What the hell? The mating bond was already open, like an untwisted straw. That was the reason the poison had been able to reach him.
Except that wasnt what his cat was asking of him, he realized. If the bond was a small, mystical tube running between them, heart to heart, at either end was a cap. Or perhaps a fine mesh filter. A small separation allowing each of them a measure of privacy. It was that that the damned animal wanted him to do away with. He wanted him to open it completely.
Hell no. The mating bond was open enough. He already felt Arianas strongest emotions bursting through from time to time. A man needed some measure of solitude.
His cat growled.
Inside, he began to quake as he remembered Arianas accusation, that hed never opened himself to her.
Yes, but she hadnt been talking about the mating bond.
Of course shed been talking about the mating bond. About opening himself completely, mind, body, heart, and soul. Holding nothing back. Nothing.
The thought of it made his hackles rise. He didnt share himself like that with anyone.
And what if I do? What if let her in, fully?
He waited for that sick feeling to punch him in the gut, but felt only a warm wash of love and rightness at the thought of pulling her inside him, tucking her into his heart, and never letting her go.
It was what he wanted.
Goddess, thats what I have to do. I have to open that bond. Then, maybe I can reach her.
But how?
The answer, he knew, lay inside. In his heart and the mating bond.
He pulled her tight against him as they spun through the wormhole, cradling her head on his shoulder and thought about how much he loved her, how much hed always loved her. How much he needed her.
But nothing happened.
Fuck. How was he supposed to open the thing?
Dark lights flashed around him, illuminating the pulsing blackness of the trap.
They were nearly there.
His pulse thudded in his ears.
He had to find a way to open his heart! He imagined ripping the end off the bond, much as his cat had, clawing at it to reach Ariana. Inside, he felt the bond throbbing, felt his heart cracking. Just a little. Not enough!
Im a warrior, dammit!
Give him a blade or fangs, and he could battle anything, but this was beyond him.
Goddess.
If only Ariana could help him. Shed know what to do, he felt certain. Ariana. Desperation to save her pounded in his mind.
Love for her surged inside him, thicker, blinding, swelling until it threatened to break his ribs. For a moment, he thought it had, as he felt the walls of his chest crack. No, not his chest.
His heart burst open, the mating bond wrenching wide, flooding his mind and body with warmth, and with a light he thought might be bright enough to make him glow.
Love flowed into him with the nectar-sweetness of Ilina song. Arianas love.
The mating bond glistened and sparkled like a crystal rainbow, casting away all the dark shadows inside him. He drank of her love, letting it seep into his cells and his bones, blending with the overwhelming love he felt for her, then he poured it back into the bond, into her.
Ariana, come back to me.
The light flashed behind them. In front, lay nothing but the black void of the trap.
Ariana!
Kougar? Her voice sounded thin and distant in his head, but his pulse quickened with hope.
Sweetheart, you must wake up, or youre going to die. Were both going to die.
What did you do? Her voice was stronger this time, closer, and filled with wonder as if she, too, were looking at crystal rainbows.
I love you, Ariana. Completely. Heart and soul. His pulse thundered, his hands shaking. Wake up, sweetheart, and turn to mist. Now!
Beneath his touch, she stirred. As he held his breath, her lashes fluttered gently, and rose.
If hed been standing, his knees would have buckled beneath him.
Turn to mist, Ariana. Quickly!
Confusion clouded her eyes. Kougar?
He gripped her face, his hand shaking with urgency. Ariana, were in the Syphian wormhole, about to enter the spirit trap. And youre flesh. You must turn to mist, or youll die! She met his gaze. Well both die.
The confusion cleared, her face taking on a mask of concentration as she lifted her head. As they reached the dark void of the spirit trap, Ariana dissolved, turning to mist in his arms. And then she was inside him, wrapping him in her Ilina energy, filling him with elation.
The darkness swallowed them, stealing his sight and senses, but for Ariana. He felt her energy caressing him and her love filling him, flowing through his blood and dancing through his mind, embracing him inside and out.
His cat leaped, sensing the other animals nearby. He tried to talk, but he could no longer feel his body even to do that. The trap had stolen his ability to move. All he could do was trust Ariana to get his brothers and him out of there. And he did trust her, he realized. Implicitly.
Though he could feel nothing, his cat roared inside with anxious excitement. Time ceased to exist. And suddenly, he was moving again at a startling speed, the lights of the wormhole once more pulsing around him. As they shot into a blast of cold Himalayan air, he saw Tighe and Hawke caught fast in Arianas energy glow. They were unconscious, at best, their big bodies hanging lifeless on either side of her.
His gut clenched, then released slowly as he heard two faint, thready heartbeats. They werent too late.
A Feral shout of triumph exploded beneath them, then slowly went silent as Ariana set them on the ground among their brothers and the Feral wives. Melisande must have gone to get the women from Feral House.
The Ferals surged forward, catching Tighe and Hawke out of Arianas energy grasp, then laying them on the ground as Ariana released Kougar and turned to flesh beside him.
He grabbed her to him with shaking hands, kissing her with joy and relief and the love that had burst inside him as theyd joined within the mating bond. A brilliant light that showed no sign of abating. Ever.
You did it, he murmured, pulling back.
A smile broke over her beloved face. We did it.
He smiled. Yes, we did. But when he would have lost himself in her eyes and told her again what was in his heart, she pulled away.
I have to see them. Her maidens stood on the other side of the yard, watching her with a mix of worry and relief, confusion and pain, as many suffered the growth of new limbs.
With difficulty, he released her and watched her hurry away from him, to her people. Watched as they surged around her.
He swallowed and turned back to his own. Delaney clung to Tighe, while Lyon pulled her gently away, calling for Karas radiance and asking for Skye to try to help their animals.
Kougars gaze returned to Ariana. Like a mother with her children, she touched and embraced and murmured soft words to the women he knew to be her life and heart. While on the other side of him, Kara administered radiance, glowing like a thousand-watt bulb, and Skye danced the dance of a Mage enchantress, drawing on her rare skill as a caller of animals to help heal his friends.
He stood between the two groups, needing Ariana, yet unable to walk away from his own any more than she could her maidens.
Was this to be their world then? Together, yet destined always to be apart? No, not always. Once the threat of Satanans rising was quelled, hed have more time to spend with her. And he would spend every moment he could. The situation wasnt perfect, but he knew it didnt matter.
He wasnt losing her again.
He wasnt living without her.
Kara released the radiance, and Delaney rushed in to hold her still-unconscious mate.
Moments later, Skye stopped dancing and walked to Paenther. Their animals are suffering, but theyre alive and still minimally connected to the men. Tighes is the stronger of the two.
Everyone looked at her in surprise.
I thought the babe was killing him faster, Lyon said.
He might have been, but Tighe had an advantage Hawke didnt have. Tighe had Delaney to help keep him tethered. Hawke had no one. Ive done all I can for now.
Are they strong enough to transport back to Feral House?
Skye nodded. Yes, thanks to Karas radiance. Well continue to strengthen them as we can, but ultimately its up to the warriors.
Theyll fight their way through this. Lyons voice commanded it be so.
Growls of assent filled the air. The alternative was unthinkable.
Lyon turned to Kougar. Well need the Ilinas assistance to get home.
Kougar nodded, joining him. What about the vortex? And the Mage? Though the wind was whipping it up, Mother Nature was far from throwing a tantrum as she would have if theyd killed many more than Hookeye.
The vortex closed on its own a few minutes after you left, Lyon said. As for the other . . .
Jag chuckled. Had us a little Mage-throwing contest, right off the mountain. Sorry you missed it, Kougar-man.
I won, Wulfe said.
Jag scoffed. No way, Dog. It wasnt how many you could throw at once, it was how far you could throw them.
I won. A smile twitched at Wulfes scarred mouth. And dont call me Dog.
Kougar left them to their good-natured argument and started toward the throng of Ilinas and their queen. A low, warrior-type cheer went up from the women, and Ariana turned away from them, starting toward him.
They met halfway between the two groups, Arianas eyes once more laser-bright and clear of the grief and worry of the past hours, her cheeks flushed with a health he hadnt seen in her since shed been poisoned all those years ago. If possible, she was even more beautiful than before.
As she reached him, her eyes filled with a love his heart couldnt contain. She reached for him, and he took her hands, but neither spoke, their eyes sharing all that was inside them.
Id thought I loved you, Kougar said quietly, breaking the warm, full silence. And I did, but with my heart all but closed, that love was a shadow of what it should have been. He released her hands and took her face in his palms. A shadow of what I feel now. Be my mate, Ariana. For now. For always.
She met his gaze with eyes swimming in love. Yes.
He grinned, a swift, fierce, triumphant baring of teeth. Youre mine, Ariana. I refuse to live without you again.
And I, you.
They stared into one anothers eyes, and he felt as if he were drowning in love, in the rightness. And yet some things hadnt changed. Some of his happiness slipped away.
Were at war with the Mage. I cant forsake my brothers. And I know your maidens need you; but when its over, well be together. Somehow, well be together even if I have to . . .
She lifted a single finger and pressed it against his lips, silencing him. Well be together now.
His heart clenched. I cant . . .
But I can. I realized something today in the midst of all this. All these years, Ive believed my mistake was in thinking I could be both queen to my people and mate to you. I thought that if I hadnt tried to be both, none of this would have happened. I thought I had to choose one or the other. And being queen isnt a choice.
And now? he asked quietly.
Ive realized my mistake wasnt in trying to be both. It was in not learning how to do it well. I need you, Kougar. Im not giving you up again. Its not even in the best interest of my race to do so. In the coming war, the Ilinas need strong allies, and there are none stronger than you and your men.
What are you saying?
Im saying that the Ilinas can help in this war, and youre going to let us this time.
A smile softened her words, but the steel in her eyes told him there would be no talking her out of it. And, truthfully, he didnt want to.
Ill be fighting at your side, Kougar, living at Feral House, if your chief will have me. Melisande and Brielle have been ruling the Crystal Realm for centuries. They dont need me for that. And, unless Im mistaken, Im needed here. She reached out and placed her hand over his heart. With you.
Kougar felt his mouth stretch, widening into a fierce, primal smile as his world righted itself, finally. Completely.
He hauled Ariana against him, still grinning, loving her with his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss her. Lilies of the valley filled his senses, love singing its Ilina song in his headthe most beautiful sound hed ever heard aside from Arianas sweet voice. His heart overflowed on a rush of love that cleansed him, inside and out.
Youre needed, he murmured against her soft lips. By the Ferals, but more, far more, by me. Be my mate, Ariana. Renew the mating bond in the ritual with me. Be mine for always.
She pulled back to look into his eyes, her own shining with the same endless well of love and glistening tears.
I always have been yours, Kougar. And I always will be. Always.
Epilogue
In the ritual room deep beneath Feral House, Lyon intoned the ancient rite of mating as he dribbled the combined blood of the Ferals in a circle around the mating altar, a job that was usually Kougars. That night Kougar played a different role. As the chanting continued, he drove into the woman beneath him, the glorious love of his life, her bright blue eyes shining with love and heat and power as they joined in this most elemental way, opening minds and hearts and souls to the power that would bind them for eternity. This time, without the interference of her maidens.
The room was nearly full to overflowing, the Ilinas acting as a privacy curtain as they circled the altar, their backs to the mating pair, a shimmering curtain of energy. Beyond them, the Ferals stood, their own power riding the floral-scented air, for before the mating ritual, Kougar had filled the room with flowers.
The chanting ended. Without looking, Kougar knew Lyon had poured the last of their mingled blood into one of the ritual fires. The resulting burst of power barreled through him. As one, he and Ariana came with roars of unbridled joy, and he sank into the beauty of her essence as she turned to mist.
Inside, the mating bond, which had already been all but fully renewed, transformed in a brilliant arc of light that flared out into the room from their joined bodies in a beautiful crystalline glow. A bond so much deeper, stronger, and far more beautiful than the original, than hed ever thought possible.
Ariana, her gaze locked with his, began to laugh, and he joined her, euphoric, then pulled out of her to kneel on the altar and adjust his clothing. She turned back to flesh and sat up, lowering her ritual gown to her knees.
The Ilinas moved away, and Kougar leaped off the altar, swinging his bride into his arms.
A cheer went up from his brothers as they moved forward, congratulating him, embracing his mate, the wariness with which theyd always treated him at bay, if not entirely gone. Which wasnt necessarily a bad thing. Someone had to keep this lot on their toes.
As the Ferals gave way, the Ilinas gathered around Ariana with soft touches and presses of cheek to cheek. They were happy for their queen and friend, but their wariness of him and the rest of the Ferals wasnt altogether gone. Not by a long shot.
Wheres Melisande? Kougar asked, when the last of the Ilinas had stepped back, giving them some room. He knew Arianas second had been there during the mating.
She left.
She was hoping youd end it with me once and for all.
Melisandes coming around. With a soft smile, she shrugged. She not only didnt try to stop the mating, she attended . . . and didnt try to kill anyone.
I see your point. I guess thats the best were going to get for now.
For now.
Tighe! Delaneys cry sent the room into a spiraling silence. Tighe and Hawke, both still unconscious, had been placed on pallets along one wall and blooded with the rest of the Ferals. The Shaman had urged them to include the pair in all possible rituals, hoping to draw them back into the world. Delaney had spent the ritual sitting on the pallet at Tighes head, stroking his hair.
But at her cry, all hearts clutched with fear, Kougars included. Until he saw Tighes eyes blink open, a dimpled smile lifting his mouth as he stared up at his mate.
Kougar let out a deep breath of relief. Thank the goddess.
Did I dream youre carrying our baby, D? Tighes voice was hoarse with disuse but possessed a thread of strength that told Kougar he was going to be fine.
You didnt dream it. Delaney cried out again, this time with laughter, as Tighe pulled her down on top of him and kissed her thoroughly. The Ferals numbered seven active warriors again and would soon number eight, even without Hawke. The new fox shifter had made contact and should be arriving in the next few days.
But one of the bands around Kougars chest remained too tight. His gaze went to Hawke, lying alone, still lost to the darkness. Kougar had to believe that his friend would recover. Hed already made it his mission to talk to him for long hoursstories of the past, and the Wind. Stories that might stir his mind and encourage him to return to them.
And when Hawke finally woke, hed tell him those stories again. Hed tell Hawke everything he wanted to know.
He turned back to find Ariana shaking her head softly.
Whats the matter?
She nodded to her maidens, crowded against the wall farthest from Tighe and the Ferals.
Opposite sides of the room, as if weve brought together warring factions, she murmured, curving her arm tight around his waist. It doesnt need to be like this.
But even as she said the words, Kara and Skye approached Brielle with smiles and hands of friendship.
Kougar stroked Arianas beloved head. Its going to work out. Eventually.
I suppose.
He turned her until she faced him, his arms loose around her back. Trust takes time, Ariana. More time than it should for some of us. But when it happens, the Earth moves.
A smile lit her beautiful face. I love you, Feral. Have I told you that?
You have. He kissed her. But tell me again. And again. And again, he said, punctuating each with another kiss. I love you, Ariana. More than Ill ever find words for. He pulled her against him, pressing her head to his heart as emotion nearly got the better of him. All those years of thinking her dead, of grieving for her. Of missing her.
Having her in his arms again was a miracle he would never stop giving thanks for. Not only was she in his arms, and in his life, but she was his as shed never been before. Because hed learned to give to her completely.
Across the room, his gaze caught Jags as the jaguar shifter held his own mate against his chest, his eyes gleaming with suspicious moisture. An understanding Kougar wouldnt have thought possible even a few weeks ago passed between them.
Jag clenched his fingers behind his mates back, his hand forming a thumbs-up. Kougar felt his mouth twitch with a smile and mirrored the move.
Jag threw his head back and laughed, drawing a chuckle from Kougar. His heart felt lighter than it had since he was a boy.
Ariana looked up at him, her eyes dancing. You laughed.
You make me happier than Ive ever been.
A loving smile wreathed her face. Then my lifes goal is complete. And Kougar?
Hmm?
I feel the same.
Inside, his cat purred with satisfaction. And his heart gave a triumphant roar.