To her horror the boy pulled out his hanky and began to sob into it - but they were queer sobs. Pip suddenly snatched away the boy’s hanky and stared at him. There wasn’t a single tear in his eyes - and he was laughing, not crying!
“Oh!” said this amazing boy, “oh, you’ll be the death of me! I can’t keep it up any more! Oh, Bets, oh, Pip, I shall crack my sides with laughing!”
It was Fatty’s voice! Fatty’s voice! Bets and Pip stared in the utmost amazement. How could this boy talk with Fatty’s voice?
The boy suddenly put his hand to his mouth and whipped out the curiously jutting teeth! With a quick look round to make sure no one was looking, he lifted his curly hair - and underneath the wig was Fatty’s own smooth hair!
“Fatty! Oh, Fatty! It’s you!” cried Bets, too astonished even to hug him.
“Golly, Fatty! You’re a marvel,” said Pip in awe. “You absolutely took us in. How did you get such a pale face? And those teeth - they’re marvellous! Your voice too - you talked just like a silly, shy French boy - and to think I tried to talk French to you too!”
“I know! The hardest thing for me was trying not to laugh,” said Fatty. “I did burst out just before your mother came into the room this morning, and I had to pretend I was howling. I say - didn’t I take you all in!”
“How did you dare to go and face old Clear-Orf like that?” said Pip. “However did you dare?”
“Well, I thought if I would deceive you as easily as all that, Clear-Orf would never, never guess,” said Fatty, walking on with them. “Come on - let’s go to Larry’s and you can say I joined you on the way up. We’ll get another laugh. And then we’ll have to talk about old Clear-Orf and that letter. I hope to goodness he doesn’t know how to test for invisible writing. That wasn’t a very polite letter.”
They went in at Larry’s gate, walked in at the side door and up to Larry’s room. Larry and Daisy were there. They stared in horror when they saw the French boy again.
“He wants to come too,” said Pip, hoping he wouldn’t giggle. “He met us in the road.”
“They were so, so, so kind,” put in Fatty, and he bowed deeply again, this time to Daisy.
Bets exploded into a laugh. Pip gave her a nudge.
“I can’t help it, I can’t help it,” giggled Bets. “Don’t glare at me, Pip, I just can’t help it.”
“What can’t she help?” said Larry in astonishment. “Honestly, she’s potty too.”
Fatty spoke suddenly in his own voice. “I hope you don’t mind me coming to tea, Larry and Daisy.”
Larry and Daisy jumped violently. It was so unexpected to hear Fatty’s voice coming from some one they thought was a queer French boy. Daisy gave a squeal.
“You wretch! It was you all the time! Fatty, you’re simply marvellous! Is that one of your disguises?”
“Yes,” said Fatty, and he took off his curly wig and showed it to them. They all tried it on in turns. It was amazing the way it altered them.
“The teeth are fine too,” said Larry. “Let’s rinse them and I’ll put them on. I bet you won’t know me!”
They didn’t! It made Larry look completely different to wear the odd, jutting-out teeth. They were not solid teeth, but were made of white celluloid, with pink celluloid above to make them look as if they grew from the gum.
“And your limp - and your voice! They were both awfully good,” said Pip admiringly. “Fatty, you took Mother in completely, too - it wasn’t only your disguise - it was your acting as well.”
“Oh, well - I was always good at acting,” said Fatty, in a modest kind of voice. “I always get the chief part in the school plays, you know. Before I decided to be a detective I thought I’d be an actor.”
For once the four children did not stop Fatty’s boasting. They all gazed at him with such rapt, admiring attention that Fatty began to feel quite uncomfortable.
“I think you’re wonderful,” said Bets. “I couldn’t possibly act like that. I should be scared. Fatty, how dared you go and face old Clear-Orf - and give him that letter too!”
“I think that was a bit of a mistake now,” said Fatty, considering. “If he does run a warm iron over the blank sheet, he’ll read the letter - and it’s a bit rude, really.”
“Awfully rude,” said Daisy. “I only hope he won’t go and show it to our parents. That really would be sickening.”
Pip felt alarmed. His mother and father were strict, and would not allow rudeness or bad behaviour of any sort if they could help it.
“Golly!” said Pip, “this is awful. I wish we could get the letter back.”
Fatty, looking like himself now that he had taken off the wig and the teeth, looked at Pip for a moment. “That’s a good idea of yours, Pip,” he said. “We will get it back. Otherwise he’ll certainly show it round to all our parents and we’ll get into a row.”
“I don’t see how in the world we can possibly get it back,” said Larry.
“What about one of us putting on a disguise, and -” began Fatty. But they all interrupted him.
“No! I’m not going to face old Clear-Orf now!”
“I wouldn’t dare!”
“Golly - he’d arrest us!”
“He’d see right through any disguise I wore!”
“All right, all right,” said Fatty. “I’ll go and face old Clear-Orf - in my French-boy disguise again - and I bet I’ll get that letter back too.”
“Fatty - you’re marvellous!” said everyone together, and Fatty tried in vain to look properly modest.
Fatty and Mr. Goon
“How can you possibly get our letter back, though?” asked Larry. “I mean - old Clear-Orf isn’t likely to hand it meekly to you, is he?”
“Fortune favours the bold,” said Fatty. “I propose to be bold. First of all, I want to write another letter in invisible writing. Hand me an orange, Larry.”
Larry gave him an orange and he squeezed juice from it into a cup. Then he took out his pen, with its clean nib, got a sheet of white notepaper just like the one he had written on before, and began to write:
“DEAR CLEAR-ORF, - I suppose you think you will solve the next mystery first. Well, as your brains are first class, you probably will. Good luck to you! From your five admirers,
“THE FIVE FIND-OUTERS (AND DOG).”
Fatty read it out loud as he wrote. The others laughed. “There!” said Fatty, “if I can possibly exchange this letter for the other one, it won’t matter a bit if he goes parading round showing it to our parents!”
He stuck his teeth back under his upper lip, and at once his face altered out of all knowledge. Then he carefully fitted on the curly wig. It was a beauty.
“What else did you buy?” asked Larry.
“Not much, after all,” said Fatty. “The things were much more expensive than I thought they’d be. This wig took nearly all my money! I got these teeth, and two or three pairs of different eyebrows, some make-up paint that gives you a pale skin, or a red one, or whatever you like - and that foreign-looking cap. I got a cheaper wig too, which I’ll show you - mousy hair, and straight.”
He put on the foreign-looking cap and stuck it out at an absurd angle. Nobody would have thought he was Fatty. He began to limp across the room.
“Adieu!” he said. “Adieu, mes enfants!”
“He means ‘Good bye, my children,’ ” Pip explained to Bets, who watched with admiring eyes whilst Fatty limped along the passage to the head of the stairs.
“Good-bye, Napoleon!” called Bets, and every one giggled.
“I hope old Clear-Orf won’t get him,” said Larry. “He’s frightfully brave and bold, and awfully clever at this sort of thing - but Clear-Orf doesn’t like jokes played on him.”
“I wonder if Clear-Orf has been able to read the invisible writing yet,” said Bets. “I bet he was angry if he has!”
Clear-Orf was angry. In fact, he was almost bursting with fury. He had heated an iron, knowing that heat was one of the things that made most invisible writing show up plainly - and he had carefully ironed the sheet of notepaper.
He could hardly believe his eyes when he read the faint brown letters! He swallowed hard, and his froggy eyes almost fell out of his head.
“All right. We’ll see what your parents say to this!” said Mr. Goon, speaking as if the children were there in front of him. “Yes, and the Inspector too! This’ll open his eyes, this will. Rude, cheeky toads. No respect for the law! Ho, now I’ve got you! You didn’t think as I’d be smart enough to read your silly invisible writing, did you?”
Mr. Goon had several things to do that day, and it was not until the afternoon that he decided to go and display the letter to the children’s parents.
“Don’t wonder they dursent come and deliver the note themselves!” he thought, remembering the queer boy who had delivered it. “Got some friend of theirs, I suppose. Staying with one of them, I’ll be bound.”
He decided to go to the Hiltons first. He knew how strict Mr. and Mrs. Hilton were with Pip and Bets.
“Open their eyes nicely, this will,” he thought, trudging off. “Hallo! - there’s that little Frenchy fellow. I’ll just find out where he’s staying.”
“Hi!” yelled Mr. Goon to Fatty, who was sauntering along on the other side of the street, hoping that the policeman would see him. “You come here a minute.”
“You call me?” said Fatty politely, in the high, foreign kind of voice he had used before.
“I got a few questions to ask you,” said Clear-Orf. “Who gave you that there rude note to deliver to me this morning?”
“Rude? Ah, non, non, non - surely it was not rude!” said Fatty in a shocked tone, wagging his hands just as his French master did at school. “That I cannot believe, Mr. Poleeeceman.”
“Well, you look here at this,” said Mr. Goon. “Maybe you can tell me whose writing this is, see?”
He took the envelope from his pocket, and pulled out the sheet of paper. “There you are - you take a squint at that and tell me if you know who wrote that rude letter.”
Fatty took it - and at that moment the wind most conveniently puffed down the street. Fatty let go the paper and it fluttered away. Fatty sprinted after it at once, and, when he bent down to pick it up, it was easy to slip it into his pocket and turn to Clear-Orf with the other letter in his hand.
“Drat it, it nearly went!” said Mr. Goon, and he almost snatched it from Fatty’s hand. “Better not flap it about in the wind. I’ll put it back into the envelope.”
He did, and Fatty grinned to himself. It had been so easy - much, much easier than he had expected. What a kind puff of wind that had been!
“Where are you walking to, Mr. Poleeeceman?” asked Fatty politely.
“I’m going down to Mr. and Mrs. Hilton,” said Mr. Goon righteously.
“Then we part,” said Fatty. “Adieu, dear Mr. Poleeeceman.”
He went off round a corner, and Mr. Goon stared after him. He felt puzzled. but he didn’t know why. “That French boy isn’t half queer,” he thought. He would have thought him queerer still if he had seen what Fatty did round the corner!
Fatty pulled off his wig, took out his teeth, removed his queer-looking cap, and took off the rather gaudy scarf he wore. He hid them all in a bush.
Then, looking once more like Frederick Algernon Trotteville, he hastened to the house where Pip and Bets lived, and where Mr. Goon had already gone. He went in and gave the usual call for Pip, although he knew quite well he wasn’t there, but was at Larry’s.
“Oh, there you are, Frederick,” said Mrs. Hilton, looking out of the door of the sitting-room. “Come here a minute, will you? Pip is out, and so is Bets. Mr. Goon is here with a very extraordinary story. Apparently he thinks that you and the others have been guilty of most unnecessary rudeness.”
“How extraordinary!” said Fatty, and went into the sitting-room. He saw Mr. Hilton there too, and Mr. Goon sitting on a chair, his knees turned out widely, his great hands flat on them.
“Ho!” he said, when Fatty went in. “Here’s one of them what wrote that invisible letter. Now, ma’am, I’ll just show it to you, and you’ll be able to read it. Talks about my brains creaking for want of oil!”
Mr. Goon took out the sheet of paper from the envelope and laid it on the table. It was blank, because the writing had not been warmed up. Mr. Goon looked at it, and was annoyed. The lettering had been there last time he had looked at it.
“It wants a hot iron again,” he said, much to Mrs. Hilton’s surprise. “Could I trouble you to procure me a hot iron, ma’am?”
One was warmed and then Mr. Goon ran it over the sheet. “There you are!” he said in triumph, as the faint brown lettering became visible, “you just read that, ma’am and sir - what do you think of that for a letter sent to a reper - er - representative of the Law!”
Mrs. Hilton read it out loud:
“ ’DEAR CLEAR-ORF, - I suppose you think you will solve the next mystery first. Well, as your brains are first class, you probably will. Good luck to you! From your five admirers,
“ ‘THE FIVE FIND-OUTERS (AND DOG).’ ”
There was silence. Mr. Goon’s eyes bulged. This was not what he had read before! He snatched the letter.
“Well, Mr. Goon,” said Mr. Hilton, entering into the matter suddenly, “I can’t see what you have to complain about in that. Quite a nice, complimentary letter, I think.
Nothing about your brains er - er - creaking and wanting oiling. I don’t understand what you are complaining of.”
Mr. Goon read the letter again hurriedly. He couldn’t believe what he saw! “This here ain’t the letter,” he said. “There’s some dirty work going on. Did you write this letter, Master Frederick?”
“I did,” said Fatty, “and I can’t think why you should object to us expressing our admiration for you - or perhaps you think you haven’t got first-class brains?”
“That will do, Frederick,” said Mrs. Hilton.
Fatty looked hurt.
“What’s become of the letter I first had?” said Mr. Goon, feeling more and more puzzled. “Yes, and what I want to know is - are you children messing about with any more mysteries? Because if you are, you’d better tell me, see? If you go snooping around trying to find out things, you may get into Serious Trouble.”
Fatty couldn’t resist the temptation to let Clear-Orf think he and the other children really were trying to solve another mystery. So he looked very solemn indeed.
“I can’t give any secrets away, Mr. Goon, can I? It wouldn’t be fair.”
Mr. Goon at once thought there must be a secret, a mystery he didn’t know about. He got so red in the face that Fatty thought it was about time he was going.
“Well, I must be off,” he said to Mrs. Hilton, in his politest voice. “Good-bye!”
And before Mr. Goon could think of any good reason for stopping him, he went! He exploded into loud laughs as soon as he was out of earshot. Then he decided he had better go and get his disguise from the bush. He would put it on again to save carrying it, and would pop back to his house to fetch old Buster.
So, in a few minutes Fatty, once more in disguise, was walking home looking the same curly-haired, queer, rabbit-toothed boy that Mr. Goon had already seen twice that day.
And Mr. Goon spotted him just as he walked in at his gate! “Ho!” said Mr. Goon, pleased, “so that’s where that little varmit is staying - with that Frederick Trotteville! I’ll be bound he had something to do with altering that there invisible letter - though how it was done beats me! I’ll just go and make a few inquiries there, and frighten the life out of that Frenchy fellow.”
So, to Mrs. Trotteville’s enormous surprise, Mr. Goon was announced and came ponderously into her drawing-room.
“Good afternoon, ma’am,” said Mr. Goon. “I just came to ask a few questions of that foreign boy you’ve got here.”
Mrs. Trotteville looked as if she thought Mr. Goon had gone mad. “What boy?” she said. “We’ve got no foreign boy here at all. There’s only my son, Frederick.”