How?
Im not sure, I just know its true, and it has something to do with my memories. Give me another day to sort through whats in my head. If I havent come up with the answer we need, Ill order my warriors to transport yours to the temple.
Kougars teeth ground together beneath the force of his impatience.
One day, Kougar. I feel like Im on the edge of something vast. Like the veil is about to be lifted, and Im going to see what Ive been missing all this time. Its going to happen. Tonight. She squeezed his hand. Its going to make the difference between success and failure, its that big.
He pulled her into his arms. Twelve hours. Thats all.
Deal. Then well reassess.
Twelve hours. His fingertips itched with the need to draw claws and rip out that bastards throat, now. But Ariana was right. If there was a chance she held the key to the battle in that head of hers, not giving her a chance to find it was a rash, foolish move.
Too many lives hung in the balance.
Fury roared up out of nowhere, ripping through Hawkes mind, white-hot. A vicious rage.
The hawks anger had become his own.
How long he roared and thrashed, he didnt know. Time held no meaning. But as quickly as the fury rose, it abated, leaving his mind throbbing with pain and the echoes of his hawks pulsing anger.
Hed never had the relationship with the hawk spirit that his father, the Wind, had claimed to have. Then again, his father had been the hawk shifter for nearly three thousand years until a Confederate mortar explosion ripped his heart out of his chest a century and a half ago. The hawk spirit had flown to the son, but Hawke had never possessed the faith in the wildness that his father had.
The Wind used to tell him that once a man was marked, the animal spirit shared the mans body. It was only fair to give him his head from time to time. And his father had, disappearing sometimes for hours, even days, on a wild flight.
For years after he was marked, the hawk had demanded more freedom, but Hawke refused. The hawk spirit had never entirely forgiven him. But he wasnt giving rein to that kind of wildness again. Not after what happened to Aren.
The last echoes of the fury slipped away, leaving him with nothing but thoughts. And regrets. There were so many things hed hoped to do with his life. Things lost to him now.
Hed been born with an insatiable thirst for knowledge and had studied the natural world extensively, but there was so much more to learn. So much more to know. The humans were discovering things every year, every day, and he wanted to know them all.
Trapped in that miserable darkness, he thought again of the dream hed held close for decades. A dream of a mate of his own. Hed never been like many of his brothers, whod been determined never to be tied to one woman for eternity. Though, of late, four of them had fallen to that fate, hadnt they? It was often like that. Watching that kind of love in another had a way of softening a mans heart. Of making him wonder what it would be like to know that kind of contentment.
Hed always wondered, always hoped hed someday find the one meant for him. A woman with eyes that flashed with strength and intelligence, and turned liquid with love when she looked at him. Only at him.
Pain turned to agony, stealing his thoughts.
The other animal spirits, too, cried or roared with distress. Were they really in pain, or merely raging against the loss of more Feral animals to the trap?
Were they even there at all?
They were like ghosts in the room, leaving him to wonder if all he was hearing were the echoes of their death cries from hundreds of years ago.
CHAPTER 16
Ariana paced the solar in the Crystal Realm, frustration lending a weight to her steps. Why had she expected anything to go right? Shed remembered the Crystal of Rayas being stored in the jewel-encrusted box that sat upon one of the bookshelves that lined the walls of the room. But when shed opened it, shed found nothing. Empty.
Dammit.
Kougar stood at the window overlooking the garden as she paced, trying to come up with another memory of where it might have been moved.
Of all the rooms in the Crystal Palace, the solar was perhaps the most Earth-like, with its rows upon rows of books, brown velvet sofas, and plush, vibrantly colored floor rugs. It even boasted a window with real glass. Only the floating crystal lights might have looked out of place in a mortals home.
The room had been her gift to Brielle more than a century ago, knowing her friends insatiable appetite for books, an appetite many of her maidens shared.
Those same maidens were turning the palace inside out looking for the crystal while she sorted through the jumble of memories, trying to make some kind of sense of them.
With a frustrated sigh, she went to stand beside Kougar, looking out on the grounds behind the palace, a sea of rocks and waterfalls. She called it the garden, but no plants, no trees, no flowers would ever grow there. It was the Syphian Stream itself that possessed a scent reminiscent of pine.
Kougars hands gripped the windowsill until his knuckles had turned white.
Ariana slid her hand across his back. Youre thinking of war, arent you?
Im thinking of all the ways Im going to kill that sorcerer.
I know that waiting to go after him is driving you crazy.
You have no idea, he growled.
A sharp pain pulsed in her temple as another of the myriad memories crowding her head broke through. She groaned at the revelation.
Kougar lifted a brow.
We cant kill Hookeye, not while I still hold the poison. It will absolutely ensure Im never free of it.
Kougar pushed away from the window. Hell.
Another queen faced something similar. She turned, talking to his back as he paced away. The queen sent her mist warriors to destroy the sorcerer. But the poison killed her the moment the sorcerer died. Im afraid if you kill him, youll kill me, and possibly yourself, too. If I die, the poison will escape and infect my maidens. Well all die.
He swung around to face her. You cant know that. It might not be the same poison.
No, I cant know for sure, but what she suffered was hauntingly similar to what Im going through except that the poison shed taken never spread to her maidens.
Kougar looked at her quizzically. I thought you said the Mage had never attacked your race before we were mated.
Ariana frowned. I didnt think they had. I didnt remember. She made a sound of frustration. Theres so much I dont remember.
The memories flitted and fluttered, brushing the insides of her skull like bats fighting to be free. All she could do was hope the answers were already in her head, because returning to the temple was impossible now, with Hookeye waiting to snare her, body and mind.
What she needed to do, as she had in the temple while Kougar slept, was take some time to sort through the new memories, to take each one out and look at it, replaying it fast-forward style. It would take time for the mass of thoughts to filter into her brain and become part of her consciousness. And time was something she didnt have.
Kougar had given her twelve hours to come up with an answer, and only ten remained. But Hookeye could attack again at any time, if he hadnt already. She feared that his insidious poison might be working on her even now, in ways she couldnt begin to guess. How long did she have before it bloomed? The thought terrified her. But she wasnt without warning this time. A thousand years ago, she hadnt known what was happening. She hadnt known she was under attack until far too late.
And by the time she knew what was happening, shed no longer had Kougar by her side.
Her gaze caressed the man, his strength the only solid thing left in her world. And she knew she wouldnt make the same mistake again. Though she had no illusions that his primary concern was saving himself and his friends, she knew deep down he wouldnt turn away from her when she needed him.
He was her strength, her rock.
Theyre lighting the festival lights, he murmured, back at the window. They think youre on your way to beating this thing.
Brielles no fool, Kougar. She knows were far from safe. But an Ilina celebration empowers us, dont forget. Beautiful lights, music, dancing. All feed the Ilina, body and soul, and were likely to need all the strength we can come by. Brielle was looking for an excuse, and my renewed memories serve her purpose. We have the possibility of victory locked inside my head. And thats worth a celebration, a badly needed lift of spirits.
He turned to her, his gaze pensive. Thoughtful. Slowly, his pale gaze moved down her body, a physical caress. Will you dance? In those eyes, she saw a memory of another time and the echoes of that pleasure.
Perhaps. Once I find the Crystal of Rayas.
Once we find it.
I thought you might enjoy watching the celebration.
I go where you go. He closed the distance between them slowly, moving with the silent grace of the cat he was inside, and came to tower over her, a solid wall of muscle and willful male. He closed his hand around the back of her neck. Who knows when you might feel in need of strengthening. Though he said the words without inflection, a gleam shone in his eyes.
A smile lifted the corner of her mouth. You think you have what it takes to pleasure me, Feral?
The gleam brightened, crinkling the corners of his eyes. I do. The hand at her neck slid into her hair as his other arm snaked around her back, hauling her against him. He covered her mouth in a hot, luxurious kiss, a tangle of tongues that ended far too soon. But the passion of those few brief moments did, indeed, energize her.
He pulled back, but didnt release her, watching her with a look that questioned, demanding acknowledgment of his skill, if not outright praise.
She smiled at him with a quick roll of the eyes. You do, Feral. You absolutely do have what it takes.
He watched her with keen eyes, his hand moving to her face, his thumb stroking her lower lip as if hed forgotten what her smile looked like.
Goddess, how I need this man. My life would have been so much easier these past centuries if youd been part of it. She hadnt meant to verbalize the thought, but the growl in Kougars throat was all agreement.
You should have told me. The words were more growl than voice, but his thumb continued to play with her lower lip with exquisite tenderness.
I know. A hundred times I nearly sought you out, once I was myself again. I missed you terribly.
How would she live without him if he died? Even if he lived, she had no doubts that their responsibilities and their lives would pull them in opposite directions even if they wanted to stay together. And Kougar had said he didnt. Hed said that he wanted nothing to do with her when this was done. Whether that was merely anger speaking or the truth of his heart, she couldnt be sure. At that moment, shed felt the same.
Now, she felt nothing but empty at the thought of them going their separate ways. And yet, at its heart, their relationship had never changed. Kougar was still as closed and contained as hed ever been. If they tried again, hed still wind up shutting her out of his world as he always had.
As her mind traveled that dismal path, another memory popped out of the fog, whole and bright.
The Crystal of Rayas, she murmured.
Kougar raised a brow.
Ariana pulled out of his arms. Come. Ive just remembered where it is. Or another place where it was. She started to turn, to lead the way, then found herself turning back and reaching for his hand.
Their gazes met, his eyes so hard to read, but his hand went around hers firmly, filling her with a sense of rightness as together they walked through the wide doorway and back into the Grand Corridor.
Melisande floated toward them, her body mist, her expression at once demanding and vulnerable with hope. Ariana started to pull her hand from Kougars, knowing how much Melisande hated to see her with the Feral; but he held fast, refusing to let her go.
Melisande didnt seem to notice either way. She barely seemed to notice Kougar at all, forgetting even to scowl at him.
Did you really do it, Ariana? Did you learn how to beat that asshole? Hookeye?
Ariana hesitated, unable to lie to her second, yet hating to dash her friends hope.
Melisande read the truth in that hesitation. And more. Her expression turned grim. The situations that bad, is it?
Ariana opened her mouth, then closed it again, unable to deny it. I dont know, Mel. Hes attacking me again. We had to leave before Id finished receiving the memories. And, no, I havent learned what I need. Yet. But that doesnt mean I wont. I have thousands of memories I didnt have before, but theyre still a jumble. She glanced at Melisandes feet. How long did it take you to get free of that chunk of temple floor?
Her friends brows drew together, her expression almost bemused. About an hour. I tried to turn to mist and couldnt, not with my feet bound. Lyon suggested we wait. If the magic didnt wear off in a couple of hours, hed call the Shaman. But the magic dissolved on its own, suddenly. One moment my feet were bound in stone, the next, the chunks fell away, littering the chaise and the patio, nearly knocking over one of the pitchers of lemonade. Olivia grabbed it just in time.
Ariana lifted a brow. Pitchers of lemonade?
Melisande shrugged diffidently. They had questions. They wanted answers. Its not like anyones seen an Ilina in a thousand years.
So they plied you with lemonade.
Melisande scowled, changing the subject. What now, Ariana? How do we stop the poison?
The answer will come to me, we have to believe that. In the meantime, enjoy the celebration, Mel. Soak up all the pleasure you can.
While we can? The words were quietly said.
Yes.
With a grim nod, Melisande turned and continued down the corridor. When she was out of earshot, Ariana looked at Kougar. Tell them thank you for me. Lyon and Jag for getting Mel out of there, and Olivia, or whoever offered her the lemonade. Did you notice she didnt scowl at you?
I noticed.
It pleased her. Melisandes violent objection to Arianas mating a Feral a thousand years ago had poisoned the entire races feelings toward Kougar.
Ariana led Kougar up the wide stair to the observatory, then turned right and led him down a long passageway to the room that had always been her favorite, the place shed missed most during her long absences, forced to live her life as flesh and blood.
The observatory was round and not overly large, furnished as it had always been, with a profusion of pillows in various sizes, covered in bright silks, the walls long ago painted with a full-sized mural of a lush, tropical garden, the flowers seeming real enough to pluck from their stems.
But the thing she loved the most was the ceiling, for there was none. The Crystal Realm might sit in the clouds, the sun shining bright and warm, the stars glittering brilliantly at night. But the air, air that shimmered with myriad colors, remained a constant temperature. Never was there wind or snow or rain.
In the middle of the room stood the great golden urns of Barse, the fourth queen. And if the latest memory proved correct, in the middle one, at the very bottom, lay the Crystal of Rayas.
Ariana released Kougars hand and strode to the urn which stood higher than her waist. I think its in here. Want to help?
Of course. With no visible effort whatsoever, he lifted the heavy urn, making whatever was inside rattle and clink, then tipped it upside down over one of the cushions. The crystal she sought tumbled out, the shape of a large faceted teardrop, attached to a thick silver chain.
Found it. Thank the heavens somethings going right.
As she placed the chain around her neck, Kougar set down the urn. Maybe youve remembered more than you think, he said. Maybe we should test you.
Test away. Ariana fingered the crystal settling heavily between her breasts.
Have there been any other times the Ilinas were poisoned by the Mage? Times the Ilina queen overcame it?
Ariana tried to seek the answer but hit a tangled mass of thought and backed off. Closing her eyes, she repeated Kougars question in her mind, concentrating on the question, not the answer. And a pair of memories tore free of the mess with a rip of pain.
She grimaced, the discomfort fading as she examined them. Yes. Another queen suffered Mage poison twice. A poison similar to the one Im fighting. Both times she killed it by starving it.
Starving it how? Kougar watched her intently, no emotion visible on his face, but he couldnt quite hide the flicker of excitement in his eyes.
By not feeding the darkness.
His brows drew together. Have you ever not fed it?
No. The darkness gets stronger when its hungry. Ive always been afraid Id lose control. But I dont think I will. In fact, Im sure I wont. Excitement leaped inside her, and she smiled. This is the answer weve been seeking, Kougar. This is it! The way to defeat the poison.
Ariana . . . He came to her, closing the space between them. Sliding his hands into her hair, he tilted her face up to his, his pale gaze embracing hers. If this doesnt work . . .
It will. Im sure of it. And when it does, once the poison is gone, Ill be able to turn to mist without endangering my maidens. Now that I have the Crystal of Rayas, Ill be able to free your friends. And the death of the poison within me means Ill no longer be feeding it to you through the mating bond. Youll be safe. This is it, Kougar! Her smile slowly turned to a scowl. All this time, such a simple answer. If only Id known.
His thumb stroked her cheek. If its any consolation, you might not have been strong enough to vanquish the darkness before.
She lifted an eyebrow. You think you make me stronger?
I know I do. He bent his head and kissed her, his tongue sliding between her lips, stroking her mouth, her teeth, her tongue. When her breathing had turned thoroughly ragged, he pulled back, watching her with hunger and satisfaction. How long before the darkness grows hungry again?
Not long, not the way things have been going. Yours and Jags fight helped, but even that only satisfied the darkness enough for me to wrench back control. If I had to guess, we have an hour or two. Maybe a little more. In the meantime . . .
Kougar hooked her around the waist and pulled her tight against him, pressing his hips against her, letting her feel his thick erection.. . . I pleasure you.
But as his mouth covered hers again, hated eyes appeared in her mind. The voice of her enemy rang in her head.
You can fight me all you want, Queen of the Ilinas. But youll lose.
CHAPTER 17
Ariana jerked back. Go away, you bastard.
Kougars arms dropped from around her as if shed burned him.
Hookeye, not you. But those mismatched eyes had definitely killed the mood.
Kougars mouth tightened. You saw him.
Only his eyes, but as if staring at me wasnt enough, now hes taken to taunting me.
Kougars pale gaze bored into hers. Tell me what he said. As she told him, his eyes narrowed. Hes up to something. We know that. I just wish to hell I knew what it was. With the poison flowing to me, now, too, you should be having less trouble holding on to it. Yet youre having more.
It eased off at first. But then grew stronger, yes. Hes definitely feeding more poison into the bond. But who knows what its doing this time. She reached for him. Its not hurting you more?
Its no worse, just a steady stream of acid eating away at my heart. Its easy to guess he wants me to die. But hell try to control you this time as he failed to do before.
It may take time, though. It was two years from the time we mated until the attack. Not for a minute do I think he waited that long. I think his poison takes time both for him to create and to grow inside me. I may not know what hes done to me for weeks or months.
Their gazes met, and locked, with a sick jolt.
I wont be around by then to help, he said quietly, voicing the thought they shared. That may be part of his plan.
Ariana sighed, the sound hollow. He doesnt think we can stop him.
His hands curved over her shoulders. Well stop him. If starving the poison is the way to free yourself from it, then youll starve it. One hand slid down to brush the tip of her breast lightly. While I keep you strong, he added huskily.
And then what? Even if I free myself from the old poison, do I dare turn to mist when I know hes still threatening us?
His hands rose to cup her face. Though his touch was gentle, his eyes were fierce. Well beat him. Youre still remembering things. Tighe and Hawke still have a couple of days. Well find a way. Together, this time.
He stroked her face, then dipped his head to capture her mouth in another searing, tongue-tangling kiss. His mouth slipped to her cheek, to her jaw, as his hands went to the fastening of her pants.
Start wearing dresses, he murmured against her neck. Short dresses. With nothing underneath. With a quick slide of her zipper, his hand was in her pants, his fingers sliding beneath her panties and lower, stroking her. As he pushed two fingers inside her, she melted, her knees giving way.
He grabbed her close and nipped at her throat, his teeth scraping lightly, sending excitement bursting in her blood. She came with a guttural cry, rocking against his driving fingers, gasping with the intensity of the pleasure and the accompanying rush of wonderful strength.
As she tried to catch her breath, Kougar straightened, pulling his hand away and fastening her pants again.
She sighed. That was nice.
He lifted a brow. Nice?
She gave him an impish grin, uncertain where the feeling of playfulness came from when their situation was so precarious. You can practice later.
Without warning, Kougar lifted her up and tossed her down on the middle of the pillows. She stared up at him, watching as he yanked off his shirt.
I was teasing, she said quietly, as he unfastened his belt. But dont let me stop you.
His pale eyes speared her. You wont. He stripped naked before her, his male body beautiful and powerful, his erection thick and hard. As he knelt on the pillows, it dawned on her she could have been proactive, stripping off her own clothes. Then she thought of nothing at all as the gorgeous male in front of her reached for her.
He had her pants and panties off her in less time than it took her to pull off her shirt. Then his hands were on her thighs, rough and warm, spreading her wide. Leaning over, he licked her, a single long, marvelous slide of tongue over her most sensitive flesh.
Nice? he asked, his eyes predatory, his breath warm against her.
She met that gaze and grinned. With a toss of her head, she murmured, Practice, practice, practice.
He growled low in his throat and went back to work, driving her up with his tongue and lips and teeth until a monstrous orgasm overtook her. She screamed with her pleasure, the sound echoing in her ears as a glitter of Ilina light appeared before her, followed quickly by the flash of steel.
Melisande stood beside them, blade drawn, ready to slay her attacker.
Go away, Mel, she gasped.
The scowl her second gave her was one for the record books, but she disappeared as quickly as shed appeared.
Again, Kougar. Again.
He brought her to screaming orgasm three more times before she dug her fingers in his hair and tugged, gasping too hard to tell him what she wanted. He knew.
He paused for one thick moment, bracing himself over her, staring down into her eyes as she twisted her hips, seeking the relief that pressed against her hipbone.
To her amazement, a small smile lifted one corner of Kougars mouth. Nice?
She threw her head back and laughed. How long had it been since shed laughed? No. Not nice. Unbelievable. Splendid. She met his gaze, still grinning. Magnificent.
He smiled and pushed inside her on one hard, perfect stroke, filling her as only Kougar ever had, their gazes locked, laughter and heat and wonder in his eyes. Exactly what she knew he must see in her own.
Laughter. Smiles. Their lovemaking had been like this once. She remembered that, too, now, and not just from seeing it in the dream. Like now, shed felt as if her heart and lungs and chest would simply burst from the affection she felt.
No. Not affection.
Love.
He drove her hard toward yet another glorious climax. When they were once more still, their hearts pounding, their bodies slick with sweat, she heard the music drifting up from below. The celebration had begun without them.
A smile lifted her mouth. No, the celebration had begun right herewith them.
Kougar lifted his head slowly, his soft beard brushing her cheek a moment before his lips. Then he pushed off her, his gaze liquid with tenderness as he offered her a hand.
For a long moment, time stood still as they gazed into one anothers eyes, remembering. Then he pulled her up, and the moment was over.
As they dressed to the sound of music and gaiety, Kougar rubbed at his chest, just over his heart, and she knew the poison was eating away at him, slowly killing him. The fullness of her heart tumbled into confusion.
She wanted so much, with a need that was almost painful. The safety of Kougar and her maidens, the defeat of Hookeye. The poison gone, her life returned.
And Kougar back in that life.
Side by side, they walked to the open window and the railing that overlooked the garden below. Her maidens looked up, waving to her as they danced in their bright silk celebration gowns, twirling around one another in time with the vibrant music. Ariana felt a bittersweet smile form on her lips.
Kougar leaned on the railing, his gaze turning to her. I want to see you dance. Here. For me.
Will you dance with me?
A smile lit his eyes. If youll wear a gown.
A smile played at her mouth. Wait here.
They were traveling a knifes edge over a pit of disaster, yet she felt almost happy, as she hadnt in centuries. An inappropriate emotion when the man she loved was dying, and so many other lives were at stake. And yet, why not live while they had the chance?
Why not feel joy?
He accompanied her to the queens chamber, one she rarely visited anymore, and watched her strip off her jeans and tee and pull on the deep blue satin gown that was the queens color alone. The gown was simply made, a wisp of silk that just covered her shoulders then fell to midcalf, lightly clinging to her curves.
As custom dictated, she brushed out her hair, letting it fall freely, and left her feet bare. She turned to find him watching her with eyes of silver, a smile at his mouth.
Beautiful.
And she believed him. Hed always made her feel beautiful and desired.
Taking his hand, she led him back to the observatory. The moment they were through the doors, she dropped his hand and twirled away, dancing for him, all the desperate joy and love that filled her chest flowing into the music.
He watched her, his gaze a caress that she didnt think she could live without again. In the few short days since hed stalked back into her life, shed felt more alive than in the thousand years shed spent without him.
Any sacrifice would be worth it. Even if she feared she would never truly have his heart.
Wulfe sat on the floor of Natalies cage in his man form, watching her stir, both glad and not that she was starting to wake. Because it was finally time to send her home.
Her eyes fluttered lightly, her gaze catching on him. Hi.
Its time. We were able to get Christys memories. I can take yours now and get you home.
Her soft movements turned quick with excitement as she sat up. But as she glanced around her cell, she frowned.
Wheres Xavier?
Helping out in the kitchen.
She gave a jerk of surprise. Really?
Wulfe dreaded this part but couldnt put it off. Hes going to stay here.
What? No. Why? She scrambled to her feet as if she meant to dart out the open door.
He rose, ready to stop her if she tried. We cant clear his mind of what hes learned of us. Thats only accomplished through the eyes.