Why?
Because if we was going so fast we ought to be past Illinois, oughtnt we?
Certainly.
Well, we aint.
Whats the reason we aint?
I know by the color. Were right over Illinois yet. And you can see for yourself that Indiana aint in sight.
I wonder whats the matter with you, Huck. You know by the COLOR?
Yes, of course I do.
Whats the color got to do with it?
Its got everything to do with it. Illinois is green, Indiana is pink. You show me any pink down here, if you can. No, sir; its green.
Indiana PINK? Why, what a lie!
It aint no lie; Ive seen it on the map, and its pink.
You never see a person so aggravated and disgusted. He says:
Well, if I was such a numbskull as you, Huck Finn, I would jump over. Seen it on the map! Huck Finn, did you reckon the States was the same color out-of-doors as they are on the map?
Tom Sawyer, whats a map for? Aint it to learn you facts?
Of course.
Well, then, hows it going to do that if it tells lies? Thats what I want to know.
Shucks, you muggins! It dont tell lies.
It dont, dont it?
No, it dont.
All right, then; if it dont, there aint no two States the same color. You git around THAT if you can, Tom Sawyer.
He see I had him, and Jim see it too; and I tell you, I felt pretty good, for Tom Sawyer was always a hard person to git ahead of. Jim slapped his leg and says:
I tell YOU! dats smart, dats right down smart. Aint no use, Mars Tom; he got you DIS time, sho! He slapped his leg again, and says, My LAN, but it was smart one!
I never felt so good in my life; and yet I didnt know I was saying anything much till it was out. I was just mooning along, perfectly careless, and not expecting anything was going to happen, and never THINKING of such a thing at all, when, all of a sudden, out it came. Why, it was just as much a surprise to me as it was to any of them. It was just the same way it is when a person is munching along on a hunk of corn-pone, and not thinking about anything, and all of a sudden bites into a dimond. Now all that HE knows first off is that its some kind of gravel hes bit into; but he dont find out its a dimond till he gits it out and brushes off the sand and crumbs and one thing or another, and has a look at it, and then hes surprised and glad yes, and proud too; though when you come to look the thing straight in the eye, he aint entitled to as much credit as he would a been if hed been HUNTING dimonds. You can see the difference easy if you think it over. You see, an accident, that way, aint fairly as big a thing as a thing thats done a-purpose. Anybody could find that dimond in that corn-pone; but mind you, its got to be somebody thats got THAT KIND OF A CORN-PONE. Thats where that fellers credit comes in, you see; and thats where mine comes in. I dont claim no great things I dont reckon I could a done it again but I done it that time; thats all I claim. And I hadnt no more idea I could do such a thing, and warnt any more thinking about it or trying to, than you be this minute. Why, I was just as cam, a body couldnt be any camer, and yet, all of a sudden, out it come. Ive often thought of that time, and I can remember just the way everything looked, same as if it was only last week. I can see it all: beautiful rolling country with woods and fields and lakes for hundreds and hundreds of miles all around, and towns and villages scattered everywheres under us, here and there and yonder; and the professor mooning over a chart on his little table, and Toms cap flopping in the rigging where it was hung up to dry. And one thing in particular was a bird right alongside, not ten foot off, going our way and trying to keep up, but losing ground all the time; and a railroad train doing the same thing down there, sliding among the trees and farms, and pouring out a long cloud of black smoke and now and then a little puff of white; and when the white was gone so long you had almost forgot it, you would hear a little faint toot, and that was the whistle. And we left the bird and the train both behind, WAY behind, and done it easy, too.
But Tom he was huffy, and said me and Jim was a couple of ignorant blatherskites, and then he says:
Suppose theres a brown calf and a big brown dog, and an artist is making a picture of them. What is the MAIN thing that that artist has got to do? He has got to paint them so you can tell them apart the minute you look at them, haint he? Of course. Well, then, do you want him to go and paint BOTH of them brown? Certainly you dont. He paints one of them blue, and then you cant make no mistake. Its just the same with the maps. Thats why they make every State a different color; it aint to deceive you, its to keep you from deceiving yourself.
But I couldnt see no argument about that, and neither could Jim. Jim shook his head, and says:
Why, Mars Tom, if you knowed what chuckle-heads dem painters is, youd wait a long time before youd fetch one er DEM in to back up a fac. Is gwine to tell you, den you kin see for youself. I see one of em a-paintin away, one day, down in ole Hank Wilsons back lot, en I went down to see, en he was paintin dat old brindle cow wid de near horn gone you knows de one I means. En I ast him what hes paintin her for, en he say when he git her painted, de pictures wuth a hundred dollars. Mars Tom, he could a got de cow fer fifteen, en I tole him so. Well, sah, if youll blieve me, he jes shuck his head, dat painter did, en went on a-dobbin. Bless you, Mars Tom, DEY dont know nothin.
Tom lost his temper. I notice a person most always does thats got laid out in an argument. He told us to shut up, and maybe wed feel better. Then he see a town clock away off down yonder, and he took up the glass and looked at it, and then looked at his silver turnip, and then at the clock, and then at the turnip again, and says:
Thats funny! That clocks near about an hour fast.
So he put up his turnip. Then he see another clock, and took a look, and it was an hour fast too. That puzzled him.
Thats a mighty curious thing, he says. I dont understand it.
Then he took the glass and hunted up another clock, and sure enough it was an hour fast too. Then his eyes began to spread and his breath to come out kinder gaspy like, and he says:
Ger-reat Scott, its the LONGITUDE!
I says, considerably scared:
Well, whats been and gone and happened now?
Why, the thing thats happened is that this old bladder has slid over Illinois and Indiana and Ohio like nothing, and this is the east end of Pennsylvania or New York, or somewheres around there.
Tom Sawyer, you dont mean it!
Yes, I do, and its dead sure. Weve covered about fifteen degrees of longitude since we left St. Louis yesterday afternoon, and them clocks are right. Weve come close on to eight hundred miles.
I didnt believe it, but it made the cold streaks trickle down my back just the same. In my experience I knowed it wouldnt take much short of two weeks to do it down the Mississippi on a raft. Jim was working his mind and studying. Pretty soon he says:
Mars Tom, did you say dem clocks uz right?
Yes, theyre right.
Aint yo watch right, too?
Shes right for St. Louis, but shes an hour wrong for here.
Mars Tom, is you tryin to let on dat de time aint de SAME everywheres?
Mars Tom, is you tryin to let on dat de time aint de SAME everywheres?
No, it aint the same everywheres, by a long shot.
Jim looked distressed, and says:
It grieves me to hear you talk like dat, Mars Tom; Is right down ashamed to hear you talk like dat, arter de way yous been raised. Yassir, itd break yo Aunt Pollys heart to hear you.
Tom was astonished. He looked Jim over wondering, and didnt say nothing, and Jim went on:
Mars Tom, who put de people out yonder in St. Louis? De Lord done it. Who put de people here whar we is? De Lord done it. Ain dey bofe his children? Cose dey is. WELL, den! is he gwine to SCRIMINATE twixt em?
Scriminate! I never heard such ignorance. There aint no discriminating about it. When he makes you and some more of his children black, and makes the rest of us white, what do you call that?
Jim see the pint. He was stuck. He couldnt answer. Tom says:
He does discriminate, you see, when he wants to; but this case HERE aint no discrimination of his, its mans. The Lord made the day, and he made the night; but he didnt invent the hours, and he didnt distribute them around. Man did that.
Mars Tom, is dat so? Man done it?
Certainly.
Who tole him he could?
Nobody. He never asked.
Jim studied a minute, and says:
Well, dat do beat me. I wouldnt a tuck no sich resk. But some people aint scared o nothin. Dey bangs right ahead; DEY dont care what happens. So den deys allays an hours diffunce everywhah, Mars Tom?
An hour? No! Its four minutes difference for every degree of longitude, you know. Fifteen of ems an hour, thirty of ems two hours, and so on. When its one clock Tuesday morning in England, its eight oclock the night before in New York.
Jim moved a little way along the locker, and you could see he was insulted. He kept shaking his head and muttering, and so I slid along to him and patted him on the leg, and petted him up, and got him over the worst of his feelings, and then he says:
Mars Tom talkin sich talk as dat! Choosday in one place en Monday in tother, bofe in the same day! Huck, dis aint no place to joke up here whah we is. Two days in one day! How you gwine to get two days inter one day? Cant git two hours inter one hour, kin you? Cant git two niggers inter one nigger skin, kin you? Cant git two gallons of whisky inter a one-gallon jug, kin you? No, sir, twould strain de jug. Yes, en even den you couldnt, I dont believe. Why, looky here, Huck, sposen de Choosday was New Years now den! is you gwine to tell me its dis year in one place en las year in tother, bofe in de identical same minute? Its de beatenest rubbage! I cant stan it I cant stan to hear tell bout it. Then he begun to shiver and turn gray, and Tom says:
NOW whats the matter? Whats the trouble?
Jim could hardly speak, but he says:
Mars Tom, you aint jokin, en its SO?
No, Im not, and it is so.
Jim shivered again, and says:
Den dat Monday could be de las day, en dey wouldnt be no las day in England, en de dead wouldnt be called. We mustnt go over dah, Mars Tom. Please git him to turn back; I wants to be whah
All of a sudden we see something, and all jumped up, and forgot everything and begun to gaze. Tom says:
Aint that the He catched his breath, then says: It IS, sure as you live! Its the ocean!
That made me and Jim catch our breath, too. Then we all stood petrified but happy, for none of us had ever seen an ocean, or ever expected to. Tom kept muttering:
Atlantic Ocean Atlantic. Land, dont it sound great! And thats IT and WE are looking at it we! Why, its just too splendid to believe!
Then we see a big bank of black smoke; and when we got nearer, it was a city and a monster she was, too, with a thick fringe of ships around one edge; and we wondered if it was New York, and begun to jaw and dispute about it, and, first we knowed, it slid from under us and went flying behind, and here we was, out over the very ocean itself, and going like a cyclone. Then we woke up, I tell you!