He knocked. Michelle, let me in. I want to explain.
Wolves. Pushiest motherfuckers on Earth. Gina opened again. Do you need to be put on a time-out? Back. Off. This time Michelle heard Tracys laugh as she told Josh to be patient.
As I was saying. I know who the female with Josh just now is. Shes been into Josh for years. But hes never made any promises to her. You are not her. Do you understand?
Michelle shook her head. No. I dont. It wasnt anything. I just feltjealous, I guess. It sucks. I dont like it.
Gina laughed. Gurl. I hear you. Its part of that connection you have with Josh. I can see it. Anyone can. Im trying to sayGod, how do I say this?
Michelle rolled her eyes. Josh got around. There will be lots of ladies everywhere we go whove taken him for a long ride.
Both of them laughed at that.
Be that as it may. You are not them. The difference will be apparent immediately if hes standing with you. Word will get out. Once people know hes, um, in a relationship with you, a real one, theyll back off. Wolves are orderly even as they are bossy and possessive and overbearing. Our wolves anyway. There are beta wolves. Damon and Josh arent that kind.
Gina took Michelles hand and squeezed it. I like you. Were glad youre around and we want to keep it that way. We understand that a lot of this will be new to you and we just want to help. Explain what we can, when its necessary.
So the blonde out there used to bang Josh, but now that Im around shell stop petting him?
Rhonda laughed. Yes, youll fit in just fine.
Josh came into the office. If you dont mind. He gave Gina a look and she waved it away. Id like to talk to Michelle alone for a few minutes.
Rhonda and Gina strolled out. They heal pretty fast, Gina called out as she shut the door in her wake, leaving them alone.
Did she just encourage you to kick me or something?
Depends. Did you do something you need kicking over?
He took a deep breath and stepped closer. No. Will you let me explain?
She shrugged, feeling like a dumbass.
I was not a virgin when you came to Portland. You ought to know, I lost it with you anyway. Shes my past. On and off. Never serious.
Did you use a condom with her too? Holy shit. Did she actually say that out loud?
He stilled. What?
I dont know an awful lot about shifters, but I do know they dont get or give STDs and they can scent when a female is fertile so you guys dont usually suit up. But when youve been with me you have. Im not at the fertile part of my cycle. So is it a thing? Like you dont want to be naked in me? Or what?
It was like a bad dream where she was saying all this stuff and had no ability to stop herself. She finally put her hand over her mouth to stop.
She was mortified because, hello, that was not the time and place. Wolves all over the place and they probably heard.
She gathered her tattered self-control and faced him again. This is not my first case and I dont know whats wrong with me. I dontIm not prone to being jealous and saying stuff that is entirely inappropriate for the setting. Im sorry. Im so embarrassed. She turned, her face in her hands.
He came to her, enfolding her, his front to her back. Given the very hard cock at her ass, he wasnt upset with her at all.
Its all right. Theres nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, suffice it to say seeing you jealous and off balance actually makes me hot. Can we make this call to Owen and let them know whats going on, and then you and I can go and talk? Ill explain everything, I promise. Will you trust me enough to do that? He kissed her temple and she leaned back against him.
They all heard me. I wish a hole would swallow me up.
He chuckled softly. Beautiful, wolves are passionate. Theres lots of this stuff. All the time. I promise once we talk youll understand more.
She dragged in a breath and agreed.
They made the call. In Seattle, Gage and Lark were both on it, along with Meriel Owen and her husband Dominic, who ran the Owen Clan of witches.
They were fairly tight lipped, but they did indicate they believed there was something larger at work. Some big bad they didnt know a whole lot about but were looking into. They urged Rhonda and Gina to teach Michelle some healing and defensive spells and told them to introduce her to Cesare, one of the Portland witches who was apparently a whiz at battle spells. Which should help with her police work.
It was clear the witches in Seattle had an overflowing plate of trouble and they had to deal with this on their own. Which worried Michelle as she tried to imagine what would be worse than that spell shed felt at the jail.
Things just kept getting worse. Darker and more overwhelming. Which, she supposed, helped her keep in perspective that shed sort of acted like a jealous dick earlier within the supernatural hearing range of a house full of wolves.
Still, she kept her gaze averted as she ended the call. All around her there was conversation as she gathered her things. Gina hugged her and told her not to worry, Rhonda followed, whispering for Michelle to keep in touch.
They headed toward the front door as she fought a blush and met Tracy, Gabe and Nicks eyes, thanking them for their help and support.
Tracy hugged her and spoke quietly. Please dont be embarrassed. Its okay. I promise you.
She mumbled more thanks as they left, Joshs hand at the small of her back, guiding her to his car. They both remained quiet as he pulled away and headed back to his place.
Finally, once theyd been in the car a few minutes, Josh cleared his throat to speak, but before he could say anything, her phone rang and it was Dexter.
She blew out a long breath before she answered. Slattery.
Im going to overlook that little temper tantrum you threw earlier. HR tells me you put in for vacation?
Yes, sir. I have plenty coming.
I told you to leave this mess alone.
With all due respect, sir, its only been a few days. There is no reason to give up. Especially when Im taking vacation time and not using department resources.
Youre a department resource. Chances are shes run off with one of them. Shell come back when shes done, or when he dumps her.
You dont know her at all. She would never, ever do that. And if your prejudice didnt color your judgment here, youd know that. The scene does not point to a woman who ran off with a lover. Her wallet and identification were left behind. Her bank account has been untouched. She left her phone behind. She did not leave of her own accord and there is no way she would have left without telling her mother, her job or me. Shes totally responsible. Shed never leave her patients. Shes not the person youve decided she is in your head. Ive known her my entire life and I will not abandon her when she needs me the most.
Josh put a hand on her knee. Comfort radiated through her system.
Youre walking a dangerous line here, Slattery. Insubordination looks bad on your record. We need you back here. You need to return. Or dont bother.
Are you threatening to fire me for taking vacation? Thank heavens for her union which would fight that one big time.
Im saying you need to report back here and we can talk about our staffing needs and you can take vacation after we take care of that detail.
All this nonsense simply because he wanted to control her! Hated Others so much that he was fine ignoring reality to bring her back and show her who held her leash.
I filed my vacation like anyone else. I have the time. Im taking it. If you wish to attempt the process of termination, you know who my union rep is. Now, as Im officially on vacation, Ill be hanging up. Sir. And she did before she said anything else.
Normally she would have had to file papers to take vacation in advance. But when shed called earlier, shed checked and theyd given her an okay to take the time. Technically she had not broken any rules. And he was a bigoted asshole.
She made a quick call to her union rep and filled him in on the whole mess. He told her not to worry, that hed handle it if and when Dexter made a move and would be in touch if that happened.
Josh pulled into his parking spot and turned to her.
What can I do to help?
Youre doing it. I just
Do you need to go back? Be honest.
Im not going back. Im not a dog on a leash. Hes out of line, and I dont want that job if the reality means Id ignore evidence because of my own prejudicial thinking. Im not leaving until I find her. It hasnt been that long, damn it.
He pulled her into a hug and she held on tight.
Come inside and lets talk.
Once they got inside he directed her to go change her clothes, which she had no argument with. She bundled into yoga pants and a sweatshirt with fluffy socks and left her hair in the braid shed put it in after her shower earlier.
Back in the living room, he pressed a warm mug into her hands. Tea with whiskey. Sit.
She did and he followed, pulling her close. I really wanted a different situation to talk to you about all this. Youre so stressed and its been such a horrible time.
Not knowing whatever it is just makes it worse. Be honest. I may not like it, but damn it, there are too many things I dont know right now and it sucks. She took a sip and hissed. Dude, you sure didnt hold back with the liquor. But the warmth that spread through her was welcome so she took another sip and braced herself for whatever it was he was about to spill.
Im going to be detailed because I dont know what you do and dont know. So dont be offended if I tell you things you already know.
Michelle made one of those get on with it moves with her hand and he snorted a laugh.
I dont use condoms usually, no. I dont because like you said, we dont pass STDs and we can scent a females fertility. He was so mad at Esme for that afternoon. Shed heard about his finding a mate because wolves were horrible gossips about that stuff, and when shed learned he was at Tracys, shed come to get a load of Michelle. Stupid.
It had pushed his timeline up and at a time when Michelle really didnt need any added stress.
But it was what it was and he had to deal with it.
Normally, aside from being messy, its not a big deal to have unprotected sex with another female. I generally donthavent sought out non-shifter females. As you pointed out before, its too hard to hide what you are. My life is wrapped up with my pack and other wolves. Anyway.
Oh my God, just say it. Youre killing me!
The whiskey, which hed added pretty liberally, had kicked in, and he tried not to smile at what a lightweight she was. Then again, he wasnt able to get drunk without a lot of liquor so he might have given her a whole lot. Oops.
Wolves mate for life. Werewolves too. Its not so much like there is only one person on the entire planet, but its a rare thing to find that one person. When the male comes inside that female that starts the chain reaction that creates the mate bond. Its magick of its own. It changes the DNA of the female. The bond between the mated couple is intense. They can feel the emotions of the other. Theres no one else after that. Neither mate would want it. For a wolf its a joy to find.
He swallowed hard.
I used condoms with you because youre my mate.
She blinked several times and gulped more of her tea before sitting up and putting the mug down. What? She stood and began to pace. You used a condom because you didnt want this supposed joy with me? You wanted it with the other one from Tracys house? Because Im not a wolf is that it?
He jumped up and moved to her. No. He took her upper arms to halt her in her tracks. I wanted it from the first moment we hugged in that elevator and I breathed you in. When I tasted you when we kissed that first time. But youre under so much stress and pressure, and I didnt want to spring it on you. I wanted to wait until this thing had settled. Until Id had some time to woo you a little. Im messing this up but I want you. So much I dont even know how to put it into words. That after these years, my mate comes into my life and its someone Ive known for so long and already loved? He tipped her chin up and brushed his lips over hers. Youre my mate. And it is a joy.
And in the interests of full disclosure, when the bond is created theres a need for an anchor bond. For us, wolves I mean, its part of the process, but youre not a wolf so its not something youd have grown up with, or even know about. An anchor is like the third leg on a stool. The power of the bond between a mate pair is such that should one die it could drag the other into death or a mental break they couldnt come back from. So for as long as our history has been passed down, weve had the tri-bond.
Which is?
After the two seal their bond, within two days its necessary for the female in the pair to have a sort of mating bond with another single male of equal or higher rank to the male in the pair.
Her brows flew up. He knew how it sounded to outsiders, but he wanted, no he needed her to understand at least on some level how important and honored a situation it was.
Every mated pair does it their own way. Sometimes all three people are there. Other times its just the female and the anchor. The anchor holds an important place in the lives of that couple. Not a romantic place, he amended quickly. I know you saw Tracy and Nick and Gabe and you might wonder. But what they have is exceptionally rare. Most of the time the anchor is like a best friend to the couple. A godfather to their kids. He comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas and the big holidays. And when that anchor mates himself, its generally hoped that the bonded pair opens up their family to the new mate. I know its a lot. Like I said, Ive been wanting to tell you all this at a better time.
So Id have sex with another dude. And youd be down with that?
Admittedly, the idea is difficult to imagine now that its a reality. Ive always held it to be a respected tradition and I see it all the time. It works. And it would protect you, which means everything. I know its shocking and maybe, most likely, outside of what youd think was okay sexually. But its a beautiful thing and Id be with you during the whole thing.
Chapter Nine
I dont even know what to say.
Im sorry this has to be sprung on you like this. I wanted to wait at least a few weeks before I told you. I know you have a lot going on in your head. A lot of stress and pressure. Youre it for me. I want you any way I can have you. Nothing has changed. Take the time you need to think on it.
He knew deep down that she wasnt going anywhere. When hed seen her face as Esme had been touching him, the way she reacted had made his wolf preen. She was pissed off. A pissed-off woman was a magnificent thing to behold. At a distance sometimes. But her being jealous that way meant she felt it too.
Esme had understood it right then and had apologized before she left. Tracy had only smiled and patted his shoulder while telling him theyd work it out.
Hed tell Michelle all that. One day. In months or maybe a year.
Michelle licked her lips, absolutely floored by what hed said. Im pretty sure that test you take for stress factors, you know the one, like moving or getting married or divorced adds points? Im pretty sure this last week has killed that test dead.
He let go of her upper arms and ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek. She leaned into his touch and felt better. The barest, rawest truth was that when she was with him she was not alone. When shed been with Gina and Rhonda and theyd used magick and had shown her some things to defend herself, when Owen had hooked her up with the guy whod teach her defensive and battle magicks, she hadnt been alone.
There was a whole world there in Portland just waiting for her to be part of. A world where she didnt have to be lonely. A world with a man who loved her and wanted to be with her for always. And she didnt doubt what hed told her. She knew enough to understand the mating stuff. The extra-guy thing was a little unexpected. Butwell, it could be okay if she had a choice. Even hot maybe.
I grew up in a house without a dad. My mom, well, she had a series of boyfriends because she has no real identity unless shes with someone. But her choices, my God. I guess, when I realized it was because she hated herself, hated her magick and that she was a witch so she punished herself with men who werent good enough for her, I realized that I would never let myself be ashamed of that part of myself.
She moved to his windows and looked out over evening in Portland. Wet from rain, the lights glittering, the asphalt dark and slick. He joined her, but didnt get so close she couldnt think.
So I had this career. And I love being a cop. Id want to do that here too. Something along those lines. Its part of who I am. I like protecting people. Which I suppose is what you do too, which is pretty cool. Anyway. I am not ashamed of being a witch, but even though Ive known it forever and have had contact with other witches pretty much my whole life, I have not really lived as a witch. I think you know more about it than I do.
She wanted to give him the words because hed been so good to her.
When I first heard you say I was your mate, I was so angry. I felt rejected. She turned to him, putting her fingers over his lips and then pulled away because every time she touched him she wanted him and she needed to get all this out. I get it now. I understand, and Im so grateful you gave me this space even though Im sure its been hard. But you did it for me and that means something.
Ive been alone for a long time. Ive had Allie and shes important to me. Shes my best friend. The only other person I know, before you came back into my life anyway, who shared this secret, who I really could talk to and share with. I never allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to have someone like you. To have something like a mate bond.
She wiped away her tears, and he took her hand, kissing her fingertips.
I have been so lonely, and you, this world has filled me up in ways Ive never thought possible. Suddenly my future is full of so much energy and magick and connection, and Im thrilled and excited.
He moved to a box of tissues and brought them to her.
Its immense. Theres so much I need to process. And I cant until I find Allie. Im not rejecting you, but I want to celebrate this thing between us. I want to know more before I do it, and I just cant put that sort of energy into it right now. Do you understand?
He nodded and kissed her cheeks, so gently that it made her tear up again.
Im here. Im not going anywhere. Take the time you need. Ive already told you Ill answer all your questions. Thank you for sharing all that with me. It breaks my heart that youve been so alone and that I contributed to that when I left.
She shook her head and smiled. Ive forgiven that. Youve apologized but I get it. I understand why it had to happen, and to be honest with you, I think it was part of the whole big plan anyway. That you and I had our path to walk, had experiences we needed to go through and get past so we could come back together later on and truly appreciate what we had.
I like that. Tracy said something similar to me. They know. You should hear that from me too. Esme, the female from today
She growled. Her.
He hid a grin but she saw it anyway. Anyway, wolves are notorious gossips. Once members of the pack see us together, theyre going to know. Its all right. We have our own timeline and no one else has a say over it. But I didnt want you going into some event without knowing that.
I need a soak in some Epsom salts before you get what that look on your face is asking for.
He burst out laughing and sobered quickly. Im sorry I hurt you.
Im gonna guess its like anything else. Lots of practice will make me more, um, used to such activity.
He pulled her into a hug, and she held on, her ear pressed to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
I do actually have some Epsom salts. Like I said, we heal fast but not instantly.
I hate that your job is dangerous.
Ditto, gorgeous. But its who we are.
All right. Im going to make some calls. Just to check in with Pam and this Cesare guy that Gage spoke of. Then Im going to take a bath and then you can pleasure me.
He snorted. Ill run you a bath. I have some calls of my own to handle. Some folks from National will be in town next week, and I want to be sure everything is in place.
Id have a choice, right? In who the anchor was? Is. Whatever.
Of course. I mean there are some limits. It has to be a single male who isnt already an anchor, and it has to be someone of my rank or higher. That limits the pool a little. Im second. It would have to be an Enforcer or something like that, or an Alpha.
She nodded. All right. As for your work? Ive told you, do your job. Im going to feel bad if youre here instead of doing your work.
I have all the stuff I need on my computer. Im connected remotely to our work servers. Its not anything I cant do from here. Damon is handling all the stuff that is pressing at work. By the way, it seems like you and Gina are getting on. Shes sort of scary.
I like her. And Rhonda. I think I can make a life in Portland. With you. And with the witches here. Its nice that she understands the situation that Ill be in as a witch with a Were mate. Shes funny and open and I enjoy her. And yes, shes definitely scary.
He went off to start the bath and she checked in. Nothing new with Pam, though the police were on alert after the murder that day. Stricter security protocols in place had slowed everything down, but that was to be expected. Anything Charlie could have told them was now gone. Though certainly he must have known something or they wouldnt have killed him.
Hed been pretty itinerant but some witches and wolves had gone over the camper he lived in, as well as the cops. They found nothing important.
She was so frustrated. Despite the wonder of having a mate and all that, she was desperate to find Allie. Here Michelle had a mate, had a future filled with so much hope, and Allie was out there somewhere alone. Alone and most likely scared. In pain.
Michelle had never in her life felt as helpless as she did right then. She had no idea what else to do. Josh had sent more wolves out that day to scour out even farther from the huge amount of land theyd searched already. They had Allies scent and the scent of the mages and they found nothing.
She blew out a breath and headed to the bathroom. It was steamy. Hed lit some candles, and she smiled at the sight of a robe hed laid out for her.
The water was hot, but she slowly slid into it, adjusting bit by bit as the salts did their job, easing the soreness from all parts of her.
She closed her eyes and ran through everything she could. Every piece of evidence, the timeline she knew, all possibilities she could imagine. Maybe if she just went over it shed think of something new.
He found her drying off and paused to watch her move. The steam carried her scent and his wolf liked that just fine. He felt so much better after talking with her, though he knew she was tortured over her inability to find Allie. Things between them, aside from all the rest, were settled, and he could relax about that at least.
For the time being. Eventually his wolf was going to push a lot harder to claim her. Each minute he was around her, the primal need to seal that bond was a greater weight on him. For now he was all right. Manageable. Barely. But soon enough it would be impossible to be around her, especially when she was upset or in danger, without the bond.
He put all that out of his head as she looked up. Hey.
Hey yourself. You feeling better?
Physically, yes, I am. The rest? I ran through everything that has happened since I got the call that she was missing. I dont think Ive overlooked anything. She shook her head. I know shes out there alone and I need to find her. I asked Gina and Rhonda as well as Lark and Gage if there were any spells to use to find her. I dont have any of her blood. She swallowed hard. And I guess Im glad of that, but at the same time it limits my ability to find her. Maybe.
He leaned there against the doorjamb and watched her process. He hated how upset she was. I understand, you know? Its the nature of our jobs to have these experiences and frustrations. But when its someone you care about, its a million times worse. All the stuff you tell yourself on a regular case, that youre doing everything you can, that sometimes you just cant make it work, well its not comforting.
She nodded, turning to brush her teeth.
He loved the sight of her in his space. Standing naked at the sink, doing something as mundane as brushing her teeth, but damn it, she marked his life with her presence and it was good. Even with the heartache it was good.
She pulled on the robe, and he allowed himself to move to her to hug her, kissing the top of her head. Youre doing all you can. Shes lucky to have you. She knows that.
If shes still alive. And terrified. Waiting for me to save her and I havent. She pulled back and padded out to his living room. I called her mother. Shes out of her mind with the waiting and not knowing. Thinking of every horrible scenario. She trusts me to find Allie.
She flopped into the big overstuffed chair near the fireplace hed turned on while she was in the bath, not wanting her to get cold.
I told her I was doing all I could. But the words sounded so empty. She slammed a hand against the chair arm, frustrated. Why cant I find her? I hate just sitting around. I need to be out there doing something. Here I am having so much good stuff in my life. You. Connecting with other witches. Im smiling and having meals and sleeping. And she is out there. Her voice broke.
He got to his knees before her, taking her hands, his fingers tangling with hers. His wolf needed to comfort her. It made him crazy to see her so upset. If there was anything he could do to fix it, he would. But there wasnt.
What is it you can do? You went through it all in the bathtub like you said. You could go stand out in the parking lot at the gas station or at the park yet again, and then what? We searched. You were there, Pam was there, I was there, Damon was there. We combed over that whole area and found little more than nothing. I sent my people out and they didnt find anything either. And youve followed up on everything. Sometimes waiting is part of this game. You know that. Youre doing all you can to find her.
Shes alone and shes counting on me. Im fucking up!
He pulled her close, the scent of her filling him until it nearly hurt.
Youre not fucking up. You arent. But you arent a superhero either. We keep looking. We do what we can. We know that most likely they took her elsewhere. Not to the stand of park and forest we were in. So tomorrow when its light, how about we continue down that road we were on? We followed it for a while and found nothing, lets go even farther, maybe take some of the side roads. There are some islands out that way. Well check those too. We arent giving up, Michelle. You arent giving up.
Desire rushed over his skin, but he pushed it away. She needed comfort and thats what hed give her. He kissed the hands he held in his own.
Were in this together. Youre strong. Youre smart. Youre magnificent.
She smiled through her frustrated tears, and he kissed her cheeks, tasting her pain and upset. Taking that into himself and giving her back love.