Staring at him, Ehlena no longer felt the cold or the wind or the pain in her shin. Bathed in the candlelight, with his head tilted down and his profile so strong and true, Rehvenge was incalculably beautiful.
Abruptly, his head snapped up and he looked right at her, even though she was in the darkness.
Ehlena stepped back and felt the terrace wall against her hip, but she did not dematerialize. Even as he plugged his cane into the floor and rose to his full height.
Even as the door before him parted at his will.
It would have taken a better liar than she was to pretend she just was looking off into the night. And she wasnt a coward, to bolt.
Ehlena walked up to him. You didnt take a pill.
Is that what youre waiting for?
Ehlena crossed her arms over her chest. Yes.
Rehvenge glanced back at the table and the pair of empty plates. You said they had to be taken with food.
Yes, I did.
Well, it looks like youre going to watch me eat, then. The elegant sweep of his arm inviting her in was a prompt she didnt want to take. Will you sit with me? Or do you want to stay out here in the cold? Oh, wait, maybe this will help. Leaning heavily on his cane, he went over and blew out the candles.
The curling weaves of smoke above the wicks seemed to her a lament for all the extinguished possibilities that had been: Hed prepared a nice dinner for them both. Made the effort. Dressed beautifully.
She stepped inside because shed already ruined enough of his evening.
Seat yourself, he said. Ill be back with my plate. Unless?
Ive already eaten.
He bowed slightly as she pulled out a chair. Of course you have.
Rehvenge left his cane against the table and walked out, steadying himself on the backs of chairs and the sideboard and the jamb of the butlers door into the kitchen. When he returned a few minutes later, he repeated the pattern with his free hand and then lowered himself down into the armed chair at the head of the table with careful concentration. Picking up a sleek sterling-silver fork, he didnt say a word as he carefully sliced his meat and ate with restraint and manners.
Christ, she felt like the bitch of the week, sitting in front of an empty plate while fully buttoned up in her coat.
The sounds of silver tines on porcelain made the silence between them scream.
Stroking the napkin in front of her, she felt god-awful about so much, and though she wasnt much of a talker she found herself speaking because she simply couldnt keep everything in anymore. The night before last
Mmm? Rehvenge didnt look at her, just stayed focused on his plate.
I wasnt stood up. You know, on that date.
Well, good for you.
He was killed.
Rehvenges head shot up. What.
Stephan, the guy I was supposed to meethe was killed by lessers. The king brought his body in, but I didnt know it was him until his cousin showed up looking for him. Iah, I spent my shift last evening wrapping his body and returning him to his family. She shook her head. Theyd beaten him You couldnt tell who he had been.
Her voice fractured and refused to go on, so she just sat there stroking the napkin, in hopes of soothing herself.
Two subtle clinks marked Rehvs fork and knife coming to rest on his plate, and then he reached out to her, putting his solid hand on her forearm.
Im so goddamned sorry, he said. No wonder youre not into all this. If I had known-
No, its okay. Really. I should have handled it better when I arrived. Im just off tonight. Not myself at all.
He gave her a squeeze and settled back into his chair as if he didnt want to crowd her. Which was normally what she liked, but tonight she found it a pity-to use a word he enjoyed. The weight of his touch through her coat had been very nice.
Speaking of which, she was getting really warm.
Ehlena unbuttoned herself and took the wool from her shoulders. Hot in here.
Like I said before, I can cool things down for you.
No. She frowned, glancing over at him. Why are you always cold? Side effects from the dopamine?
He nodded. Its really more why I need the cane. I cant feel my arms, legs.
She hadnt heard of many vampires reacting in that way to the drug, but then, individual reactions were legion. And also the vampire equivalent of Parkinsons was a nasty disease.
Rehvenge pushed his plate away and the two of them sat in silence for a long while. In the candlelight, he seemed dimmed somehow, his usual energy dialed down, his mood very somber.
Youre not yourself, either, she said. Not that I know you very well, but you seem
How.
Like I feel. In a walking coma.
He chuckled in a short burst. That is so apt.
You want to talk about it-
You want something to eat-
They both laughed and stopped.
Rehvenge shook his head. Look, let me get you some dessert. Its the least I can do. And its not date food. The candles are out.
Actually, you know what?
You lied about having eaten before coming and now youre starving?
She laughed again. You got it.
As his amethyst eyes stared into hers, the air between them changed and she had the sense that he saw so much, too much. Especially as he said in a dark voice, Will you let me feed you?
Hypnotized, captivated, she whispered, Yes. Please.
His smile revealed long, white fangs. That is so the answer I was going for.
What would his blood be like in her mouth, she wondered in a rush.
Rehvenge growled deep in his throat, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. But he took it no further, rising to his great height and going into the kitchen.
By the time he returned with her plate, shed managed to pull herself together a little bit better, although as he put the food down in front of her, the whiff of spices that drifted around her was too delicious-and had nothing to do with what hed cooked.
Determined to keep it together, Ehlena put the napkin in her lap and tried the roast beef.
My God, this is fabulous.
Thanks, Rehv said as he sat down. Its the way the doggen in our household have always done it. You get the oven up to four seventy-five and you put the roast in, blast it for a half hour, then turn everything off and let it sit in there. Youre not allowed to open the door to check it. Thats the rule, and you have to trust the process. Two hours later?
Heaven.
Heaven.
Ehlena laughed as the same word came out of both of their mouths. Well, its really good. Melts in the mouth.
In the interest of full disclosure, lest you think Im a chef, its the only thing I know how to cook.
Well, you do one thing perfectly, and thats more than some people can say.
He smiled and looked down at the pills. If I take one of these now, are you going to leave right after dinner?
If I say no, will you tell me why youre so quiet?
Tough negotiator.
Just making it a two-way street. I told you whats weighing on me.
Darkness shadowed his face, tightening his mouth and drawing his brows together. I cant talk about it.
Sure you can.
His eyes, now hard, flashed up to her. Just like you can talk about your father?
Ehlena dropped her stare to her plate and took special care cutting a piece of meat.
Im sorry, Rehv said. IShit.
No, its okay. Even though it wasnt. I push too hard sometimes. Great for being in health care. Not so hot when it comes to the personal stuff.
As silence flared again, she ate faster, thinking shed go as soon as she finished.
Im doing something Im not proud of, he said abruptly.
She glanced up. His expression was positively vile, anger and hatred turning him into someone who, if she hadnt known otherwise, she would have feared. None of the evil look was directed at her, though. It was a manifestation of what he was feeling toward himself. Or another.
She knew better than to press. Especially given his mood.
So she was surprised when he said, Its an ongoing thing.
Was it business or personal, she wondered.
His eyes lifted to hers. It involves a certain female.
Right. A female.
Okay, she had no right to feel a cold vise around her chest. It was none of her business that he was already with someone. Or that he was a player who threw together this roast beef dinner, candlelight, and seduction special for God knew how many different females.
Ehlena cleared her throat and put down her knife and fork. As she dabbed her mouth with her napkin, she said, Wow. You know, I never thought to ask if you were mated. You dont have a name in your back-
Its not my shellan. And I dont love her in the slightest. Its complicated.
Do you share a young?
No, thank God.
Ehlena frowned. Is this a relationship, though?
I guess you could call it that.
Feeling like a total raving idiot for getting caught up in him, Ehlena put her napkin on the table beside her plate and offered a very professional smile as she got to her feet and picked up her coat.
I should go now. Thanks for dinner.
Rehv cursed. I shouldnt have said anything-
If your goal was to get me in bed, youre right. Bad move. Still, Im glad you were honest-
I wasnt trying to get you into bed.
Oh, of course not, because youd be cheating on her. Christ, why was she getting so upset over this?
No, he snapped back, its because Im impotent. Believe me, if I could get hard, bed would be the first place Id want to go with you.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Spending time with you is like watching paint dry. Lassiters voice echoed up to the stalactites hanging from the Tombs high ceiling. Except without the home improvement-which is a tragedy, given how this place looks. Do you guys always go for the gloom and doom? You never hear of Pottery Barn?
Tohr rubbed his face and glanced around the cave that had served as the Brotherhoods sacred meeting place for centuries. Behind the massive stone altar he was sitting next to, the black marble wall with all the Brothers names on it stretched out across the back of the cave. Black candles on heavy stanchions threw flickering light over all the carvings in the Old Language.
Were vampires, he said. Not fairies.
Sometimes Im not so sure about that. You see that study your king hangs out in?
Hes nearly blind.
Which explains why he hasnt hanged himself in that pastel train wreck.
I thought you were bitching about the gloom-and-doom decorating?
I free-associate.
Clearly. Tohr didnt look at the angel, as he figured eye contact would only encourage the guy. Oh, wait. Lassiter didnt need help.
You expecting that skull on the altar to talk to you or some shit?
Actually were both waiting for you to finally take a breath. Tohr glared at the guy. Anytime youre ready. Anytime.
You say the sweetest things. The angel sat his glowing ass down on the stone steps next to Tohr. Can I ask you something?
Is no really an option?
Nope. Lassiter shifted around and stared up at the skull. That thing looks older than I am. Which is saying something.
It was the first Brother, the inaugural warrior who fought the enemy bravely and with power, the most sacred symbol of strength and purpose within the Brotherhood.
Lassiter stopped fucking around for once. He must have been a great fighter.
I thought you were going to ask me something.
The angel stood with a curse and shook out his legs. Yeah, I meanhow in the fuck have you sat there for so long? My ass is killing me.
Yeah, brain cramps are a bitch.
Although the angel did have a point about time having passed. Tohr had been sitting there, staring at the skull and at the wall of names beyond the altar, for so long his butt wasnt so much numb as indistinguishable from the steps.
He had come here the previous night, drawn by an invisible hand, compelled to seek inspiration, clarity, reconnection to life. Instead, he had found only stone. Cold stone. And a lot of names that had once meant something to him and now were nothing but a grocery list of the dead.
Its because youre looking in the wrong place, Lassiter said.
You can go now.
Every time you say that, it brings a tear to my eye.
Funny, mine too.
The angel leaned down, the scent of fresh air preceding him. Neither that wall nor that skull will give you what youre looking for.
Tohr narrowed his eyes and wished he were strong enough to fight the guy. They wont? Well, then theyre making a liar out of you. Now is the time. Tonight everything changes. You give portent a bad name, you know that? You are just so full of shit.
Lassiter smiled and idly adjusted the gold hoop that pierced his eyebrow. If you think being rude is going to get my attention, youll be really bored before I care.
Why the fuck are you here? Tohrs exhaustion crept into his voice, weakening it and pissing him off. Why the hell didnt you just leave me where you found me?
The angel mounted the black marble steps and paced up and down in front of the glossy wall with the carved names, stopping now and then to inspect one or two.
Time is a luxury, believe it or not, he said.
Feels more like a curse to me.
Without time, you know what you got?
The Fade. Which was where I was headed until you came along.
Lassiter ran his finger over a carved line of characters and Tohr looked away quickly when he realized what they spelled out. It was his name.
Without time, the angel said, you have only the bottomless, shapeless mire of eternity.
FYI, philosophy bores me.
Not philosophy. Reality. Time is what gives life significance.
Fuck you. Seriouslyfuck you.
Lassiters head tilted to the side, as if he had heard something.
Finally, he muttered. Bastard was doing my nut in.
Excuse me?
The angel came back over, leaned down right into Tohrs face, and said with clear diction, Listen up, sunshine. Your shellan, Wellsie, sent me. Thats why I didnt leave you to die.
Tohrs heart stopped in his chest just as the angel looked up and said, What took you so long.
Wraths voice was annoyed as his shitkickers thundered down toward the altar. Well, next time tell someone where the fuck you are-
What did you say, Tohr breathed.
Lassiter was utterly unapologetic as he refocused. That wall isnt what you need to be looking at. Try a calendar. One year ago your Wellsie was shot in the face by the enemy. Wake the fuck up and do something about it.
Wrath cursed. Easy, there, Lassi-
Tohrment lunged off the cave floor with something close to the old strength hed once had, and he hit Lassiter like a linebacker in spite of the weight difference, taking the angel down hard onto the stone floor. Wrapping his hands around the guys throat, he stared down into white eyes and squeezed, baring his fangs.
Lassiter just stared right back and thought his voice directly into Tohrs temporal lobe: What are you going to do, asshole? Are you going to avenge her, or disrespect her by wasting away like this?
Wraths huge hand clamped on Tohrs shoulder like a lions claw, digging in, pulling back. Let go.
Dont Tohrs breath came in punches. Dontever
Enough, Wrath spat.
Tohr was whipped backward onto his ass, and as he bounced like a stick dropped on the ground, he came out of the murder trance. Came awake, too.
He didnt know how else to describe it. It was as if some switch had been triggered and his bank of lights, which had been extinguished, suddenly went live with juice again.
Wraths face came into view, and Tohr saw it with a clarity he hadnt had inforever. You okay, there? his brother said. You landed hard.
Tohr reached out and ran his hands over Wraths heavy arms, trying to get a feel of reality. He glanced over at Lassiter, then stared at the king. Im sorryabout that.
Are you kidding me? Weve all wanted to strangle him.
You know, Im gonna get a complex over here, Lassiter coughed out as he caught his breath.
Tohr gripped his kings shoulders. No ones said anything about her, he groaned. No ones said her name, no ones talked aboutwhat happened.
Wrath held on to the back of Tohrs neck and supported him. Out of respect for you.
Tohrs eyes went to the skull on the altar and then to the etched wall. The angel had been right. There was only one name that could wake him up, and it wasnt inscribed up there.
Wellsie.
How did you know where we were, he asked his king, still focused on the wall.
Sometimes people need to go back to the beginning. To where everything started.
Its time, the fallen angel said softly.
Tohr stared down at himself, at the withered body beneath his sagging clothes. He was a quarter of the male hed once been, maybe even less. And that wasnt just because of all the weight hed lost. Oh, Christlook at me.
Wraths response was front and center. If youre ready, were ready to have you back.
Tohr looked over at the angel, noticing for the first time the golden aura that surrounded the guy. Heaven-sent. Wellsie-sent.
Im ready, he said to no one and everyone.
As Rehv stared across the table at Ehlena, he thought, Well, at least she wasnt beelining for the exit after hed dropped the i-bomb.
Impotent wasnt a word you wanted to use around a female you were interested in. Unless it was used along the lines of, Fuck, no, Im NOT impotent.
Ehlena sat back down. Youreis it because of the medication?
Yeah.
Her eyes skirted away, as if she were adding figures in her head, and the first thought that hit him was, My tongue still works and so do my fingers.
He kept that to himself. Dopamine has an odd effect with me. Instead of stimulating testosterone, it drains the shit out of me.
The corner of her mouth twitched up. This is totally inappropriate, but considering how male you are, without it-
Id be able to make love to you, he said quietly. Thats what Id be like.
Her eyes shot to his, all holy-shit-did-he-just-say-that?
Rehv brushed a hand over his mohawk. Im not going to apologize for the fact that Im feeling you, but I wont disrespect you by trying to do anything about it either. You want some coffee? Its already made.
Ahsure. Like she was hoping it would clear her head. Listen
He paused in the midst of standing up. Yeah?
Iah
When she didnt continue, he shrugged. Just let me bring you coffee. I want to wait on you. Makes me happy.
Fuck happy. As he headed back into the kitchen, a screaming satisfaction broke through his numbness. The fact that he was feeding her food he had prepared for her, giving her drink to relieve her thirst, providing shelter from the cold
Rehvs nose picked up an odd scent, and at first he thought it was the roast hed left out, because hed rubbed the outside of the piece of meat with spices. But noit wasnt that.
Figuring he had other things to worry about rather than his nose, he went over to the cabinets and got a teacup and saucer. After he poured the coffee, he went to straighten the lapels of his jacket-
And froze.
Lifting his hand to his nose, he breathed in deep and didnt believe what he was smelling. It couldnt possibly
Except there was only one thing that the scent could be, and it had nothing to do with his symphath side: The dark spices coming off of him were the bonding scent, the mark that male vampires left on the skin and sex of their females so that other males would know whose wrath they risked if they dared to get close.
Rehv lowered his arm and looked toward the butlers door, stunned.
When you got to a certain age, you didnt expect any more surprises out of your body. At least, not the good kind. Rickety joints. Wheezy lungs. Bad eyesight. Sure, when the time came. But really, for the nine hundred years or so after your transition, you had what you had.
Although good might not be the exact word hed use for this development.
For no evident reason, he thought of the first time hed had sex. It had been right after his transition, and when the deed was done, hed been convinced that the female and he were going to get mated and live together and be happy for the rest of their lives. Shed been perfectly beautiful, a female who his mothers brother had brought to the house for Rehv to use when hed gone into the change.
Shed been a brunette.
Christ, he couldnt remember her name now.
Looking back on it, with what hed since learned about males and females and attraction, he knew hed surprised her with how big his body had been after the change. She hadnt expected to like what she saw. Hadnt expected to want him. But she did and they mated and the sex had been a revelation, the feel of all that flesh, the addictive rush, the power hed had as hed taken control after the first couple of times.
Hed learned hed had a barb, then-whereas shed been so into him, he wasnt sure shed noticed that they had to wait a little before he could withdraw from her.
In the aftermath, hed been so at peace, so content. But there had been no happily-ever-after coming. With the sweat still drying on her body, shed put on her clothes and hit the door. Just as shed left, shed smiled at him sweetly and told him that she wouldnt charge his family for the sex.
His uncle had bought her to feed him.
Funny, as he considered it now, was it really a surprise where hed ended up? Sex as a commodity had been drilled into him pretty damn early-even though that first fuck or six had been on the house, so to speak.
So yeah, if this dark scent meant his vampire nature had bonded with Ehlena, it was not good news.
Rehv picked the coffee up and carried it carefully through the butlers door and out to the dining room. As he placed it in front of her, he wanted to touch her hair, but sat down instead.
She lifted the cup to her lips. You make good coffee.
You havent tasted it yet.
I can smell it. And I love the way it smells.
Its not the coffee, he thought. Not all of it, at any rate.
Well, I love your perfume, he said, because he was a dolt.
She frowned. Im not wearing any. I mean, other than the soap and shampoo I use.
Well, I like them, then. And Im glad you stayed.
Is this what you planned?
Their eyes met. Shit, she was perfect. Radiant as the candles had been. You making it all the way to the coffee? Yeah, I guess a date was what I was after.
I thought you agreed with me.
Man, that breathless quality in her voice made him want to have her up against his naked chest.
Agreed with you? he said. Hell, if it would make you happy, Id say yes to anything. But what are you specifically referring to?
You saidI shouldnt date anyone.
Ah, right. You shouldnt.
I dont understand.
Fuck him, but he went for it. Rehv put his numb elbow on the table and leaned into her. As he closed the distance, her eyes got wider, but she didnt pull back.
He paused, to give her a chance to tell him to cut the shit. Why? He had no clue. His symphath side was into pauses only for analysis or to better capitalize on a weakness. But she made him want to be decent.
Ehlena didnt tell him to step off, however. I dontunderstand, she whispered.
Its simple. I dont think you should date anyone. Rehv moved in even closer, until he could see the flecks of gold in her eyes. But Im not just anyone.
TWENTY-NINE
Im not just anyone.
As Ehlena stared into Rehvenges amethyst eyes, she thought that was so right. In this quiet moment, with an explosive sexual vibe linking them and the scent of dark cologne in the air, Rehvenge was everybody and everything.
Youre going to let me kiss you, he said.
It wasnt a question, but she nodded anyway, and he closed the distance between their mouths.
His lips were soft and his kiss softer. And he pulled back too fast, in her opinion. Way too fast.
If you want more, he said in a low, husky voice, I want to give it to you.
Ehlena stared at his mouth and thought of Stephan-and all the choices he no longer had. Being with Rehvenge was something she wanted. It didnt make sense, but right now that didnt matter.
Yes. I want more. Except then it dawned on her. He couldnt feel a thing, could he. So what would happen if they took this even further?
Yeah, how did you bring that up without making him feel handicapped? And what about this other female of his? Clearly, he wasnt sleeping with her, but there was something serious going on.
His amethyst eyes dropped to her lips. You want to know what I get out of it?
Man, that voice of his was pure sex.
Yes, she breathed.
I get to see you like you are now.
Whatam I like?
He brushed a finger down her cheek. Youre flushed. His touch went over to her lips. Your mouth is open because youre thinking about me kissing you again. He went lower with that soft stroke, going down over her throat. Your heart is pumping. I can see it in your vein here. He stopped between her breasts, his own mouth falling open and his fangs elongating. If I keep on going, I think Id find your nipples are hard, and I bet there are other signs youre ready for me. He leaned into her ear and whispered, Are you ready for me, Ehlena?
Holy. Shit.
Her rib cage tightened hard around her lungs, a sweet, dizzying sensation of suffocation making the rush she suddenly felt between her thighs even more stunning.
Ehlena, answer me. Rehvenge nuzzled her neck, running one sharp canine up her vein.
As her head fell back, she grabbed onto the sleeve of his fine suit, crushing the material. It had been so longforeversince shed been held by anyone. Since shed been something other than a caregiver. Since shed felt like her breasts and her hips and her thighs were anything other than parts to be covered up before she went out in public. And here this beautiful, not-just-anyone male wanted to be with her for the sole purpose of pleasing her.
Ehlena had to blink quickly, feeling as if hed just given her a gift, and she wondered how far what they were about to start could go. Back before her family had fallen out of the glymeras graces and been torn apart, shed been promised to a male and he to her. The mating ceremony had been scheduled, but didnt come to pass after her familys reversal of fortune.
When they had been together, she had lain with the male even though as a female of worth in the glymera, she shouldnt have because they had yet to be formally joined. Life had seemed too short to wait.
Now she knew it to be even shorter.
You have a bed in this place, she said.
And I would kill to take you there.
She was the one who stood up and put out her hand for him to take. Lets go.
What made it okay was that this was all about Ehlena. Rehvs lack of sensation took him completely out of the equation, freeing them both from the nasty implications of him being involved.
Man, what a joy this was. He had to give the princess his body. But he was choosing to give Ehlena
Well, shit, he didnt know exactly, but it was a fuckload more than just his cock. Worth so much more, too.
Palming his cane, because he didnt want to have to rely on her for balance, he took her to the bedroom, with its swimming pool-size bed and its black satin duvet and its view.
He shut the door with his mind, even though there was no one else in the penthouse, and the first thing he did was turn Ehlena to face him and take her hair out of its twist tie. The deep strawberry blond waves fell to just below her shoulders, and though he couldnt feel the silken strands, he could smell the light, natural bouquet of her shampoo.