– Why?
– This profession is not in Russia. Say to her: – "You fly abroad, there work will be, and in Russia is not present". There are such affairs. – she grinned. – You will be taught, and on the market, to strengthen trade relations between buyers and sellers. – then she as if in despair and violent usmeshlivy rage exclaimed. – And you speak in Russia to live badly. WELL!!! from school in worthless higher education institution, and from there on the market, tomatoes and apples extremely expensively to push. – then she specified. – and not easy to sell tomatoes and apples, and low freshness.
Emmanuel specified:
– Rotten.
– Rotten. – then she asked. – Did you read "Master and Margarita?".
– Read.
– And so, in one their heads Voland says: – "The freshness has to be the first and the last. Is not present semifresh. If fish semifresh, then it rotten". – the female-taksistka having grinned, having made a long pause, laughed the matter off. – Here we also live all in unclear freshness. It is unclear as from where deliver, and unclear what freshness. And to people only to fill stomachs, and from a grief then to drink. – it having made a pause, told. – The Russian drunk, you will also not tell in any way any more. Here I spoke somehow with one such drunk. So he told me that he will be happy for hundred grams. Here also the authorities use it. Spivat the Russian people and why? Not to feed him. And who after that from us the monster!? Only those who under a roof of the power, and we are people study, are forced to earn at first money, and then to arrive if take. So it is only possible to study having earned money and if to earn them that you will never be taught. It is simply impossible. – she heaved a deep sigh. – It is impossible physically.
Listening the female-taksistka Emmanuel understood that before her the woman who in the young years already passed through HELL sits. She saw on the century both black and white. The story which she told Emmanuel obviously happened to her best friend. And here she, is forced to earn money too at last to be taught, and to gain that diploma with honors of MGIMO which will tell it and all remained its zavidnik: "HERE I! Admire me! Here I am what. And at you such is?". Yes, for certain so it also is. Emmanuel was simply confident in it. She with care took an interest:
– Did you tell this story because you study or because at you in soul all this became painful, and now all this wants to be splashed out outside? And can because you want to tell me something?
– What? – the female-taksistka did not understand. – about what it you?
– So, about anything. – Emmanuel having made a pause, asked. – What is your name?
– Luda.
– And me Emmanuel. – then she told. – You know Luda, I, of course, have no idea of this country. But I will tell you as on spirit, concerning the doctrine you are mistaken. – it having made a pause, continued. – I, of course, do not know all situation in this country. Can you are right. Corruption both was, and remained. It in all countries, turn to me on a word. But as for a tuition fee, here a standard. – it having made a pause, told. – I studied hardly too. – then she added, kind of to a consolation. – There, abroad, happens so that pay firms where we work for us. – it having made a heavy pause, heaved a deep sigh. – Unfortunately in Russia there is no it yet.
– From where do you know it? – Luda was surprised. – I did not tell it to you.
– I understood it from a conversation with you.
Luda thought. She looked at Emmanuel trying to understand who such this woman actually and why it arrived to Russia?
Luda asked:
– And who you are by profession?
– It is important for you?
– I do not want that what that there the woman wiped to me brains.
Emmanuel took an interest:
– What means wiped?
Luda as could explained this word:
– It means got into brains that to put them into place. – and then told. – with my brains at me everything is all right, and flattery in them I will allow nobody any more.
Having heard these words, and its reaction to them, Emmanuel pricked up the ears. She assumed that this woman, this woman Luda is not quite healthy. It obviously had problems, and one of them its unstable mentality. Yes, it is quite possible. In this country according to the story by Luda there can live only rich men. And this her statement on the fact that beggars have to die, and then her explanation. She wanted to present differently the judgment of poor and rich people, and she quite managed it. But now? It put a certain protection представляющею itself only the parody to its idea of life in Russia. She was not quite healthy, and was not sick. It had only a depression, the neurosis acquired in her life. Neurosis which was suffered by many people and continue to suffer. Neurosis – a way of life of the person. At one it is less noticeable, others have more. In any case one is clear. Neurosis does not respond to treatment. Only self-checking of the person over by itself. Only this way it is possible to cure it. Not to cure but only to cure. It, as well as many other diseases, are not subject to treatment. They are only muffled, but not treated. It is the life fact, and not to disappear from it.
Emmanuel told:
– I have a specialization in the field of psychology.
– You that? Brain is right?
– Absolutely.
– Then that?
– I am a psychotherapist.
– You? – Luda was surprised. – Psychotherapist?
– Yes. – confirmed Emmanuel. – I am a psychotherapist.
– Anything to? For the first time I see the psychotherapist. – Luda having made a puzzled pause, continued. – I communicate mainly with future lawyers and judges.
– Do you study on legal?
– On it. – unclear expression of the person can be requalified somehow, but not in its true value. Therefore Luda explained. – At law department of MGIMO. – then she took an interest. – And you what was finished?
Emmanuel did not know that to answer this question, she would never tell the truth, and in this case it would reveal. Why it graduated from intelligence school if it … well you understand.
Emmanuel told:
– Oxford.
Luda heaved a deep sigh. She dreamed though sometime to leave from this country to the country of free democracy where she could work and live. To live as she wants that.
– You know. – she told. – I probably when I gain the diploma will go to states. – it having made a pause, also told. – I never was free and happy. So let though there I will find that happiness of which I dream and each little girl.
Emmanuel having attentively listened to Luda, asked:
– And in what it is happiness?
– For me happiness it to become the lawyer. To know all laws that to you nobody pointed a finger, and said: "it goes, the ignoramus". – it having made a pause, having shown, it vyrugnutsya. Swine. Cost nothing, and something want. To humiliate the person, to tell him that he is a worthless degenerate, rabble society. – it having made a pause, continued. – And what we are such? – on her eyes tears appeared. – No, they to be mistaken. We are not such. – it having made a pause – exclaimed with all the might. – SWINE! – and having struck with hands a car wheel, I exclaimed obvious despair and with irritation. – I HATE! For what to me all this? For what?
Seeing that Luda fell into a hysterics, and it if has no nervous breakdown, then just about it will occur, Emmanuel hurried to tell:
– In France and in America people do not pay attention to these rumors. – it having made a pause, added. – They are not even there. – then she told. – I understand that you speak about yourself now. You that woman whom excuse for expression kicked up and down. – it having made a pause, assumed. – The difficult childhood was possible at you. – it having made a pause, told. – I at had not such childhood joyful as it was possible to imagine. Turn, I know about what I speak.
Luda having looked at Emmanuel, told:
– All of us – women, life have not a sugar. We never unlike men will reach those heights in the company of what they reached. And though we also try to resemble them, we will not be same as they.
Emmanuel was surprised to Luda's words. She with surprise asked:
– Why you so think? – Emmanuel having made a pause, objected. – We it is better than them – then it with feeling deep contempt, added. – these men. Will get a false idea of themselves god knows that, and then go as if roosters and that? Consider themselves best of all. Such roosters, having lifted up the head up go, notice nothing before themselves.
– You truly speak – Emmanuel. Men us do not cost women. They even cannot hold a candle to us. – she wiped tears, and told with obvious female pride. – Unless they have what we have – women. A breast, a uterus, eventually we are women we give birth. Unless men can give birth. They cannot present life. The birth gift is not given them. They do not know what is it, after long tortures and nine-months toxicosis to see as from us – women, new life appears.
– You are absolutely right! – agreed with Luda Emmanuel. – Men will never understand us – women. They will never be able to feel in themselves origin of new life. Will not be able simply to become pregnant. It is not given them. – By Emmanuel having made a pause, grinned. And as if with irony told. – They only are also capable to thrust the pod into our flower, are proud that they it is better, their little friend – a pod, and wants to make the way there to postpone the seed. And their self-conceit that they it is better than others, sometimes backfires them.
Women with all the heart burst out laughing. Both of them imagined this situation when the man tries, becomes exhausted, and at him nothing leaves. There is no erection, the little friend brings. Fiasco, and only. The word "I Can" turned into other word, a word which so pristyzhat men, does of them something similar to a floorcloth. And what still to do to them, they … yes, you were not mistaken. This word "Impotent man". They are impotent men. Men only on a structure a body, according to their physiological data, they simply dying plant, and more than nothing.
– Damned impotent men. – Luda continued. – want to show us – women that they in force, and!?. damned impotent men. Lead the wrong life, and then accuse us – women of the problems – Luda grinned. – No. – with an obvious smile and irony told Luda. – Will not leave. You men will not become us a hindrance. Understand the problems, and we are women somehow we will understand the affairs. All to you to men to order us, time of government of men is over. And now we are women you want it or not we will become equal to you, and not only equal, but also we will surpass you if not in everything, then in many respects. – it having made a pause, finished. – Turn to us on words.
Having listened to Luda, Emmanuel thought. She just saw before herself the woman in anger. It was embittered for the whole world. Yes that on the world, on each man separately. It was possible to assume that Luda's childhood was so joyful as could seem at first sight. She all heart, sincerely hated men. She despised them, despised sincerely all heart of soul. And this hatred was pathological.
Here it was possible to assume that Luda was subjected to violence in the childhood, and can she had an unsuccessful attempt connect the life with some man? He made by it the child, and was washed away. We think out to ourselves justification in the acts. Sometimes we block our consciousness what we create the character invented by us, we name it a certain name, and we say him all that we do not decide to tell our parents. It becomes our to the second "I", and we perceive it as the friend or the girlfriend. For example, we are our thoughts both our sorrows, and grieves we write to the diary. Everyone keeps such diary. If not on papers, then in the thoughts. We say what happened to us for this day, and we ask our the second "I", and it answers us. But sometimes, we cannot say about what happened to us. Neither with invented by us the second "I", nor with the diary, with anybody that either to others or another. Our consciousness in our consciousness locks all bad, and licks in it all that we try to forget. To us it is painful because that we ever endured in our childhood, and in life in general. We lock it, and we throw out it far, in depths of the ocean, human consciousness. Leaving subconsciousness locked. But happens when the subconsciousness cannot contain more in the subconsciousness any more and lock, all information human consciousness. In this case occurs inevitable, and all information which is saved up in our subconsciousness is splashed out outside. There is simply a failure. The hysterics developing into psychosis. Psychosis consciousness of a human hysterics. It also happened to Luda. All that accumulated in it for all years of her life now all this broke loose. Her subconsciousness could not cope with the fact that at present it was splashed out outside. Her subconsciousness could not keep more in itself that it was postponed in it for years. There is at the person a nervous breakdown. This nervous breakdown also happened to Luda now.
Emmanuel carefully took an interest:
– All what you spoke to me now about, you meant yourself?
On this question Luda could not tell anything certain. Yes, she probably, spoke about herself. Just as some people noticing that speak and speak, telling that without knowing all the life. This human mentality, his consciousness issues information, and tells it to someone to whom whom this person does not know. The stranger can tell what you will not tell others. It is the fact. Fact of human mentality. He is a person, will never tell the relatives that he can tell other person. The girlfriend, to the friend, mistress, lover. But never to the mother or father. There is our such mentality. Our consciousness, and subconsciousness. However: the nadsoznaniye of the person, is the reason of this factor. Remember expression: "Over subconscious level …", as well as on a nadsoznaniye human level, we understand that in subconsciousness we want to speak about something with someone. Only with ourselves that turns our subconsciousness into consciousness, and we speak about the problems with the one whom we do not know at all, with our invented "I". We begin to keep the diary, writing down all our thoughts there, closing on the lock, or according to extremely Mary we so think. But we cannot sometimes tell the diary that at us boiled at heart. Emotions – which in us, were splashed out outside, and here we in full to emptiness. To emptiness of the feelings. We just fall into hysterical panic, and then and in hysteria all that in us boiled is splashed out outside, and we begin to damn all that we only can. And at last, we do not maintain, and having found ourselves a goat remission we pour out all that information which accumulated in our subconscious and irresponsible level outside. We remember all bad and good that was with us once. We comprehend and process this information, and we draw logical for this purpose the conclusion a conclusion: "another is guilty I, and someone". No matter who is guilty? Guilty will always be. We become embittered on all people, the whole country, and we do not consider ourselves guilty: – "Are guilty all but me". – so we speak or so considers our subconsciousness? Obviously, here the riddle of ours conclusion is also concealed. In our subconsciousness there are what that button, the button our subconscious "I". It blocks our experiences, she removes this blocking, and all emotions of the person come to light. Obviously – all to agree with me that so it also is actually.
The same situation happened also to Luda. It just did not sustain all that freight. Freight – her subconsciousness, also escaped outside. And Emmanuel was that woman – the stranger who could tell about the problems, without speaking at the same time: – "I told someone, and now this person can tell that I told him this story or any other, and he will give me with giblets". – Now Luda was not afraid of it. Was not afraid before the moment when Emmanuel carefully took an interest: "All what you spoke to me now about, you meant yourself?". – This question cast Luda into slight panic. She understood on Emmanuel and as if without understanding that that asked, Luda asked again: