There was silence, as if the lesser were waiting for more. Oh, thatll be good. Ysir.
Lash hung up on his disciple and turned to Grady. I want to know all of the other big retailers in town. Their names, their territories, their product lines, everything.
I dont know if I got all that-
Youd better find it out then. Lash tossed his phone into the guys lap. Make the calls you need to. Do the digging. I want every single dealer in town. Then I want the elephant thats feeding them. The Caldwell wholesaler.
Gradys head fell back against the seat. Shit. I thought this was going to be, likeabout my business.
That was your second mistake. Start dialing and get me what I want.
LookI dont think this isI should probably go home
Lash smiled at the guy, revealing his fangs and flashing his eyes. You are home.
Grady shrank back in the seat, then started pawing for the door handle, even though they were cruising down the highway at seventy miles an hour.
Lash hit the locks. Sorry, youre on the ride now, and theres no getting off in the middle. Now dial the fucking phone and do me right. Or Im going to carve you up piece by piece and enjoy every second of the screaming.
Wrath stood outside Safe Place in a ball-numbing wind, not caring two shits about the nasty weather. Rising before him like something out of a Leave It to Beaver Rockwell daydream, the house that was a haven to victims of domestic violence was big and rambling and welcoming, the windows covered with quilted drapery, a wreath on the door, the mat on the top step reading WELCOME in cursive letters.
As a male, he couldnt go inside, so he waited like lawn sculpture on the hard brown grass, praying that his beloved leelan was inside-and willing to see him.
After having spent all day in the study hoping that Beth would come to him, hed finally gone through the mansion searching her out. When he hadnt found her, hed prayed she was volunteering here, as she often did.
Marissa appeared on the back stoop and shut the door behind herself. Butchs shellan and Wraths former blood mate looked typically professional in her black slacks and jacket, her blond hair twisted into an elegant chignon, her scent like the ocean.
Beth just left, she said as he walked over to her.
She go back home?
Redd Avenue.
Wrath stiffened. What theWhys she over there? Shit, his shellan out alone in Caldwell? You mean at her old apartment?
Marissa nodded. I think she wanted to go back to where things started.
Is she alone?
As far as I know.
Jesus Christ, shes already been abducted once, he snapped. As Marissa recoiled, he cursed himself. Look, Im sorry. Im not real rational right now.
After a moment, Marissa smiled. This is going to sound bad, but Im glad youre frantic. You deserve to be.
Yeah, I was a shit. Big-time.
Marissa tilted her head up to the sky. On that note, a word of advice when you go over to her.
Hit me.
Her perfect face leveled again, and as she refocused on him, her voice grew rueful. Try not to be angry. You look like an ogre when youre pissed, and right now, Beth needs to be reminded of why she should let her guard down around you, not why she shouldnt.
Good point.
Be well, my lord.
He nodded to her with a quick bob of the head and dematerialized directly to the Redd Avenue address where Beth had had an apartment when theyd first met. As he went, he got a good goddamn taste of what his shellan had to deal with every night he was out in the city. Dearest Virgin Scribe, how did she deal with the fear? The idea that everything might not be all right? The fact that there was more danger to be found out where he was than safety?
As he took form in front of the apartment building, he thought of the night he had gone to find her after her fathers death. Hed been a reluctant, unsuitable savior, tasked by his friends last will and testament to see her through her transition-when she hadnt even known what she was.
His first approach hadnt gone well, but the second time hed tried to talk to her? That had gone very well.
God, he wanted to be with her again like that. Naked skin on naked skin, moving together, him deep inside of her, marking her as his.
But that was a long way off, assuming it ever even happened again.
Wrath walked around to the backyard; his shitkickers were quiet, his shadow large on the frosty ground beneath his feet.
Beth was huddled on a rickety picnic table hed once sat on himself, and she was staring into the apartment straight ahead just as he had when hed come for her. Cold wind blew her dark hair around, making it seem as if she were underwater and swimming amid strong currents.
His scent must have carried over to her, because her head snapped around. As she looked at him, she sat up straighter and kept her arms locked around the North Face parka hed bought her.
What are you doing here? she said.
Marissa told me where you were. He glanced at the apartments sliding glass door, then back at her. Mind if I join you?
Ahokay. Thats fine. She shuffled over a little as he came to her. I wasnt going to be here long.
No?
I was going to come see you. I wasnt sure when you were going out to fight and thought maybe there was time beforeBut then, I dont know, I
As she let the sentence drift, he got up on the table beside her, the supports squeaking as the thing accepted his heft. He wanted to put an arm around her, but hung back and hoped the parka was doing its job to keep her warm enough.
In the silence, words buzzed in his head, all of them of the apologetic variety, all of them bullshit. Hed already said he was sorry, and she knew he meant it, and it was going to be a long time before he stopped wishing there were more he could do to make it up to her.
On this cold night, as they sat suspended between their past and their future, all he could do was sit with her and stare at the darkened windows of the apartment she had once lived inback before fate had put them together.
I dont remember being especially happy in there, she said softly.
No?
She swept her hand across her face, clearing wisps of hair from her eyes. I didnt like coming home from work and being there alone. Thank God for Boo. Without that cat? I mean, TV only does so much for a person.
He hated that she had been on her own. So you dont wish you could go back?
Christ, no.
Wrath exhaled. Im glad.
I was working for that leering asshole, Dick, at the paper, doing the jobs of three people, getting nowhere because I was a young woman and the good old boys didnt have a club-they were in a cabal. She shook her head. But you know what the worst of it was?
What?
I was living with this sense that there was something going on, something important, but I didnt know what it was. It was likeI knew the secret was there, and it was a dark one, but I just couldnt reach it. Nearly drove me mad.
So finding out you werent just a human was-
These last months with you have been worse. She looked over at him. When I think back over the fallI knew something was wrong. In the back of my mind, I knew it, I could absolutely sense it. You stopped coming to bed regularly, and if you did, it wasnt to sleep. You couldnt settle. You didnt really eat. You never fed. The kingship always stressed you, but these last couple of months have been different. She went back to staring at her old apartment. I knew it, but I didnt want to face the reality that you might actually be lying to me about something as significant and terrifying as you going out alone to fight.
Shit, I didnt mean to do that to you.
Her profile was both beautiful and hard as she continued. I think thats part of the head fuck Ive got going on now. The whole thing takes me back to the way I used to live every day of my life. After I went through the change and you and I moved in with the Brothers, I was so relieved, because I finally knew for sure what Id always wondered about. The truth was incredibly grounding. It made me feel safe. She turned back to him. This thing with you? The lying? I dont feel like I can trust my reality again. I just dont feel safe. I mean, my whole world is about you. My whole world. Its all based on you, because our mating is the foundation of my life. So this is about so much more than you fighting.
Yeah. Fuck. What the hell did he say?
I know you had your reasons.
Yeah.
And I know you didnt mean to hurt me. This was spoken with a lift at the end, the words a question, rather than a statement.
I absolutely didnt mean to.
But you knew it would, didnt you.
Wrath put his elbows on his knees and leaned into his heavy arms. Yeah, I did. Thats why I havent been sleeping. It felt wrong not to tell you.
Were you afraid Id refuse to let you go out or something? That Id turn you in for violating the law? Or?
Heres the thing At the end of every night I came home and told myself I wasnt doing it again. And every sunset I found myself strapping on my daggers. I didnt want you to worry, and I told myself I didnt think it would continue. But you were right to call me on that. I had no plans to stop. He rubbed his eyes under his wraparounds as his head started to pound. It was so wrong, and I couldnt face up to what I was doing to you. It was killing me.
Her hand went to his leg and he froze, her kind touch more than he deserved. As she stroked his thigh a little, he dropped his sunglasses back in place and carefully captured her hand.
Neither said a thing as they held on to each other, palm-to-palm.
Sometimes words were less valuable than the air that carried them when it came to getting close.
As the cold wind blew across the backyard, causing some brown leaves to crackle by in front of them, the lights went on in Beths old place, illumination flooding the galley kitchen and the single main room.
Beth laughed a little. They put their furniture right where mine was, the futon against that one long wall.
Which meant they had a full view of the couple who came stumbling into the studio and beelined for the bed. The humans were locked lip-to-lip, hip-to-hip, and they landed on the futon in a messy scramble, the man mounting the woman.
As if embarrassed by the show, Beth got off the table and cleared her throat. I guess Id better get back to Safe Place.
Im off rotation tonight. Ill be at home, you know, all night.
Thats good. Try to get some rest.
God, the distance was horrid, but at least they were talking. You want me to see you back there?
Ill be fine. Beth burrowed into her parka, her face sinking into the down collar. Man, its cold.
Yeah. It is. As the time for parting came, he was anxious about where they stood, and fear made his vision fairly clear. God, how he hated the lonely look on her face. You cant know how sorry I am.
Beth reached up and touched his jaw. I hear it in your voice.
He took her hand and placed it over his heart. Im nothing without you.
Not true. She stepped out of his hold. You are the king. No matter who your shellan is, you are everything.
Beth dematerialized into the thin air, her vital, warm presence replaced with nothing but frigid December wind.
Wrath waited for about two minutes; then he dematerialized to Safe Place. She had so much of his blood in her after all their time of feeding from each other that he sensed her presence inside the stout walls of the security-laden facility, and he knew she was protected.
With a heavy heart, Wrath dematerialized again and headed back to the mansion: He had stitches to get removed and a whole night to pass alone in his study.
TWENTY-ONE
An hour after Trez took the tray back down to the kitchen, Rehvs stomach was in full revolt. Man, if oatmeal was no longer a viable food afterward, what was he left with? Bananas? White rice?
Fucking Gerber baby gruel?
And it wasnt just his digestive tract that was screwed up. If hed been able to feel anything, he was pretty sure he had a headache along with the tossing nausea. Anytime there was a light source, like when Trez came in to check on him, Rehvs eyes went on autoblink, flickering up and down in an uncoordinated, ocular version of the Safety Dance; then hed start to salivate and swallow compulsively. So he had to be nauseated.
As his phone went off, he put his hand on it and brought it to his ear without turning his head. There was a lot going on at ZeroSum tonight, and he needed to keep tabs. Yeah.
Hiyou called me?
Rehvs eyes shot to the bathroom door, which had a soft light glowing around the jambs.
Oh, God, he hadnt had a shower yet.
He was still covered with the sex hed had.
Even though Ehlena was about a three-hour drive away and he wasnt on a Web cam, he felt absolutely nasty just talking to her.
Hey, he said in a rough voice.
Are you all right?
Yeah. Which was a total fucking lie, and the gravel in his voice made that obvious.
Well, I, ahI saw that youd called me- As a strangled sound came out of his mouth, Ehlena stopped. Youre sick.
No-
For Gods sake, please come to the clinic-
I cant. Im God, he couldnt bear to speak to her. Im not in town. Im upstate.
There was a long pause. Ill bring the antibiotics to you.
No. She couldnt see him like this. Shit, she couldnt see him ever again. He was filthy. A filthy, dirty whore who let someone he hated touch him and suck on him and use him, and force him to do the same to her.
The princess was right. He was a fucking dildo.
Rehv? Let me come to you-
No.
Goddamn it, dont you do this to yourself!
You cant save me! he shouted.
In the aftermath of his explosion, he thought, Jesuswhere had that come from? Im sorryits been a bad night for me.
When Ehlena finally spoke, her voice was a thin whisper. Dont do this to me. Dont make me see you in the morgue. Dont do that to me.
Rehv squeezed his eyes shut. Im not doing anything to you.
The hell you arent. Her voice cracked on a sob.
Ehlena
Her moan of despair came through the phone all too clearly. OhChrist. Whatever. Kill yourself, fine.
She hung up on him.
Fuck. He rubbed his face. Fuck!
Rehv sat up and fired the cell phone at the bedroom door. And just as it ricocheted off the panels and went flying, he realized hed busted the only thing he had with her number in it.
With a roar and a messy scramble, he launched his body off the bed, quilts landing everywhere. Not a great move on his part. As his numb feet hit the throw rug, he went Frisbee, finding air briefly before landing on his face. On impact, a sound like a bomb had gone off rumbled through the floorboards, and he crawled for the phone, tracking the light that still glowed from its screen.
Please, oh, fucking please, if there is a God
He was almost in range when the door swung open, narrowly missing his head and clipping the phone-which shot like a hockey puck in the opposite direction. As Rehv wheeled around and lunged for thing, he shouted at Trez.
Dont shoot me!
Trez was in full fighting stance, gun up and pointed at the window, then the closet, then the bed. What the fuck was that.
Rehv sprawled out flat to reach the phone, which was spinning under the bed. When he caught it, he closed his eyes and brought it close to his face.
Rehv?
Please
What? Pleasewhat?
He opened his eyes. The screen was flickering, and he pressed the buttons fast. Calls receivedcalls receivedcalls r-
Rehv, what the hell is going on?
There it was. The number. He stared at the seven digits after the area code as if they were the combination to his own safe, trying to get them all.
The screen went dark and he let his head fall down on his arm.
Trez crouched beside him. You okay?
Rehv pushed himself out from under the bed and sat up, the room spinning like a merry-go-round. Ohfuck me.
Trez holstered his gun. What happened?
I dropped my phone.
Right. Of course. Because it weighs enough to make that kind of-Hey, easy, there. Trez caught him as he tried to get up. Now where are you going?
I need a shower. I need
More pictures of him with the princess hammered into his brain. He saw her back arched, that red mesh split free of her ass, him buried deep in her sex, pumping until that barb of his locked him inside of her so that his release would get way up into her.
Rehv pressed his fists into his eyes. I need to
Oh, JesusHe orgasmed when he was with his blackmailer. And not just once, usually three or four times. At least the whores in his club who hated what they did for the money could take solace in the fact that they didnt enjoy it. But a males release said it all, didnt it.
Rehvs gag reflex tightened, and in a panic he Curly-shuffled into the bathroom. The oatmeal and the toast made a successful bid for liberation, and Trez was right there to hold him over the loo. Rehv couldnt feel the retching, but he was damn sure that his esophagus was getting torn, because after a couple of minutes of coughing and trying to breathe and seeing stars, blood started to come up.
Lie back, Trez said.
No, shower-
Youre in no shape-
I have to get her off me! Rehvs voice bellowed through not just his bedroom, but the whole house. For fucks sakeI cant stand her.
There was a moment that positively smacked of holy crap: Rehv wasnt the type to ask for a life jacket even if he were drowning, and he never bitched about the arrangement with the princess. He got through it and did what he had to and paid the consequences, because it was all worth it to him to keep his and Xhexs secret.
And part of you likes it, an inner voice pointed out. You get to be you without apology when youre in her.
Fuck off, he told himself.
Im sorry I yelled at you, he said to his friend hoarsely.
Nah, its cool. Dont blame you. Trez gently lifted him up from the tile and tried to reposition him on the sinks. Its about time.
Rehv lurched for the shower.
Nope, Trez said, pushing him back. Let me get the water warm.
I wont feel it.
Your core temperature has enough problems already. Just stay there.
As Trez leaned into the marble shower and turned on the water, Rehv stared down at his cock, which lay loose and long down his thigh. It seemed like the sex of someone else, and that was a good thing.
You realize I could kill her for you, Trez said. I could make it look like an accident. No one would know.
Rehv shook his head. I dont want you sucked into this shithole. We got enough people down it already.
The offer stands.
Duly noted.
Trez reached in and put his hand under the spray. With his palm in the rushing water, his chocolate eyes drifted back and abruptly became white from anger. Just so were clear. You die? Im going to skin that bitch alive in the sHisbe tradition and send the strips back to your uncle. Then Im going to spit-roast her carcass and chew the meat from her bones.
Rehv smiled a little, thinking it wasnt cannibalism, because on a genetic level Shadows had as much in common with sympaths as humans did with chickens.
Hannibal Lecter motherfucker, he murmured.
You know how we do. Trez shook the water off his hand. Symphaths its whats for dinner.
You going to bust out the fava beans?
Nah, but I might have a nice Chianti with her, and some pommes frites. I gotta have some tater with my meat. Come on, lets get you under the water and wash that bitchs stank off.
Trez walked over and got Rehv up off the counter.
Thank you, Rehv said quietly as they limped toward the shower.
Trez shrugged, knowing damn well they werent talking about the visit to the bathroom. Youd do the same for me.
I would.
Under the spray, Rehv worked the Dial over himself until his skin was red as a raspberry, and got out of the shower only after hed done his three-times-over wash. When he stepped free of the water, Trez handed him a towel, and he dried off as fast as he could without losing his balance.
Speaking of favors he said, I need your phone. Your phone and some privacy.
Okay. Trez helped him back to bed and covered him up. Man, good thing this duvet didnt land in the fire.
So can I have your phone?
You going to play soccer with it?
Not as long as you leave my door closed.
Trez handed him a Nokia. Take care of her. Shes brand-new.
When he was alone, Rehv dialed carefully and hit send on a wing and a prayer, having no clue whether or not he got the number right.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Hello?
Ehlena, Im so sorry-
Ehlena? the female voice said. Sorry, there isnt any Ehlena at this number.
Ehlena sat in the ambulance holding in her tears out of habit. It wasnt like anyone could see her, but the anonymity didnt matter. As her latte cooled in its double cup, double sleeve, and the heater ran intermittently, she kept herself together because thats what she always did.
Until the CB radio went off with a squawk and scared her out of her numb colds.
Base to four, Catya said. Come in, four.
As Ehlena reached for the handset, she thought, See, this was exactly why she could never let her guard down. If shed been a wilted mess and had to answer? Not where she needed to be.
She hit the talk button with her thumb. This is four.
Are you okay?
Ah, yes. I just neededIm coming back right now.
Theres no hurry. Take your time. I only wanted to make sure you were okay.
Ehlena glanced at the clock. God, it was nearly two a.m. Shed been sitting out here, gassing herself by running the engine and the heater, for almost two hours.
Im so sorry, I had no idea what time it was. Do you need the ambulance for a pickup?
No, we were just worried about you. I know you assisted Havers on that body and-
Im fine. She rolled down the window to let some air in and put the ambulance in gear. Im coming back right away.
Dont rush, and listen, why dont you take the rest of the night off.
Thats okay-
Its not a request. And Ive switched the schedule around so you have tomorrow free as well. You need a break after tonight.
Ehlena wanted to argue, but she knew that would just come across as defensive, and besides, with the decision made, there was nothing to fight for.
All right.
Take your time coming back.
I will. Over and out.
She hung up the handset and headed for the bridge that would take her across the river. Just as she was accelerating on the ramp, her phone went off.
So Rehv was calling her back, huh. Not a surprise.
She took out the phone only to confirm that it was him, not because she was intending to answer his call.
Unknown number?
She hit send and brought her cell to her ear. Hello?
Is this you?
Rehvs deep voice still managed to shoot through her on a warm thrill, even though she was pissed off at him. And herself. Basically at the whole situation.
Yes, she said. This isnt your phone number, though.
No, its not. My cell had an accident.
She rushed ahead before he got to any sorrys. Look, its none of my business. Whatevers going on with you. Youre right, I cant save you-
Why do you even want to try?
She frowned. If the question had been self-pitying or accusatory, she would have just ended the call and changed her number. But there was nothing but sincere confusion coming through in his voice. That and utter exhaustion.
I just dont understandthe why, he murmured.
Her answer was simple and from the soul. How can I not.
What if I dont deserve it.
She thought of Stephan lying on that stainless steel, his body cold and bruised. Everyone with a beating heart deserves to be saved.
Is that why you got into nursing?
No. I got into nursing because I want to be a doctor someday. The saving thing is just the way I see the world.
The silence between them lasted forever.
Are you in a car? he said eventually.
An ambulance, actually. Im going back to the clinic.
Youre out alone? he growled.
Yes, and you can cut the he-man crap. Ive got a gun under the seat and I know how to use it.
A subtle laugh came through the phone. Okay, thats a turn-on. Im sorry, but it is.
She had to smile a little. You drive me nuts, you know that. Even though youre all but a stranger to me, you drive me up the frickin wall.
And somehow Im complimented. There was a pause. Im sorry about earlier. Ive had a bad night.
Yeah, well, me too. On both the sorry part and the bad night.
What happened?
Its too much to go into. How about you?
Ditto.
As he shifted, a sheet rustled. Are you in bed again?
Yes. And yes, you still dont want to know.
She smiled widely. Youre telling me I shouldnt ask what youre wearing again.
You got it.
Were so falling into a rut, you know that? She grew serious. You sound really sick to me. Your voice is hoarse.
Ill be all right.
Look, I can bring you what you need. If you cant make it to the clinic, I can bring the medicine to you. The silence on the other end was so dense, and went on for so long, she said, Hello? You there?
Tomorrow nightcan you meet me?
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. Yes.
Im on the top floor of the Commodore. Do you know the building.
I do.
Can you be there at midnight? East side.
Yes.
His exhale seemed one of resignation. Ill be waiting for you. Drive safely, okay?
I will. And dont throw your phone anymore.
How did you know?
Because if Id had an open space in front of me instead of the dashboard of an ambulance, I would have done the same thing.
His laugh made her smile, but she lost the expression as she hit end and put the phone back in her purse.
Even though she was driving at a steady sixty-five and the road ahead of her was straight and free of debris, she felt as if she were totally out of control, careening from guardrail to guardrail, leaving a trail of sparks as she ground off parts of the clinics vehicle.
Meeting him tomorrow night, being alone with him somewhere private, was exactly the wrong thing to do.
And she was going to do it anyway.
TWENTY-TWO
Montrag, son of Rehm, hung up the phone and stared out the French doors of his fathers study. The gardens and the trees and the rolling lawn, like the great mansion and everything in it, were his now, no longer a legacy he would one day inherit.
As he took in the grounds, he enjoyed the sense of ownership singing in his blood, but he was less than satisfied with the view. Everything was battened down for winter, the flower beds emptied, the blooming fruit trees blanketed with mesh, the maples and oaks without their leaves. As a result, one could see the retaining wall, and that was just not attractive. Better for those ugly security sorts of things to be covered.
Montrag turned away and walked over to a more pleasing vista, albeit one that was mounted on the wall. With a flush of reverence, he regarded his favorite painting in the manner he always had, for indeed Turner deserved veneration for both his artistry and his choices of subject. Especially in this work: The depiction of the sun setting over the sea was a masterpiece on so many levels, the shades of gold and peach and deep burning red a feast for eyes robbed by biology of the actual glowing furnace that sustained and inspired and warmed the world.