Youre sure youre all right?
Yes.
As I started to walk away, he touched me lightly on my arm. Im sorry. I havent even had the manners to ask. Whats your name?
Morgan, I answered without thinking.
He held out his hand to me. Well, Morgan, may your magick always bring you joy.
I found Bree on the first floor, holding a tarot deck in a bag. I was going to send out a search party for you, she said. Were supposed to meet everyone for lunch in forty-five minutes, remember?
I bought the book on scrying, and we left the store and headed for the subway station on Spring Street. It was only later, as we emerged from the subway on the Upper West Side, that I thought about the fact that Id given the man my name. Had I committed some sort of breach of security?
No, I decided. After all, Id only given him my first name. But I wished Id thought to ask what his name was.
6. Healing
August 19, 1981
Maeve and I have pledged our souls to each other. We left the village just after dark and went out beneath the cliffs. She and I share an affinity for fire, so it was childs play to kindle a raging bonfire with our mindsthe concrete expression of the all-consuming nature of our love. Dancing and licking at the night like an animal, it was a thing of beauty, red and yellow and orange, with a dazzling white-blue heat at its heart. I am so happy, I am nearly delirious. At last I am fully alive.
I even gave her the watch that Da gave to Ma, the one Ive carried with me all these years. Funny that I never thought to give it to Grania. But then, I never loved Grania.
There is only one thing more to do. I havent yet made love to Maeve, though Goddess knows, I want it more than Ive ever wanted anything on this earth. But I want no lies between us, so first I must tell her about Grania and the children. It will be difficult. But our love will get us through. I have no fear. Nothing can quench our fire.
Neimhidh
Murrays was a crowded deli on Columbus Avenue, sandwiched between a shop selling computer accessories and a flower stand. The spicy smells of corned beef, pastrami, and sauerkraut suddenly made me realize that I was starving.
Bree and I made our way over to the small, square table where Raven and Robbie sat. Seconds after we pulled up chairs a waitress dropped four huge menus on the table.
No Sky or Hunter, Raven announced.
They never showed up at the apartment? I asked her, starting to worry all over again. I knew Hunter and Sky could take care of themselves, but having the dream a second time had left me with a feeling of dread. Was he just late now, or was he not going to show at all?
No, Raven answered, but I recorded a message for them on Brees dads answering machine, telling them to get their witchy butts up here.
Bree looked both amused and horrified. Great. Im just imagining one of my fathers clients calling and getting that message.
The waitress returned. Whatll you have? she asked.
Uhwere waiting for friends, Robbie said. Could you come back in ten minutes?
She gestured at the line that had formed near the door. I got people waiting for tables, she told us. Either youre ready to order or you should let someone else sit down.
Lets just order, Bree decided.
So we ordered corned beef and pastrami sandwiches and sodas. Raven got a Reuben. The food came immediately, and Id eaten half my sandwich when I felt Hunter and Sky nearby. I turned around to see them walking through the door.
Hunter was wearing his leather jacket and a bottle-green scarf. His cheeks were red from the cold. Sorry were late, he said as they reached the table.
Raven rolled her eyes. Nice of you to show up.
Robbie, ever the gentleman, managed to round up two more chairs and bring them over to the table. Sky sat down next to Raven.
Are you hungry? I offered Hunter the uneaten half of my sandwich.
No. Thanks, he said, sounding distracted. He didnt take the chair Robbie had brought for him. Instead, he knelt by my side. Theres something I need to talk to you about, he said in a low voice. How about if you wrap up your sandwich and we take a walk?
Im full, I said. I was glad of the chance to talkI wanted to tell him about having the dream again.
I left money for the check and made arrangements to meet the others back at Murrays in half an hour. Then Hunter and I set off. By unspoken agreement we headed toward Central Park, stopping only to buy two takeout coffees, defense against the cold.
We walked down a side street lined with gracious brownstones, past the Dakota, where John Lennon had lived, and finally stopped to sit on a low wall overlooking Strawberry Fields, Lennons memorial. Because it was so cold, there werent many visitors to the teardrop-shaped garden that day. But on the circular mosaic imprinted with the wordImagine someone had left a bouquet of white and yellow daisies.
Did you know that Strawberry Field was actually the name of an orphanage next door to John Lennons boyhood home? Hunter asked. His aunt, who raised him, used to threaten to send him there whenever he misbehaved.
Ill have to remember that tidbit for my dad, I said. Hes still a big fan.
My parents had all the Beatles albums, Hunter remembered. My mum used to play the second side ofAbbey Road on Sunday mornings. Here Comes the Sun. He hummed the tune softly for a moment. Goddess, its been ages since I thought about that. He shook his head as though trying to shake off the pain of memory.
At least you know theyre alive now, I said, trying to sound positive. The dark wave had demolished Hunters parents coven when he was only eight, and his mother and father had been in hiding ever since. For years he hadnt even known for sure whether they were dead or alive. Right before Yule, Hunters father had actually contacted him through his lueg. But the dark wave had overwhelmed the vision, cutting it off before Hunter heard what his father was trying to tell him. Since then we hadnt dared try to contact them again, for fear that it would lead the darkness to them.
I know they were alive three weeks ago, Hunter corrected, his voice tight. Or at least Dad was. But anything could have happened since then, and I wouldnt know. Thats what kills menot knowing.
Aching for him, I put my arms around his waist. For the most part Hunter kept his grief for his family hidden well below the surface, but every so often it would well up and Id see how it always was with him. How part of him would never rest until he knew for certain what had happened to his parents.
I felt a gentle glow of white light in the center of my chest. One of Alyces healing spells was opening to me. Will you let me try something? I asked.
Hunter nodded. I unzipped his jacket halfway. I took off my glove, undid one button of his shirt, and slid my already cold hand against his smooth, warm skin. He flinched, then I felt him opening himself to the white light that was flowing through me.
I began a whispered chant. The heart that loves must one day grieve. Love and grief are the Goddesss twined gifts. Let the pain in, let it open your heart to compassion. Let me help you bear your grief.
I couldnt continue. Suddenly I knew exactly what it would feel like to have my parents and Mary K. ripped from me. It was beyond excruciating. It was more than could be borne. I cried out in grief though I managed to keep my hand on Hunters chest, managed to keep the healing light flowing.
Shhh, Hunter said. You dont have to do any more.
No, I whispered. I have to finish the spell. Then may your heart ease and open to greater love. May the love that flows eternally through the universe embrace and comfort you.
Gradually I felt the white light diffusing and, with it, Hunters pain. My eyes met his. There was something different in them, a new clarity. I felt something that had bound him dissolving. Thank you, he said.
Courtesy of Alyce, I told him shakily. I didnt realize quite how much it hurt. Im sorry.
He kissed my forehead and pulled me against him. When Id stopped trembling, he said, Would you like to know why were sitting here freezing our bums off instead of eating lunch?
Oh, that.
Yes, that, he said. First, Im sorry for not answering your messages. It took us a while to find our contact, and then when we finally tracked him down, he was absolutely terrified. He led us through a maze of elaborate safety precautions. If Id answered you and hed noticed, he might have thought I was betraying him.
Its all right, I said. I was just worried about you. Did this guy have any information?
Yes, Hunter said, he did.
He paused. The sun, which hadnt been strong that morning, disappeared behind a band of thick, white clouds.
So? I prompted after a moment.
Hunters green eyes looked troubled. I found out who the leader of the New York Amyranth cell is. Apparently the members of the coven wear masks that represent their animal counterparts when they need to draw on the power of that animal. Their leader wears the wolfs mask. My contact didnt know them all, but he confirmed that there are also coven members who wear the masks of an owl, a viper, a cougar, a jaguar, and a weasel.
So my dream
Was of the New York cell of Amyranth, Hunter finished. Yes.
I shuddered. Hunter, I had the dream again, I told him. It was just about an hour ago, while I was in an occult bookstore down in SoHo.
Goddess! Hunter looked alarmed. Why didnt you contact me? Before I could answer, he let out an exclamation of annoyance. Stupid question. I wasnt answering your messages. Morgan, Im sorry.
Its okay, I said. I mean, it was scary, but this time I knew what it was. Im not sure why I had it again, though.
Perhaps because were in New York, he said. Or perhaps He trailed off, looking still more troubled. Then he reached out and took my hand. Theres something Ive got to tell you. Something I learned today. It will bring up painful thoughts for you.
Icy fingers of dread walked up my spine as I sensed the weight of whatever news Hunter was carrying. I gave him a weak smile. Go for it.
The name of this wolf-masked leader is Ciaran, he said.
Ciaran? I felt sick. Itit cant be the same Ciaran. I mean, surely theres more than one Ciaran in the world.
Im sure there is, Hunter agreed. But this Ciaran is a powerful Woodbane witch in his early forties who comes from northern Scotland. Im sorry, Morgan, but there really isnt any doubt. Hes the one who killed Maeve and Angus.
I realized Id never had any idea of what happened to Ciaran after he set the fire that killed my parents. I guess I assumed he was back in Scotland, I said lamely. But hes here in New York City?
Hunter nodded, his eyes on my face. I sat there, trying to process this new information. Ciaranalive. Here. Within my reach.
Within my reach? What the hell did that mean? I asked myself bitterly. What would I do if I ever came face-to-face with him? Turn and run the other way, if I had any brains at all. Hed been more powerful than Maeve and Angus together. He could crush me like an ant.
We also found out that Ciaran has three children, Hunter went on. Two of them, Kyle and Iona, still live in Scotland. But the youngest is here in New York. Youre not going to believe this. He paused. Its Killian.
Killian? My jaw dropped. The witch we met last night?
Hunter nodded grimly. He was all but sitting in my lap, and I didnt realize he was the one.
I downed the last gulp of my now cold coffee. Thats too much of a coincidence.
There are no coincidences, Hunter reminded me, stating one of those Wiccan axioms that I found so annoying and cryptic.
I thought of the terrified wolf cub in my dream. That means Killian is Amyranths intended victim?
Thats what it looks like, Hunter said.
Oh God. First Ciaran kills my mother and father; now hes gunning for his own son.
Ciaran gave himself to the darkness a long time ago, Hunter said. Its all of a piece. A man capable of killing the love of his life is capable of killing his own son, too.
What else did you find out? Do you know where he lives? What he looks like?
None of that. Ive just told you everything. Hunter crumpled his empty coffee cup and launched it at a trash container a good fifteen feet away. The cup went in.
He hopped down off the wall and helped me off. Ive got to try to find Killian and see if I can suss out why Amyranth wants to drain his power. Maybe he has some sort of special ability they need. In any case, he may have valuable information about the coven, and if I play my cards right, he could become a valuable ally for the council.
Im going with you, I said impulsively.
Hunter was suddenly holding my upper arms and scowling at me. Morgan, are you crazy? You cant come with meespecially now that we know Ciaran is the leader of Amyranth. The last thing I want is for him to become aware of your existence. I wish to God youd stayed in Widows Vale. In fact, I should take you to Port Authority right now. You can catch the next bus back upstate. I can bring your car and your things back in a day or so.
In a flash we had reverted to our old antagonistic relationship. Let go of me, I said, furious. I dont take orders from you. When I go back to Widows Vale, Ill be driving my own car, thank you, and Ill go when Im ready.
For a long moment we just glared at each other. I saw Hunter struggling to keep his temper in check.
If you stay, he said between his teeth, youve got to give me your word that youll keep a low profile. No flashy magick on the street. In fact, while were in the city, I want you to avoid any magick that isnt absolutely necessary. I dont want you drawing any attention to yourself.
I knew he was right, much as I hated to admit it. Okay, I said sulkily. I promise.
Thank you. Hunters grasp relaxed.
Be careful, I said.
He kissed me again. Thats my line. Be careful. Ill see you tonight.
I hurried back to Columbus Avenue. As I neared the restaurant, I passed a father carrying his little son on his shoulders. The boy was laughing, as if it were the greatest treat in the world.
It made me wonder about Killian and his father. Was there ever a time when they were close? What would it be like to be the child of a father who was devoted to evil?
Maybe, I thought, it explained Killians recklessness. Maybe he was running away from the darkness. That, I thought with a sigh, I could certainly understand.
Bree and the others were on their way out when I got back to Murrays.
Perfect timing, Bree said as she stepped out of the restaurant. Do you want to come to the Museum of Modern Art with me and Sky?
I opted out, Raven said. Im going to see a movie down in the Village. I didnt know Raven well enough to be sure, but she was talking more loudly than usual, and I had a feeling it meant that things between her and Sky were still tense.
I glanced at Robbie. He looked so miserable, I was certain that he hadnt been invited on the museum trip. I tried to remember: Was Bree always this ruthless in relationships? Or was Robbie getting special treatment because he was the one she actually cared about? Either way, her behavior made me uncomfortable.
No thanks, I said, my voice curt. Im not in the mood.
Bree shrugged. Okay, well see you back at the apartment.
I started for Broadway. Since I was unexpectedly on my own, it occurred to me that now would be a good time to see if I could find Maeve and Anguss old apartment. I thought of the promise Id made Hunter, to refrain from anything that might draw unwelcome attention to me. But looking for my birth parents old apartment wouldnt do that, I reasoned. Id just have to make sure I avoided using magick during the search.
A ray of late-afternoon sun emerged from the clouds as I walked, and that bit of brightness seemed to lift the mood on the street. Two skateboarders whizzed by while a woman assured her reluctant poodle that it was a beautiful day for a walk. I suddenly realized that Robbie was trailing behind me.
Robbie, I said. Where are you going?
Robbie gave an overly casual shrug. I thought Id hang with you. Is that okay?
Robbie looked so miserable and abandoned that I couldnt say no. Besides, Robbie was special. Hed been with me when I found Maeves tools.
Im not going to a very scenic part of the city, I warned. UmI was kind of trying to keep this quiet. You know, discreet.
Robbie raised his eyebrows. What, are you going to score some dope or something?
I swatted him on the shoulder. Idiot. Of course not. Its justMaeve and Angus had an apartment in Hells Kitchen before they moved upstate. I want to find it.
Okay, Robbie said. I dont know what the big secret is, but Ill keep my mouth shut.
We walked on in silence. I was the one who finally broke it. I think your restraint is admirable, I told him. If I were you, I would have decked Bree a long time ago.
He grinned at me. You did once, didnt you?
I winced at the memory of a horrible argument in the hallway at school. An argument about Cal. I slapped her across the face, I corrected him. Actually, it felt awful.
Yeah, thats what I figured.
I tried to think of a delicate way to put my question. Did things gookaybetween you two last night?
Robbie took a deep breath. Thats whats so weird. It was great. I mean, as great as it could be with Raven snoring right next to us. We just cuddled. And it felt good to be together, totally warm and affectionateand right. It was sweet, Morgan, for both of us, I swear.
So, what changed this morning? I asked.
I dont have a clue. I woke up, said good morning to Bree when I saw her in the kitchen, and she snapped my head off. I cant figure out what I did.
I thought about it as we waited at the bus stop. I wondered how much I could tell Robbie without betraying what Bree had told me. After about ten minutes of waiting, a bus finally lumbered to a stop. We managed to snag seats together, facing the center aisle.
Maybe you didnt do anything wrong, I said, grateful for the blasting heat. I loosened my scarf and peeled off my gloves. Or maybe what you did wrong last night was to be right.
Robbie massaged his forehead. You just lost me.
Okay, maybe last night things were every bit as great as you thought they were, I said. And maybe thats the problem. When things are good is when Bree has trouble trusting them. So thats when she has to mess them up again.
That makes absolutely no sense, Robbie said.
I gave him a look. Did I ever claim Bree was logical?
We got off at Forty-ninth Street and began walking west. Were looking for number seven-eight-eight, I told Robbie.
He glanced up at the building we were passing. Were nowhere near.
We waited for the light on Ninth Avenue to turn. Ninth Avenue looked pretty decent, with lots of restaurants and small shops selling ethnic foods. But as we kept walking west, Forty-ninth Street became seedier and seedier. The theaters and little studio workshops were gone now. Garbage was piled by the curb. The buildings were mostly residential tenement types, with crumbling brickwork and boarded-up windows. Many were spray-painted with gang tags. We were in Hells Kitchen.
I knew that this neighborhood had a long history of violent crime. Robbie was wide-eyed and wary. I cast my senses, hoping to pick up any trace Maeve might have left. At first all I got were flashes of the people in the neighborhood: families in crowded apartments; a few elderly people, ailing and miserably alone; a crack junkie, adrenaline rocketing through her body. Then I felt the hairs along the back of my neck rise. In the worn brickwork of an abandoned building I saw vestiges of runes and magickal symbols, nearly covered over by layers of graffiti. It didnt feel like Maeves or Anguss work. That made sense; they had renounced their powers completely when they fled Ireland. But it was proof that witches had been here.
This is it, Robbie said as we came to a soot-streaked redbrick tenement with iron fire escapes running down its front. The building was narrow and only five stories high. It seemed sad and neglected, and I wondered how much worse it had gotten since Maeve and Angus had lived in it nearly twenty years ago.
I couldnt pick up any trace of my birth mother, but that didnt mean there wasnt something inside the building. If only I could get into the actual apartment where shed lived. Three low stairs led to a front door behind a steel-mesh gate. A sign on a first-floor window read Apartments for Rent, Powell Mgmt. Co. I rang the bell marked Superintendent and waited.
No one answered the bell or my pounding on the steel gate. Robbie said, Now what?
I could try a spell, I thought. But I wasnt supposed to use magick unless I absolutely had to. And this didnt qualify as an emergency.
Can I use your phone? I asked Robbie. I called the management company on Robbies cell phone. To my astonishment, the woman on the phone told me that apartment three was available. I was so excited, my voice shook as I made an appointment to see the place the next day. It was meant to be, I thought. Obviously.
I hate to bring this up, Robbie said when I hung up. But you look like the high school kid you are. I mean, why would anyone show you an apartment?
Im not sure, I told Robbie. But Ill find a way.
7. The Watch
August 20, 1981
This morning at dawn I took Maeve for a walk along the cliffs. We were both still floating on the joy of last night. Yet I knew I had to tell her. I expected it to shock, possibly hurt her, but I was certain shed forgive me in the end. After all, we are mùirn beatha dàns.
Maeve was going on about where wed live. Much as she loves Ballynigel, she does not want to stay here her entire life; she wants to see the world, and I would love nothing more than to show it to her. But her happy ramblings were like blows to my heart. At last, when I could stand to wait no more, I told her, as gently as I could, that I was not yet free to travel with her, that I had a wife and two children in Scotland.
At first she only looked at me in confusion. I repeated what Id said, this time taking her hands in mine.
Then her confusion was replaced by disbelief. She begged me, weeping, to tell her it wasnt true. But I couldnt. I could not lie to her.
I pulled her close to kiss away her tears. But she would have none of me. She yanked her hands from mine and stepped away. I pleaded with her to give me time. I told her I couldnt afford to enrage Greernot if I wanted to take her place. But I swore Id leave the lot of them as soon as I could.
She cut me off. You will not leave your wife and children, she said, the anguish in her eyes turning to fire. First you betray me with lies. Now you want to destroy a family as well? Then she told me to leave her, to get away.
I couldnt believe she was serious. I argued, cajoled, begged. I told her to take time to consider. I said wed find a gentle way to go forward together, that, of course, I would provide for my family. But no matter what I said, I could not dissuade her. She who had been so soft, so yielding, was suddenly like iron.
My soul is shattered. Tomorrow I return to Scotland.
Neimhidh
When we got back to Ninth Avenue, Robbie took off on his own. I went back to Brees fathers place. We hadnt made any group plans for the evening, and the apartment was empty. For a while I couldnt settle down. I was too revved upfrom the news about Ciaran being here in the city, from having found Maeves old building. Was the watch still there? I wondered. If it was, would I be able to find it? I tried to scry for it, but I was too wired to concentrate. Finally I curled up with the book on scrying that Id bought in SoHo and read for a while.
The sun had almost set when I sensed Hunter walking down the hall. I couldnt quite believe my luck. Were we really going to have a chance to be alone together in the apartment? I rushed into the bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth and my hair.
But the moment Hunter opened the door, I realized this was not going to be a romantic interlude. He walked in, took off his scarf and jacket, gave me a curt nod, then went to stare morosely out the window.
I went to stand beside him. Despite his mood, I immediately tuned in to our connection. I couldnt have defined either of them, but this was completely different from my connection with the man in the bookstore. Hunter touched everything in me. It was a delicious tease to stand near him, not physically touching, and let myself feel how his presence stroked my every nerve ending into a state of total anticipation.
He reached out and caught my hand in his. Dont, he said gently. I cant be with you that way right now.
What happened? I asked, feeling a twinge of alarm. What went wrong?
My finding Killian. I didnt. Either he got wind of the fact that a council Seeker is looking for him or Amyranth has already snatched him because I cant find him anywhere.
Did you try
Hunter began to pace the length of the living room. I found his flat, rang his doorbell and his phone. I went to the club, found out the names of some of his friends, and asked them. Ive sent him witch messages. He doesnt answer any of them. I even took out my lueg and scryed right on the street. Thats how desperate I was for a leadany lead. And none of it has done a bit of good, he finished bitterly.
He dropped onto the couch and ran a hand through his hair. I simply dont know where to go next with this. Im going to have to contact the council again.
Want me to try scrying?
Ive scryed my way to Samhain and back again and I havent seen a trace of Killian.
I know. But I scry with fire, I reminded him. I might get a different result.
He shrugged and reached for a thick, ivory candle on the coffee tableone that Bree must have bought the day beforeand pushed it toward me. Be my guest, he said, but his voice was skeptical.
I settled myself cross-legged on the floor. I focused on my breathing, but my thoughts didnt slip away as easily as they usually did. I wondered if Id be able to transfer what Id done with the crystal to fire. Whether this time Id be able to control the vision.
Morgan?
Sorry, I said. I got distracted. Let me try again. You want to see where Killian is right now?
Thatd be a start.
Okay. Again I focused on my breathing. This time I felt my mind quieting and the tension draining from my muscles. I stared at the candles wick, thought of fire, and the candle lit. I let my eyes focus on the flame, sinking deeper into my meditative state until the coffee table, the room, Hunter, even the candle itself faded from my consciousness. There was only the flame.
Killian. I let a picture of him as hed been at the club fill my mindconfident, cocky, laughing, with that heady mix of danger and delight in his own power.
I focused on the fire, asked it to give me the vision that I sought, to show me Killian as he was right now. I asked it to let me in, and I sent my energy toward it. I couldnt touch it the way Id touched the crystal. The fire would burn me. But I let my power flicker beside it, calling to its heat and energy.
Something inside the flame shifted. It danced higher, blazed brighter. Its blue center became a mirror, and in it I saw Killian in profile. He was alone in a dark, dilapidated room. There was a window across from him, casting reddish light across his face. Through the window I could see some sort of gray stone tower, partly cloaked by a screen of bare tree branches. Killian seemed frightened, his face pale and drawn.
I sent more of my power to the flame, willing more of the vision to appear, something that would give a clue to his location. The flame crackled, and Killian turned and looked straight into my eyes. Abruptly, the connection was severed. I pushed back a surge of annoyance and focused on the flame again. Again I asked for the vision of Killian as he was now and sent my energy to dance with the flame.
This time there was no vision. Instead, the flame winked out, almost as if someone had snuffed it. I blinked hard. The rest of the room came back into focus.
Hunter was watching me, his eyes inscrutable. I saw him, he said in an odd tone. And I wasnt joining my power to yours. Ive never been able to do that before, see the vision of the one whos scrying.