But Billy Priest he throwed out scouts and located the gang, and jest before sunrise next mornin we dropped in on em, takin em by surprise in the camp theyd rigged up in a live-oak thicket in the midst of a stretch of cypress slashes.
And when the excitement died down agin, quite a number of them bushwhackers had quit whackin permanently and the rest of em were tearin off through the wet woods wonderin, between jumps, whut had hit em. Ez fur our command, we accumulated a considerable passel of plunder and supplies and a number of purty fair hosses, and went on our way rejoicin. We hadnt lost a man, and only one man wounded.
When we hit the Texas border, news was waitin fur us. They told us ef we aimed to ketch up with the last remainders of the army wed have to hurry, because Smith and Shelby, with whut was left of his Missoury outfit, and Sterlin Price and Hindman with some of his Arkansaw boys and a right smart sprinklin of Texans had already pulled up stakes and were headed fur old Mexico, where the natives were in the enjoyable midst of one of their regular revolutions.
With the French crowd and part of the Mexicans to help him, the Emperor Maximilian was tryin to hang onto his onsteady and topplin throne, whilst the Republikins or Liberals, as they called themselves, were tryin with might and main to shove him off of it. Ef a feller jest natchelly honed fur an opportunity to indulge a fancy fur active hostilities, Mexico seemed to offer a very promisin field of endeavour.
It didnt take us long to make up our minds whut course wed follow. Billy Priest put the motion. Gentlemen, he says, it would seem the Southern Confederacy is bent and determined on gittin clear out frum under the shad-der of the Yankee government. It has been moved and seconded that we foller after her no matter where she goes. All in favour of that motion will respond by sayin Aye contrary-wise, No. The Ayes seem to have it and the Ayes do have it and it is so ordered, unanimously. By fours! Forward, march!
That happened in the town of Corsicana in the early summer-time of the year. So we went along acrost the old Lone Star State, headin mighty nigh due West, passin through Waco and Austin and San Antonio, and bein treated mighty kindly by the people wheresoever we passed. And ez we went, one of the boys that had poetic leanins, he made up a new verse to our song. Lets see, son, ef I kin remember it now after all these years.
The Sergeant thought a bit and then lifting his voice in a quavery cadence favoured me with the following gem:
I wont be reconstructed; Im better now than them;
And fur a carpet-bagger I dont give a dam;
So Im off fur the frontier, fast ez I kin go,
Ill purpare me a weepon and head fur Mexico.
It was the middle of July and warm enough to satisfy the demands of the most exactin when we reached the Rio Grande, to find out Shelbys force had done crossed over after buryin their battle-flag in the middle of the river, wrapped up in a rock to hold it down. On one side was cactus and greasewood and a waste of sandy land, that was already back in the Union or mighty soon would be. On the other side was more cactus and more grease-wood and more sandy loam, but in a different country. So, after spendin a few pleasant hours at the town of Eagle Pass, we turnt our backs to one country and crost over to the other, alookin fur the Confederacy wherever she might be. I figgered it out I was tellin the United States of America good-by furever. I seem to remember that quite a number of us kept peerin back over our shoulders toward the Texas shore. They tell me the feller that wrote Home Sweet Home didnt have any home to go to but he writ the song jest the same. Nobody didnt say nothin, though, about weakenin or turnin back.
Very soon after we hit Mexican soil we run into one of the armies a Liberal army, this one was, of about twelve hundred men, and its name suited it to a T. The officers were liberal about givin orders and the men were equally liberal about makin up their minds whether or not theyd obey. Also, ez we very quickly discovered, the entire kit and caboodle of em were very liberal with reguards to other folks property and other folks lives. Wed acquired a few careless ideas of our own concernin the acquirin of contraband plunder durin the years immediately precedin, but some of the things we seen almost ez soon ez wed been welcomed into the hospitable but smelly midst of that there Liberal army, proved to us that alongside these fellers we were merely whut you might call amatoors in the confiscatin line.
I wisht I had the words to describe the outfit so ez you could see it the way I kin see it this minute. This purticular army was made up of about twelve hundred head, includin common soldiers. I never saw generals runnin so many to the acre before in my life. The Confederacy hadnt been exactly destitute in that respect but shuckins! down here you bumped into a brigadier every ten feet. There was a considerable sprinklin of colonels and majors and sech, too; and here and there a lonesome private. Ef you seen a dark brown scarycrow wearin fur a uniform about enough rags to pad a crutch with, with a big sorry straw hat on his head and his feet tied up in bull hides with his bare toes peepin coyly out, and ef he was totin a flint lock rifle, the chances were hed be a common soldier. But ef in addition to the rest of his regalia he had a pair of epaulettes sewed onto his shoulders you mout safely assume you were in the presence of a general or something of that nature. I aint exaggeratin much. Im only tryin to make you git the picture of it in your mind.
Well, they received us very kindly and furnished us with rations, sech ez they were mostly peppers and beans and a kind of batter-cake thats much in favour in them parts, made out of corn pounded up fine and mixed with water and baked aginst a hot rock. Ef a man didnt keer fur the peppers, he could fall back on the beans, thus insurin him a change of diet, and the corn batter-cakes were certainly right good-tastin.
Some few of our dark-complected friends kin make a stagger at speakin English, so frum one of em Billy inquires where is the Confederacy? They explains that it has moved on further South but tells us that first General Shelby sold em the artillery hed fetched with him that fur to keep it frum failin into the Yankees hands. Sure enough therere the guns four brass field-pieces. Two of em are twelve-pounders and the other two are four-teen-pounders. The Mexicans are very proud of their artillery and appear to set much store by it.
Well, that evenin their commandin general comes over to where weve made camp, accompanied by his coffee-coloured staff, and through an interpreter he suggests the advisability of our jinin in with them, he promisin good pay and offerin to make us all high-up officers. He seems right anxious to have us enlist with his glorious forces right away. In a little while it leaks out why hes so generous with his promises and so wishful to see us enrolled beneath his noble banner. Hes expectin a call inside of the next forty-eight hours frum the Imperials thatre reported to be movin up frum the South, nearly two thousand strong, with the intention of givin him battle.
Billy Priest, speakin fur all of us, says hell give him an answer later. So the commandin general conceals his disappointment the best he kin and retires on back to his own headquarters, leavin us to discuss the proposition amongst ourselves. Some of the boys favour thro win in with the Liberals right away, bein hongry fur a fight, I reckin, or else sort of dazzled by the idea of becomin colonels and majors overnight. But Billy suggests that mebbe wed better jest sort of hang round and observe the conduct and deportment of these here possible feller warriors of ourn whilst theyre under hostile fire. Speakin pusson-ally, he says, I must admit I aint greatly attracted to them ez they present themselves to the purview of my gaze in their cammer hours. Before committin ourselves, sposen we stand by and take a few notes on how they behave themselves in the presence of an enemy. Then, therell be abundant time to decide whether we want to stay a while with these fellers or go long about our business of lookin fur the Southern Confederacy.
Billy Priest, speakin fur all of us, says hell give him an answer later. So the commandin general conceals his disappointment the best he kin and retires on back to his own headquarters, leavin us to discuss the proposition amongst ourselves. Some of the boys favour thro win in with the Liberals right away, bein hongry fur a fight, I reckin, or else sort of dazzled by the idea of becomin colonels and majors overnight. But Billy suggests that mebbe wed better jest sort of hang round and observe the conduct and deportment of these here possible feller warriors of ourn whilst theyre under hostile fire. Speakin pusson-ally, he says, I must admit I aint greatly attracted to them ez they present themselves to the purview of my gaze in their cammer hours. Before committin ourselves, sposen we stand by and take a few notes on how they behave themselves in the presence of an enemy. Then, therell be abundant time to decide whether we want to stay a while with these fellers or go long about our business of lookin fur the Southern Confederacy.
That sounded like good argument, so we let Billy have his way about it, and we settled down to wait. We didnt have long to wait. The next day about dinner-time, here come the Imperial army, advancin in line of battle. The Liberals moved out acrost the desert to meet em and we-all mounted and taken up a position on a little rise close at hand, to observe the pur-ceedins.
Havin had considerble experience in sech affairs, I must say I dont believe I ever witnessed such a dissapintin battle ez that one turnt out to be. The prevailin notion on both sides seemed to be that the opposin forces should march bravely toward one another ontil they got almost within long range and then fur both gangs to halt ez though by simultaneous impulse, and fire at will, with nearly everybody shootin high and wide and furious. When this had continued till it become mutually bore-some, one side would charge with loud cheers, ashootin ez it advanced, but prudently slowin down and finally haltin before it got close enough to inflict much damage upon the foe or to suffer much damage either. Havin accomplished this, the advancin forces would fall back in good order and then it was time fur the other side to charge. I must say this in justice to all concerned there was a general inclination to obey the rules ez laid down fur the prosecution of tie kind of warfare they waged. Ez a usual thing, I spose it would be customary fur the battle to continue ez described until the shades of night descended and then each army would return to its own base, claimin the victory. But on this occasion something in the nature of a surprise occurred that wasnt down on the books a-tall.
Right down under the little rise where us fellers sat waitin, stood them four guns that the Liberals bought off of Shelby. Ef brass cannons have feelins and I dont know no reason why they shouldnt have them cannons must have felt like something was radically wrong. The crews were loadin and firin and swabbin and loadin and firin agin all jest ez busy ez beavers. But they plum overlooked one triflin detail which the military experts have always reguarded ez bein more or less essential to successful artillery operations. They forgot to aim in the general direction at the enemy. They done a plentiful lot of cheerin, them gun crews did, and they burnt up a heap of powder and they raised a powerful racket and hullabaloo, but so fur ez visible results went they mout jest ez well have been bombardin the clear blue sky of heaven.
Well, fur quite a spell we stayed up there on the brow of the hill, watchin that there engagement. Only you couldnt properly call it an engagement by rights it wasnt nothin but a long distance flirtation. Now several of our boys had served one time or another with the guns. There was one little feller named Vince Hawley, out of Lyons Battery, that had been one of the crack gunners of the Western Army. He held in ez long ez he could and then he sings out:
Boys, do you know whuts ailin them pore mistreated little field-pieces down yonder? Well, Ill tell you. Theyre Confederate guns, born, bred, and baptised; and theyre cravin fur Confederate hands to pet em. It mout be thisll be the last chance a Southern soldier will ever git to fire a Southern gun. Wholl go long with me fur one farewell sashay with our own cannons?
In another minute eight or ten of our command were pilin off their horses and tearin down that little hill behind Vince Hawley and bustin in amongst the Mexies and laying violent but affectionate hands on one of the twelve-pounders. Right off, the natives perceived whut our fellers wanted to do and they fell back and gave em elbow-room. Honest, son, it seemed like that field-piece recognised her own kind of folks, even way off there on the aidge of a Mexican desert, and strove to respond to their wishes. The boys throwed a charge into her and Hawley sighted her and then kerboom off she went!
Off the Imperial forces went, too. The charge landed right in amongst their front ranks ez they were advancin it happened to be their turn to charge takin em absolutely by surprise. There was a profound scatteration and then spontaneous-like the enemy seemed to come to a realisation of the fact that the other side had broke all the rules and was actually tryin to do em a real damage. With one accord they turned tail and started in the general direction of the Isthmus of Panama. Ef they kept up the rate of travel at which they started, they arrived there inside of a week, too or mebbe even sooner. I spose it depended largely on whether their feet held out.
Hawley and his gang run the gun forward to the crest of a little swale ready to give the retreatin forces another treatment in case they should rally and re-form, but a second dose wasnt needed. Howsomever, before the squad came back, they scouted acrost the field to see whut execution their lone charge had done. Near to where the shell had busted they gathered up six skeered soldiers fellers that had dropped down, skeered but unhurt, when the smash come and had been layin there in a hollow in the ground, fearin the worst and hopin fur the best. So they brung em back in with em and turned em over to the Liberals ez prisoners of war.
The rest of us were canterin down on the flat by now. We arrived in time to observe that some of the victorious Liberals were engaged in lashin the prisoners elbows together with ropes, behind their backs, and that whut looked like a firin squad was linin up conveniently clost by. Billy Priest went and located a feller that could interpret after a fashion and inquired whut was the idea. The interpreter feller explained that the idea was to line them six prisoners up and shoot em to death.
Boys, says Billy, turnin to us, Im afeared well have to interfere with the contemplated festivalities. Our friends are too gently-inclined durin the hostilities and too blame bloodthirsty afterward to suit me. Let us bid an adieu to em and purceed upon our way. But first, he says, let us break into the picture long enough to save those six poor devils standin over there in a row, all tied up like beef-critters fur the butcher.
So we rid in betwixt the condemned and the firin squad and by various devices such ez drawin our carbines and our six-shooters, we made plain our purpose. At that a wave of disappointment run right through the whole army. You could see it travellin frum face to face under the dirt that was on said faces. Even the prisoners seemed a trifle put-out and downcasted. Later we found out why. But nobody offered to raise a hand aginst us.