Hey, why dont Stevie Rae and I go get the car while you and your grandma talk?
I barely had time to nod yes, and the two of them were gone, leaving Grandma and me to find a bench positioned conveniently close by. We sat for a second without saying anything. We just held hands and looked at each other. I didnt realize I was crying until Grandma delicately wiped the tears from my face.
I knew youd return to us, she said.
Im sorry I worried you. Im sorry that I didnt
Ssh, Grandma shushed me. There is no need for apologies. You did your best, and your best has always been good enough for me.
I was weak, Grandma. Im still weak, I said honestly.
No, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya, you are young, that is all. She touched my face gently. I am sorry about your Heath. I will miss that young man.
I will, too, I said, blinking hard so I wouldnt start crying again.
But I feel you two will know one another again. Perhaps in this lifetime, perhaps in the next.
I nodded. Thats what Heath said, too, before he moved on to the next realm of the Otherworld.
Grandmas smile was serene. The OtherworldI know that it was under heartbreaking circumstances, but you were given a great gift when you were allowed to travel there and back.
Her words made me thinkreally think. Since Id returned to the real world Id been tired and sad and confused and then, finally, with Stark Id been content and in love. But I havent been thankful, I said the words aloud as I realized them. I havent understood the gift Id been given. I wanted to smack myself in the head. Im a crappy High Priestess, Grandma.
Grandma laughed. Oh, Zoeybird, if that were true you would not question yourself or call yourself to task for your mistakes.
I snorted. I dont think High Priestesses are supposed to make mistakes.
Of course they are. How else would they learn and grow?
I started to say that Id made enough mistakes that I should have grown to be, like, a zillion feet tall, but I knew that wasnt what Grandma meant. I sighed and said, I have a bunch of faults.
It is a wise woman who recognizes that. Sadness made her smile fade. It is one of the key differences between you and your mother.
My mother. I sighed again. Ive been thinking about her lately.
As have I. Linda has been close to my mind during the past several days.
I raised my brows at Grandma. Usually when someone was close to her mind it meant something was going on with that person. Have you heard from her?
No, but I believe I soon will. Hold good thoughts for her, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya.
I will, I said.
My Bug puttered up then, looking familiar and cute with its shiny aqua blue paint and sparkly chrome.
Best be getting back to your school, Zoeybird. Youll be needed there tonight, she said in her no-nonsense-Grandma-voice.
We stood and hugged again. I had to make myself let go of her. Are you staying in Tulsa tonight, Grandma?
Oh, no, honey. I have too much to do. Theres a big powwow in Tahlequah tomorrow and Ive made lovely new lavender sachets. She smiled at me. I beaded redbirds into them.
I grinned and hugged her one last time. Save one for me, okay?
Always, she said. I love you, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya.
I love you, too, I said.
And then I watched as Stark jumped out of the Bug and took Grandmas arm, helping her cross the busy street between the airport arrivals terminal and short-term parking. He jogged back to me, dodging cars. When he opened the door of the car for me I paused, pressed my hand to his chest, and tugged at his shirt until he bent down so I could kiss him. Youre the best Warrior in the world, I whispered against his lips.
Aye, he said, eyes sparkling.
Scrunching myself into the back of my Bug I met Stevie Raes eyes in the rearview mirror. Thanks for giving me some alone time with my grandma.
Not a problem, Z. I heart me your grandma.
Yeah, me too, I said softly. Then I straightened my shoulders and, feeling totally empowered, continued, Okay. So. Tell me about the bullpoopie Im getting ready to step into back at school.
Hold on to your horses cause it really is one red-hot mess, Stevie Rae said as she signaled and pulled away from the curb.
You dont even like horses, I said.
Exactly, she said, which made absolutely no sense, but also made me laugh. Yep, hot mess of bullpoopie or not, I was seriously glad to be home.
* * *
I still cant believe the High Council could be that naïve, I said for what felt like the gazillionth time as Stevie Rae helped me decide on what outfit I was gonna wear to light Jacks funeral pyre. I shuddered.
Without knocking, Aphrodite breezed into the room. She took one look at the black, long-sleeved, high-necked sweater and black jeans I was holding up and said, Oh, for shits sake. You cant wear that. Youre lighting the funeral pyre of a gay. Do you know how mortified Jack would be if he saw you in that, not to mention Damien? It looks like an early 1990s Anita Blake reject outfit.
Whos Anita Blake? Stevie Rae asked.
Vampire killer chick written by a human chick who has a Totally Tragic fashion sense. Aphrodite was wearing a skintight sapphire-colored dress that was a little shimmery, but not so much so that it looked like one of those prom rejects from Davids Bridal. Actually, she looked gorgeous and classy like she usually does. Probably because Victoria, her personal shopper at super posh Miss Jacksons at Utica Square, had pulled the dang thing for her as soon as it came in and charged her mommys platinum credit card. Sigh. It kinda made my head hurt.
Anyway, she marched over to my closet, opened it, and after one disdainful look at my wardrobe took out the dress shed given me the night Id gone to my first Dark Daughters Ritual. It was black, long-sleeved, and (unlike the sweater and jeans) flattering. It was also trimmed around the low, round neckline, the flowy sleeves, and the hem with little red glass beads that sparkled whenever I moved and matched perfectly the Leader of the Dark Daughters triple moon that rested around my neck. I met her eyes. This dress doesnt have such nice memories attached to it, I said.
Yeah, well, it looks good on you. Its appropriate. And, most important, Jack would totally love it. Plus, according to my mother, memories change like people do, especially if theres enough alcohol involved.
Look, Aphrodite, do not tell me you are gonna be drinkin tonight. Thats just not appropriate, Stevie Rae said.
No, bumpkin. Or at least not until afterward. She tossed the dress at me. Now put this on and hurry up. The Twins and Darius are bringing Damien up here so we can all walk out to the pyre togethera show of nerd herd solidarity and all, which I believe is a good decision, she added quickly when Stevie Rae sucked in air and opened her mouth to interrupt. Oh, and hi. Its good to see you and your hypochondriac boyfriend back in the real world.
Fine. Ill wear this. I ducked into our bathroom, then popped my head out and met Aphrodite cool blue eyes. Oh, and Stark is my Guardian and Warrior first, my boyfriend second. And he is darn sure not a hypochondriac. You know that. You saw what happened to him.
Huh, Aphrodite scoffed under her breath.
I ignored the rude sound but kept the door open so I could still talk to them while I got dressed. When I saw the seer stone I paused, and decided to let it hang down beneath the top of the dressno way did I feel like answering questions about Skye and Sgiach tonight. I combed my hair quickly and said, Hey, do you guys think Neferets letting me light the pyre because she expects me to mess it up? Hell, I expected to mess it up, why wouldnt she?
Well, I think her plans much more nefarious than you fumbling around with some words cause youre bawling, cause you actually cared bout Jack, Stevie Rae said.
Nef what? said Shaunee as she, too, walked right into my room without so much as a howdy do.
Arious who? chimed in Erin. Whats she doing, Twin? Tryin to pick up the Damien vocab slack?
Totally sounds like it, Twin, Shaunee replied.
I like words, and you two can go suck a lemon, Stevie Rae said.
Aphrodite started to laugh and then covered it with a cough when I left the bathroom and glared at all of them. Were getting ready to go to a funeral. I think we should show a little more respect for Jack, being as he was our friend and all.
The Twins instantly looked contrite. They came over to me and each gave me a hug, mumbling his and glad youre backs.
Z has a point about bein more serious, and not just cause its Jacks funeral and thats real terrible. We all know theres no way Neferet has suddenly decided to do the right thing and respect Zoey and her powers, Stevie Rae said.
We need to be on our guard, I agreed. Stay close to me. Be ready. If I have to cast a protective circle, I dont imagine Ill have much time to do it.
Why dont you cast one to begin with? Aphrodite said.
I was gonna, but I looked up stuff about a vampyre funeral, and the High Priestess usually doesnt cast one. Its her job, well, uh, I mean my job tonight, to stand as respectful witness to the loss of a fellow vampyre, and to help send the vampyres spirit to Nyxs Otherworld. Theres no circle casting involved in that, just prayers to Nyx and such.
You should be good at that, Z, since you just got back from the Otherworld, Stevie Rae said.
I just hope I do Jack proud. I felt the tears start to sting my eyes and I blinked hard, forcing them back. The last thing any of my friends needed was for me to be a bawling, snotting mess tonight.
So none of you have any idea what Neferets up to? I asked them.
There was a bunch of head shaking, and Aphrodite said, All I can think is that shes going to somehow try to humiliate you, but I dont see how that can happen if you stay calm and strong and focus on why were all here tonight.
For Jack, Shaunee said.
To say bye to him, Erin said, her voice shaking a little.
Well, thats nice and all, Stevie Rae said, and we looked at her. But I think funerals, no matter what theyre like, are mostly for the people left behind, like Damien.
Thats a really good point, Stevie Rae. I smiled at her in gratitude. Ill remember that.
Stevie Rae cleared her voice. I know because I saw my mama today, and she was kinda holdin a mini funeral for me. It was her way of tryin to find closure.
I had a moment of intense shock while the Twins exploded with Ohmygoddess, how awful!
She came here? Aphrodite asked. I was surprised at how kind her voice sounded.
Stevie Rae nodded. She was out by the front gate leavin me a funeral wreath, but really what she was doin was what Damien is gonna try to do tonight: saying goodbye.
You talked to her, didnt you? I said. I mean, she knows youre not dead anymore, right?
Stevie Rae smiled, even though her eyes still looked super sad. Yeah, but it made me feel awful that I hadnt gone to her first. It was terrible to see her cry so much.
I went to my BFF and hugged her. Well, at least she knows now.
And at least you have a mom who cares enough to cry about you, Aphrodite said.
I met Aphrodites gaze with complete understanding. Yeah, thats true.
Yall please, your mamas would be crying if something happened to you, Stevie Rae said.
Mine would in public because its expected of her, and because shed be so prescription-med-ed up that she could work up a tear over just about anything, Aphrodite said blandly.
Well, I guess mine would cry, too, but itd be all about how could she have done this to me and now shes going straight to hell and its all her fault. I paused and then added, My grandma would say its too bad that my mom doesnt understand that theres more than just one right answer about forever. I smiled at my friends. I know cause Ive been there and its wonderful. Really, really wonderful.
Jacks there, isnt he? Safe, in the Otherworld, with the Goddess?
We all looked up to see Damien standing in the doorway that the Twins had left open. Darius was on one side of him and Stark was on the other. Damien looked absolutely horrible, even though he was dressed immaculately in Armani. He was so pale it seemed I could see through his skin, and the shadows under his eyes looked like bruises. I walked over to him and took him into my arms. He felt thin and frail and totally un-Damien-like.
Yes. He is with Nyx. I give you my word on that as one of her High Priestesses. I hugged him and whispered, I am so sorry, Damien.
Damien returned my hug and then, with an effort, stepped back. He wasnt crying. Instead he looked drainedemptyhopeless.
Im ready to go, and Im really glad youre here.
So am I. I wish Id been here before. I felt tears start to threaten again. Maybe I could have
No, you couldnt have, Aphrodite said, stepping up to stand beside me. Again, her voice was softened with understanding and she sounded way older than nineteen. You couldnt stop Heaths death. You wouldnt have been able to stop Jacks. My eyes briefly met Starks and I saw in his gaze a reflection of what I was thinkingthat Id stopped his death. Even if it meant he had nightmares and still wasnt one hundred percent, at least he was alive.
Seriously, stop it, Z, Aphrodite said. All of youdont start the self-blame game. The only one responsible for Jack being dead is Neferet. We know that, even if no one else does.
I cant deal with that right now, Damien said, and for a second I thought he might actually faint. Do we have to face down Neferet tonight?
No, I said quickly. Im not planning anything like that.
But we cant control what shell do, Aphrodite said.
Stark and I will stay close. The rest of you be sure youre near Zoey and Damien. We wont begin anything, but if Neferet attempts to harm any of us, we will be ready.
Ive seen her in front of the Council. I dont think shes gonna do anything as obvious as attackin Z, Stevie Rae said.
Whatever she does, well be ready, Stark echoed Dariuss words.
I wont be ready, Damien said. I dont think Ill ever be able to fight anything again.
I took Damiens hand in mine. Well, tonight you wont have to. If theres a battle to be fought, your friends will do it. Now lets go see to Jack.
Damien drew in a long, shaky breath, nodded, and we left my room. Still holding Damiens hand, I led the group down the stairs and out into the common room, which was completely empty. I mentally sent a small prayer up to the Goddess: Please let everyone already be out thereplease let Damien know how much Jack was loved.
We walked down the sidewalk that led around the front part of the school. I knew where we were going. I remembered all too well that Anastasias pyre had been placed in the center of the school grounds, directly in front of Nyxs Temple.
As we moved along the sidewalk in silence a small sound caught me and I glanced at a bench that rested under a redbud tree near the front of the school. Erik was sitting there, alone. His face was in his hands and the sound Id heard was his crying.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Zoey
I almost kept walking by, and then I remembered that before hed gone through the Change, Erik had been Jacks roommate. And because of that I also remembered that it didnt matter just then what had happened between him and me. I was serving the role of High Priestess tonight for Jack, and I knew beyond any doubt Jack wouldnt want me to let Erik sit out there all by himself, crying.
Plus I had a sudden flash though my mind of the time when Erik had found me crying after my first, disastrous, Dark Daughters Ritual. Back then hed been sweet and thoughtful and had made me feel like maybe I could really handle the craziness that happened at this school.
I owed him a favor in return.
I squeezed Damiens hand and brought him and my whole group to a halt. Honey, I said to Damien, I want you to go with Stark and everyone else to the pyre. Theres something I have to do real quick. Plus, from everything I can find to read on vamp funerals and such, youcause Jack really was your Consortneed to spend time meditating before the pyre is lit. At least I hoped that was what Damien needed to do.
As if shed materialized in response to my words, a vampyre stepped out of the shadows, coming from the direction of the funeral pyre. You are absolutely correct, Zoey Redbird, she said.
I, along with all of my friends, gave her big question-mark looks.
Oh, I should introduce myself. She offered me her forearm in the traditional vampyre greeting. I am Beverly She paused, cleared her throat, and started again. I am Professor Missal. The new Spells and Rituals instructor.
Oh, uh, nice to meet you. I returned her greeting by grasping her forearm. Yeah, she had a full vamp tattooa pretty pattern that reminded me of musical notesbut I swear she looked younger than Stevie Rae. Um, Professor Missal, would you lead Damien and the rest of the kids to the pyre? Theres something I need to do here.
Of course. Everything will be ready for you. She turned to Damien and said gently, Please follow me.
Damien said a faint okay, but he looked super glassy eyed. Still, he began following the new professor. Stark hung back. His eyes shifted to the shadows and the bench on which Erik sat. Then they returned to me.
Please, I said. I need to talk to him. Trust me, kay?
His face relaxed. No problem, mo bann ri. Before he started after Damien, he added softly in his excellent Scottish accent, Its waitin for you Ill be when yur finished.
Thank you. I tried to tell him with my eyes how much I loved and appreciated his loyalty and his trust.
He smiled and moved off with the rest of the group. Well, except for Aphrodite. And Darius, who hovered about like her shadow.
What? I said.
Like we can leave you alone? Aphrodite rolled her eyes. Seriously. How clueless are you? Neferet managed to cut off Jacks head without actually being there. Darius and I arent leaving you alone to comfort Erik the Douche.
I looked at Darius, but he shook his head and said, Sorry, Zoey, Aphrodite has a point.
Could you at least stay back here out of earshot? I asked in exasperation.
Like we want to hear Eriks crybaby crap? No problem. Just hurry up. No one needs to be kept waiting for a douche bag, Aphrodite said.
I didnt even bother to sigh as I walked away from them, making a path to Erik. Okay, seriously. The guy didnt even know I was there. I was standing in front of him. His face was in his hands and he was crying. Really crying. Knowing what an excellent actor he was, I cleared my throat and got ready to be semi-sarcastic, or at the very least passive-aggressive.
When he looked up at me everything changed. His eyes were puffy and red. Tears soaked his cheeks. Snot even ran out of his nose. He blinked a couple of times, like he was having a hard time focusing on me. Oh, uh, Zoey, he said, and made an effort at pulling himself together. He sat up straighter, and wiped his snotty nose on the back of his sleeve. Um, hey. Youre back.
Yeah, I landed a little while ago. Im going to light Jacks pyre. Wanna come with me?
A sob erupted from deep within him. Erik bowed his head and began to weep.
It was totally awful.
I so didnt know what to do.
And I swear I heard Aphrodite snorting off in the distance.
Hey. I sat next to him and awkwardly patted his shoulder. I know its terrible. You guys were really good friends.
Erik nodded his head. I could see he was making an effort to get himself under control, so I sat there and babbled while he sniffed and wiped his face on his sleeve (eesh).
It really sucks. Jack was too darn nice and sweet and young and everything to have something like this happen to him. Were all gonna miss him so much.
Neferet did this. He spoke quietly, and I saw him glancing around like he was scared of being overheard. I dont know how. I dont fucking even know why, but she did it.
Yeah, I said.
Our eyes met.
Are you going to do something about it? he said.
My gaze didnt falter one little bit. Absolutely everything in my power.
He almost smiled. Well, thats good enough for me. He wiped his face again and ran a hand through his hair. I was leaving.
Huh? I said brilliantly.
Yeah, going. Leaving the Tulsa House of Night for L.A. They want me therein Hollywood. I was supposed to be the next Brad Pitt.
Was? I asked, totally confused. Whats stopping you?
Slowly, Erik raised his right hand and held it, palm out, toward me. I blinked several times, not really understanding what I was seeing.
Yeah, its what you think, he said.
Its Nyxs Labyrinth. Of course I recognized the raised sapphire-colored tattoo that filled his palm, but it was like my mind was having a hard time catching up with my eyes, and I wasnt getting it until Aphrodites voice came from behind me. Oh, for shits sake! Eriks a Tracker.
Eriks eyes shifted from me to Aphrodite. Happy now? Go ahead and laugh. You know this means I cant leave the Tulsa House of Night for four yearsthat I have to stay here and follow a damn essence and be the asshole who is there when every kid for the next four years is Marked and finds out he might or might not die, but for sure has to change his life forever.
There was a moment of silence and then Aphrodite said, Is that whats bothering you? That youre the new Tracker and its a tough job, or is whats really bothering you that you have to put off Hollywood for four years and in that time theres sure to be the next Brad Pitt?
I whirled around and faced her. He was Jacks roommate! Do you remember what its like to lose a roommate? I saw her expression shift and soften, but I just shook my head. No. You and Darius go on. Ill follow you. When Aphrodite still hesitated I spoke directly to her Warrior. As your High Priestess Im commanding you. I want to be alone with Erik. Take Aphrodite and meet me at Jacks pyre.
Darius didnt hesitate for another second. He bowed solemnly to me, then he took Aphrodite by the elbow and literally pulled her away. I sighed deeply and sat down next to Erik on the bench.
Sorry about that. Aphrodite means well, but like Stevie Rae would say, shes not very nice sometimes.
Erik snorted. You dont need to tell me that. She and I dated, remember?
I remember, I said quietly. Then added, You and I dated, too.
Yeah, he said. I thought I loved you.
I thought I loved you, too.
He looked at me. Were we wrong?
I looked back at him. Really looked back at him. Goddess, he was hot in a seriously Superman/Clark Kent kind of way. Tall and dark and blue eyed and muscly. But there was more to him than that. Yeah, he was controlling and arrogant, but somewhere inside him I knew there was a really, really good guy. I just wasnt the right girl for that guy.
Yeah, we were wrong, but thats okay. Recently Ive been reminded that its okay not to be perfect, especially if you learn from your mess-ups. So how about we learn from ours? I think we could make better friends anyway.
His gorgeous lips turned up. I think you might be right.
Plus, I added, bumping him with my shoulder, I dont have enough pretty straight guys as my friends.
Im a pretty straight guy. I mean, a really straight guy who is also, as you say, pretty.
Yep, you are, I said. Then I held out my hand. Friends?
Friends. Erik took my hand in his and then, with a rakish smile, he dropped gracefully from the bench to one knee. My lady, lets always be friends.
Okie dokie, I said, kinda breathlessly, cause, well, no matter how much I loved Stark, Erik was seriously hot and a super good actor.
He bowed and kissed my hand. Not in a creepy Im-trying-to-get-into-your-pants way, but in a real old-school-gentleman way. Still on his knee, he looked up at me and said, You have to say something tonight that gives us hope and helps Damien, because right now lots of us are just floating out there wondering what the fuckand Damien is seriously not doing well.
My heart clenched. I know.
Good. No matter what else, I believe in you, Zoey.
I sighed. Again.
He smiled and stood up, pulling me up with him. So please let me escort you to this funeral.
I took Eriks arm and stepped into a future I couldnt have begun to imagine.
* * *
It was an awesome, sad, incredible sight. Unlike the last time a funeral pyre had burned for a vampyre at the House of Night, the entire school was there. Fledglings and vampyres made a huge circle around a benchlike structure that had been built in the very center of the school grounds. I could still see the charred grass that bore witness to the fact that not long ago Anastasia Lankfords body had been consumed by the Goddesss fire in that very same place. Only the school hadnt come out to witness and show respect for her then. Too many of them had been under the control of Kalonaor just downright scared. Tonight was different. Kalonas control had been broken and Jack was getting a Warriors sendoff.
My eyes found Dragon Lankford even before I looked at the funeral pyre. He was standing behind Jack in the shadow of the closest oak tree. But the shadows didnt cloak his pain. I could see tears falling silently down his chiseled face. Goddess help Dragon, was my first prayer of the night. Hes such a good man. Help him find peace.
Then I looked at Jack.
What I saw made me gasp and smile through my tears. As was traditional for vampyre funerals, hed been wrapped, head to toe, in the traditional vampyre shroud, but Jacks covering was purple. Super shiny. Super brilliant. Super purple.
She actually did it. Eriks choked voice came from beside me. I knew purple was his favorite color, so I went to The Dolphin at Utica Square and bought purple sheets. Lots of them. Then I told Sapphire over in the infirmary to wrap Jack in them, even though I didnt think she really would.
I turned to Erik, went up on my tiptoes, and kissed his cheek. Thank you. Jack would absolutely love that you did that. You were a good friend to him, Erik.
He nodded and smiled but didnt say anything, and I saw that he was crying again. Before I could join him and bawl so hard I couldnt possibly be mistaken for anyones High Priestess, I looked away from him and my eyes found Damien. He was on his knees at the head of Jacks pyre. Duchess was sitting beside him and his chubby cat, Cammy, was curled up mournfully between his knees. Stark was standing next to Duchess and I could see that he was petting her and murmuring to the dog and Damien at the same time. Stevie Rae was next to Stark, looking super miserable and bawling steadily. Aphrodite stood at Damiens other side, with Darius right behind her. The Twins were to her left. And from each side of my group of best friends, the entire school stretched in a quiet, respectful circle around the pyre. Many of the fledglings and vampyres, including Lenobia and most of the other professors, were holding purple candles. It didnt seem like anyone except Stark was talking, but I could hear lots of sobbing.
Neferet was nowhere to be seen.
You can do it, Erik whispered.
How? I barely spoke the word.
Like you always dowith Nyxs help, he said.
Please, Nyx, help me. I cant do this on my own, I whispered aloud. And then Professor Missal was there, ushering me forward. So, moving with what I hoped were the confident strides of a grown-up real High Priestess, I walked directly to Damien.
Stark saw me first. When his eyes met mine I didnt see any hint of jealousy or anger, even though I knew Erik was walking right behind me. My Warrior, my Guardian, my lover, stepped aside and bowed formally to me.
Merry meet, High Priestess. His voice rang over the school grounds. Everyone turned to me and it seemed, as one, the House of Night bowed, acknowledging me as their High Priestess.
It gave me a feeling like Id never had before. Professors, vampyres hundreds of years old, and the youngest of fledglings were all looking to mebelieving in me, trusting in me. It was as terrifying as it was awesome.