I cant believe that, at least not yet. Stevie Rae went to her old bed and sat across from me, just like she used to before our world started to explode around us. I want to go with you. I really do. Heck, Z, youre in more danger than I am! But I have to do the right thing, and thats to try to reach those other kids and give them one more chance. Do you understand?
Yeah, I do. Its just that Ive really missed you and I wish you were coming with me.
Tears filled Stevie Raes eyes. Ive missed you, too, Z. Its been horrible keeping stuff from you. I was just so scared you wouldnt understand.
I know what its like to keep secrets. It sucks.
Seriously, thats an understatement, she said. Were still best friends, right?
Well always be best friends, I said.
Grinning, she launched herself at me and we hugged so hard that Nala woke up, grumbling at us like she was someones mom.
Heath chose that instant to burst back into the room. Arms filled with food, he stopped and stared. Yes! I have died and gone to girl-on-girl heaven!
Ohmygoddess! I said.
Heath, you are nasty as roadkillstinky, disgusting, middle-of-the-summer-opossum roadkill.
Eesh, thats disgusting, I said.
Well, thats your boyfriend.
But I brought food, he said.
Fine, youre forgiven, I said.
Hey, just so you know, Im sleepin right here in my old bed. So there wont be any groping and making out going on because Im not cool with that. Stevie Rae was talking to Heath, but I answered.
Uh, I have two words for girls who make out with their boyfriends with other girls in the room: Not okay. So you dont need to worry about that stuff going on over here. I patted my bed. Heath is going to be good because we already talked about how our relationship is based on more than sex. Right, Heath?
Stevie Rae and I skewered him with our eyes.
Right. Sad and tragic, but right, he admitted reluctantly.
Good. Lets eat, then Ill help Z pack, and then we can get some sleep. Finally, Stevie Rae said.
I was just drifting off to sleep, snugly curled into Heaths strong, familiar arms when it hit me: Heath really couldnt come with us.
Heath, I whispered. We gotta talk.
Changing your mind about that no-making-out thing? he whispered back.
I elbowed him.
Ow, what? he said.
I dont want you to get mad, but you really cant go with me to Italy.
The hell I cant.
Your parents will never let you miss that much school.
Were on winter break.
No, you were on ice storm break. The storms clearing up. Youll be back at school in a day or so, I said.
Then Ill make up my homework when I get back.
I tried a different tactic. Youve gotta stay here and focus on your grades. Its your last semester before you go to college. If you mess up your grades now, you mess up your scholarship.
Look, this is simple. Broken Arrow has that online grade book thing, remember?
How could I forget something as totally annoying as my parental units being able to gawk at my grades and assignments every single day? Then I clamped my mouth shut because I realized what Id said.
See! I can get my assignments online. Ill stay caught up. You can even help me. Or, better yet, Damien can help me. No offense, Zo, but I think hes a better student than you are.
I know he is, but thats beside the point. Your parents will never let you go.
They cant stop me. Im eighteen.
Heath, please. I already feel bad enough about all the poo Ive brought into your life. Dont make me responsible for screwing up your last semester of school, getting you grounded until you leave for college, and putting your life in danger.
Ive told you before I can take care of myself, he said.
Fine, lets compromise. Call your parents when we get up and ask them if you can come to Italy with me. If they say yes, then you come with me. If they say no, you stay here and get your butt back to class.
Do I have to tell them about Kalona and that stuff?
I dont think its smart for the general public to know theres a fallen immortal and a crazy exHigh Priestess trying to take over the world. So, no, you dont have to tell them that part.
He hesitated and then said, Okay, I can live with that.
Promise?
Promise.
Good, because Ill be listening to the whole conversation so you wont be able to bullpoopie me.
You know thats not a real word, Zo.
Its my real word. Go to sleep, Heath.
He tightened his arms around me. I heart you, Zo.
I heart you, too.
Ill keep you safe.
I fell asleep with Heaths arms around me and a smile on my face, my last conscious thought was about how strong he felt and that Id have to tell him I really appreciated how buff hed been keeping himself.
My next thought was not conscious and it was totally not soothing: What in the hell am I doing on the roof of this castle again?
CHAPTER 30
Zoey
It was the same castle rooft op; there was no doubt about it. The orange trees were filled with fat fruit that scented the cool breeze. In the center was the same fountain shaped like a naked woman with water cascading from her raised hands. Seeing her twice, I realized why she looked familiar. She reminded me of Nyx, or at least of one of the faces Id seen the Goddess wear. And then I remembered what Id learned about this placethat it was the ancient site of the original Vampyre High Council, so it totally made sense that the fountain would look like our Goddess. I wanted to sit beside it and breathe deep the smell of citrus and the sea air. I didnt want to turn where my gut was telling me to turnand see who I knew I was going to see. But, like the snowball down the mountain, I couldnt seem to control the avalanche that was happening to me, so I turned in the direction my soul was leading me.
Kalona knelt by the edge of the castles toothlike roof. His back was to me and he was on his knees. He was dressed, or rather, undressed, like hed been the last time wed been herehe had on jeans and that was it. His dark wings spread down around him, leaving only his bronze shoulders visible. His head was bowed, and he didnt seem to know I was there. As if I couldnt stop them, my feet moved toward him, and as I approached, I realized that he was kneeling exactly where Id been standing when Id flung myself off the rooftop.
I wasnt far from him when I saw his shoulders tense. His wings rustled and then his head lifted and he glanced over his shoulder.
He was crying. Tears made wet paths down his face. He looked crushed, broken, completely defeated. But the instant he saw me his expression changed. His face was suff used with such incredible joy that my breath literally caught at his incomparable beauty. He stood, and with a shout of happiness strode toward me.
I thought he would pull me into his arms, but at the last second he checked himself so that he only lifted one hand as if he was going to touch my cheek, but his fingers stopped short of my skin, hesitated there for an instant, and then, without touching me, his hand dropped back to his side.
You came back.
Dreams arent real. I didnt die, I said, though it was hard for me to speak.
The realm of dreams is part of the Otherworld; dont ever underestimate the power of what happens here. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and, surprising me again, gave an embarrassed little chuckle. I must seem foolish to you. I knew you werent dead, of course. Yet it still felt so realso horribly familiar.
I stared at him, not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to react to this version of Kalonathe version who looked and acted more like an angel than a demon. He reminded me of the Kalona who had surrendered to A-ya, willingly giving himself to the trap of her embrace with a vulnerability that still haunted me. It was such a contrast from the last time Id been here, when hed been in super-seduction mode, all groping me, and
I narrowed my eyes at him. Just exactly how can I be here again? Im not sleeping alone, and I dont mean Im with one of my girlfriends. Or rather, friends who are girls, I corrected hastily. Im sleeping in the arms of the human guy Ive Imprinted. He and I are definitely more than friends. You shouldnt be able to get in here. I pointed to my head.
I am not inside your head. You have never called me into your dreams. I draw your essence to me. The invasion was mine, not through any invitation of yours.
Thats not what you said before.
I lied to you before. I am speaking the truth to you now.
Why?
For the same reason I was able to draw you here through your sleep even though you are in the arms of another. This timefor the first timemy motives are pure. I am not attempting to manipulate you. I am not attempting to seduce you. And I will speak only truth to you.
How can you expect me to believe that?
Whether you believe it or not does not change the nature of truth. You are here, Zoey, when you should not be. Is that not proof enough for you?
I chewed my lip. I dont know. I dont know the rules here.
You do know about the power of truth, though. You showed me that during your last visit. Can you not draw on that power to judge the veracity of what Im saying?
Thanks to Damien, I knew veracity meant truth, so I wasnt standing there chewing my lip with a big question mark on my face because I didnt get what he meant. I question marked because I didnt know how to respond to him. Kalona was completely baffling me. Finally I opened my mouth to tell him that, no, I couldnt count on the power of truth when I didnt have a clue what he might be lying about, but he held up one hand and stopped my words.
You asked me once before if I have always been as I am now, and I only gave you evasions and lies. Today Id like to give you the truth. Will you let me, Zoey?
Again, he called me Zoey! He hadnt once called me A-ya, as he liked to do. And he wasnt touching me. At all.
II dont know, I stuttered like a moron and took a half step back, expecting the good-guy act to fade and the seductive immortal to reappear. What are you going to do to show me?
His beautiful amber eyes darkened with sadness. He shook his head. No, Zoey. You need not fear that Ill try to make love to you. Should I attempt to shift from truth to seduction, this dream would shatter and you would find yourself waking in another mans arms. For me to show you what you need to see, you need only take my hand. He held it out to me, strong and normal-looking.
I hesitated.
I give you my oath that my skin will not burn you with the cold power of the lust I have for you. I know you have no reason to trust me, so I ask only that you trust in truth. Touch me, and you will see that I am not lying to you.
Its just a dream. I reminded myself. No matter what he says about the Otherworld, a dream is a dream. This isnt real. But truth was real, whether in dreams or the waking world, and the sad truth was that I wanted to take his hand. I wanted to see what it was he needed to show me.
So I lifted my hand and pressed my palm to his.
Hed been telling the truth. For the first time, his skin didnt freeze me with a passion and power that I couldnt accept, even when I couldnt make myself completely reject it.
I want to show you my past. The hand not holding mine swept in front of us like he was wiping an invisible window once, twice, three times. Then the air wavered and with an awful ripping sound something opened before us, like hed torn a piece of the dream realm open. Now behold the truth!
At his command the rip in the sky shivered and then, like a big flat-screen TV had suddenly been turned on, I began watching pieces of Kalonas past.
The first scene I saw had me breathless at its beauty. Kalona was there, half naked as always, but this time he held one long, dangerous-looking sword while another one was in a scabbard strapped across his back, and his wings were pure white! He was standing outside a magnificent door to a marble temple. He looked dangerous and nobleevery bit a true Warrior. As I watched, his stern expression changed to something softer, and as the woman walked up the stairs of the temple, he smiled at her with obvious adoration.
Merry meet, Kalona, my Warrior.
Her voice echoed eerily from the past and I gasped. I didnt need to see the womans face. I instantly recognized her voice. Nyx! I cried.
Indeed, Kalona said. I was Nyxs Oath-sworn Warrior.
The Kalona in the vision followed his Goddess into her temple. The scene changed, and suddenly Kalona was using both his swords to battle something I couldnt quite focus on. The thing was black and kept changing shape. One instant it would be a huge serpent, in another it was an open mouth filled with glistening teeth, in yet another it appeared to be a hideous spiderlike creature with claws and fangs.
What is that?
Just an aspect of evil. Kalona spoke slowly, as if the words were hard for him to say.
But werent you in Nyxs realm? How could evil get there?
Evil is everywhere, just as good is everywhere. Its the way the world and the Otherworld were made. There must be balance, even in Nyxs realm.
Thats why she needed a warrior? I asked, watching the scene shift again to show Kalona, white wings blazing, walking behind Nyx as she strolled through a lush meadow. His eyes were never still, but constantly scanned the area around and behind the Goddess. One sword was drawn and in his hand. The other was ready in its scabbard.
Yes, that is why she needs a warrior, he said.
Needs. I tested the word, and then managed to look from the scenes of Kalonas past to the Kalona of the present. If she still needs a warrior, then why are you here instead of there?
His jaw tightened and his eyes filled with pain. His voice was broken when he answered me. Look there, and you shall see the truth.
I focused my gaze back on the changing scenes to see Nyx standing before Kalona. He was on his knees in front of her, and just as he had been when I stepped into this dream, he was weeping. This incarnation of Nyx looked so much like the statue of Mary at the Benedictine nuns grotto that I felt a little jolt of shock. But as I kept watching, I saw that something was off about Nyx. Unlike the serene beauty of the nuns Mary, Nyxs expression was hard and appeared weirdly more stonelike than the statue.
Please do not do this, my Goddess. Kalonas voice lifted to us. It sounded as if he were begging.
I do nothing, Kalona. You have a choice in this. I give even my Warriors free will, though I dont require them to use it wisely. I was shocked by how cold Nyx sounded. For a second she actually reminded me of how Aphrodite used to be.
I cannot help myself. I was created to feel this. It is not free will. It is preordination.
Yet as your Goddess I tell you what you are is not preordained. Your will has fashioned you.
I cannot help how I feel! I cannot help what I am!
You, my Warrior, are mistaken; therefore, you must pay the consequences of your mistake.
Nyx raised one perfect arm and flicked her fingers at Kalona. The Warrior was lifted from his knees and hurled backward, tumbling end over end.
Kalona fell.
I watched it.
I watched him scream and writhe in agony as he fell and fell and fell. When he finally landed, crumpled, broken, and bloody, in a lush field that reminded me of the Tall Grass Prairie, his wings had turned from white to the raven black they are today.
With a cry filled with pain, Kalona lifted his hand and wiped away the vision of the past. As the air before us shimmered and then became the rooft op garden of the castle again, he let loose of my hand and stepped away from me to sit on a bench under an orange tree. He didnt say anything. He just sat there looking out at the sparkling blue of the Mediterranean.
I followed, but didnt sit beside him. Instead, I stood in front of him, studying him as if I could really judge truth with my eyes.
Why did she kick you out? What was it that you did?
His eyes met mine. I loved her too much. His voice was so emotionless he sounded like a ghost.
How can you love your Goddess too much? I asked automatically, even as the obvious answer came to me. There were different types of loveI was über-aware of that. Kalonas love for Nyx was obviously the wrong type.
I was jealous. I even hated Erebus.
I blinked in shock. Erebus was Nyxs consort, her eternal lover.
My love for her made me break my oath. I was so obsessed with her, I couldnt protect her anymore. I failed as her Warrior.
Thats terrible, I said, thinking of Stark. Hed only been sworn to me for days, and already I knew it would be like ripping away a part of his soul if he failed to protect me. And how long had Kalona been Nyxs Warrior? Centuries? How long was a piece of eternity?
Incredulous, I realized I was feeling sorry for Kalona. I couldnt be feeling sorry for him! Sure, hed had his heart broken and fell from the Goddesss realm, but then hed turned into a bad guy. Hed become the evil he used to fight.
He nodded his head and, as if he could hear my thoughts, said, I did terrible things. Ive continued to do them. Falling changed me. Then, for so long I was numb inside. I searched and searched, century after century, trying to find something, someone to fill the bloody wound Nyx had left within my soul, within my heart. When I found her, I didnt know she wasnt real, that she was just an illusion created to entrap me. I went willingly into her arms. Did you know that when she began to shift her form back to the clay from which shed been made, she wept?
My body jerked. I knew what he was talking about. Id experienced it with her.
Yes. My voice was a rough whisper. I remember.
His eyes widened in shock. You remember? You have A-yas memories?
I didnt want to admit the extent of the A-ya memory, but I knew I couldnt lie. So I fashioned a small piece of the truth and gave it to him in short, tight words. Only one. I just remember dissolving. And I remember A-ya crying.
I am glad you dont remember anything else, because her spirit stayed with me, trapped there in the darkness, for a long time. I couldnt touch her, but I could sense her presence. I think it was the only thing that kept me sane. A shiver rippled through his body and I saw his hands begin to lift, as if he would literally try to push away the memory. He was silent for a long time. I thought he might be done with his retelling of the past, and I was trying to sift through the shock and disbelief in my mind to find a question to ask him when he began to speak again. Then A-ya was gone. That is when I began calling. I whispered my need to be free to the world, and the world finally heard me.
Dont you mean Neferet heard you?
It is true that she heard me, but it wasnt only the Tsi Sgili who answered my call.
I shook my head. You didnt call me to the House of Night. Nyx Marked me. Thats why Im there.
Is it? I must speak only the truth or our dream disappears, so I will not try to persuade you by pretending I know more than I do. I will only say what I believe, and I do believe you heard me, too. Or at least the part of you that was once A-ya heard and recognized my voice. He hesitated, and then added, Perhaps Nyxs hand was guiding your reincarnation. Perhaps the Goddess sent you to
No! I couldnt listen to any more. My heart was beating so hard I thought it would burst from my chest. Nyx didnt send me to you, just like Im not really A-ya. It doesnt matter that I have some random memory thats hers. In this lifetime Im a real girl, with free will and a mind of my own.
His expression changed again. His eyes soft ened as he smiled at me tenderly. I know, Zoey, and that is why I have had such a struggle with my feelings for you. I woke from the earth wanting the maiden who had imprisoned me, to find a girl with free will fighting against me.
Why are you doing this? Why do you sound like this? Youre not really this guy! I shouted at him, trying to yell down the terrible, wonderful way his words were making me feel.
It happened when you fell. I saw myself falling again, and in that vision I also saw my heart breaking again. I couldnt bear it. I swore to myself that if I could draw you to me one more time I would show you the truth.
If this is really true, then you have to know that youve become the evil you used to fight.
He looked away from me, but not before I saw shame in his eyes. Yes. I know.
Ive chosen a different path. I cant love evil. And that is the truth, I said.
His eyes came instantly back to me. And if I choose to reject evil? What then?
His questions threw me totally off guard, so I blurted the first thing that came to my mind. You cant reject evil, not while youre with Neferet.
What if Im only evil with Neferet? What if the truth is that if I were with you, I could choose good?
Impossible. I was shaking my head back and forth, back and forth.
Why do you call it impossible? It has happened before. You know because you caused the choice for good. The warrior who is bound to you is proof of it.
No. This version of you isnt real. Youre not Stark. Youre a fallen immortal, Neferets lover. Youve raped womenmade people your slaveskilled people. Your sons almost killed my grandma. One of them did kill Professor Anastasia! I grabbed on to all the negatives I could and hurled them at him. The fledglings and professors at the House of Night started to question Nyx because of you. Theyre still acting wrong. Whether its their choice or not, theyre filled with fear and hate and jealousy, just like you were with Nyx!
He acted like I wasnt standing there shrieking at him. He simply said, You saved Stark. Cant you save me, too?
No! I screamed.
And sat straight up in bed.
Zo, its okay. I got ya. Heath was there, wiping sleep from his eyes with one hand and rubbing my back with the other.
Oh, Goddess, I said, blowing out a long, trembling breath.
Whats wrong? Bad dream?
Yeah, yeah. Weird, bad dream. I glanced at the bed across the room. Stevie Rae hadnt moved. Nala was curled by her shoulder. My cat sneezed at me. Traitor, I told her, trying to force myself to sound normal again.
Well, then, go back to sleep. This switching up days and nights is finally working for me and I want to stay in practice, Heath said, holding his arms open for me to slide back into.
Okay, yeah, sorry. I lay back, curling into a ball that was frighteningly similar to a fetal position.
Go back to sleep, Heath repeated around a huge yawn. Everythings okay.
I lay awake for a long time wishing desperately that it was true.
CHAPTER 31
Zoey
When we woke up near dusk I couldnt bear to think about Kalona and the dream, so I pounced on Heath. Okay, time to call your mom and dad so they can tell you to come home.
Are you okay, Z? Stevie Rae asked while she towel-dried her hair. She and I had stuffed things in my book bag while Heath showered, then wed taken turns getting ready. Her question made me realize that in all that time I hadnt done much more than mumble monosyllabic responses to anything she or Heath said.
Yep. Im okay. Im just going to miss Heath, thats all, I lied. Okay, well, it wasnt actually a lie, because I would miss Heath while we were in Italy, but thats not why I hadnt felt like talking.
Kalona was why I hadnt felt like talking. I was afraid that if I said too much last nights dream would start to babble from my mouth and Id tell Stevie Rae everything, and I didnt want to do that in front of Heath. No, there was more to it than that. I didnt want to tell anyone about the new version of Kalona Id seen.
I didnt want to hear them tell me it was all smoke and mirrors.
Heaths hug made me jump. Aw, thats sweet, Zo, he said, oblivious to the terrible deception going on inside my head. But youre not going to have to miss me. I have a good feeling about this phone call.
I shook my head at him. No way is your mommy going to let you take off to Italy with me.
Not with you, maybe. But with your schoolthats another thing.
Before I could say anything he punched his phone, and his end of the conversation began:
Hey, Ma, its me.
Yep, Im okay.
Yep, Im still with Zoey. Here he paused and then looked at me and said, Mom says to say hi.
Tell her hi for me. Then I whispered: Get to it!
He nodded. Hey Ma, speaking of Zo, she and some of the House of Night kids are going to Italy. Venice actually, well more like that island thats by Venice. You know, San Cle-something. Where the vamp High Council meets and stuff. I want to know if I can go with them.
I could hear his moms voice rising and I had to suppress a smile. Id known his mom would freak.
Of course I hadnt known the card Heath had up his fibbing sleeve.
Hang on, Mom. Its really no big deal. Its like that trip I wanted to take with the Spanish teacher last summer, but couldnt go cause of football practice starting. Remember? He nodded to whatever his mom was saying. Yeah, its a school thing. Well be gone eight days, just like the Spanish trip. Actually, I bet I can use my Spanish cause Italian is, like, a cousin. He paused again and then said, Okay, yeah, thats cool.
She says I have to ask Dad, he whispered, covering the phone with his hand.
Then I heard a deeper voice get on the line, and Heath said, Hey, Dad. Yeah, Im good. He waited while his dad talked, and then continued, Yeah, thats basically the deal. Its a school trip. I can do my homework online. Heath smiled in response to what his dad was saying. Really? Theyre calling off school for all of next week cause of power outages in the neighborhoods? He waggled his eyebrows at me. Wow, that makes this trip super-convenient. And, get this Dad, since were flying on the House of Nights private jet, and staying at the vamps island, its not gonna cost me anything.
I ground my teeth together. I could not believe he was working his parents so easily. Of course, it was true that even though Nancy and Steve Luck were nice people and pretty good parents, they were absolutely clueless about teenage stuff. Seriously. Heath had been drinking for years and they never noticed, not even when he came home smelling like puke and beer. Ugh.
Great, Dad! Thanks a bunch! Heaths exuberance had me blinking and refocusing on him and not my mind babble. Yeah, Ill call you guys every day. He paused while his dad said something else. Oh, I almost forgot that. Okay, well, while Zo and the rest of the kids are getting ready, Ill run home and grab my passport and some clothes. Tell Mom were only supposed to take one book bag of stuff each, though, so not to go all crazy on the packing. Okay, Ill see you in a few! Bye! Grinning like he was back in grade school and had just been given an extra carton of chocolate milk during snacktime, he hung up.
That was slick, Stevie Rae said.
Id forgotten all about that Spanish trip, I said.
I hadnt. So it looks like I need to get home quick and grab my passport and stuff. Ill meet ya at the airport. Dont leave without me! He kissed me quickly, grabbed his coat, and rushed out of the room like he wanted to escape before I could tell him once and for all, no matter what his clueless parents said, he was so not going.
Youre really lettin him go with yall? Stevie Rae said.
Yeah, I said apathetically. I guess I am.
Well, Im glad. Not to be mean or anything, but I think its a good idea because of the whole blood thing.
Blood thing?
Z, hes your Imprinted human. His blood is super-good for you. Youre going into a dangerous situation, with confronting Kalona and Neferet and the High Council, so you might need some super-good-for-you blood.
Yeah, I guess youre right.
Okay, Z. What the hecks up?
I blinked at her. What do you mean?
I mean youre acting like a zombie. So tell me about that weird dream that woke you up.
I thought you were asleep.
Thats what I wanted you to think in case you and Heath wanted to do some makin out.
With you in the room? Thats just gross, I said.
True, but still I was tryin to be polite.
Jeesh, I said. Gross. I seriously wouldnt do that.
And Im seriously not gonna let you change the subject. The dreamremember? Tell me.