, как теперь отсюда выбраться!
– Тише. Они услышат. О господи, они нас найдут…
Где-то близко – голос Мышки. Генри умолк на полуслове. Все вдруг зажужжало, зашипело, поднялся визг, смех. Внизу упорно, настойчиво гудел сигнал видеофона – громкий, тревожный. "Может, это Элен меня вызывает, – подумала Мэри. – Может, она хочет мне сказать… то самое, чего я жду?"
В доме раздались шаги. Гулкие, тяжелые.
– Кто там топает? – гневно говорит Генри. – Кто смел вломиться в мой дом?
Тяжелые шаги. Двадцать, тридцать, сорок, пятьдесят пар ног. Пятьдесят непрошеных гостей в доме. Что-то гудит. Хихикают дети.
– Сюда! – кричит внизу Мышка.
– Кто там? – в ярости гремит Генри. – Кто там ходит?
– Тс-с. Ох, нет, нет, нет, – умоляет жена, цепляясь за него. – Молчи, молчи. Может быть, они еще уйдут.
– Мам! – зовет Мышка. – Пап!
Молчание.
– Вы где?
Тяжелые шаги, тяжелые, тяжелые, страшно тяжелые. Вверх по лестнице. Это Мышка их ведет.
– Мам? – Неуверенное молчание. – Пап? – Ожидание, тишина.
Гуденье. Шаги по лестнице, ведущей на чердак. Впереди всех – легкие, Мышкины.
На чердаке отец и мать молча прижались друг к другу, их бьет дрожь. Электрическое гуденье, странный холодный свет, вдруг просквозивший в щели под дверью, незнакомый острый запах, какой-то чужой, нетерпеливый голос Мышки – все это, непонятно почему, проняло наконец и Генри Морриса. Он стоит рядом с женой в тишине, во мраке, его трясет.
– Мам! Пап!
Шаги. Новое негромкое гуденье. Замок плавится. Дверь настежь. Мышка заглядывает внутрь чердака, за нею маячат огромные синие тени.
– Чур-чура, я нашла! – говорит Мышка.
The Rocket 1950
Many nights Fiorello Bodoni would awaken to hear the rockets sighing in the dark sky. He would tiptoe from bed, certain that his kind wife was dreaming, to let himself out into the night air. For a few moments he would be free of the smells of old food in the small house by the river. For a silent moment he would let his heart soar alone into space, following the rockets.
Now, this very night, he stood half naked in the darkness, watching the fire fountains murmuring in the air. The rockets on their long wild way to Mars and Saturn and Venus!
"Well, well, Bodoni."
"Well, well, Bodoni."
Bodoni started.
On a milk crate, by the silent river, sat an old man who also watched the rockets through the midnight hush.
"Oh, it's you, Bramante!"
"Do you come out every night, Bodoni?"
"Only for the air."
"So? I prefer the rockets myself," said old Bramante. "I was a boy when they started. Eighty years ago, and I've never been on one yet."
"I will ride up in one someday," said Bodoni.
"Fool!" cried Bramante. "You'll never go. This is a rich man's world." He shook his gray head, remembering. "When I was young they wrote it in fiery letters: THE WORLD OF THE FUTURE! Science, Comfort, and New Things for All! Ha! Eighty years. The Future becomes Now! Do we fly rockets'? No! We live in shacks like our ancestors before us."
"Perhaps my sons -" said Bodoni.
"No, nor their sons!" the old man shouted. "It's the rich who have dreams and rockets!"
Bodoni hesitated. "Old man, I've saved three thousand dollars. It took me six years to save it. For my business, to invest in machinery. But every night for a month now I've been awake. I hear the rockets. I think. And tonight I've made up my mind. One of us will fly to Mars!" His eyes were shining and dark.
"Idiot," snapped Bramante. "How will you choose? Who will go? If you go, your wife will hate you, for you will be just a bit nearer God, in spare. When you tell your amazing trip to her, over the years, won't bitterness gnaw at her?"
"No, no!"
"Yes! And your children? Will their lives be filled with the memory of Papa, who flew to Mars while they stayed here? What a senseless task you will set your boys. They will think of the rocket all their lives. They will lie awake. They will be sick with wanting it. Just as you are sick now. They will want to die if they cannot go. Don't set that goal, I warn you. Let them be content with being poor. Turn their eyes down to their hands and to your junk yard, not up to the stars."
"But -"
"Suppose your wife went? How would you feel, knowing she had seen and you had not? She would become holy. You would think of throwing her in the river. No, Bodoni, buy a new wrecking machine, which you need, and pull your dreams apart with it, and smash them to pieces."
The old man subsided, gazing at the river in which, drowned, images of rockets burned down the sky.
"Good night," said Bodoni.
"Sleep well," said the other.
When the toast jumped from its silver box, Bodoni almost screamed. The night had been sleepless. Among his nervous children, beside his mountainous wife, Bodoni had twisted and stared at nothing. Bramante was right. Better to invest the money. Why save it when only one of the family could ride the rocket, while the others remained to melt in frustration?
"Fiorello, eat your toast," said his wife, Maria.
"My throat is shriveled," said Bodoni.
The children rushed in, the three boys fighting over a toy rocket, the two girls carrying dolls which duplicated the inhabitants of Mars, Venus, and Neptune, green mannequins with three yellow eyes and twelve fingers.
"I saw the Venus rocket!" cried Paolo.
"It took off, whoosh!" hissed Antonello.
"Children!" shouted Bodoni, hands to his ears.
They stared at him. He seldom shouted.
Bodoni arose. "Listen, all of you," he said. "I have enough money to take one of us on the Mars rocket."
Everyone yelled.
"You understand?" he asked. "Only one of us. Who?"
"Me, me, me!" cried the children.
"You," said Maria.
"You," said Bodoni to her.
They all fell silent.
The children reconsidered. "Let Lorenzo go – he's oldest."
"Let Miriamne go – she's a girl!"
"Think what you would see," said Bodoni's wife to him. But her eyes were strange. Her voice shook. "The meteors, like fish. The universe. The Moon. Someone should go who could tell it well on returning. You have a way with words."
"Nonsense. So have you," he objected.
Everyone trembled.
"Here," said Bodoni unhappily. From a broom he broke straws of various lengths. "The short straw wins." He held out his tight fist. "Choose."
Solemnly each took his turn.
"Long straw."
"Long straw."
Another.
"Long straw."
The children finished. The room was quiet. Two straws remained. Bodoni felt his heart ache in him.
"Now," he whispered. "Maria."
She drew.
"The short straw," she said.
"Ah," sighed Lorenzo, half happy, half sad. "Mama goes to Mars."
Bodoni tried to smile. "Congratulations. I will buy your ticket today."
"Wait, Fiorello -"
"You can leave next week," he murmured.
She saw the sad eyes of her children upon her, with the smiles beneath their straight, large noses. She returned the straw slowly to her husband. "I cannot go to Mars."
"But why not?"
"I will be busy with another child."
"What!"
She would not look at him. "It wouldn't do for me to travel in my condition."
He took her elbow. "Is this the truth?"
"Draw again. Start over."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" he said incredulously.
"I didn't remember."
"Maria, Maria," he whispered, patting her face. He turned to the children. "Draw again."
Paolo immediately drew the short straw.
"I go to Mars!" He danced wildly. "Thank you, Father!"
The other children edged away. "That's swell, Paolo."
Paolo stopped smiling to examine his parents and his brothers and sisters. "I can go, can't I?" he asked uncertainly.
"Yes."
"And you'll like me when I come back?"
"Of course."
Paolo studied the precious broomstraw on his trembling hand and shook his head. He threw it away. "I forgot. School starts. I can't go. Draw again."
But none would draw. A full sadness lay on them.
"None of us will go," said Lorenzo.
"That's best," said Maria.
"Bramante was right," said Bodoni.
With his breakfast curdled within him, Fiorello Bodoni worked in his junk yard, ripping metal, melting it, pouring out usable ingots. His equipment flaked apart; competition had kept him on the insane edge of poverty for twenty years. It was a very bad morning.
In the afternoon a man entered the junk yard and called up to Bodoni on his wrecking machine. "Hey, Bodoni, I got some metal for you!"
"What is it, Mr. Mathews?" asked Bodoni, listlessly.
"A rocket ship. What's wrong? Don't you want it?"
"Yes, yes!" He seized the man's arm, and stopped, bewildered.
"Of course," said Mathews, "it's only a mockup. You know. When they plan a rocket they build a full-scale model first, of aluminum. You might make a small profit boiling her down. Let you have her for two thousand -"
Bodoni dropped his hand. "I haven't the money."
"Sorry. Thought I'd help you. Last time we talked you said how everyone outbid you on junk. Thought I'd slip this to you on the q.t. Well -"
"I need new equipment. I saved money for that."
"I understand."
"If I bought your rocket, I wouldn't even be able to melt it down. My aluminum furnace broke down last week -"
"Sure."
"I couldn't possibly use the rocket if I bought it from you."
"I know."
Bodoni hunked and shut his eyes. He opened them and looked at Mr. Mathews. "But I am a great fool. I will take my money from the bank and give it to you."
"But if you can't melt the rocket down -"
"Deliver it," said Bodoni.
"All right, if you say so. Tonight?"
"Tonight," said Bodoni, "would be fine. Yes, I would like to have a rocket ship tonight."
There was a moon. The rocket was white and big in the junk yard. It held the whiteness of the moon and the blueness of the stars. Bodoni looked at it and loved all of it. He wanted to pet it and lie against it, pressing it with his cheek, telling it all the secret wants of his heart.
He stared up at it. "You are all mine," he said. "Even if you never move or spit fire, and just sit there and rust for fifty years, you are mine."
The rocket smelled of time and distance. It was like walking into a clock. It was finished with Swiss delicacy. One might wear it on one's watch fob. "I might even sleep here tonight," Bodoni whispered excitedly.
He sat in the pilot's seat.
He touched a lever.
He hummed in his shut mouth, his eyes closed.
The humming grew louder, louder, higher, higher, wilder, stranger, more exhilarating, trembling in him and leaning him forward and pulling him and the ship in a roaring silence and in a kind of metal screaming, while his fists flew over the controls, and his shut eyes quivered, and the sound grew and grew until it was a fire, a strength, a lifting and a pushing of power that threatened to tear him in half. He gasped. He hummed again and again, and did not stop, for it could not be stopped, it could only go on, his eyes tighter, his heart furious. "Taking off!" he screamed. The jolting concussion! The thunder! "The Moon!" he cried, eyes blind, tight. "The meteors!" The silent rush in volcanic light. "Mars. Oh, God, Mars! Mars!"
He fell back, exhausted and panting. His shaking hands came loose of the controls and his head tilted back wildly. He sat for a long time, breathing out and in, his heart slowing.
Slowly, slowly, he opened his eyes.
The junk yard was still there.
He sat motionless. He looked at the heaped piles of metal for a minute, his eyes never leaving them. Then, leaping up, he kicked the levers. "Take off, damn you!"
The ship was silent.
"I'll show you!" he cried.
Out in the night air, stumbling, he started the fierce motor of his terrible wrecking machine and advanced upon the rocket. He maneuvered the massive weights into the moonlit sky. He readied his trembling hands to plunge the weights, to smash, to rip apart this insolently false dream, this silly thing for which he had paid his money, which would not move, which would not do his bidding. "I'll teach you!" he shouted.
But his hand stayed.
The silver rocket lay in the light of the moon. And beyond the rocket stood the yellow lights of his home, a block away, burning warmly. He heard the family radio playing some distant music. He sat for half an hour considering the rocket and the house lights, and his eyes narrowed and grew wide. He stepped down from the wrecking machine and began to walk, and as he walked he began to laugh, and when he reached the back door of his house he took a deep breath and called, "Maria, Maria, start packing. We're going to Mars!"
"Oh!"
"Ah!"
"I can't believe it!"
"You will, you will."
The children balanced in the windy yard, under the glowing rocket, not touching it yet. They started to cry.
Maria looked at her husband. "What have you done?" she said. "Taken our money for this? It will never fly."
"It will fly," he said, looking at it.
"Rocket ships cost millions. Have you millions?"
"It will fly," he repeated steadily. "Now, go to the house, all of you. I have phone calls to make, work to do. Tomorrow we leave! Tell no one, understand? It is a secret."
The children edged off from the rocket, stumbling. He saw their small, feverish faces in the house windows, far away.
Maria had not moved. "You have ruined us," she said. "Our money used for this – this thing. When it should have been spent on equipment."
"You will see," he said.
Without a word she turned away.
"God help me," he whispered, and started to work.
Through the midnight hours trucks arrived, packages were delivered, and Bodoni, smiling, exhausted his bank account. With blowtorch and metal stripping he assaulted the rocket, added, took away, worked fiery magics and secret insults upon it. He bolted nine ancient automobile motors into the rocket's empty engine room. Then he welded the engine room shut, so none could see his hidden labor.
At dawn he entered the kitchen. "Maria," he said, "I'm ready for breakfast."
She would not speak to him.
At sunset he called to the children. "We're ready! Come on!" The house was silent.
"I've locked them in the closet," said Maria.
"What do you mean?" he demanded.
"You'll be killed in that rocket," she said. "What kind of rocket can you buy for two thousand dollars? A bad one!"
"Listen to me, Maria."
"It will blow up. Anyway, you are no pilot."
"Nevertheless, I can fly this ship. I have fixed it."
"You have gone mad," she said.
"Where is the key to the closet?"
"I have it here."
He put out his hand. "Give it to me."
She banded it to him. "You will kill them."
"No, no."
"Yes, you will. I feel it."
He stood before her. "You won't come along?"
"I'll stay here," she said.
"You will understand; you will see then," he said, and smiled. He unlocked the closet. "Come, children. Follow your father."
"Good-bye, good-bye, Mama!"
She stayed in the kitchen window, looking out at them, very straight and silent.
At the door of the rocket the father said, "Children, we will be gone a week. You must come back to school, and I to my business." He took each of their hands in turn. "Listen. This rocket is very old and will fly only one more journey. It will not fly again. This will be the one trip of your life. Keep your eyes wide."
"Yes, Papa."
"Listen, keep your ears clean. Smell the smells of a rocket. Feel. Remember. So when you return you will talk of it all the rest of your lives."
"Yes, Papa."
The ship was quiet as a stopped clock. The airlock hissed shut behind them. He strapped them all, like tiny mummies, into rubber hammocks. "Ready?" he called.
"Ready!" all replied.
"Take-off!" He jerked ten switches. The rocket thundered and leaped. The children danced in their hammocks, screaming.
"Here comes the Moon!"
The moon dreamed by. Meteors broke into fireworks. Time flowed away in a serpentine of gas. The children shouted. Released from their hammocks, hours later, they peered from the ports. "There's Earth!" "There's Mars!"
The rocket dropped pink petals of fire while the hour dials spun; the child eyes dropped shut. At last they hung like drunken moths in their cocoon hammocks.
"Good," whispered Bodoni, alone.
He tiptoed from the control room to stand for a long moment, fearful, at the airlock door.
He pressed a button. The airlock door swung wide. He stepped out. Into space? Into inky tides of meteor and gaseous torch? Into swift mileages and infinite dimensions?
No. Bodoni smiled.
All about the quivering rocket lay the junk yard. Rusting, unchanged, there stood the padlocked junk-yard gate, the little silent house by the river, the kitchen window lighted, and the river going down to the same sea. And in the center of the junk yard, manufacturing a magic dream, lay the quivering, purring rocket. Shaking and roaring, bouncing the netted children like flies in a web.
Maria stood in the kitchen window.
He waved to her and smiled.
He could not see if she waved or not. A small wave, perhaps. A small smile.
The sun was rising.
Bodoni withdrew hastily into the rocket. Silence. All still slept. He breathed easily. Tying himself into a hammock, he closed his eyes. To himself he prayed. Oh, let nothing happen to the illusion in the next six days. Let all of space come and go, and red Mars come up under our ship, and the moons of Mars, and let there be no flaws in the color film. Let there be three dimensions; let nothing go wrong with the hidden mirrors and screens that mold the fine illusion. Let time pass without crisis.