Scratch, stay here with him, please.
Itll take an exorcist to make me leave, the familiar said, his eyes glowing like stoplights.
I made my way downstairs, Beanie scampering along behind me as if his tail was on fire. Upon reaching the kitchen, I was surprised to find our reclusive housemate, Mr. Manto, dressed in a pair of flannel pajamas and an old bathrobe, pouring hot water from the tea kettle into the steeping pot sitting on the table. I knew all too well that the aged clairvoyant rarely left his cavernous basement apartment save for buying cat food, as he preferred the company of his crew of feline friends and his vast collection of books to dealing with people who lived in the here and now.
Mr. Manto! What are you doing topside? I exclaimed as I opened the back door to let out Beanie, who sped out into the garden as if propelled from a crossbow.
The old oracle looked up from his task, peering at me over the tops of his bifocals. I am here because I saw that I must be here, he replied. I am also making tea. He placed his wrinkled, liver-spotted hand on my elbow, steering me gently to one of the kitchen chairs. Please sit down, my dear, for a few moments.
But I need to bring Hexe his tea . . . I protested feebly. I didnt realize how tired I was until Mr. Manto made me sit down. The moment I did I was overcome by a bout of light-headedness identical to the one Id experienced at Doc Maos. Up until that moment I had been propelled by nothing more than nervous energy and the fear that if I didnt keep in constant motion, I would grind to a halt like an unwound clockwork.
And that you shall, Mr. Manto said gently. But first you must take care of yourself. You will do no one any good by fainting while carrying a loaded tray upstairsespecially your child.
So, you know about me being pregnant, too, I sighed. The way things are going, half of Golgotham is going to know about it before Hexe does.
I know about a great deal more than the child you carry, the oracle replied. Earlier this evening I decided to celebrate the Jubilee in my own way by imbibing a certain hallucinogen, which resulted in a vision. In it I saw Boss Marz maim Hexe with a witch-hammer. I assure you, had I known what the Maladanti planned prior to that, I would have warned himbut you, more than anyone, know that my prophecies are not the easiest to decipher, once spoken. I also saw Boss Marz threaten your loved ones, should you go for helpand I am honored to find myself amongst those endangered.
You said youre here because you must be here. What do you mean by that? I asked.
It is difficult to explain, Mr. Manto replied as he poured a cup of tea from the steeping pot and pressed it into my hand. Drink thisit will help steady you.
Whats difficult to explain? I asked, giving him a speculative look over the rim of the teacup.
The means by which I see the future. Sometimes it points straight as an arrow, but more often than not, the future is more like a spiders web. Some threads are stronger than others, while others are weaker than most. They all shine, in their way, but those threads that are the strongest shine the brightest, marking destinys trail. But when all threads shine equallythat indicates a Crossroads where all futures are valid. No soothsayer can see beyond a Crossroads until the fated one makes their decision. You stand now, my dear, at one such Crossroads. Only your will, and no other, shall decide which thread will be cut, and which will be followed.
But how will I know what decision is the right one to make?
Do you recall the final portion of the prophecy I spoke to you? he inquired offhandedly, as if he was asking whether I had remembered to pick up a carton of milk on the way home from work.
You know I cant remember any of that stuff until its damn near too late.
It is true that the Fates do not surrender their mysteries gladly, he admitted as he placed the teapot on the serving tray. When you stand on the Crossroads, the prophecy will come to you and you will know what must be done. Just as I know that the Fates have led me to this time and place, to ensure you safely reach your destination.
As I finished my tea, the oracle took the cup from me and, holding it in his left hand, swirled the contents about three times clockwise.
I didnt realize you read tea leaves, I said. I thought you foretold the future by tearing the pages out of books.
Bibliomancy is my preferred means of divination, Mr. Manto replied as he placed the saucer on top of the cup and flipped it upside down, allowing what liquid remained to drain away. But I have been known to dabble in tasseography, now and again.
Upon righting the cup, he removed the saucer and peered inside, his brow furrowed like a freshly tilled field. After studying the inner rim for a long moment, he smiled, apparently relieved by what he had read in the tea leaves.
What did you see? I asked.
That you will not faint and fall down the stairs, he replied. And that Hexe is waiting for his tea.
* * *
As I carried the tea service Mr. Manto had been kind enough to prepare for me upstairs, it occurred to me that perhaps instead of simply relying on trusting a were-tigers sense of smell and a soothsayers tripped-out prophecies, perhaps I should confirm things for myself with a nice, old-fashioned home pregnancy test. At least that would allow me to hold off on breaking the news to Hexe, who already had enough to worry about without my dumping this on top of him.
The last time I had to deal with something like this was back in college. My boyfriend at the time was a music major named Taylor. We had been seeing each other for eighteen months, and I thought what we had together was pretty realup until the moment I told him I was late. Within seconds, the man I believed cared for me became a distant, stony-faced stranger. As emotionally devastating as the possibility of my being knocked up was, it was nothing compared to Taylors rejection of me. A couple of days later I finally got my period, and we both heaved a sigh of relief, but the damage was done. There was no way our relationship could return to what it was after what I saw in his eyes. What disturbed me the most wasnt just Taylors total disregard, but the sober realization that the love I believed we shared didnt truly exist. It was like walking far out onto what appeared to be solid ground, only to realize it was actually quicksand.
Although I knew my relationship with Hexe was completely different from the one with Taylor, part of me was still hesitant. The thought of his beautiful, golden eyes looking back at me with that same horrible, uncaring stare made my heart tighten with dread. I have withstood a lot of things in my life, but seeing that would completely destroy me. So I told myself it was best to put things off until I knew one hundred and ten percent for certain I was one hundred percent pregnant. Isnt rationalization grand?
As I reentered the bedroom, I was relieved to find Hexe looking far more collected than he had earlier. Scratch remained perched on the footboard, his wings folded against his sides.
About time! the familiar sniped as I placed the tray on the bedside table. How long does it take humans to boil water?
I would have been back sooner, I said, ignoring the jibe, but I ran into Mr. Manto in the kitchen.
Hexe sat up a little higher in the bed, a concerned look on his face. Does he know?
Of course he knows, I replied. Hes an oracle. But since hes in no hurry to end up on Boss Marzs hit list, we can trust him to keep quiet.
It feels so strange, using my left hand, Hexe said as he reached for the cup I held out to him. Im so accustomed to doing everything with my right. . . . He grimaced as he slopped nearly half its contents onto the floor and bedclothes. See what I mean?
Youll adjust to it, in time, I assured him. I turned to Scratch, who was still watching the bedroom door like it was a rat hole. Would you mind giving us a little privacy, please?
If you can say it in front of them, the familiar said, gesturing with his wings to the owls atop the bedposts, you can say it in front of me.
Scratch: do as she says, Hexe said firmly. Go make a perimeter check.
As you wish, boss, he grumbled, hopping off the bed. He padded over to the fireplace and, in a single bound, disappeared up the chimney.
Hows the pain? I asked.
Its not as bad as it was, he replied. But I cant move my fingers. He frowned at his splinted right hand, which lay motionless atop the pillow beside him. Ive been trying to make them twitch, but they wont respond.
You shouldnt push yourself so soon. Even with magic, an injury like that takes time to recover from, I said, leaning in to deliver a reassuring kiss. Remember the mauling you got in the pits? Even with your mothers regenerative salve, you were bed-bound for a week. Give yourself some time to recuperate, and take it easy for a little while, okay?
Hexes eyes abruptly darkened. Where did you get that bruise on your cheek? Did Marz do that to you?
Surprised, I reached up to touch my face, only to wince as my fingers came in contact with bruised flesh. I must have gotten that when I passed out over at Doc Maos, I explained.
You fainted? Hexe sat up even straighter, a look of concern on his face. Are you okay?
Yes, I replied as I shrugged and dropped my gaze to the floor. It was nothing, just . . .
Just what? He frowned. Tate, I can tell something is weighing on your mind. He reached out and took my hand, gently pulling me toward him, so that I was sitting next to him on the bed. My right hand is broken, but that doesnt mean you have to treat me like Im made out of spun glass. He touched my chin, lifting it so that he could look me in the eye. If theres something you need to say, just tell me. Whatever it is, we can handle it together.
As I looked into his warm, golden eyes, all the rationalizations I had lined up for why I should keep my big trap shut melted away, and before I knew it the words came bubbling out. Im pregnant.
Hexe leaned back, his cat-slit pupils widening slightly as he absorbed the news. I held my breath, my mouth dry as cotton, as I waited for his reaction. I got it a second later when a wide, goofy smile spread across his face. I was so relieved, I promptly burst into tears.
What are you grinning about? I sobbed. This couldnt happen at a worse time!
I know, he replied, clumsily dabbing at my tears with the corner of the bedsheet.
Its going to change everything forever!
Everything has already changed, he pointed out gently. But the one thing that is still the same is how I feel about you. Ive loved you from the moment I first saw you, Tate. The Crown of Adon burns above your heada sign from the ancient gods of Kymera that we are meant for one another. He picked up my hand and gently kissed its palm. I am proud to be the father of your child, if that is what you wish.
Without warning, the hair on my arms stood up and my scalp prickled, and I heard Mr. Mantos voice, as if he was standing by my side, whispering in my ear, From two will be one turned three. I realized that the future was upon me, and it was now time to leave the Crossroads. And Im proud to be its mother, I said, returning his kiss.
I shed my clothes and crawled into bed beside him, snuggling into the shelter of his left arm. As I rested my head on his chest, he kissed the nape of my neck and whispered something in Kymeran in my ear. What did you just say? I asked.
You are my forever.
And you are mine, I smiled. As we embraced, there was suddenly a scrabbling sound from the direction of the fireplace, followed by a small explosion of tar-blackened brick dust. With a startled yowl, a sooty Scratch dropped out of the flue, landing on his butt in the hearth.
Seven hells! the winged cat spat in disgust. Whatwasnt the puppy enough? Now you idiots are going to have a baby? I guess I really shouldnt be surprised, since you two go at it like a pair of rabbits!
You were eavesdropping on us! I exclaimed.
Technically, no, as I was in the chimney, not outside the window. . . .
Get out! Hexe scowled, pointing to the door. And this time stay out until I call you!
Scratch trudged out of the bedroom, dragging his tail behind him like a length of wet rope. As the bedroom door closed itself behind him, I glanced up at the owls perched atop the four-poster bed. At least the furniture knew how to keep its mouth shut.
Chapter 10
Luckily, no one in Golgotham is expected to show up either to work or sober the day after Jubilee, so Hexe and I had a grace period to figure out a way to explain his broken hand that wouldnt result in our friends and family ending up dead. We decided to go with it being the result of a drunken accident, which at least sounded believable.
The first day I was expected back at work, I woke up to discover Hexe no longer in bed beside me. At first I assumed he had gotten up to use the bathroom, but a quick check revealed that he was not there, either. Thats when I heard the sound of crashing crockery downstairs. I hurried down to the kitchen and found Hexe, dressed in only a pair of pajama bottoms, staring forlornly at the remains of what had been, moments before, a ceramic mixing bowl full of egg yolks. Beanie, who knew a bonanza when he saw it, was busily slurping away at the slimy goo as it spread across the linoleum.
What are you doing down here? I exclaimed as I scooped up the dog and deposited him on the back porch until I could clean up the mess. You should still be in bed!
Youve been waiting on me hand and foot, for two days, Hexe replied. I just wanted to make breakfast, like I always do.
I appreciate that youre eager to get back into the swing of things, I said, picking the larger pieces of broken crockery out of the rapidly congealing egg yolks. But youre trying to do too much too soon.
I need to get back to my old routine as soon as I canI have it on very good authority that babies arent cheap.
Yes, but youre running the risk of making things even worse, I pointed out. Youve got to allow yourself to heal.
But having my hand in a splint for several weeks seems so . . . wasteful. Normally Id use a panacea to heal the soft tissue damage before going to a boneknitter. And if the nerve damage was really bad, Id book a psychic surgeon to take care of it. My downtime would be three, maybe four days, tops.
Granted, this way is slower, but its a system thats worked for us humans for centuries, I pointed out. After all, most of us dont have easy access to Golgotham General. And since these wounds are immune to magic, Im afraid youre just going to have to be patient.
But we healers are famous for being awful patients.
So Ive noticed. As I let the dog back in, Beanie ran straight to the spot on the floor Id just cleaned, frantically sniffing at the linoleum in search of a stray atom of food that might have been missed. I think its really sweet that you want to still fix my breakfast for me, darling, but I can take care of myself. Id rather you spend your time figuring out an easy way to break the news about the new addition to the Royal Family.
Dont remind me. He grimaced. If my renting a room to a human got the Blue Hairs worked into a lather, I can just imagine how that will go over.
As Hexe left the kitchen, I turned to look at Scratch, who was perched atop the refrigerator, licking his front paw. Keep an eye on him while Im at work, will you? I said, keeping my voice low so as not to be overheard.
I havent been his babysitter in a very long time, the familiar replied. But Ill do what I can. However, if he orders me to leave him alone, theres nothing I can do. He is my master.
* * *
As I walked to work, the reality of my situation settled onto my shoulders like a shawl made of lead. Until Hexe regained his dexterityassuming he recovered it at allI was the breadwinner for the household. But how much longer would that be? My job at Canterbury Customs was nowhere near as strenuous as banging out horseshoes for Chiron, but it was far from an office job. At some point I would have to take maternity leave, assuming Canterbury didnt simply fire me once he learned of my condition. As it was, telling my boss I was pregnant would have to wait until Hexe and I broke the news to his family. There is an etiquette to such things, after all.
Canterbury was working the forge as I entered the shop, his flanks shining with sweat. I see youve finally come stumbling back from the Jubilee! he chided. And just in time! Bjorn Cowpens carriage is ready. I need you to accompany the delivery and handle the paperwork and final payment.
As Canterburys apprentice, I was used to being sent on errands, but this was the first one that went beyond merely being his gofer. The fact he trusted me to collect a payment for him spoke volumes, as he usually was the only one who handled the money from the clients. Since this was a major new step in our working relationship, I felt both proud and a bit nervous about my new responsibility.
About an hour later a centaur claiming to be Cowpens chauffeur arrived and hitched himself to the awaiting carriage, which was about as subtle as a circus wagon. The carriage itself was a phaeton, the body of which was painted bright red, with overlarge wheels boasting gilded spokes and custom-designed hubs that bore the initials B.C. The calash top was made of fauxleopard skin, with matching plush velvet seat cushions, and had whirling mirrored disco-balls in place of the usual carriage lights. It was so gloriously, unrepentantly vulgar that it was totally awesome.
After Canterbury made sure I had all the necessary paperwork, I hopped inside the carriage, and although it may have looked like something Liberace used to race harness, it rode like a dream. I barely felt a single jounce as we made our way to Golgothams red-light district.
Although Duivel Street may be the shortest street in all of Golgotham, it is easily the busiest. Outside of Witches Alley, the Rookery, and the Fly Market, the flesh pits of Duivel Street are the biggest tourist attraction in the Strangest Neighbor in The Big Apple. If you can imagine a vice, there is guaranteed to be somebody or something catering to it somewhere along Duivel.
While Bjorn Cowpen owned several such adult entertainment operations, the Big Top Club was his flagship. The front of the building was shaped to resemble an enormous, leering clowns head, like the entrance of a funhouse. The carnival decor was continued throughout the club, with vintage freak-show banners and circus posters covering the walls. Red-and-white striped canvas bunting was draped from the ceiling to give the illusion of a circus tent. Three candy-striped tent poles were located along the elevated runway that bisected the main room, providing the clubs entertainers the means to demonstrate their acrobatic skills. As I entered the Big Top it was obvious from the dancers strutting their considerable charms on the runway that the clubs name wasnt just an excuse for circus-related decor.
I walked over to the bar, which resembled a shooting gallery youd find at a carnival midway, complete with bulls-eye targets and flying ducks. The bartender was a young huldu dressed in the straw boater, striped shirt, and red silk sleeve-garter of a sideshow barker.
Im from Canterbury Customs, I said. Councilman Cowpen is expecting me.
The bartender cut his eyes to the darkest corner of the room. The boss is, uh, in a meeting right now. Cowpen was sitting in a red vinyl booth, talking to a shadowy figure whose back was to me. Take a seat. Hell be with you shortly.
I glanced around the club. It was barely ten in the morning, but there were already a handful of patrons crowding the tip rail. No matter the hour, there was always someone ready to party on Duivel Street. The customers were watching a particularly pneumatic huldra in clear stripper heels wrap herself around a pole while using her cow tail to pluck the dollar bills from their hands. Back in their native Scandinavia, the huldrefolk were famous for their physical beauty, and the females of the species were especially notorious for luring human men into the woods for sex. Now they simply lured them into the champagne room.
As I sat down at one of the tables near the runway, a topless waitress wearing greasepaint on her face and a pair of red foam clown-nose pasties walked over to hand me a box of popcorn and take my drink order. I smiled politely and shook my head. She shrugged and went down to the foot of the runway, where a couple of tourists were flashing platinum cards.
Suddenly there was a loud thudding noise that had nothing to do with the music pumping from the sound system. I looked up to see Cowpens bull-tail thumping against the side of the booth he was sitting in as he talked to his guest.
Thirty percent? he exclaimed in angry disbelief. Are you crazy? Im already paying you guys fifteen for protection!
Thats the deal, Councilman, the shadowy figure replied, his voice a throaty rumble.
Look, your boss knows that Ive always been amenable in the past. Im sure we can negotiate a deal thats fair to both sides. . . .
Marz aint lookin to be fair, the other man said, cutting the strip club owner off before he could continue. Hes lookin for thirty percent.
Thats outrageous! the huldu exclaimed, this time slapping his tail onto the table for emphasis. I refuse to pay it!
Thats too bad, the Maladanti said as he slid out of the booth, tossing back his peach-colored Jheri curls. I recognized him as Gaza, the goon from the Stronghold who had shown Hexe the torture implements. My heart started to beat so fast it felt like it was standing still. It was a nice place you had here. With a quick flourish of his left hand, the Maladanti sent a ball of hellfire flying toward the bar, and then casually strolled to the door, like a championship bowler turning his back on a strike roll. He didnt have to see the fireball land to know it was a direct hit.
The bartender leapt over the counter like a bullock jumping over a low fence as the hellfire struck the bulls-eye mounted over the top shelf stock. It splashed on contact like a water balloon full of napalm, sending flames in every direction. Tongues of fire raced up walls, setting the ceiling drapery ablaze within a heartbeat.
The huldra in the plastic heels was still twirling about, her back arched and head thrown back, her long honey-blond hair streaming behind her like a banner, when she saw the fire race across the ceiling. She gave a weird, decidedly nonhuman bleat of alarm and lost her grip, which sent her flying off the runway, landing with a loud crash on the table beside me. Jolted free of their lust by the fear of death, the Big Top Clubs clientele cast aside their drinks and lap dancers and made a mad dash for the exits.
As the room rapidly filled with billows of acrid smoke and shouts of fear, I flashed back to the frantic chaos of the riot only a few months before. I knew it was important to stay as calm as possible and get out as soon as I could to avoid becoming lost in the choking fumes. I moved to help the dazed dancer back up onto her feet, even though she proved as wobbly on her six-inch plastic heels as a newborn calf.
As I guided the dancer toward the exit, I heard the bellow of an enraged bull, and saw Councilman Cowpen, his normally handsome features contorted into a masque of bestial fury, bound after the retreating Maladanti. The huldu grabbed Gaza, spinning the spellslinger around while wrapping his tail about his throat at the same time. Instead of struggling, Gaza merely made a gesture with his hand. As I exited the Big Top Club with my charge, I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Cowpen drop to the floor like a bag of wet cement.
Upon our escape from the burning building, a brace of huldren swarmed forward to claim their fellow dancer like a band of naked angels. I had to hand it to themthey did not seem the least bit embarrassed about standing in the middle of Duivel Street in nothing but their landing strips, surrounded by gawking tourists taking pictures with their cell phones.
Wheres Bjorn? one of the dancers asked, casting about anxiously for some sign of the councilman.
Hes still inside, I said, turning to look at the entrance to the club. Smoke was billowing from the clowns mouth like the worlds worst case of heartburn. The spellslinger who torched the place pulled a sleeper on him.
Upon hearing this news, the bevy of huldren strippers started mooing like distraught cattle preparing to stampede. Although Councilman Cowpen was a sexist and a bigot, I could not find it in me to leave him to die in a fire. I stepped forward, waving at the strippers for silence.
Calm down! I know where to find him, but I need someone to help me rescue him.
The young bartender stepped forward. Ill go.
Together, we ran back inside club, holding our breath against the curtain of smoke. Although fewer than three mere minutes had elapsed since Gaza first hurled the fireball, the interior of the club was almost unrecognizable, thanks to the flames and smoke. It seemed like an eternity as I sought for the place where Id last seen Cowpen, but I finally spotted the huldu sprawled on the floor.
Councilman Cowpen! I shouted as I knelt beside him. Wake up!
Pappa! the bartender bellowed, grabbing what I now realized was his father by the shoulders. Youve got to get out of here!
Cowpen managed to open one eye, which rolled about in its orbit like a greased ball bearing, but was otherwise unresponsive. To my surprise, the bartender lifted his father from the floor and tossed him over his shoulder in a firemans carry as if he weighed no more than a bedroll. The moment we headed toward the dim glow of the fire exit sign, a huge chunk of burning canvas detached itself from the ceiling and crashed down on the spot wed just vacated. We continued to push through the wall of smoke, and seconds later I was rewarded by a rush of fresh air into my aching lungs.
Upon seeing the bartender emerge from the burning building with the unconscious Bjorn thrown over his back, the dancer I had helped escape earlier gave voice to a strange, bovine cry and rushed forward to greet us. Is he alive? she asked, her tail switching anxiously back and forth.
I think so, Mamma, the bartender replied as he lowered his father onto the sidewalk. Cowpens limbs abruptly spasmed and he started to cough as Gazas sleeper spell finally began to wear off.
Tyrgo see to your sisters, the older dancer said, pointing to the gaggle of strippers staring worriedly in our direction. The last thing we need right now is someone getting rustled.
The bartender nodded his understanding and went to put himself between his siblings and the leering throng of looky-loos that had gathered about them. Mrs. Cowpen knelt beside her husband, gently wiping the soot from his face with the end of her tail. She smiled up at me, tears shining in her cornflower blue eyes. Now that I was aware of the exact relationship between her and the rest of the clubs employees, I suddenly found myself too embarrassed to look anywhere but directly at her face. Id heard of family businesses before, but nothing like this.
Thank you, young lady, for helping us. My name is Svenda.
Well, we Golgothamites have to stick together, maam, I replied. And you can call me Tate.
Suddenly there was the sound of a loudly clanging bell, and I looked up to see an old-fashioned pumper wagon, pulled by a brawny centaur wearing a firemans helmet and a heavy canvas coat, arrive on the scene. There were identically dressed firefighters clinging to the sides of the wagon, one of whom was Octavia, our new boarder. As the pumper came to a halt, the faun leapt down and snatched up a four-foot-long metal tool that looked like a cross between a pry bar and a sledgehammer, wielding it like it weighed no more than a broom.