But even worse than getting caught is knowing that in Damen's eyes, I've gone from being some weird freaky stalker chick, to a pathetic, delusional loser.
Fully convinced I tried to spike his red brew with some crazy, black magic, voodoo concoction in hopes that he'd like me again.
Because that's exactly what Stacia convinced him of just after he relayed the story. And that's exactly what he's chosen to believe. In fact, it's what the whole school believes. Including a few of my teachers.
Which makes going to school an even more miserable experience than it was before. Because now, not only must I suffer through endless taunts of Spaz! Looser! and Witch! but I've also been asked to stay after class by not one but now two of my teachers. Though I can't say Mr. Robins's request came as much of a surprise. I mean, since we'd already had a little talk about my supposed inability to move on and build a life for myself post-Damen, I can't say I was all that shocked when he kept me after class in order to discuss the incident.
What did surprise me was the way I reacted. How quickly I resorted to doing the one thing I thought I'd never do I lawyered up.
"Excuse me," I said, cutting him off before he could finish. Not interested in any well-meaning though ultimately boundary-crossing "relationship advice" my newly divorced, semi-alcoholic English teacher was prepared to dish out. "But the last time I checked this was all just a rumor. An alleged event with no evidence to support it." I looked at him, meeting his eyes despite the fact I'd just lied. I mean, while Ava and I were pretty much caught red-handed, it's not like Damen took a picture. It's not like there's yet another video of me making the YouTube circuit. "So unless I'm officially charged and tried " I paused to clear my throat, partly for dramatic effect and partly because I couldn't believe what I was about to say next. "I shall remain innocent until proven guilty." He balked, preparing to speak, but I wasn't finished. "So unless you need to discuss my behavior in this class, which you and I both know is exemplary, or my grades, which happen to be more than exemplary, unless you're interested in discussing either one of those thingsI'm thinking we're pretty much done here."
Fortunately, Mr. Munoz is a little easier. Though that's probably because I'm the one who approaches him. Thinking my Renaissance-obsessed history teacher is just the man to help me track down the name of a particular herb I need to make the elixir. Last night, when I tried to research it on Google, I realized I had no idea what to put in the search box. And with Sabine still watching me like a hawk even though I eat and drink and act as normal as I can, slipping off to Summerland, even for a few minutes, was out of the question.
Which makes Mr. Munoz my last hope or at least my most immediate hope. Because yesterday, when Damen tossed all of those bottles down the drain, there went half of my already meager supply. Which means I need to make more. Lots more. Not only to keep up my strength between now and the time when I leave, but I also need plenty left over for Damen's recovery.
And since he never got around to giving me the recipe, all I have to go on is what I saw on that crystal when I watched his father prepare the brew, naming all of the ingredients out loud, before stopping to whisper the very last one in his son's ear, speaking so softly there was no way I could hear. But Mr. Munoz turns out to be no help at all. And after futzing around with a bunch of old books and coming up with zilch, he looks at me and says, "Ever, I'm afraid I can't find the answer to this, but since you're already here "
I raise my hand, blocking his words from going any further than they already have. And even though I'm not proud of the way I handled Mr. Robins, if Munoz doesn't back off, he'll get the same speech as well. "Trust me, I know where you're going." I nod, my eyes right on his. "But you've got it all wrong. It's not what you think " I stop, realizing that as far as denials go, this one is turning out to be incredibly lame. I mean, I just alluded to the fact that while it might've occurredit didn't occur in the way that he thinks. Which basically amounts to me pleading guiltybut with extenuating circumstances. I shake my head, inwardly rolling my eyes at myself, thinking: Good one, Ever. Keep it up and you will need Sabine to represent you.
And then he looks at me, and I look at him, and we both shake our heads, mutually agreeing to leave it at that, But just as I grab my bag and start to leave, he reaches toward me, his hand touching my sleeve, when he says, "Hang in there. It'll all be okay."
And that's all it takes. That simple gesture is all I need to see that Sabine has been frequenting Starbucks, just about every single day. The two of them enjoying a tentative flirtation that, while it (thankfully) hasn't moved past a smile, Munoz is definitely anticipating the day when it will. And even though I know I have to do whatever I can to stop them from, God forbid, dating, at the moment, I don't have time to deal with it.
I shake off his energy and head out the door, barely making it into the hall before Roman approaches, adjusting his stride so it's timed right to mine. Leering at me when he says, "Was Munoz any help?"
I keep going, wincing when his cool breath hits my cheek.
"You're running out of time," he says, his voice as soft and soothing as a lover's embrace."It's all moving rather quickly now, wouldn't you agree? And before you know it, it'll all be over. And then wellthen there's just you and me."
I shrug, knowing that's not exactly true. I viewed the past. I saw what happened in that Florentine church. And if I'm not mistaken, there are six immortal orphans quite possibly still roaming the earth. Six little urchins who could be just about anywhere by now providing they made it. But if Roman's unaware of that fact, well, it's hardly my place to inform him. So I gaze into his eyes, resisting the lure of those deep navy blues, when I say, "How lucky for me." "And me. " He smiles. "You're going to need someone to help mend your broken heart. Someone who understands you. Someone who knows just what you really are." He trails his finger down the length of my arm, his touch so shockingly cold, even through the cotton of my sleeve, I quickly pull away. "You know nothing about me," I say, my eyes raking his face. "You've underestimated me. If I were you, I'd be a little more cautious about celebrating so soon.
You're a long way from winning this one."
And even though I meant it as a threat, my voice is far too shaky to be taken seriously. So I pick up the pace, leaving his mocking laughter behind as I head for my lunch table where Miles and Haven are waiting.
I slide onto the bench, smiling as I glance between them. It feels like so long since we last hung out, the sight of them sitting here now makes me ridiculously happy.
"Hey you guys," I say, unable to keep the grin off my face, watching as they glance first at me, then at each other, nodding their heads in perfect unison as though this moment was rehearsed.
Miles sips his soda, a drink he never would've gone near before. His bright pink nails tapping the sides of the can as my stomach fills with dread. Debating whether or not to tune in to their thoughts, knowing it'll prepare me for whatever reason they're here, but deciding against it since I'd rather not hear it twice.
"We need to talk," Miles says. "It's about Damen."
"No," Haven cuts in, shooting Miles a look before retrieving her bag of carrot sticks from her purse, the zero-calorie signature lunch of the girls of the A-list.
"It's about Damen and you. "
"What's there to talk about? I mean, he's with Stacia, and I'm dealing."
They glance at each other, exchanging a look that's loaded but brief. "But are you dealing?" Miles asks.
"Because seriously, Ever, breaking into his house and messing with his food supply is pretty twisted. Not exactly the actions of someone who's moving on with their life "
"So, what? You guys just believe every rumor you hear? All those months of friendship, all those times you hung at my house, and you think I'm capable of that " I roll my eyes and shake my head, refusing to go any further. I mean, if all I managed to get out of Damen was the most fleeting moment of recognition before it was replaced with disdain, when we have a bond that dates back centuries what can I hope to accomplish with Miles and Haven whom I've known for less than a year?
"Well, I really don't see why Damen would make all that up," Haven says, her eyes on mine, her gaze so harsh and judgmental I realize she didn't actually come here to help. Because while she may act as though she's got only my best interests at heart, the truth is, she's enjoying my fall. After losing Damen to me, after seeing how Roman continues to chase me even after she's made her interest clear, she's happy to see me knocked down. And the only reason she's deigning to sit by me now is so she can look me in the eye while she gloats.
I gaze down at the table, surprised by how much it hurts. But I try not to judge or hold it against her. I know all too well what it's like to feel jealous, and there's nothing rational about it. "You need to let it go," Miles says, sipping his drink, though his eyes never leave mine. "You need to let go and move on."
"Everyone knows you're stalking him," Haven says, covering her mouth with nails painted the color of ballet slippers as opposed to her usual black. "Everyone knows you broke into his house twice that we know of. Seriously, you're out of control, you're acting insane."
I gaze down at the table, wondering how much longer the assault will continue.
"Anyway, as your friends, we just want to convince you that you need to let go. You need to back off and move on. Because the truth is, your behavior is creepy, not to mention..."
Haven drones on, hitting all the bullet points I'm sure they agreed upon before they approached me. But I stopped listening after she said as your friends.
Wanting to hang on to that and reject all the rest, even though it's no longer true.
I shake my head and look up, seeing Roman sitting at the lunch table with his gaze fixed on mine. Tapping his watch, then pointing at Damen in a way so ominous, so threatening, I spring from my seat.
Leaving Haven's voice fading behind me like a distant hum as I race for my car, chastising myself for wasting my time with this stuff when there are far more important things to be done.
CHAPTER 36
I'm through with school. Done with subjecting myself to that unbearable gauntlet of torture each day. I mean, what's the point of going when I'm getting nowhere with Damen, taunted by Roman, and lectured by teachers and pseudo well-meaning ex-friends? Besides, if things work out in the way that I hope, then I'll soon be back at my old school in Oregon, living my life as though this never existed. So there's really no point in putting myself through that again.
I head down Broadway, weaving my way through pedestrian traffic before moving on to the canyon, hoping to go someplace quiet where I can make the portal appear without scaring any unsuspecting shoppers. Not remembering until I've already parked that this is the same place where my first showdown with Drina occurred a showdown that resulted in my first visit to Summer-land when Damen provided the way.
I hunker down in my seat, imagining that golden veil of light hovering before me and landing right in front of the Great Hall of Learning. Barely taking the time to notice its magnificent ever-changing facade before rushing into the grand marble hall with my thoughts focused on two things:
Is there an antidote to save Damen?
And how do I locate the secret herb, the final ingredient needed to prepare the elixir?
Repeating the questions again and again as I wait for the doorway to the akashic records to appear
But getting nothing.
No globes. No crystal sheets. No white circular rooms or hybrid TVs.
Nothing . Nada . Nien.
Just a soft voice behind me saying, "It's too late."
I turn, expecting to see Romy but finding Rayne there instead. Following behind as I roll my eyes and make for the door, eager to put some distance between us as she echoes those same words again.
I don't have time for this. I don't have time to decipher a bunch of cryptic nonsense from the world's creepiest twin. Because even though there's no concept of time in Summerland where everything happens in a constant state of now, I know for a fact that the time I spend here will be duly noted back home. Which means I need to keep going, keep moving forward, heading down the street as fast as I can until her voice turns to a whisper. Knowing I need to save Damen before I turn back time and go home. And if the answers aren't here then I'll look somewhere else.
I start running. Turning into the alleyway just as I'm overcome by such sudden excruciating pain, I crumple to the ground. My fingers clamped to my temples, my head aching as though it's being stabbed from all sides, as a swirl of images unfold in my mind. A series of sketches, one turning into the next like pages in a book, followed by a detailed description of what it includes. And I've just made it to the third page when I realize these are instructions for making the antidote to save Damen, including herbs planted during the new moon, rare crystals and minerals I've never heard of, silk pouches embroidered by Tibetan monks all of it needing to be carefully assembled in a series of very precise steps before soaking up the energy of the next full moon.
And just after I'm shown the exact herb needed to complete the immortal elixir, my head clears as though it never happened. So I reach for my bag, fumbling for a scrap of paper and a pen, jotting down the final step when Ava appears. "I made the portal!" she says, her face lighting up as her eyes meet mine. "I didn't think I could do it, but this morning when I sat down for my usual meditation, I thought: What could it hurt to give it a try? And the next thing I knew " "You've been here since morning?" I say, taking in her beautiful dress, designer shoes, heavy gold bracelets, and jewel-adorned fingers. "There's no time in Summerland," she scolds. "Maybe so, but back home it's past noon," I tell her, watching as she shakes her head and frowns, refusing to get bogged down in the tedious rules of the earth plane.
"Who cares? What could I possibly be missing? A long line of clients wanting me to tell them they're about to become extremely rich and famous despite all evidence to the contrary?" She closes her eyes and sighs. "I'm tired of it, Ever. Tired of the grind. But here, everything's so wonderful, I think I might stay!"
"You can't," I say, quickly, automatically, though I'm not sure it's true.
"Why not?" She shrugs, lifting her arms to the sky and twirling around and around. "Why can't I stay here?
Give me one good reason."
"Because " I start, wishing I could just leave it at that, but since she's not a child I'm forced to come up with something better. "Because it's not right," I finish, hoping she'll hear me. "You have work to do.
We all have work to do. And hiding out here is like cheating."
"Says who?" She squints. "You telling me all of these people are dead?"
I gaze around, taking in the crowded sidewalks, the long line for the movie theaters and karaoke bars, realizing I have no idea how to answer. I mean, just how many of them are like Ava tired, fed-up, disillusioned souls who've found their way here and decided to drop out from the earth plane and never return? And how many of them have died and refused to cross over like Riley once did? I look at Ava again, knowing I've no right to tell her what to do with her life, especially when I remember what I've chosen to do with mine. Then I reach for her hand and smile when I say, "Well, at the moment, I need you. Tell me everything you know about astrology."
CHAPTER 37
"So?" I lean toward Ava, elbows pressed against the tabletop, trying to keep her focused on me as opposed to the sights and sounds of Saint-Germain.
"I know that I'm an Aries." She shrugs, her eyes preferring the River Seine, the Pont Neuf, the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Notre Dame cathedral (which, in this version of Paris, are all lined up in a row), to me.
"Is that it?" I stir my cappuccino, wondering why I even bothered to order it from the cartoonlike garcon with the curlicue mustache, white shirt, and black vest, since it's not like I have any intention of drinking it.
She sighs, turning to look at me when she says, "Ever, can't you just relax and enjoy the view? When was the last time you were in Paris anyway?"
"Never," I say, rolling my eyes in a way she can't miss.
"I've never been to Paris. And I hate to break it to you, Ava, but this " I take a moment to gesture around, pointing at the Louvre, which is placed right next to Printemps department store, which is next to the Musee d'Orsay, "is not Paris. This is like some cranked up Disney version of Paris. Like, you've taken a pile of travel brochures and French postcards, and scenes from that adorable cartoon movie Ratatouille, mixed them all together and voila , created this. I mean, did you see the waiter? Did you notice how his tray kept tipping and twirling but never once fell? I doubt the real Paris has waiters like that." But even though I'm acting like the biggest party pooper ever, Ava just laughs. Swinging her wavy auburn hair over her shoulder as she says, "Well, for your information, this is exactly as I remember it. Maybe these monuments weren't all lined up in a row, but it's so much nicer like this. I did attend the Sorbonne you know. In fact, did I ever mention the time when I"
"That's great, Ava. Really," I say. "And I'd love to hear all about it if I wasn't running out of time! So, what I meant to ask was, what do you know about astrology or astronomy or whatever it is that involves the various moon cycles?"
She breaks off a piece of baguette and butters the side, saying, "Can you be more specific?"
I reach into my pocket and retrieve the folded-up paper I scribbled on right after my vision, squinting at her as I say, "Okay, what exactly is a new moon and when does it occur?"
She blows on her coffee, peering at me when she says, "The new moon occurs when both the sun and moon are in conjunction. Meaning that when you're looking at it from the earth plane, they both seem to occupy the same part of the sky. And because of that, the moon doesn't reflect the light of the sun, which also means it can't be seen because its dark side is facing the earth."
"But what does it mean ? Is it symbolic of something?"
She nods, breaking off another piece of baguette when she says, "It's a symbol for new beginnings. You know, rejuvenation, renewal, hope stuff like that. It's also a good time to make changes, drop bad habits or even bad relationships." She gives me a pointed look.
But I just ignore that and move on, knowing she's referring to Damen and me, having no idea that I'm not just planning to end it, I'm planning to erase it. Because as much as I love him, as much as I can't imagine a future without him, I truly believe it's the best thing for everyone. None of this ever should've happened. We never should've happened. It's unnatural, not right, and now it's my job to put it all back.
"So when does that happen in relation to the full moon?" I ask, watching as she covers her mouth when she chews.
"The full moon occurs around two weeks after the new moon. It's when the moon reflects the maximum amount of light from the sun, which, from the earth plane, makes it appear full. When in reality, it's always full since it's not like it goes anywhere. Oh, and as far as symbols go? You want to know that right?" She smiles. "The full moon is all about abundance, completeness, a sort of ripening of things into their full powers. And since the moon's energy is strongest at this point, it's also full of magick power."
I nod, trying to digest everything she just said, and forming the smallest inkling of understanding for why these phases are so important for my plan.
"All the moon's phases are symbolic of something."
Ava shrugs. "The moon plays a powerful role in ancient lore and is said to control the tides. And since our bodies are mostly made up of water, some say it controls us too. Did you know that the word lunatic comes from the Latin word for moon, which is luna ?
Oh, and don't forget the werewolf legend it's all about the full moon!"
Inwardly, I roll my eyes. There are no such things as werewolves, vampires, or demons only immortals, and the immortal rogues who are determined to kill them.
"Can I ask why you're asking all this?" she says, draining the last of her espresso and pushing the cup aside.
"In a minute," I say, my words clipped, terse, far less conversational than hers. But unlike her, I'm not vacationing in Paris, I'm merely tolerating the view to get to the answers I need. "One last thing, what's so special about a full moon during l'heure bleue, or blue hour as it's called?"
She looks at me, her eyes wide, her voice breathless when she says, "Do you mean the blue moon?" I shrug, remembering how the moon was so blue in the image it practically blended with the sky. Then figuring it was somehow symbolic of an actual blue moon with the way its color pulsated and shimmered, I say, "Yeah. But the blue moon specifically during the blue hour, what do you know about that?" She takes a deep breath, gazing into the distance as she says, "The mainstream thought is that the second full moon in a month constitutes a blue moon. But there's another, more esoteric school of thought that says the true blue moon occurs when there are two full moons occurring not necessarily within the same month, but within the same astrological sign. It's regarded as a very holy day, one when the connection between the dimensions is very potent, making it an ideal time for meditation, prayer, and mystical journeys. It's said that if you harness the blue moon energy during I'heure bleue , then all sorts of magick can occur. The only limitations, as usual, are your own."
She looks at me, wondering what I'm up to, but I'm not ready to share that just yet. Then she shakes her head and says, "But just so you know, a genuine blue moon is very rare, only coming around every three to five years."
My stomach twists as my hands grip the sides of my chair. "And do you know when the next blue moon will occur?" While thinking: Please let it be soon, please let it be soon!
Feeling like I'm about to puke and keel over simultaneously when she shakes her head and says, "I have no idea."
But of course! The most important thing I need to know is the one thing she doesn't know.
"Though I know how we can find out." She smiles.
I shake my head, just about to inform her that as far as I can tell, my access to the akashic records has just been revoked, when she closes her eyes and a moment later a silver iMac appears.
"Google, anyone?" She laughs, pushing it toward me.
CHAPTER 38
Even though I fell like an idiot the second Ava manifested that laptop (I mean, duh, why didn't I think of that?), we did get our answer fairly quick. Though unfortunately, it wasn't the good news I was hoping for.
In fact, it was anything but.
Just when everything was coming together, seeming like it was destined to be it all fell apart the second I learned that the blue moon, that rarest of full moons that only comes around every three to five years, which also just so happens to be my one and only window for time travel, has its next scheduled appearancetomorrow.
"I still can't believe it," I say, climbing out of my car while Ava feeds the meter from a neat stack of quarters cupped in the palm of her hand. "I thought it was just another full moon, I didn't know there was a difference, or that they're so rare. I mean, what am I supposed to do ?"
She snaps her wallet shut and looks at me. "Well, from what I can see, you have three choices."
I press my lips together, not sure I want to hear any of them.
"You can do nothing at all and just sit back and watch while everything you love and care about completely falls apart, you can choose to handle just one thing at the cost of all the others, or you can tell me just exactly what is going on here so I can see if I can help."
I take a deep breath and look at her standing before me, back in her usual outfit of faded jeans, silver rings, a white cotton tunic, and brown leather flip-flops.
Always there, always available, always willing to help me, even when I don't realize I need it.
Even back when I was being dismissive (and if I'm gonna be honest more than a little mean), Ava was right there, waiting for me to come around, never once holding my bad attitude against me, never once turning her back or shunning me in the way I shunned her. It's like she's been standing by all this time, waiting to step in as my psychic big sister. And now, she's pretty much the only one I have left the only one I can count onthe only one who comes close to knowing the real meincluding most of my secrets. And in light of everything I just learned, I've no choice but to tell her. There's no way I can go it alone like I'd hoped.
"Okay." I nod, convincing myself it's not just the right thing to do, but the only thing to do. "Here's what I need you to do."
And as we head down the street, I tell her what I saw that day on the crystal. Managing to explain as much as I can while avoiding the I word honoring my promise to Damen that I'll never divulge our immortality. Telling Ava that Damen will need the antidote so that he can get better, followed by his "special red energy drink" so he can rebuild his strength. Explaining that I'm faced with a choice between being with the love of my life, or saving four lives that were never meant to end. So by the time we're standing outside the shop where she works, the shop I've passed many times before but swore I'd never enter she looks at me, her mouth opening as if to say something, before clamping shut again. Repeating this scenario a few more times until she's finally able to mumble, "But tomorrow! Ever, can you leave that soon?"
I shrug, my stomach sinking when I hear it spoken out loud. But knowing I can't wait another three to five years, I nod with more assurance than I feel when I look at her and say, "And that's exactly why I need you to help me with the antidote, then find a way to get it to him along with the elix " I pause, hoping I haven't aroused her suspicions, trying to recover when I say, "that red energy drink so that he can get better. I mean, now that you know how to get inside his house, I'm thinking you can find a way to, I don't know, spike his drink or something," I say, knowing it sounds like the worst plan ever, but determined to see that it works. "And then, when he's betterwhen the old Damen returnsyou can explain everything that's happened, and give him thethe red drink." She looks at me with an expression so conflicted I'm not sure how to read it, so I forge straight ahead. "I know it probably seems like I'm choosing against him but I'm not. Really I'm not. In fact, there's a good chance that none of this will even be necessary. There's a good chance that when I go back to how I was, everything else will go back too." "Is that what you saw?" she asks, her voice soft, gentle.
I shake my head. "No, it's just a theory, though I think it makes sense. I mean, I can't imagine it any other way. So all of this stuff I'm telling you now is just a precaution since it won't even be necessary. Which means you won't remember this conversation since it will be like it never occurred. In fact, you won't have any recollection of having known me. But just in case I'm wrong which I'm pretty sure I'm notbut just in case I am, I need to have a plan in placeyou know, just in case," I mumble, wondering who I'm trying to convince, me or her.
She grabs hold of my hand, her eyes full of compassion when she says, "You're doing the right thing. And you're lucky. Not many people get the chance to go back."
I look at her, my lips curving into a grin. "Not many?"
"Well, no one I can think of offhand." She smiles.
But even though we both laugh, when I look at her again my voice is serious when I say, "Seriously, Ava, I can't bear for anything to happen to him. I mean, I'd I'd just die if I somehow found out that it did and that it was my fault..."