His Sacred Majesty the King, said the worthy divine, was ever a very Daniel in his judgment. Give me the barnacles, my good youth, and who can say what nose they may bestride in two years hence? our reverend brother of Gloucester waxes in years. He then pulled out his purse, paid for the spectacles, and left the shop with even a more important step than that which had paused to enter it.
For shame, said Tunstall to his companion; these glasses will never suit one of his years.
You are a fool, Frank, said Vincent, in reply; had the good doctor wished glasses to read with, he would have tried them before buying. He does not want to look through them himself, and these will serve the purpose of being looked at by other folks, as well as the best magnifiers in the shop. What dye lack? he cried, resuming his solicitations. Mirrors for your toilette, my pretty madam; your head-gear is something awry pity, since it is so well fancied. The woman stopped and bought a mirror. What dye lack? a watch, Master Sergeant a watch that will go as long as a lawsuit, as steady and true as your own eloquence?
Hold your peace, sir, answered the Knight of the Coif, who was disturbed by Vins address whilst in deep consultation with an eminent attorney; hold your peace! You are the loudest-tongued varlet betwixt the Devils Tavern and Guildhall.
A watch, reiterated the undaunted Jenkin, that shall not lose thirteen minutes in a thirteen years lawsuit. Hes out of hearing A watch with four wheels and a bar-movement a watch that shall tell you, Master Poet, how long the patience of the audience will endure your next piece at the Black Bull. The bard laughed, and fumbled in the pocket of his slops till he chased into a corner, and fairly caught, a small piece of coin.
Here is a tester to cherish thy wit, good boy, he said.
Gramercy, said Vin; at the next play of yours I will bring down a set of roaring boys, that shall make all the critics in the pit, and the gallants on the stage, civil, or else the curtain shall smoke for it.
Now, that I call mean, said Tunstall, to take the poor rhymers money, who has so little left behind.
You are an owl, once again, said Vincent; if he has nothing left to buy cheese and radishes, he will only dine a day the sooner with some patron or some player, for that is his fate five days out of the seven. It is unnatural that a poet should pay for his own pot of beer; I will drink his tester for him, to save him from such shame; and when his third night comes round, he shall have penniworths for his coin, I promise you. But here comes another-guess customer. Look at that strange fellow see how he gapes at every shop, as if he would swallow the wares. O! Saint Dunstan has caught his eye; pray God he swallow not the images. See how he stands astonished, as old Adam and Eve ply their ding-dong! Come, Frank, thou art a scholar; construe me that same fellow, with his blue cap with a cocks feather in it, to show hes of gentle blood, God wot his grey eyes, his yellow hair, his sword with a ton of iron in the handle his grey thread-bare cloak his step like a Frenchman his look like a Spaniard a book at his girdle, and a broad dudgeon-dagger on the other side, to show him half-pedant, half-bully. How call you that pageant, Frank?
A raw Scotsman, said Tunstall; just come up, I suppose, to help the rest of his countrymen to gnaw old Englands bones; a palmerworm, I reckon, to devour what the locust has spared.
Even so, Frank, answered Vincent; just as the poet sings sweetly,
In Scotland he was born and bred,
And, though a beggar, must be fed.
Hush! said Tunstall, remember our master.
Pshaw! answered his mercurial companion; he knows on which side his bread is buttered, and I warrant you has not lived so long among Englishmen, and by Englishmen, to quarrel with us for bearing an English mind. But see, our Scot has done gazing at St. Dunstans, and comes our way. By this light, a proper lad and a sturdy, in spite of freckles and sun-burning. He comes nearer still, I will have at him.
And, if you do, said his comrade, you may get a broken head he looks not as if he would carry coals.
A fig for your threat, said Vincent, and instantly addressed the stranger. Buy a watch, most noble northern Thane buy a watch, to count the hours of plenty since the blessed moment you left Berwick behind you. Buy barnacles, to see the English gold lies ready for your gripe. Buy what you will, you shall have credit for three days; for, were your pockets as bare as Father Ferguss, you are a Scot in London, and you will be stocked in that time. The stranger looked sternly at the waggish apprentice, and seemed to grasp his cudgel in rather a menacing fashion. Buy physic, said the undaunted Vincent, if you will buy neither time nor light physic for a proud stomach, sir; there is a pothecarys shop on the other side of the way.
Here the probationary disciple of Galen, who stood at his masters door in his flat cap and canvass sleeves, with a large wooden pestle in his hand, took up the ball which was flung to him by Jenkin, with, What dye lack, sir? Buy a choice Caledonian salve, Flos sulphvr. cum butyro quant. suff.
To be taken after a gentle rubbing-down with an English oaken towel, said Vincent.
The bonny Scot had given full scope to the play of this small artillery of city wit, by halting his stately pace, and viewing grimly, first the one assailant, and then the other, as if menacing either repartee or more violent revenge. But phlegm or prudence got the better of his indignation, and tossing his head as one who valued not the raillery to which he had been exposed, he walked down Fleet Street, pursued by the horse-laugh of his tormentors.
The Scot will not fight till he see his own blood, said Tunstall, whom his north of England extraction had made familiar with all manner of proverbs against those who lay yet farther north than himself.
Faith, I know not, said Jenkin; he looks dangerous, that fellow he will hit some one over the noddle before he goes far. Hark! hark! they are rising.
Accordingly, the well-known cry of, Prentices prentices Clubs clubs! now rang along Fleet Street; and Jenkin, snatching up his weapon, which lay beneath the counter ready at the slightest notice, and calling to Tunstall to take his bat and follow, leaped over the hatch-door which protected the outer-shop, and ran as fast as he could towards the affray, echoing the cry as he ran, and elbowing, or shoving aside, whoever stood in his way. His comrade, first calling to his master to give an eye to the shop, followed Jenkins example, and ran after him as fast as he could, but with more attention to the safety and convenience of others; while old David Ramsay, with hands and eyes uplifted, a green apron before him, and a glass which he had been polishing thrust into his bosom, came forth to look after the safety of his goods and chattels, knowing, by old experience, that, when the cry of Clubs once arose, he would have little aid on the part of his apprentices.
CHAPTER II
This, sir, is one among the Seignory,
Has wealth at will, and will to use his wealth,
And wit to increase it. Marry, his worst folly
Lies in a thriftless sort of charity,
That goes a-gadding sometimes after objects,
Which wise men will not see when thrust upon them.
The ancient gentleman bustled about his shop, in pettish displeasure at being summoned hither so hastily, to the interruption of his more abstract studies; and, unwilling to renounce the train of calculation which he had put in progress, he mingled whimsically with the fragments of the arithmetical operation, his oratory to the passengers, and angry reflections on his idle apprentices. What dye lack, sir? Madam, what dye lack clocks for hall or table night-watches day watches? Locking wheel being 48 the power of retort 8 the striking pins are 48 What dye lack, honoured sir? The quotient the multiplicand That the knaves should have gone out this blessed minute! the acceleration being at the rate of 5 minutes, 55 seconds, 53 thirds, 59 fourths I will switch them both when they come back I will, by the bones of the immortal Napier!
The ancient gentleman bustled about his shop, in pettish displeasure at being summoned hither so hastily, to the interruption of his more abstract studies; and, unwilling to renounce the train of calculation which he had put in progress, he mingled whimsically with the fragments of the arithmetical operation, his oratory to the passengers, and angry reflections on his idle apprentices. What dye lack, sir? Madam, what dye lack clocks for hall or table night-watches day watches? Locking wheel being 48 the power of retort 8 the striking pins are 48 What dye lack, honoured sir? The quotient the multiplicand That the knaves should have gone out this blessed minute! the acceleration being at the rate of 5 minutes, 55 seconds, 53 thirds, 59 fourths I will switch them both when they come back I will, by the bones of the immortal Napier!
Here the vexed philosopher was interrupted by the entrance of a grave citizen of a most respectable appearance, who, saluting him familiarly by the name of Davie, my old acquaintance, demanded what had put him so much out of sorts, and gave him at the same time a cordial grasp of his hand.
The strangers dress was, though grave, rather richer than usual. His paned hose were of black velvet, lined with purple silk, which garniture appeared at the slashes. His doublet was of purple cloth, and his short cloak of black velvet, to correspond with his hose; and both were adorned with a great number of small silver buttons richly wrought in filigree. A triple chain of gold hung round his neck; and, in place of a sword or dagger, he wore at his belt an ordinary knife for the purpose of the table, with a small silver case, which appeared to contain writing materials. He might have seemed some secretary or clerk engaged in the service of the public, only that his low, flat, and unadorned cap, and his well-blacked, shining shoes, indicated that he belonged to the city. He was a well-made man, about the middle size, and seemed in firm health, though advanced in years. His looks expressed sagacity and good-humour: and the air of respectability which his dress announced, was well supported by his clear eye, ruddy cheek, and grey hair. He used the Scottish idiom in his first address, but in such a manner that it could hardly be distinguished whether he was passing upon his friend a sort of jocose mockery, or whether it was his own native dialect, for his ordinary discourse had little provincialism.
In answer to the queries of his respectable friend, Ramsay groaned heavily, answering by echoing back the question, What ails me, Master George? Why, every thing ails me! I profess to you that a man may as well live in Fairyland as in the Ward of Farringdon-Without. My apprentices are turned into mere goblins they appear and disappear like spunkies, and have no more regularity in them than a watch without a scapement. If there is a ball to be tossed up, or a bullock to be driven mad, or a quean to be ducked for scolding, or a head to be broken, Jenkin is sure to be at the one end or the other of it, and then away skips Francis Tunstall for company. I think the prize-fighters, bear-leaders, and mountebanks, are in a league against me, my dear friend, and that they pass my house ten times for any other in the city. Heres an Italian fellow come over, too, that they call Punchinello; and, altogether
Well, interrupted Master George, but what is all this to the present case?
Why, replied Ramsay, here has been a cry of thieves or murder, (I hope that will prove the least of it amongst these English pock-pudding swine!) and I have been interrupted in the deepest calculation ever mortal man plunged into, Master George.
What, man! replied Master George, you must take patience You are a man that deals in time, and can make it go fast and slow at pleasure; you, of all the world, have least reason to complain, if a little of it be lost now and then. But here come your boys, and bringing in a slain man betwixt them, I think here has been serious mischief, I am afraid.
The more mischief the better sport, said the crabbed old watchmaker. I am blithe, though, that its neither of the twa loons themselves. What are ye bringing a corpse here for, ye fause villains? he added, addressing the two apprentices, who, at the head of a considerable mob of their own class, some of whom bore evident marks of a recent fray, were carrying the body betwixt them.
He is not dead yet, sir, answered Tunstall.
Carry him into the apothecarys, then, replied his master. Dye think I can set a mans life in motion again, as if he were a clock or a timepiece?
For godsake, old friend, said his acquaintance, let us have him here at the nearest he seems only in a swoon.
A swoon? said Ramsay, and what business had he to swoon in the streets? Only, if it will oblige my friend Master George, I would take in all the dead men in St. Dunstans parish. Call Sam Porter to look after the shop. So saying, the stunned man, being the identical Scotsman who had passed a short time before amidst the jeers of the apprentices, was carried into the back shop of the artist, and there placed in an armed chair till the apothecary from over the way came to his assistance. This gentleman, as sometimes happens to those of the learned professions, had rather more lore than knowledge, and began to talk of the sinciput and occiput, and cerebrum and cerebellum, until he exhausted David Ramsays brief stock of patience.
Bell-um! bell-ell-um! he repeated, with great indignation; What signify all the bells in London, if you do not put a plaster on the childs crown?
Master George, with better-directed zeal, asked the apothecary whether bleeding might not be useful; when, after humming and hawing for a moment, and being unable, upon the spur of the occasion, to suggest any thing else, the man of pharmacy observed, that it would, at all events, relieve the brain or cerebrum, in case there was a tendency to the depositation of any extravasated blood, to operate as a pressure upon that delicate organ.
Fortunately he was adequate to performing this operation; and, being powerfully aided by Jenkin Vincent (who was learned in all cases of broken heads) with plenty of cold water, and a little vinegar, applied according to the scientific method practised by the bottle-holders in a modern ring, the man began to raise himself on his chair, draw his cloak tightly around him, and look about like one who struggles to recover sense and recollection.
He had better lie down on the bed in the little back closet, said Mr. Ramsays visitor, who seemed perfectly familiar with the accommodations which the house afforded.
He is welcome to my share of the truckle, said Jenkin, for in the said back closet were the two apprentices accommodated in one truckle-bed, I can sleep under the counter.
So can I, said Tunstall, and the poor fellow can have the bed all night.
Sleep, said the apothecary, is, in the opinion of Galen, a restorative and febrifuge, and is most naturally taken in a truckle-bed.
Where a better cannot be come by, said Master George; but these are two honest lads, to give up their beds so willingly. Come, off with his cloak, and let us bear him to his couch I will send for Dr. Irving, the kings chirurgeon he does not live far off, and that shall be my share of the Samaritans duty, neighbour Ramsay.
Well, sir, said the apothecary, it is at your pleasure to send for other advice, and I shall not object to consult with Dr. Irving or any other medical person of skill, neither to continue to furnish such drugs as may be needful from my pharmacopeia. However, whatever Dr. Irving, who, I think, hath had his degrees in Edinburgh, or Dr. Any-one-beside, be he Scottish or English, may say to the contrary, sleep, taken timeously, is a febrifuge, or sedative, and also a restorative.