Zacks arm is suddenly draped over my shoulders. What are you thinking about? he asks.
Im thinking maybe its time we start back? Not true, but safe.
His grip tightens. Are you cold? You can have my jacket.
I shake my head. No. Just a little tired. The events of the week are catching up to me.
Hows the headache?
Better. I think the fresh air did the trick.
We swing around and retrace our footsteps, still outlined in the damp sand.
Do you think our version of what happened is going to hold? I ask after a moment.
Yes.
I give his arm a playful swat. You spin a pretty convincing tale.
He shrugs. Well, Amys home, so that case is closed. And we just handed Garner the evidence to close the case that everyone will be talking about tomorrow. We stick to the story. Mager will go down and pay for the crimes hes committed. He gives me a sideways glance. How are you at lying?
I grin. Im betting not as good as you!
Well practice.
Then another troublesome thought occurs to me. Ive seen thrall wear off on occasion. What happens if Alan starts to remember what really happened? Its going to be a shock when his mothers body is discovered in that burned-out clinic and the story hits the papers. How do you think Kallistos will react then? I want to believe that Alans safe and that no more humans will be hurt. I want to believe its over, but maybe its not.
Zack squeezes my shoulders. Youre worrying too much. Kallistos is ancient. Hes a king. His thrall will hold.
Maybe he had one of his henchmen do it.
Zack shakes his head. A vampire as old as he is has to be an expert at tying off loose ends. He left the note for you in Alans office, so we know he was there. No. He wouldnt have left the task to anyone else. He knows Alan poses a threat. He would have tied off that loose end himself, too.
I feel a shudder pass through my body. Zack has nailed it. Thats what Alan would be to Kallistos, nothing but a loose end.
Zack feels the tremor. Theres something else on your mind. What is it?
I hesitate a moment before answering, Im thinking about how all this will affect the organ recipients on Pierces log. Do you think theyll escape prosecution?
Dont know, Zack replies with a shrug. My guess is theyll cooperate. Mager will go down. Hes a three-time loser. One more conviction and hell be put away for life.
I let my head rest on Zacks shoulder as we walk. I hope so. Id hate to see someone in Michaels situation dragged through the media and punished. If wed arrive just a few hours later, his name would have been on that list.
I think of all the peoplefriendsI lost before organ transplants were available. I shake my head. Its not so black-and-white to me. If you were dying, or a friend was dying, and someone came to you with the way to save him, wouldnt you take it? Regardless of whether it was breaking the law?
Zacks arm tightens around my shoulder. I dont know. But I have a feeling I know what your answer would be.
To my relief, his tone is neither judgmental nor condescending.
He stops and draws me into his arms. Lets stop talking about work and start thinking about something much more pleasant.
I smile up at him. And what would that be?
Hes leaning down, his lips now a whisper away. This.
And then were kissing and all misgivings about Kallistos and Alan and Sarah and the complications of the case are chased from my mind. Right now theres only Zack.
Our case is closed. And for the moment, being in his arms feels wonderful. I try to focus on the sensation and block out everything else.
Tomorrow will be a new day. With it will come a new case.
But I dont want to think about whats to come tomorrow. Im tired of sacrificing my present because of my past.
Right now I just want to live. And I can. At least for one night.
Tonight will be about Zack and me.
Tomorrow will come soon enough.
CHAPTER 25
I really need to have a talk with Zack about leaving his door unlocked. Maybe its still safe to do on the beach in South Carolina. It most definitely isnt in San Diego. Especially with Stalker Sarah around. I close and lock the door before setting the brown paper bag filled to the brim with cartons of Thai food on his countertop.
After our short walk on the beach, I was starving. Zack, however, was a ball of pent-up energy. So I suggested he go for a run while I foraged for food. The ease with which the domestic simplicity of our arrangement fell into place is bittersweet. I know our arrangement is neither simple nor secure. While I should be thinking with my head, the heart wants what the heart wants. And Im tired of being denied. So very tired.
My cell phone chimes. Theres a new text message from an unknown number: Dinner tonight? K.
K? Kallistos? How the hell did he get my number?
Of course, Liz.
The shower is running overhead. My eyes drift to the ceiling.
The phone chimes again. Another message: Ill make it worth your while.
This has to be Lizs doing. Probably with the best of intentions. I know what I might be interrupting, but I dial anyway.
You gave him my number?
Who? Lizs breathless voice and a groan from Evan in the background confirm my suspicions.
Too bad. Kallistos! Hes texting me.
Thats why you called me?
How could you give him my number? I ask.
It was for your own good, Liz replies. You know my views on rebound sex. Nothing heals a broken heart faster.
My heart is not broken.
Yet.
Call him off, Liz. I mean it.
Youve met Kallistos. I couldnt call him off if I wanted to. He gets what he goes after.
Not this time. I disconnect before she has a chance to argue. Immediately my cell phone rings and the call indicator shows its Liz. I power off the phone and try to push my anger aside. I understand what Liz is trying to do. But no one ever really knows what the future will hold. This curse may seem eternal, but its not. It cant be. Someday, it will be lifted. Zack and I may not have a promising future. But we are here. This minute. Together.
And right now Zack is still in the shower.
Suddenly Im no longer feeling hungry. What Im feeling is very, very dirty.
I pop the cartons of food in a warming oven and race up the stairs to join him.
The bathroom door is cracked open. Steam from the shower billows out into the bedroom, warm, wet, and inviting. The familiar scent of citrus and spice that Im beginning to associate with Zack hangs in the air. I want to wrap myself in it, drown in it, drown in him. And for the next few hours, I will.
I push the door open with my arm and step inside. He must have heard me coming. Hes waiting for me.
Took you long enough to get up here.
Hes inside the shower stall, heat rising around him. His hair is slicked straight back. His hands grip the top of the glass door, making his biceps bulge. Hes hard and ready.
I let my eyes drift over his body, appreciating every spectacular inch. Been thinking about me? I ask him.
He glances down at his erection. Cant seem to stop.
Foods in the oven, I tell him, moving closer until only the glass separates us.
Its not food Im hungry for at the moment.
I see the predator in his eyes. His naked desire sends a chill up my spine.
Ive missed you, he says.
The confession makes me smile. We practically spent the entire day together.
Wearing far too many clothes.
Before our walk on the beach, Id stopped by the house to exchange my work clothes for something more comfortable, a white peasant blouse, my most comfortable blue jeans, and a pair of brown leather sandals.
I reach back and pull the band from my hair, letting it fall around my shoulders. Maybe I should take some of these off?
Unless you want them to get wet.
The sandals are already gone. The jeans and blouse come off next, leaving only the white lace bra and panties.
God, I could just eat you up, Zack growls, his voice rough with desire. He reaches down with one hand and strokes himself from tip to base and back up again. I remember the feel of him, the taste of him.
Would you like me to do that for you? I unfasten the back of my bra, then turn around, slip off the straps, and let it fall onto the growing pile of clothes on the floor.
What I want you to do is get your ass in here.
I hear the shower door open behind me, feel a rush of heat and moisture roll out. Hes anxious. I can tell. Yet I take my time. This is the fun part, the buildup, the seduction. I pull down my panties slowly, with a sway of my hips. As they fall to my ankles, Zack scoops me up. One arm is wrapped around my waist, his hand cupping the opposite breast. His other reaches forward, his palm covers my sex, his fingers deftly separate and slide inside.
Tell me you want me, Zack murmurs.
I push back against him, providing friction where he needs it the most. The words tumble out. I want you. Desperately. Completely. Recklessly. I dont think Ive ever spoken with such honesty to a man.
In the blink of an eye were in the shower. The speed at which hes moved leaves me breathless. Im pinned facing the side wall, hands above my head, feet spread apart. I feel his breath on my back between my shoulders, feel the low rumble of a growl forming in his chest and belly. Teeth graze my neck. I freeze. The beast is close to the surface. I feel it.
Zack? I hear a tinge of panic in my voice.
Shh. Its okay. No need to be afraid, he assures me. I control the wolf. It doesnt control me. Except for those three nights a month, but Im even getting better at that. You can trust me. I want you to trust me.
He releases my arms, letting his hands skim down the length of them, then over my shoulders before settling on my hips. He turns me around and tilts my chin up so that I can look him in the eye. The light above the shower enhances the gold in them.
I dont have to use my powers to feel the truth and sincerity of Zacks statement.
I place my hand on his chest and swallow down the lump in my throat. Zack and I are alike in so many ways. Living lives shrouded in secrets and built on too many lies. Its impossible to connect with anyone when you cant be real. And at the end of the day, whether human, Were, or Siren, thats what we crave, what we truly yearn fora connection.
I wouldnt be here, Zack, if I didnt trust you.
Its almost as if he was waiting for permission, for assurance. Zack cups my face in the palms of his hands. His mouth covers mine and he kisses me deeply. Our tongues curl around each other, languidly exploring. Time stands still for me. I focus on the moment, on the sensation. On the taste and feel and smell of the man before me.
His hand leaves my hip. He lifts one of my legs onto the bench in the back of the shower, leaving me open and so wanting. Two fingers slip inside.
I gasp. My eyes widen and my head snaps back.
My reaction evokes a grin. His pumping is slow and steady, the rhythm old and familiar. After one night together, he already knows my body. He knows how to touch me and how to make me respond.
My hands reach for his biceps. I feel his power and strength as I run my hand over them, wanting, needing to hold on to something. Im climbing. Higher and higher.
Zack adds another finger. His thumb is working, too. I want more. I want him with me, in me.
Please. My body is strung as tight as a bow. Im breathing too fast.
Tell me what you need, baby.
One hand guides him, the other moves to still his movements. You, I manage to say before my knees start to buckle.
I neednt worry.
Zack is there to catch me, more than catch me. He lifts me up.
My arms and legs wrap around him. The cool tile presses into my back as I slide down, letting him fill me to the hilt. He eases out, and then back in, deeper this time. My stomach is a mass of coils, tight, ready to explode.
Im all yours, he whispers into my ear.
My heart wrenches.
Its too much.
Its not enough.
Give it all to me, then. I reach back and grab a fistful of his hair. Dont. Hold. Back.
He doesnt. He tilts his hips and picks up the pace, making me appreciate just how much Zack Armstrong has to give.
CHAPTER 26
Youll be very relieved to know that my legs are working again. And I found chopsticks. I tilt my head toward the breast pocket of the shirt Im wearing. Its Zacks. I commandeered it from his closet.
Hes kneeling in front of the fireplace, dressed only in sweats. The fire is roaring and hes lit the gas heaters on the upstairs deck. Theres a love seat and chair out there along with a coffee table. I have the bag of Thai in one hand and two beers in the other. Zack promptly relieves me of one of the beers and the bag of food.
Smells great!
I follow him outside. I worked very hard heating it up in the microwave.
Zacks arranging the cartons, but he pauses to pull me into his arms. His hand curls around the same spot where Sarah grabbed me this morning at the elevator. Without thinking, I wince.
Did I hurt you in the shower? The alarm in his voice makes me realize I cant pass this off as something he did. It would cut him to the quick.
No, it happened earlier today.
Hes pushing up the sleeve and inspecting my arm. Theres already a bruise. Several. With a gentle finger, he traces the outline of the handprint. Did Kallistos do this to you when you were locked in that room with him?
No. It wasnt Kallistos. The last thing I need is for Zack to have one more reason to go gunning for Kallistos. I tell him the truth. It was Sarah.
Sarah? From the expression on his face I can tell it wasnt the answer he was expecting.
She showed up at the office.
Looking for me?
Me, actually.
He frowns. I have a feeling Im not going to like your answer, but what for?
To give me the stay-away-from-my-man speech.
Im not her
Did the two of you sleep together the other night? Just tell me the truth, Zack. Im ancient. I havent the heart for games and betrayal.
To his credit, Zack doesnt skip a beat. Yes. Slept. She showed up here after you left. She had no place to stay. She knew I wouldnt turn her away. I couldnt. We shared the cage.
Thats it?
Thats it. I meant it when I told you it was over between the two of us. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. Ive got to put an end to this. It isnt Sarahs fault. Without meaning to, Ive put her in a bad spot. Shes desperate and feeling cornered. Thats a dangerous combination.
He pushes a button on his cell and listens intently before leaving a message. J.C., its Zack. Look, I know what youre trying to do. I can even understand it. But its not going to work. I told you before, Im done. Im not coming back. This isnt my fight and Sarah isnt going to convince me otherwise. She has no sway over me. None. If you dont set this right, Ill have to.
Zack tosses the phone onto the coffee table, then walks over to the rail and stares out at the ocean. The nerve in his jaw is ticking. I give him a moment to collect his thoughts before asking, So, whos J.C.?
He turns back to face me. J. C. Hewitt, hes the current beta of my old pack. Hes wilder than a June bug and dumber than a doornail. Before I left there was an upset, a turnover in leadership. The new alpha, Asa Wade, is a heartless bully. Hes ruthless. Hes also smart and ambitious. He started to develop alliances. The culture began to shift in a direction I couldnt abide.
And thats why you left?
Zack nods. People were getting hurt. Everyone was afraid. Some, including J.C., were looking to me to put a stop to it all.
I hand Zack his beer. They were pressuring you to take on this Wade character?
He drinks down half of it before answering, Ive spent too much time on my own. Too much time dealing with brutal killers and cold-blooded sociopaths who will do anything to hold on to power. I joined the pack because I wanted to be a part of something, not because I wanted to be in charge or responsible. Sadness washes over him, clouding his features. Power has a way of changing a man. Im not fit to be a leader. Ive made too many mistakes. He finishes off the rest of his beer.
I hand him mine. I bet it wasnt an easy decision, walking away.
Zack reaches for my hand and leads me to the love seat. Easy, no. But Id walked away from bigger and badder than Asa Wade. I was lost once. I promised myself Id never go down that road again. Some of the pack members evidently think they can still persuade me to come back, J.C. for one. Apparently Wade has his eye on Sarah and he scared the shit out of her. It didnt take much persuading. J.C. planted the seed and
Sarah came here to talk you into going back and getting rid of Wade.
Only in doing that, she put herself in a tight spot. She cant really go back. Not without betraying her agenda or submitting to Wade. That pack, that place, its all shes ever known.
Is it the only pack youve known?
Zack nods, his expression grave. It didnt take long, after walking away from my old life, to realize that walking away wasnt enough. I needed to walk toward something. I needed to find meaning.
And you found it with them?
For a while. It felt like home. Zack shakes his head and with it the melancholy seems to lift, replaced by something else. Resolve. Determination. Wade is the worst kind of wolf. Sarah cant go back there.
I feel a flush of compassion for Sarah. What are you going to do?
Zack kisses me on the forehead and plucks two of the chopsticks from my pocket. Eat. Worship every inch of you. Figure out the Sarah problem tomorrow. He dives into the shrimp pad Thai.
His ease with casual affection is enviable. Im out of practice. For good reason, I remind myself. I pop open the container of drunken noodles and give the contents a pensive stir. My perspective concerning Sarah is shifting. Shes desperate and afraid, torn away from all shes known and facing life alone in a strange place. Something Ive experienced a thousand times. Perhaps
Emma?
Zacks voice pulls me back. Hes said something and Ive totally missed it. I try for a smile. Sorry. Its been a long day.
He tilts his head to the side and studies me. Something else is on your mind. Out with it.
I bite back the urge to deny and deflect and go for the truth. I dont want to see anyone get hurt. You or Sarah.
Its the truth. But Im also thinking of more than pack politics. Im thinking of Demeter. I blow into the container. It gives me a place to focus.
Zack turns sideways in the love seat. I know how to take care of myself. I was trained by the best. But I also know my limitations, when to walk away, when to get out. He reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. I did the right thing leaving South Carolina. Im glad I did.
I dont want to lose you, I tell him in a rare moment of candor, even though I know I will, know its inevitable.
You wont, he assures me. Listen, Emma. I get it. Youve been in a relationship that ended badlyam I right?
The intuitiveness of his unexpected observation cuts me to the quick. But it also makes me realize I have to stop pretending that our relationship can end any way but badly. Our fates sealed. Still, I nod, slowly.
That guy, whoever he was . . . hes not me. That relationship is not this relationship.
I dont do relationships. Not anymore. Ive been on my own for more years than you can possibly imagine. Ive grown used to being on my own and
Zack cuts me off. Isnt it the guy the one whos supposed to be commitment-phobic?
He looks amused. He has no idea how serious this is and I have no idea how to explain it without placing him further in harms way. His statement about knowing when to walk away doesnt reassure me. Zack Armstrong is not the kind of man who backs down when the stakes are high. Hes a lover and a fighter.
I dont want to have this conversation. I want to get lost in Zack. I want him to explore my body with his mouth, to fuck me fiercely, to bring me to the edge of blissful oblivion, to that place where theres no need for penance and no fear of punishment. Where I dont have to come to terms with how selfish and reckless Im being for just a few more hours of happiness. I blink back tears.
Zacks brow furrows. I understand your hesitation. I cant blame you. Im a man with a dangerous past. I have a lot of regrets. Ive made mistakes. So many that I sometimes wonder if Ill ever be able to make up for them. Maybe we should go back to pretending, play it safe. Is that what you want? He doesnt wait for an answer. He reaches out and cups my face in the palm of his hand. I just dont think I can. I dont want to. This thing thats building between us, I want to see it through. Dont you?
I kiss the inside palm of his hand. More than anything. Im speaking purely from my heart because the decisions been made. Its as if the weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders. Demeter cantwontdeny me these last moments of pleasure. Make love to me.
Zack leans over me and covers my mouth with his, drinking me in and enveloping me in his arms. The kiss is leisurely. He takes his time and I savor every second, letting the passion build until my heart is pounding.
He pulls back. Say please, he murmurs, his tone light, teasing.
A Siren never begs. I can have any man at any time. Ive conquered kings, seduced holy men and rakes, driven the famous and infamous to desperation with want. Ive fallen in lust and Ive fallen in love. But Ive always been in control.
I swing one long leg across Zacks lap. Rising onto my knees, I straddle his hips and slowly unbutton the shirt Im wearing. His erection grows under me and I wantonly begin to ride it. Seeing the desire build in his eyes emboldens me, giving me the confidence to try something Id never done before.
Please, Zack. Please The rest of my sentence is swallowed in a gasp.
Im standing in the living room, staring out the patio doors. The ocean looms black and restless under a star-filled sky. The pounding of the waves crashes down on me, as relentless as my eternal despair.
Zack is right, this case may not have gone the way we anticipated, but Amy, Isabella, and the others are home safe. That counts for something, but not enough.
Will it ever be enough? The sound of my voice is swallowed by the wind. But I know she hears it. She hears everything. I dont expect an answer. Nothing has changed; I feel it to the core of my very being. The words Demeter uttered thousands of years ago hold the same power over me today as they did then.
You will live as mortal, but love will be denied to you, and you will rescue girls until I, Demeter, think you have done your penance. I will be watching. Always watching. Cross me, your lovers will die, and your penance will increase tenfold. All because you didnt save my daughter.
Her words, crushing, brutal, echo in my head. I feel empty. Im so immersed in my unhappiness I dont know Zack has come up behind me until I feel his arms slip around my waist. I want nothing more than to turn around, bury my face in his chest and remain forever locked in his embrace.
But thats not going to happen.
That cant happen. Ive already seen to it.
After wed made love, after Zack drifted off to sleep, I got up, showered, and dressed. I scrubbed out the shower and sink, rinsing away any trace of me, of my scent, of my perfume. Then I raced down to the kitchen to clean the dishes, toss away the empty food containers. As soon as I heard the shower running upstairs, I went back up and stripped the bed, put on fresh sheets. The ones that smell like me are now spinning in the washer.
Im prepared for questions.
Questions that hell soon forget asking.
He nuzzles my neck, sending shivers racing up my spine.
When I dont move, dont respond to his touch, Zack puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me to face him.
Are you all right? he asks. Youre dressed. And the beds made. He waves a hand toward the house. You cleaned up the kitchen. Are you leaving? I was hoping youd stay.
I look into his face, press my palms into my thighs to keep from reaching up and pulling it closer, to keep from kissing him. Instead I release a sigh. I think Id better be getting home. The week is finally catching up with me.
His head tilts to the side, his gaze intent. Are you sure nothings wrong? Were okay?
Absolutely, I say, my voice full of reassurance. I could sure use a cup of coffee before I go, though. I hope you dont mind, I made some.
He smiles, a slow, sweet smile. Running low on caffeine? Come on. Sit down. Ill pour you a cup.
I reach out and take his hand. Let me get it.
He takes a seat at the dining room table. I feel his eyes on me while I gather cups, spoons, creamer from the refrigerator, and the sugar bowl. I place them on the table, then make the trek back into the kitchen for the coffeepot. The pot feels unbearably heavy in my hand. I pour the bitter brew into his cup and watch the steam rise and dissipate.
He adds the sugar and cream to his coffee and gives it a stir. Are you sure youre all right?
Never been better. I force a smile, then on impulse, lean in and cover his mouth with mine. The kiss is soft and sweet and takes my breath away. This is real, isnt it?
Zack cups the side of my face in the palm of his hand and traces my lips with the pad of his thumb. Yes. Are you positive I cant persuade you to stay?
The certainty in his voice, the tenderness in his touch makes my heart ache. If I let him persuade me to stay, well both be lost. There is no denying it. I cant pretend. Ive fallen in love with Zachary Armstrong. Whats worse, I fear hes falling in love with me. Liz is right. I need to fix this. I cant let it continue.
I wont let it continue.
I wait and watch as he takes a few contented sips of his coffee.
Then, because I cant bear the thought of watching the transformation, I leave the table and wander back outside.
The moon, although not full, is still high and bright in the sky. The ocean sparkles beneath it. The air smells of salt. Some things never change. Tears sting my eyes, but I stubbornly wipe them away. I did what I had to do.
Zacks chair scrapes back from the table. I steel myself for what I know is coming. He comes outside and joins me at the wall that separates the back deck from the beach. We are side by side, arms folded on the wall, not touching. Hes brought his coffee with him.
Beautiful morning, he says.
I close my eyes for the briefest of moments. I can hear the difference in his voice already. No intimacy, no closing of the space between us except for a friendly shoulder bump. Quite a week, huh?
Yes. Its been quite a week, I say, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. Its late. I think Id better get home.
Zack smiles. Past your bedtime?
I didnt get much sleep last night.
I glance over at him. Neither did Zack. But he doesnt remember. His memory of what happened between us last night is gone. Like so many others, its been replaced by new ones. Safe ones. I wonder what scene is playing in his mind right now.