Dame Nelly here hit by chance on a more available topic of consolation than those she had hitherto touched upon; for the youthful lord had himself some vague hopes that his messenger might have been delayed at Court until a fitting and favourable answer should be dispatched back to him. Inexperienced, however, in public affairs as he certainly was, it required only a moments consideration to convince him of the improbability of an expectation so contrary to all he had heard of etiquette, as well as the dilatory proceedings in a court suit, and he answered the good-natured hostess with a sigh, that he doubted whether the king would even look on the paper addressed to him, far less take it into his immediate consideration.
Now, out upon you for a faint-hearted gentleman! said the good dame; and why should he not do as much for us as our gracious Queen Elizabeth? Many people say this and that about a queen and a king, but I think a king comes more natural to us English folks; and this good gentleman goes as often down by water to Greenwich, and employs as many of the barge-men and water-men of all kinds; and maintains, in his royal grace, John Taylor, the water-poet, who keeps both a sculler and a pair of oars. And he has made a comely Court at Whitehall, just by the river; and since the king is so good a friend to the Thames, I cannot see, if it please your honour, why all his subjects, and your honour in specialty, should not have satisfaction by his hands.
True, dame true, let us hope for the best; but I must take my cloak and rapier, and pray your husband in courtesy to teach me the way to a magistrate.
Sure, sir, said the prompt dame, I can do that as well as he, who has been a slow man of his tongue all his life, though I will give him his due for being a loving husband, and a man as well to pass in the world as any betwixt us and the top of the lane. And so there is the sitting alderman, that is always at the Guildhall, which is close by Pauls, and so I warrant you he puts all to rights in the city that wisdom can mend; and for the rest there is no help but patience. But I wish I were as sure of forty pounds as I am that the young man will come back safe and sound.
Olifaunt, in great and anxious doubt of what the good dame so strongly averred, flung his cloak on one shoulder, and was about to belt on his rapier, when first the voice of Richie Moniplies on the stair, and then that faithful emissarys appearance in the chamber, put the matter beyond question. Dame Nelly, after congratulating Moniplies on his return, and paying several compliments to her own sagacity for having foretold it, was at length pleased to leave the apartment. The truth was, that, besides some instinctive feelings of good breeding which combated her curiosity, she saw there was no chance of Richies proceeding in his narrative while she was in the room, and she therefore retreated, trusting that her own address would get the secret out of one or other of the young men, when she should have either by himself.
Now, in Heavens name, what is the matter? said Nigel Olifaunt. Where have you been, or what have you been about? You look as pale as death. There is blood on your hand, and your clothes are torn. What barns-breaking have you been at? You have been drunk, Richard, and fighting.
Fighting I have been, said Richard, in a small way; but for being drunk, thats a job ill to manage in this town, without money to come by liquor; and as for barns-breaking, the deil a things broken but my head. Its not made of iron, I wot, nor my claithes of chenzie-mail; so a club smashed the tane, and a claught damaged the tither. Some misleard rascals abused my country, but I think I cleared the causey of them. However, the haill hive was ower mony for me at last, and I got this eclipse on the crown, and then I was carried, beyond my kenning, to a sma booth at the Temple Port, whare they sell the whirligigs and mony-go-rounds that measure out time as a man wad measure a tartan web; and then they bled me, wold I nold I, and were reasonably civil, especially an auld country-man of ours, of whom more hereafter.
And at what oclock might this be? said Nigel.
The twa iron carles yonder, at the kirk beside the Port, were just banging out sax o the clock.
And why came you not home as soon as you recovered? said Nigel.
In troth, my lord, every why has its wherefore, and this has a gude ane, answered his follower. To come hame, I behoved to ken whare hame was; now, I had clean tint the name of the wynd, and the mair I asked, the mair the folk leugh, and the farther they sent me wrang; sae I gave it up till God should send daylight to help me; and as I saw mysell near a kirk at the lang run, I een crap in to take up my nights quarters in the kirkyard.
In the churchyard? said Nigel But I need not ask what drove you to such a pinch.
It wasna sae much the want o siller, my Lord Nigel, said Richie, with an air of mysterious importance, for I was no sae absolute without means, of whilk mair anon; but I thought I wad never ware a saxpence sterling on ane of their saucy chamberlains at a hostelry, sae lang as I could sleep fresh and fine in a fair, dry, spring night. Mony a time, when I hae come hame ower late, and faund the West-Port steekit, and the waiter ill-willy, I have garrd the sexton of Saint Cuthberts calf-ward serve me for my quarters. But then there are dainty green graffs in Saint Cuthberts kirkyard, whare ane may sleep as if they were in a down-bed, till they hear the lavrock singing up in the air as high as the Castle; whereas, and behold, these London kirkyards are causeyed with through-stanes, panged hard and fast thegither; and my cloak being something threadbare, made but a thin mattress, so I was fain to give up my bed before every limb about me was crippled. Dead folks may sleep yonder sound enow, but deil haet else.
And what became of you next? said his master.
I just took to a canny bulkhead, as they ca them here; that is, the boards on the tap of their bits of outshots of stalls and booths, and there I sleepit as sound as if I was in a castle. Not but I was disturbed with some of the night-walking queans and swaggering billies, but when they found there was nothing to be got by me but a slash of my Andrew Ferrara, they bid me good-night for a beggarly Scot; and I was een weel pleased to be sae cheap rid of them. And in the morning, I cam daikering here, but sad wark I had to find the way, for I had been east as far as the place they ca Mile-End, though it is mair like sax-mile-end.
Well, Richie, answered Nigel, I am glad all this has ended so well go get something to eat. I am sure you need it.
In troth do I, sir, replied Moniplies; but, with your lordships leave
Forget the lordship for the present, Richie, as I have often told you before.
Faith, replied Richie, I could weel forget that your honour was a lord, but then I behoved to forget that I am a lords man, and thats not so easy. But, however, he added, assisting his description with the thumb and the two forefingers of his right hand, thrust out after the fashion of a birds claw, while the little finger and ring-finger were closed upon the palm, to the Court I went, and my friend that promised me a sight of his Majestys most gracious presence, was as gude as his word, and carried me into the back offices, where I got the best breakfast I have had since we came here, and it did me gude for the rest of the day; for as to what I have eaten in this accursed town, it is aye sauced with the disquieting thought that it maun be paid for. After a, there was but beef banes and fat brose; but kings cauff, your honour kens, is better than ither folks corn; at ony rate, it was a in free awmous. But I see, he added, stopping short, that your honour waxes impatient.
By no means, Richie, said the young nobleman, with an air of resignation, for he well knew his domestic would not mend his pace for goading; you have suffered enough in the embassy to have a right to tell the story in your own way. Only let me pray for the name of the friend who was to introduce you into the kings presence. You were very mysterious on the subject, when you undertook, through his means, to have the Supplication put into his Majestys own hands, since those sent heretofore, I have every reason to think, went no farther than his secretarys.
Weel, my lord, said Richie, I did not tell you his name and quality at first, because I thought you would be affronted at the like of him having to do in your lordships affairs. But mony a man climbs up in Court by waur help. It was just Laurie Linklater, one of the yeomen of the kitchen, that was my fathers apprentice lang syne.
A yeoman in the kitchen a scullion! exclaimed Lord Nigel, pacing the room in displeasure.
But consider, sir, said Richie, composedly, that a your great friends hung back, and shunned to own you, or to advocate your petition; and then, though I am sure I wish Laurie a higher office, for your lordships sake and for mine, and specially for his ain sake, being a friendly lad, yet your lordship must consider, that a scullion, if a yeoman of the kings most royal kitchen may be called a scullion, may weel rank with a master-cook elsewhere; being that kings cauff, as I said before, is better than
You are right, and I was wrong, said the young nobleman. I have no choice of means of making my case known, so that they be honest.
Laurie is as honest a lad as ever lifted a ladle, said Richie; not but what I dare to say he can lick his fingers like other folk, and reason good. But, in fine, for I see your honour is waxing impatient, he brought me to the palace, where a was astir for the king going out to hunt or hawk on Blackheath, I think they cad it. And there was a horse stood with all the quarries about it, a bonny grey as ever was foaled; and the saddle and the stirrups, and the curb and bit, o burning gowd, or silver gilded at least; and down, sir, came the king, with all his nobles, dressed out in his hunting-suit of green, doubly laced, and laid down with gowd. I minded the very face o him, though it was lang since I saw him. But my certie, lad, thought I, times are changed since ye came fleeing down the back stairs of auld Holyrood House, in grit fear, having your breeks in your hand without time to put them on, and Frank Stewart, the wild Earl of Bothwell, hard at your haunches; and if auld Lord Glenvarloch hadna cast his mantle about his arm, and taken bluidy wounds mair than ane in your behalf, you wald not have crawd sae crouse this day; and so saying, I could not but think your lordships Sifflication could not be less than most acceptable; and so I banged in among the crowd of lords. Laurie thought me mad, and held me by the cloak-lap till the cloth rave in his hand; and so I banged in right before the king just as he mounted, and crammed the Sifflication into his hand, and he opened it like in amaze; and just as he saw the first line, I was minded to make a reverence, and I had the ill luck to hit his jaud o a beast on the nose with my hat, and scaur the creature, and she swarved aside, and the king, that sits na mickle better than a draff-pock on the saddle, was like to have gotten a clean coup, and that might have cost my craig a raxing-and he flung down the paper amang the beasts feet, and cried, Away wi the fause loon that brought it! And they grippit me, and cried treason; and I thought of the Ruthvens that were dirked in their ain house, for, it may be, as small a forfeit. However, they spak only of scourging me, and had me away to the porters lodge to try the tawse on my back, and I was crying mercy as loud as I could; and the king, when he had righted himself on the saddle, and gathered his breath, cried to do me nae harm; for, said he, he is ane of our ain Norland stots, I ken by the rowt of him, and they a laughed and rowted loud eneugh. And then he said, Gie him a copy of the Proclamation, and let him go down to the North by the next light collier, before waur come ot. So they let me go, and rode out, a sniggering, laughing, and rounding in ilk ithers lugs. A sair life I had wi Laurie Linklater; for he said it wad be the ruin of him. And then, when I told him it was in your matter, he said if he had known before he would have risked a scauding for you, because he minded the brave old lord, your father. And then he showed how I suld have done, and that I suld have held up my hand to my brow, as if the grandeur of the king and his horse-graith thegither had casten the glaiks in my een, and mair jackanape tricks I suld hae played, instead of offering the Sifflication, he said, as if I had been bringing guts to a bear. [Footnote: I am certain this prudential advice is not original on Mr. Linklaters part, but I am not at present able to produce my authority. I think it amounted to this, that James flung down a petition presented by some supplicant who paid no compliments to his horse, and expressed no admiration at the splendour of his furniture, saying, Shall a king cumber himself about the petition of a beggar, while the beggar disregards the kings splendour? It is, I think, Sir John Harrington who recommends, as a sure mode to the kings favour, to praise the paces of the royal palfrey.]
For, said he, Richie, the king is a weel-natured and just man of his ain kindly nature, but he has a wheen maggots that maun be cannily guided; and then, Richie, says he, in a very laigh tone, I would tell it to nane but a wise man like yoursell, but the king has them about him wad corrupt an angel from heaven; but I could have gien you avisement how to have guided him, but now its like after meat mustard. Aweel, aweel, Laurie, said I, it may be as you say, but since I am clear of the tawse and the porters lodge, sifflicate wha like, deil hae Richie Moniplies if he come sifflicating here again. And so away I came, and I wasna far by the Temple Port, or Bar, or whatever they ca it, when I met with the misadventure that I tauld you of before.
Well, my honest Richie, said Lord Nigel, your attempt was well meant, and not so ill conducted, I think, as to have deserved so bad an issue; but go to your beef and mustard, and well talk of the rest afterwards.
There is nae mair to be spoken, sir, said his follower, except that I met ane very honest, fair-spoken, weel-put-on gentleman, or rather burgher, as I think, that was in the whigmaleery mans back-shop; and when he learned wha I was, behold he was a kindly Scot himsell, and, what is more, a towns-bairn o the gude town, and he behoved to compel me to take this Portugal piece, to drink, forsooth my certie, thought I, we ken better, for we will eat it and he spoke of paying your lordship a visit.
You did not tell him where I lived, you knave? said the Lord Nigel, angrily. Sdeath! I shall have every clownish burgher from Edinburgh come to gaze on my distress, and pay a shilling for having seen the motion of the Poor Noble!
Tell him where you lived? said Richie, evading the question; How could I tell him what I kendna mysell? If I had minded the name of the wynd, I need not have slept in the kirkyard yestreen.
See, then, that you give no one notice of our lodging, said the young nobleman; those with whom I have business I can meet at Pauls, or in the Court of Requests.
This is steeking the stable-door when the steed is stolen, thought Richie to himself; but I must put him on another pin.