I glance between her and Charm, nodding as though Im right there. Like Im just like everyone else. Waiting my turn in a long morbid line.
I mean death in a more metaphorical way. In a nothing lasts forever way, you know? Because its true, nothings built to last. Nothing. No. Thing.
But Haven I start, stopping the second she shoots me a look meant to silence.
Listen, before you try to sell me all that bright side nonsense youre just dying to spout, name one thing that doesnt end. She narrows her gaze in a way that sets me on edge, making me wonder if she knows about me, if shes trying to bait me somehow. But when I take a deep breath and look at her again, its clear shes battling her own set of demons, not me.
Cant do it, right? She shakes her head. Unless you were going to say God, or universal love, or whatever, but thats not what Im talking about, anyway. I mean, Charm is dying, my parents are on the verge of divorcing, and, lets face it, Josh and I are going to end eventually too. And if its purely an inevitable fact, then She shakes her head and wipes her nose. WellI may as well take control of the situation and be the one who decides when. Hurt him, before he can hurt me. Because two things are for sure, A: Its going to end, and B: Someones bound to get hurt. And why should that someone be me? She looks away, nose runny, lips twisted. Mark my words, from this point on, Im Teflon Girl. Everything runs right off me, nothing can stick.
I look at her, sensing this isnt quite the whole story, but willing to take her at her word. You know what? Youre right. Youre absolutely right, I say, seeing her look up in surprise. Everything is finite. Everything but Roman, Damen, and me! And youre also right that you and Josh will probably end at some point, and not just because everything ends like you said, but because thats just the way it goes. Most high school relationships dont make it past graduation.
Is that how you see you and Damen? She picks at Charms blanket while looking at me. That you guys wont make it past grad night?
I press my lips together and avert my gaze, knowing Im pretty much the worlds worst liar when I say, II try not to think about it too much. But what I meant was, just because something ends doesnt mean its a bad thing or that someones bound to get hurt, or that it shouldve never happened in the first place, or whatever. Because if each step brings us to the next, then how will we ever get anywhere, how can we ever grow if we avoid everything that might hurt us?
She looks at me, nodding only slightly, as though she sees my point but wont fully concede.
So we pretty much have no choice but to continue, to just get out there and hope for the best. And who knows, we might even learn a thing or two along the way. I look at her, knowing I havent completely sold it, so I add, I guess what Im trying to say is, you cant run away just because something wont last. You have to hang in there, let it play out. Its the only way youll ever advance. I shrug, wishing I could be a little more eloquent, but there it is. Think about it, if you didnt rescue your cat, if you didnt say yes when Josh asked you outwell, theres a lot of wonderful moments you wouldve missed.
She looks at me, still wanting to argue, but not saying a word.
Josh is a really sweet guy, and hes crazy about you. I dont think you should throw him overboard so soon. Besides, I say, knowing she hears me but is not truly listening, you shouldnt make those kinds of decisions when youre feeling so stressed.
How about moving, then? Is that a good enough reason?
Josh is moving? I squint. I hadnt seen that coming.
She shakes her head, scratching Charm on the spot between her ears when she says, Not Josh. Me. My dad keeps talking about selling the house, but damn if hell discuss it with Austin or me.
I look at her, tempted to peer inside her head and see for myself, but sticking to my earlier vow to allow my friends their privacy.
All I know for sure is that the phrase resale value comes up all the time. She shakes her head, looking at me when she says, But you know what this really means, if any of this is actually true? It means I wont be going to Bay View next year. I wont get to graduate with my class. I wont be going to any Orange County high school for that matter.
I wont let this happen, I say, gaze locked on hers. Theres no way youre leaving. You have to graduate with us
Well, thats very nice and all. She shrugs. But Im not sure you can stop it. Its a little out of your league, dont you think?
I glance between her and her cat, knowing its not at all out of my league. Finding an antidote for Damen? Maybe. Helping my best friend stay in her zip code and save her cat? Not so much. Theres plenty I can do. Plenty. But still I just look at her and say, Well work something out. Just trust me, okay? Maybe you can move in here with me and Sabine? Nodding as though I mean it, even though Sabine would never have it. But still needing to put something out there, provide some kind of comfort since its not like I can voice what Im hoping to do.
Youd do that? she squints. Really?
Of course. I shrug. Whatever it takes.
She swallows hard and gazes around, shaking her head when she says, You know Id never take you up on it, but still, its nice to know that even with all our rough spots youre still my best friend.
I squint, having always assumed it was Miles not me.
Well, you and Miles. She laughs. I mean, I can have two best friendsan heir and a spare, as they say? She wipes her nose again, shaking her head when she adds, I bet I look like crap, right? Go ahead, tell me, I can take it.
You dont look like crap, I say, wondering why shes suddenly focused on her looks. You look sad. Theres a difference. Besides, does it matter?
It does if youre considering whether or not you should hire me. She shrugs. Ive got a job interview, but theres no way I can go looking like this. And its not like I can bring Charm.
I gaze at her cat, watching the life-force energy slowly slipping away, knowing I have to move fast, before its too late. Ill keep her. Its not like Im going anywhere anyway.
She looks at me, wavering on whether or not she should leave her poor dying cat in my care. But I just nod, coming around to her side of the counter and lifting Charm out of her arms as I add, Seriously. Just go do what you need to do, and Ill babysit. I smile, urging her to agree.
She hesitates, glancing between me and Charm, then rummages through her oversized bag for a small, handheld mirror, before wetting her finger and clearing the mascara tracks from her cheeks.
I shouldnt be long. She grabs a black pencil and draws a thick, smudgy line around each eye. Maybe an hour? Two at the most? She looks at me, trading the pencil for blush. All you have to do is hold her and give her some water if she wants. But she probably wont. She doesnt want much of anything now. She coats her lips with a swipe of gloss and rearranges her bangs, before slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading for the door. Climbing into her car as she turns to me and says, Thanks. I need this job more than you think. Need to start saving some money so I can emancipate myself like Damen. Im tired of this crap.
I look at her, unsure what to say. Damens situations unique. Not at all what it seems.
And yeah, I know, I probably wont be able to support myself in quite the same style as Damen, but still, Id rather live in some crappy studio somewhere than be subject to my parents impulsive decisions and whims. Anyway, you sure youre okay with this?
I nod, hugging Charm tighter, mentally urging her to hold on, just a little bit longer, until I can help.
Haven slides her key into the ignition, the engine turning as she says, I promised Roman I wouldnt be late. And if I hurry, I might be on time. Checking her appearance in the rearview mirror as she shifts in reverse.
Roman? I freeze, my expression one of pure panic but unable to change it.
She shrugs, backing out of my drive as she calls, Hes the one who scored me the interview. Waving as she disappears down the street, leaving me with a dying cat in my arms, and no words to warn her.
CHAPTER 18
You cant do it, he says, barely having opened the door before hes already shaking his head.
You dont even know what Im here for. I frown, hugging Charm tightly to my chest, wishing I hadnt come here.
The cat is dying and you want to know if its okay to save it and Im telling you its not. You cant do it. He shrugs, reading the situation more than my mind, which I purposely blocked so he cant view my visit to Roman, which would really set him on edge.
Do you mean cant as in not possible? Like the elixir wont work on a feline? Or cant as in the moral sense, as in dont play God, Ever?
Does it matter? He lifts his brow, stepping to the side and allowing me in.
Of course it matters, I whisper, TV noise drifting down from upstairs, the twins daily dose of reality shows.
He heads into the den, plopping onto the couch and patting the space right beside him. And even though Im annoyed by the way hes acting, not even giving me a chance to explain, I still join him, rearranging the blanket, hoping one look at Charm will convince him.
I just dont think you should jump to conclusions, I say, shifting my body so Im facing him. Its not as simple as you think. Its not black or white, its mostly all gray.
He leans toward me, gaze softening as he moves his thumb back and forth under Charms whiskered chin. Im sorry, Ever. Really. He gazes at me before pulling away. But even if the elixir did workwhich, by the way, Im not sure it would since Ive never tried it on an animal before, but even if it did
Really? I look at him, surprised to hear that. Youve never had a pet you couldnt bear to part with? My eyes graze over him, taking him in.
Not one that I couldnt bear to lose, no. He shakes his head.
I narrow my eyes, not sure how I feel about that.
Ever, back in my day we didnt keep pets in quite the same way. And after I drank the elixir, I wasnt interested in owning anything that might tie me down.
I nod, catching the way he gazes at Charm and hoping theres room to negotiate. Fine. No pets. I get it, I say. But do you get how someone might become so attached to their kitty they cant bear to say good-bye?
Are you asking if I know about attachment? He looks at me, gaze heavy, steady, fixed right on mine. About love, and the unbearable grief that comes when its lost?
I gaze down at my lap, feeling juvenile, foolish. I shouldve seen that coming.
Theres much more at stake than just saving a cat or granting eternal lifeif there even is such a thing in the animal kingdom. The real question is, how will you explain it to Haven? What will you tell her when she returns only to find the dying cat she left in your care is now miraculously curedmaybe even becoming a kitten again, who knows? How will you possibly explain that to her?
I sigh, not having thought about that. Hadnt really considered that if it does work, Charm wont just be healed, but physically transformed.
Its not about it not workingIve no clue about that. And its not about your right to play Godyou and I both know Im the last one who should judge such a thing. Its more about safeguarding our secrets. And while I know you have only the best intentions at heart, in the end, helping your friend will only ignite her suspicion. Raising questions that can never be answered simply or logically without revealing too much. Besides, Havens already onto us, or onto something at least. So now, more than ever, its important for us to lay low.
I press my lips together, swallowing past the lump in my throat, hating that Ive got so many amazing tools at my disposal, all of these magical abilities, but unable to use them, to help those whom I love.
Im sorry, he says, hand hovering over my arm, hesitating to make contact until the veil comes along. But as sad as it seems, it really is just the natural course of events. And believe me, animals accept these things far better than people do.
I lean into his shoulder, into his touch, amazed by his power to comfort me no matter how bad things get. I just feel so bad for herher parents are always fightingshe might have to moveits making her question the point of everything. Kind of like I did when my world fell apart.
Ever he starts, gaze soft, lips looming so close I cant help but press mine against themthe moment cut short when the twins squeal their way down the stairs.
DamenRomy wont let me Rayne stops, standing before us, dark eyes wider than usual when she says, Omigod is that a cat?
I glance at Damen. Since when does Rayne use words like omigod?
But he just shakes his head and laughs. Dont get too close. He glances between them. And keep your voice down. This is a very sick cat. Im afraid she doesnt have very long.
Then why dont you save it? Rayne asks, prompting Romy to nod in agreement, the three of us gazing at Damen, our eyes wide and pleading.
Because we dont do things like that, he says, voice stern and parental. Thats not how its done.
But you saved Ever, and shes not nearly as cute, Rayne says, kneeling before me til her face is level with Charms.
Rayne Damen starts.
But she just laughs, glancing between us when she says, Just joking. You know Im joking, right?
I look at her, knowing shes not, but not willing to press it. Just about to get up, wanting to get Charm back before Haven returns, when Romy kneels down beside me and places her hand on Charms head, closing her eyes as she chants a series of indecipherable words.
No magick, Damen scolds. Not in this case.
But Romy just sighs, and sits back on her heels. Its not like it works anyway, she says, still gazing at Charm. She looks just like Jinx at that age, doesnt she?
Which time? Rayne giggles, nudging her sister as they both start to laugh.
We may have extended her life a few times, Romy says, cheeks pink as she glances between us, prompting me to look at Damen and think: See?
But he just shakes his head. AgainHaven?
Can we get a cat? Romy asks. A black kitty like this? Tugging on his sleeve while gazing at him in a way thats hard to resist. Theyre wonderful companions and very good around the house. What do you say? Can we? Please?
Itll help us get our magick back, Rayne adds, nodding at him.
I look at Damen, reading his expression and knowing its as good as done. Whatever the twins want, the twins get. Its as simple as that.
Well discuss it later, Damen says, attempting a stern look, but the gestures empty, everyone knows it but him.
I get up from the couch and head for the door, needing to get Charm back to the house before Haven returns.
Are you upset with me? Damen grasps my hand and leads me to my car.
I shake my head and smile. Its impossible to be mad at him, or at least not for very long. Im not gonna lie, I was hoping youd be on my side. I shrug, coaxing Charm into her carrier, before leaning against the door and pulling him close. But its not like I dont get your point. I just wanted to help Haven, thats all.
Just be there for her. He nods, dark gaze on mine. Thats all she really wants from you anyway.
He leans in to kiss me, gathering me into his arms, his hands moving over me and warming me to my core. Pulling away to gaze at me with those deep soulful eyes, the rock to my feather, my eternal partner, whose intentions are so solid and good I can only hope he never learns of my betrayal, reneging on my promise not to visit Roman just after saying I wouldnt.
He cups my face between the palms of his hands and peers into my eyes. Sensing my mood shifts so easily its as though they are his.
I avert my gaze, thinking about Haven, Roman, the cat, and all the mounting mistakes I cant seem to stop making. Then clearing the thoughts and shaking my head, unwilling to visit that place when I say, See you tomorrow? Barely finishing the words before he leans in to kiss me again, a slip of energy pulsating between his lips and mine.
Holding the moment for as long as we can, neither of us willing to break away, until a twin chorus of, Ew! Gross! Do we really have to watch that? trails from the window upstairs.
Tomorrow. Damen smiles, seeing me safely into my car before heading inside.
CHAPTER 19
Everything started out fine. As fine and normal as any other day. I woke up, showered, dressed, stopped by the kitchen to toss some cereal down the sink before chasing it with some OJ Id swished in a glassmy usual morning routine so Sabine will think I ate the breakfast she made.
Nodding and smiling the whole way to school as Miles yammers on and on about Holt, or Florence, or Holt and Florence, as I sit there beside him, stopping, turning, speeding, slowing, chasing yellow lights, waiting for the moment when I can see Damen again. Knowing the mere sight of him will turn all darkness to light, even if the effect is just temporary.
But the moment I pull into the lot the first thing I see is a mammoth-sized SUV parked right next to the space Damens saving for me. And I mean mammoth, as in: big and ugly. And something about the sight of Damen leaning against that whale of a car fills me with dread.
What the hell? Miles gapes. You give up riding the bus so you can drive a bus instead?
I climb out of my Miata, glancing between Big Ugly and Damen, hardly believing my ears when he starts quoting a slew of statistics about its superb safety rating and roomy back seats. I mean, I dont remember him ever once caring about the safety rating when he was chauffeuring me.
Thats because youre immortal, he thinks, sensing my thoughts as we head for the gate. But may I remind you, the twins are not, and since they are now in my care, its my job to keep them from harm.
I shake my head, gaze narrowed as I try to think of a snappy reply. My thoughts interrupted by Haven who says, Youre doing it again. She crosses her arms and glances between us. You know, your whole, weird, pseudo telepathy thing.
Who even cares about that? Miles screeches. Damens driving a bus! He hooks his thumb over his shoulder, jabbing toward the big, black monstrosity and wincing at the sight of it.
Is it a bus or a mom car? Haven squints, shielding her eyes from the sun. Glancing at each of us. Whatever it is, one things for sure, its tragically middle-aged.
Miles nods, fully warmed up to the subject now. First the glove and now this? He frowns at Damen, disappointment clouding his face. I have no idea what youre up to, but dude, you are seriously losing your edge. Youre not even close to the rock star you were when you first came to this school.
I glance at him, eyes narrowed in silent agreement. But Damen just laughs, too concerned with the proper care and feeding of the twins to bother with what anyone thinksincluding me. And while thats obviously the way a good, responsible, parental-type figure should think, something about it really bugs me.
Miles and Haven continue, teasing Damen about his new, surprisingly stodgy ways, as I tag along, a sliver of energy pulsating between us as he grabs my hand and thinks, Whats going on? Why are you acting like this? Is this because of the cat? I thought you understood all of that?
I stare straight ahead, focused on Miles and Haven, sighing loudly as I mentally reply: Its not the cat. We settled that yesterday. Shes back at Havens, marking her days. Its justwell, its like, here I am, making myself crazy, trying to find a solution so we can be together, and all you seem to care about is manifesting HDTVs and the worlds ugliest babyproof car so you can cart the twins around town! I shake my head, knowing I need to stop, before I go any further and really have something to regret.
Everythings changing, I say, not realizing I said it out loud until the words ring in my ears. And Im sorry if Im acting like a brat, but Im just so frustrated that we cant be together in the way that we want. And I miss you. I miss you so bad I cant stand it. I pause, eyes stinging, throat hot and tight, threatening to close up completely. And now that the twins are living with you, and with my new job starting and all, well, its like, were suddenly thrust into this super stressful, middle-aged life. And trust me, seeing your new car just now didnt help. I peer at him, thinking theres no way Im riding in that thing. Instantly ashamed when I see him looking at me with such love and compassion I cant help but fold. I guess I was hoping this summer would be great, you know? I was hoping we could have some funjust the two of us. But now its not looking so good. And, just to top things off, did I even mention that Sabine is dating Munoz? My history teacher? This Friday night, dinner at eight! I scowl, hardly believing this pathetic life actually belongs to a supposedly powerful, newly immortal, almost seventeen-year-old girl.
You got a job? He stops in place as his eyes search mine.
Out of everything I just said thats what youre focusing on? I shake my head and pull him along, laughing in spite of myself.
But he just looks at me, gaze fixed on mine as he says, Where?
Mystics and Moonbeams. I shrug, watching Miles and Haven wave as they turn down the hall and head for class.
Doing what? he asks, not ready to drop it just yet.
Retail stuff, mainly. I gaze at him. You know, working the register, restocking shelves, giving readings, stuff like that. I shrug, hoping he wont pay much notice to that last part.
Psychic readings? He gapes, stopping just shy of our classroom.
I nod, staring longingly as my classmates spill through the door, preferring to join them than having to finish what I started.
Do you think thats smart? Drawing that kind of attention to yourself? Back to talking again now that were alone in the hall.
Probably not. I shrug, knowing its most definitely not. But Sabine insists the discipline and stability will do me some good. Or so she says. She just wants to keep tabs on me. And short of installing a nanny cam, this is the easiest, least invasive way. She even had this horrible, soul-sucking, nine-to-five gig all set up and ready to go, so when Jude said he needed some help around the store, well, I didnt have much choice but towhat? I pause, seeing the look on his face, eyes guarded, hard to read.
Jude? His eyes narrowing to where I can just barely see them. I thought you said someone named Lina owned the store.
Lina does own the store. Judes her grandson, I say, only thats not entirely true. Well, hes not her real grandson, its more like, she looks after him. Helped raise him after he ran away from his last foster homeorwhatever. I shake my head. The last thing I wanted was to start a conversation about Jude, especially with the way Damens gone high alert. I thought it might help, you know, allow unlimited access to books and things that might help us. Besides, its not like Im working there under my real name. Im using an alias.
Let me guess. He peers into my eyes, seeing the answer displayed in my thoughts. Avalon. Cute. He smiles, but only briefly before hes gone serious again. But you know how it works, right? Its not like a confessional where youre shielded by a screen. People expect face-to-face contact. They want to see you to know whether or not they can trust you. So what exactly are you planning to do when someone you know just happens to walk in for an impromptu tarot card reading? Did you even think about that?
I frown, wondering why he has to take what I thought was a pretty good deal and turn it into a problem. And Im just about to deliver some snappy reply, say something like: Hello? Im psychic. Ill know before they even get through the door! when Roman appears.
Roman andsomeone elsesomeone vaguely familiarsomeone named Marco who was last seen in a vintage Jaguar, pulling up to his house.
Walking side by side, legs moving swiftly, eyes focused on mine. Romans gaze taunting, mocking, the proud owner of my dirty little secret.
Damen moves to shield me, gaze on Roman as he thinks: Stay calm. Dont do a thing. Ill handle this.
I peer over his shoulder, watching as Roman and Marco barrel toward us like an oncoming train. Gazing at me with eyes so deep, so blue, everything blurs but his moist grinning lips and flashing Ouroboros tattoo. And the last thing I think, before Im sucked in completely, is that this is my fault. If Id kept my promise to Damen and stayed away from him, I wouldnt be facing this now.
His energy swirls toward me, tugging, pulling, luring me in, sucking me into a spiral of darkness, bombarding me with images of Damenthe tainted antidotemy ill-advised visitHavenMilesFlorencethe twinsall of it coming so quickly I can barely distinguish between them. But the individual images themselves arent importantits the whole he wants me to see. All of it meant to illustrate one single thing: Romans in charge nowthe rest of us are just puppets, pulled by his strings.
Mornin, mates! he sings, releasing me from his grip as my body falls limp against Damens.
But despite his sweet murmurings as he ushers me away from Roman and into the room, despite the soft reassurances intended to soothe, convinced that weve just dodged a bullet and its over for now, I happen to know its only begun.
More is coming.
Theres no doubt.
Romans next shot is aimed solely at me.
CHAPTER 20
After lunch I head for Mystics and Moonbeams. Eager to start my on-the-job training, hoping itll provide a nice distraction from the mess otherwise known as my life.
It was bad enough when Damen kept disappearing between classes so he could check in on the twins, but by lunch, when I assured him I was fine, that Roman wouldnt bother me, and that he should just stay home, I headed for our table only to learn that Haven has boarded the Roman train. Picking apart a vanilla-frosted cupcake while gushing about the big part he played in securing her the job at the vintage store, despite her arriving at the interview ten minutes late.
And all I could do was mumble an occasional word of dissent, which didnt go over so well. So after her third excruciatingly dramatic eye roll, after telling me to relax and unclench for the umpteenth time, I tossed my uneaten sandwich and made for the gate. Vowing to keep an eye on her, do whatever it takes to keep them from getting together. Just one more item on my growing to-do list.
I pull into the alley, parking in one of two spaces behind the store before heading toward the front, half expecting to find the door locked, figuring Jude couldnt resist the call of killer waves on such a beautiful day, and surprised to find it wide open, with Jude behind the register, ringing a sale.
Oh hey, heres Avalon now. He nods. I was just telling Susan about our new psychic reader, and you walk in on cue.
Susan turns, looking me over, scrutinizing, accessing, adding up all the parts in her head. Sure shes aced the equation when she says, Arent you a littleyoung to be giving readings? She gives me a smug look.
I smile, an awkward slanting of lips, as my gaze darts between them, unsure how to respond, especially with the way Judes looking at me.
Being psychic is a gift, I mumble, nearly choking on the word. Remembering a time, not long ago, when I scoffed at the thought, sure it was anything but. Its got nothing to do with age, I add, watching her aura flicker and flare, knowing Ive failed to convince her. You either have it, or you dont. I shrug, digging myself a very deep hole.
So, should I book you a reading? Jude asks, smiling in a way thats hard to resist.
But not for Susan. Shaking her head and clutching her bag, she heads for the door, saying, You just give me a call when Ava comes back.
The bell clangs loudly as the door closes behind her. Well, that went well. I shrug, turning toward Jude and watching him file the receipt before adding, Is my age going to be a problem here?
You sixteen? he asks, barely glancing at me.
I press my lips together and nod.
Then youre old enough to work here. Susans a psychic junkie, she wont resist for long. Shell be on your sign-up sheet before you know it.
Psychic junkie? Is that anything like a groupie? I follow him to the office in back, noticing hes wearing the exact same trunks and peace-sign tee as before.