His eyes met mine and the rest of the room faded away. Im always going to keep your heart safe, even if mine has to stop beating for that to happen, he told me softly.
I bent and kissed his forehead, murmuring, Lets try not to let that happen, kay?
Okay, he whispered.
Ill see you when the sun sets again, I told Stark before finally hurrying over to Grandma. Sister Mary Angela and I eased her to her feet, almost carrying her out of Starks room and down a short hall to another hospital-like room. Grandma felt tiny and fragile under my supporting arm and my stomach twisted anew with worry for her.
Stop fretting, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya, she said as Sister Mary Angela propped pillows around her and helped make her comfortable.
Im going to get your pain medication, Sister Mary Angela told Grandma. Im also going to be sure the blinds in Starks room are closed and the drapes drawn tight, so you have a few minutes to chat, but when I come back Ill insist you take your pain pill and sleep.
Youre a hard taskmistress, Mary Angela, Grandma said.
It takes one to know one, Sylvia, said the nun. And she hurried from the room.
Grandma smiled at me and patted the bed next to her. Come sit close to me, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya.
I sat beside Grandma, tucking my legs up under me, trying to be careful not to jostle the bed too much. Her face was bruised and burned from the airbag that had saved her life. Part of her lip and her cheek had stitches darkening them. She had a bandage on her head and her right arm was swathed in a scary-looking cast.
Ironic, isnt it, that my wounds look so terrible, but they are far less painful and far-reaching than the invisible wounds inside of you, she said.
I started to tell Grandma I was really okay, but her next words sliced through what was left of my denial.
How long have you known you were the reincarnation of the maiden A-ya?
CHAPTER 4
Zoey
I felt drawn to Kalona from the first second I saw him, I said slowly. I wouldnt lie to Grandma, but that didnt mean telling her the truth would be easy. But almost all the fledglings and even the vampyres were drawn to himactually, it was like they were under some kind of spell he was able to cast.
Grandma nodded. So I already heard from Stevie Rae. But it was different with you? More than just this magical allure he has?
Yeah. With me it wasnt so much that I was under his spell. I swallowed past the dryness in my throat. I wasnt tricked into thinking he was Erebus come to earth, and I knew he planned evil with Neferet. I saw his darkness. But I also wanted to be with himnot just because I believed he might still be able to choose to be good, but because I wanted him, even though I knew it was wrong.
But you fought against that desire, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya. You chose your own path, that of love and goodness and your Goddess, and thus the creature was banished. You chose love, she repeated slowly. Let that be balm to the wound he has rent in your soul.
The tight, panicky feeling in my chest began to loosen. I can follow my own path, I said with more conviction than Id felt since first realizing I was A-ya reincarnated. Then I frowned. There was no denying that she and I were connected. Call it essence or soul or spirit or whateverit tied me to an immortal being as surely as the earth had imprisoned him for centuries. Im not A-ya, I repeated more slowly, but Im not through with Kalona. What do I do, Grandma?
Grandma took my hand in hers and squeezed. As you said, you follow your path. And right now that path is leading you to a soft, warm bed and a full days sleep.
One crisis at a time?
One thing at a time, she said.
And its time you followed your own advice, Sylvia, Sister Mary Angela said as she bustled into the room with a Dixie cup of water in one hand and pills in another.
Grandma smiled wearily up at the nun and took the medicine from her. I noticed that her hands were shaking as she placed the pills on her tongue and drank the water.
Grandma, Im going to let you rest now.
I love you, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya. You did well today.
I couldnt have done it without you. I love you, too, Grandma. I bent and kissed her forehead, and as she closed her eyes and settled back against her pillows with a contented smile, I followed Sister Mary Angela from the room and fired questions at her as soon as we were in the hall. Did you find rooms for everyone? Are the red fledglings doing okay? Do you have a clue if Stevie Rae got Erik and Heath and whoever else together to check out the area around the abbey? Is everything safe out there?
Sister Mary Angela held her hand up to stop my word flood. Child, take a breath and let me speak.
I suppressed a sigh but managed to stay quiet as I followed her down the hallway while she explained that she and the nuns had set up a cozy dormlike area for the red fledglings in the basement, after Stevie Rae had told her theyd be most comfortable down there. My gang was upstairs in the guest dorms, and yes, the kids had given an all clear on the Raven Mockers outside.
You know, you really are incredible. I smiled at her as we paused outside a closed door at the end of a long hall. Thank you.
I am my Ladys servant, and you are most welcome, she said simply and held the door open for me. This is the stairwell that leads down to the basement. Ive been told that most of the kids are down there already.
Zoey! There you are. You have to come check this out. You will not believe what Stevie Rae did, Damien said as he hurried up the stairs toward us.
I felt my stomach clench. What? I immediately started down to meet him. Whats wrong?
He grinned at me. Nothings wrong. Its incredible. Damien took my hand and pulled me with him.
Damiens right about that, said Sister Mary Angela, coming down the stairs after us. But I think incredible is the wrong word for it.
Is the right word more like terrible or horrible? I asked.
He squeezed my hand. Stop being such a worrier. You beat Kalona and Neferet tonight; everythings going to be okay.
I squeezed his hand back and made myself smile and look less worried, even though I knew deep in my heart, deep in my soul, that what had happened tonight had not been an ending or even a victory. It had been a terrible, horrible beginning.
Wow. I stared around in shocked disbelief.
Wow squared is more like it, Damien said.
Stevie Rae really did this?
Thats what Jack told me, Damien said. He and I stood side by side and peered into the darkness of the newly hollowed earth.
Okaycreepy. I spoke my thoughts aloud.
Damien gave me an odd look. What do you mean?
Well, I paused, not entirely sure what I did mean, even though the tunnel definitely made me feel uneasy. Um, its, uh really dark.
Damien laughed. Of course its dark. Its supposed to be dark. Its a hole in the ground.
To me it feels more natural than a hole in the ground, said Sister Mary Angela as she joined us at the mouth of the tunnel, peering with us down its black length. For some reason it comforts me. Perhaps its the way it smells.
The three of us sniffed. I smelled, well, dirt. But Damien said, It smells rich and healthy.
Like a newly plowed field, the nun agreed.
See, its not creepy, Z. Id definitely hide down here during a tornado, Damien said.
Feeling overly sensitive and kinda silly, I blew out a long breath and peered into the tunnel, trying to see it with new eyes and feel it with a more accurate instinct. Could I use your flashlight for a second, Sister?
Of course.
Sister Mary Angela handed me the big, square, heavy-duty flashlight shed carried with us from the main basement into this little side section shed called their root cellar. The ice storm that had encased Tulsa for the past several days had knocked out the abbeys poweras it had most of the citys power. They did have gas generators, so in the main part of the abbey a few electric lights were on, along with the zillions of candles the nuns liked so much, but they hadnt wasted electricity in the root cellar, and the only illumination came from the nuns flashlight. This I shined into the hole in the ground.
The tunnel wasnt very big. If I spread my arms, I could easily touch both sides of it. I looked up. It only cleared my head by about a foot. I sniffed again, trying to find the sense of comfort the nun and Damien obviously felt. My nose wrinkled. The place reeked of dark and dampness, roots and things that had been stirred up from under the surface. I suspected those things slithered and crawled, which automatically made my skin shiver and crawl.
Then I mentally shook myself. Why should a tunnel in the earth seem so gross? I had an affinity for earth. I could conjure it. I shouldnt be afraid of it.
Gritting my teeth, I took one step into the tunnel. Then another. And another.
Hey, uh, Z, dont go too far. You have the only light, and I wouldnt want Sister Mary Angela to be left back here in the dark. She might get scared.
I shook my head and, smiling, turned around, shining the flashlight toward the entrance and illuminating Damiens worried face and Sister Mary Angelas serene one.
You wouldnt want the nun to be afraid of the dark?
Damien shifted guiltily.
Sister Mary Angela rested her hand on his shoulder for a moment. It is kind of you to think of me, Damien, but I have no fear of the dark.
I was giving Damien a dont be such a sissy look when the feeling hit me. The air behind me changed. I knew I wasnt alone in that tunnel anymore. Fear fingered its way up my spine and I had a sudden urge to runto get out of there as fast as I could and to never, ever come back.
And I did almost run. Then I surprised myself by getting mad. Id just faced a fallen immortala creature I was connected to on a soul-deep leveland I hadnt run then.
I wasnt going to run now.
Zoey? What is it? Damiens voice sounded far away as I whirled around to face the darkness.
Suddenly a flickering light, like the glowing eye of an underground monster, materialized. The light wasnt big, but it was bright, temporarily causing spots in my field of vision and partially blinding me so that when I looked up the monster appeared to have three heads, with a wild, waving mane, and shoulders that looked mismatched and grotesque.
Then I did what any sensible kid would do. I sucked air and let loose with my very best girl scream, which was instantly and creepily echoed by the three mouths of the single-eyed monster. I could hear Damien shrieking behind me, and I swear Sister Mary Angela even squeaked a startled gasp. I was starting to do exactly what Id just promised myself I wouldnt dorun like hell, when one of the heads stopped screaming and stepped forward into the beam of the flashlight.
Shit, Zoey! What is wrong with you? Its just the Twins and me. You scared us crapless, said Aphrodite.
Aphrodite? My hand clutched my chest over my heart, trying to keep it from pounding out of my body.
Of course its me, she said, marching past me in disgust. Goddess! Get a grip.
The Twins were still standing in the tunnel. Erin was holding a thick pillar candle so tightly her knuckles were white. Shaunee was standing next to her, so close their shoulders were smashed together. They looked frozen and big-eyed.
Uh, hi, I said. I didnt know you guys were down here.
Shaunee thawed first. Ya think? She wiped a shaking hand delicately across her forehead and turned to Erin. Twin, did she scare me white?
Erin blinked at her BFF. I dont think thats possible. She squinted at Shaunee. But no, she didnt. Youre still a gorgeous cappuccino. Erins hand that wasnt holding the candle flew up to her thick, golden hair and patted through it frantically. Did she make my hair fall out or turn unattractively and prematurely gray?
I frowned at the Twins. Erin, your hair is not falling out or turning gray, and Shaunee, you cannot be scared white. Jeesh, you guys scared me first, I said.
Look, next time you need to chase off Neferet and Kalona, just scream like that, Erin said.
Yeah, it makes you sound like you lost every bit of your damn mind, Shaunee said as they swept past me.
I followed them out into the root cellar where Damien was fanning himself and looking gayer than usual, and Sister Mary Angela had just finished crossing herself. I set the flashlight butt end down on a table crowded with stuff in glass jars that looked eerily like floating fetuses in the murky light.
So, really, what were you guys doing down here? I said.
That Dallas kid told us this is how they got here from the depot, Shaunee said.
He said it was cool down here and that Stevie Rae had made it, Erin said.
So we thought wed come down here and see for ourselves, Shaunee said.
And why are you down here with the Twins? I asked Aphrodite.
The Dynamic Duo needed protecting. Naturally they turned to me.
How did you guys suddenly appear like that, anyway? Damien asked before Twin bickering could start.
Easy-peasy. Erin walked quickly back down the tunnel, still carrying her candle. She turned to face us after shed gotten just a few feet farther in than Id been. The tunnel makes a sharp left here. She stepped to the side and her light disappeared, then she stepped back and reappeared. Thats why we didnt see each other till the last second.
It really is amazing that Stevie Rae somehow did this, Damien said. I noticed he didnt move any closer to the tunnel, but stayed by the flashlight.
Sister Mary Angela approached the entrance. She touched the side of the newly hollowed out hole with reverence and said, Stevie Rae did this, but she did it with divine intervention.
By divine intervention, are you talkin bout more of your the-Virgin-Mary-is-just-another-form-of-Nyx stuff? Stevie Raes twang coming from the other side of the root cellar made us all jump.
Yes, child. That is exactly what I mean.
I dont wanna off end you, but thats just about the weirdest thing Ive ever heard, Stevie Rae said. She walked over to us, and I thought she looked pale. As she got closer to me I smelled something strange, but her grin made her face change to her cute, familiar self. Z, did that big ol girl scream I heard come from you?
Uh, yeah. I couldnt help grinning back at her. I was inside the tunnel and I didnt expect to run into the Twins and Aphrodite.
Well, that makes sense. Aphrodite is kinda booger monstery, Stevie Rae said.
I laughed, and then, grabbing the opportunity to change the subject, I said, Uh, speaking of monsters, did you find any Raven Mockers left up there?
Stevie Raes eyes shifted from mine.
Its all safe. Nothin for you to worry about, she said quickly.
Im so glad, Sister Mary Angela was saying. Those creatures were such an abominationmixing man and beast. She shivered. Im relieved we are rid of them.
But it wasnt their fault, Stevie Rae said abruptly.
Pardon me? The nun looked more than a little confused at Stevie Raes defensive tone.
They didnt ask to be born like they wereall mixed up because of rape and evil. They really were victims.
I dont feel sorry for them, I said, wondering why Stevie Rae sounded like she was standing up for the nasty Raven Mockers.
Damien shivered. Do we have to talk about them?
Nope, we sure dont, Stevie Rae said quickly.
Good, and anyway, the reason I brought Zoey down here was to show her the tunnel you made, Stevie Rae. I have to tell youI think its astonishing.
Thanks, Damien! It was seriously cool when I figured out I could actually do it. Stevie Rae took a few steps past me and into the mouth of the tunnel, where she was instantly surrounded by the total darkness that stretched behind her like the insides of a huge ebony snake. She raised her arms so that her palms pressed against the dirt walls of the tunnel. Suddenly she reminded me of a scene from Samson and Delilah, an old movie Id watched with Damien a month or so ago. The image that flashed through my memory was when Delilah had led the blind Samson to stand between massive pillars that held up the stadium filled with awful people taunting him. Hed gotten his magical strength back and ended up pushing the pillars apart and destroying himself and
Isnt that right, Zoey?
Huh? I blinked, disturbed by the sad, destructive scene Id been reliving in my mind.
I said, Mary didnt move the earth for me when I made the tunnel; the power Nyx gave me did. Jeesh, youre not payin attention to me at all, Stevie Rae said. Shed taken her hands from the side of the tunnel and was giving me her whats going on inside your head now? look.
Sorry, what were you saying about Nyx?
Just that I really dont think Nyx and the dang Virgin Mary have anything to do with each other; Jesus mama definitely didnt help me move the earth to make this tunnel. She shrugged a shoulder. I dont want to hurt your feelings or nothin like that, Sister, but thats what I think.
Youre entitled to your own opinion, Stevie Rae, said the nun, looking as calm as usual. But you should know that saying you dont believe in something doesnt make it any less possible that it exists.
Well, Ive been giving this some thought, and personally I dont find it such an odd hypothesis, Damien said. You should remember that in your Fledgling Handbook 101, Mary is illustrated as one of the many faces of Nyx.
Huh, I said. Really?
Damien gave me a stern look that clearly said you really should be a better student before he nodded, and in his best schoolteacher voice continued, Yes. It is well documented that during the influx of Christianity into Europe, shrines to Gaea, as well as Nyx, were converted to shrines for Mary long before people converted to the new
Damiens droning on and on was a soothing background as I peered into the tunnel. The darkness was deep and thick. Just inches behind Stevie Rae I could see nothing. Absolutely nothing. I stared, imagining forms hiding there. Someone or something could be lurking mere feet from us and wed never know it, not if they didnt want to be seen. And that scared me.
Okay, but thats ridiculous! I told myself. Its just a tunnel. Still, my irrational fear pushed at me. Which, sadly, pissed me off and made me want to push back. So, like every moronic blond extra in a horror movie, I took one step into the darkness. And then another.
The dark swallowed me.
My mind knew I was only a couple of feet from the root cellar and my friends. I could hear Damien blabbing about religion and the Goddess. But my mind wasnt what was beating in terror against my chest. My heart, my spirit, my soulwhatever you want to call itwas screaming soundlessly for me to run! Get away! Go!
I felt the pressure of the earth as if it wasnt a hole in the ground, but instead it had filled in, covering me suff ocating me trapping me.
My breath was coming faster and faster. I knew I must be hyperventilating, but I couldnt stop myself. I wanted to back away from the hole that snaked away from my feet into the darkness, but all I could manage was a stumbled half step back. I couldnt make my feet do what I was telling them to do! Dots of lights sparkled in my eyes, blinding me, while everything else started to go gray. Then I was falling falling
CHAPTER 5
Zoey
The darkness was unrelieved. Blinding more than my sight, it wiped away all of my senses. I thought I was gasping for breath and flailing around, trying to find somethinganything I could touch, hear, or smellanything that would give me a handhold on reality. But I had no sensation at all. The cocoon of darkness and the fluttering of my frantic heartbeat were all I knew.
Was I dead?
No, I didnt think so. I remembered that Id been in the tunnel under the Benedictine Abbey, only a few feet away from my friends. Id been freaked out by the darkness, but that couldnt have made me drop dead.
But Id been afraid. I remembered being very afraid.
Then there had been nothing but this darkness.
Whats happened to me? Nyx! My mind screamed. Help me, Goddess! Please show me some kind of light!
Listen with your soul
I thought I cried aloud at the sweet, reassuring sound of the Goddesss voice in my mind, but when her words were gone, there was only the unrelenting silence and darkness.
How in the hell was I supposed to listen with my soul?
I tried to calm myself and hear something, but there was just silencea soul-sucking, black, empty, utter silence like nothing Id ever before experienced. I had no framework to guide me here, I only knew
The realization struck me and my mind reeled with understanding.
I did have a framework to guide me. Part of me had experienced this darkness before.
I couldnt see. I couldnt feel. I couldnt do anything but turn within myself, questing for the part of me that might be able to make sense of this, that might be able to guide me out of here.
Memory stirred again, this time taking me back long before the night in the tunnel under the abbey. The years fell away with my re sis tance until finally, finally I felt again.
My senses returned slowly. I began to hear more than my own thoughts. There was a drumbeat that pulsed around me, and within it were woven the distant voices of women. The sense of smell returned to me, and I recognized the dank scent that reminded me of the abbey tunnel. Finally, I could feel the earth against my naked back. I only had an instant to sift through the flood of my returned senses before the rest of my awareness was jolted awake. I wasnt alone! My back was pressed against the earth, but I was being held tightly in someones arms.
Then he spoke.
Oh, Goddess, no! Do not let this be!
It was Kalonas voice, and my immediate reaction was to cry out and struggle blindly away from him, but I wasnt in charge of my body and the words that came from my mouth were not my own.
Sssh, do not despair. I am with you, my love.
You trapped me! Even as he cried the accusation, his arms tightened around me, and I recognized the cold passion of his immortal embrace.
I saved you, my strange voice responded as my body settled more intimately against his. You were not meant to walk this world. That is why you have been so unhappy, so insatiable.
I had no choice! The mortals do not understand.
My arms wrapped around his neck. My fingers twined through his soft, heavy hair. I understand. Be at peace here with me. Lay down your sad restlessness. I will comfort you.
I felt his surrender before he spoke the words. Yes, Kalona murmured. I will bury my sadness within you and my desperate longing will finally be spent.
Yes, my love, my consort, my Warrior yes
It was that moment that I lost myself within A-ya. I couldnt tell where her desire ended and my soul began. If I still had a choice, I didnt want it. I only knew that I was where I was destined to bein Kalonas arms.
His wings covered us, keeping the chill of his touch from burning me. His lips met mine. We explored each other slowly, thoroughly, with a sense of wonder and surrender. As our bodies began to move together I knew complete joy.
And then, suddenly, I started to dissolve.
No! The scream was wrenched from my throat and my soul. I didnt want to leave! I wanted to stay with him. My place was with him!
But, again, I wasnt in control, and I felt myself fading away, rejoining the earth, as A-ya sobbed, her broken voice echoed one word in my head: REMEMBER
The slap burned against my cheek, and I sucked in a big breath that cleared the last of the darkness from my mind. I opened my eyes and the beam of the flashlight caused me to squint and blink. I remember. My voice sounded as rusty as my mind.
You remember who you are, or should I smack you again? Aphrodite said.
My mind was slow to function because it still screamed no at being wrenched from the darkness. I blinked again and shook my head, trying to clear it. No! I cried the word with so much emotion that Aphrodite automatically moved away from me.
Fine, she said. You can thank me later.
Sister Mary Angela took her place, bending over me and smoothing my hair back from my face, which was sweaty and cold. Zoey, are you with us?
Yes, I said in a broken voice.
Zoey, what is it? What caused you to hyperventilate? the nun asked.
Youre not feeling sick, are you? Erins voice was a little tremble-y.
Not getting the urge to cough up a lung or anything? Shaunee asked, looking as upset as her twin sounded.
Stevie Rae shoved the Twins aside so she could get close to me. Talk to me, Z. Are you really okay?
Im fine. Im not dying or anything like that. My thoughts had reordered themselves, though I couldnt seem to shake off the last traces of the despair Id known with A-ya. I understood my friends were scared that my body had begun rejecting the Change. Forcing myself to focus on the here and now I held my hand out to Stevie Rae. Here, help me up. Im better now.
Stevie Rae pulled me up, careful to keep her hand under my elbow while I swayed slightly before finding my balance.
What happened to you, Z? Damien asked as he studied me.
What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to admit to my friends that Id had an incredibly vivid memory of a past life where Id given myself to our enemy of today? I hadnt even had time to wade through the maze of new emotions the memory had caused within me. How was I going to explain them to my friends?
Just tell us, child. The truth spoken is always less frightening than supposition, said Sister Mary Angela.
I sighed and blurted, The tunnel scared me!
Scared you? Like, theres something in there? Damien had finally quit staring at me and was peering nervously into the dark opening.
The Twins took a couple steps farther into the root cellar and away from the tunnel.
No, theres nothing in there. I hesitated. At least I dont think so. Anyway, thats not what scared me.
You expect us to believe you fainted because you were scared of the dark? Aphrodite said.
They all stared at me.
I cleared my throat.
Hey, yall. Maybe theres stuff Zoey just doesnt wanna talk about, said Stevie Rae.
I looked at my best friend and realized if I didnt say something about what had just happened to me I wouldnt be able to face what I needed to do about her.
Youre right, I told Stevie Rae. I dont want to talk about it, but you guys deserve to hear the truth. I let my gaze take in the rest of the group. That tunnel freaked me out so much because my soul recognized it. I cleared my throat and went on, I remembered being trapped in the earth with Kalona.
You mean because there really is some of A-ya inside of you? Damien asked softly.
I nodded. Im me, but Im also, somehow, still a part of her.
Interesting Damien breathed a long sigh.
Well, what the hell does that mean for you and Kalona today? Aphrodite asked.
I dont know! I dont know! I dont know! I burst out, the stress and honest-to-goddess confusion about what had just happened boiled over inside me. I dont have the damn answers. All I have is the memory and zero time to process it. How about you guys back off just a little and let me get the mess inside my head straight?
Everyone shuffled around and mumbled okays, sending me shes lost her mind looks. Ignoring my gawking friends, and the unanswered Kalona questions that were almost visible in the air around me, I turned to Stevie Rae. Explain to me exactly how you made the tunnel.
I could tell by the question mark in her blue eyes that she was worried about my tone. I hadnt sounded all Crap! I just fainted and need to change the subject cause Im embarrassed by being a reincarnated chick. Id sounded like a High Priestess.
Well, it wasnt really that big of a thing. Stevie Rae looked nervous and uncomfortable, like she was trying too hard to be nonchalant because she was feeling the exact opposite. Hey, are you sure youre okay? Shouldnt we go up out of here and maybe get you a brown pop or somethin? I mean, if this place gives you flashbacks, talkin someplace else sounds like a good idea.