But that's not your fault. Lida said suddenly. That's life which puts us in such and she hushed up circumstances.
Yes, but we should stay people under any circumstances. Sergey answered smoking. Excuse me, I am nervous. and then he added. She died one day after mum.
Who died? Arthur didn't understand him.
The aunt who had diabetes died one day after the woman who considered herself absolutely healthy and did not go to doctors up to the last moment. I mean my mum. When at last she visited the doctors it was already late. "We couldnt do anything." doctors told her. Last two years of my life were awful. I had already understood that it was necessary to earn money and to buy at last a separate apartment not waiting while the small room of the aunt will be ours. I had understood it.And I started to work. I earned money. I bought a car. At first one, then another, more expensive, then he stopped for a moment. When I had money, both of them were sick. They were so ill that I ask somebody to stay with them. There were people near them all the time: nurses, doctors,friends. The aunt was very sociable. The old women from the next houses came to her. I tried to spend at home less time. Left early came late. Justified myself that I was earning money.
And why didn't you move? Seva asked. They had got nurses, hadn't they?
Feeling of a duty. I was brought up that way. I could not leave them. They wanted me to stay and though it had not been said aloud I understood it in their eyes. Both of them wanted me to prolong their lives, do you understand? I was always near and it seemed to them as soon as I disappear it will be the end. I was close up to the end. The funeral was the same day. After that I felt loneliness. I hated the old people and all their illnesses. I could not communicate with them. And I had sold that apartment in the Center. Do you understand me?
Yes, of course. Vera answered.
And you? Sergey looked at Lida then at Arthur sitting to the right. Lida was silent as usual. Arthur bent lips trying to smile.
Why are you so sad, Sergey? Ivan asked.
Sad? Sergey smoked a cigarette. I dont know such a feeling that I am the old man myself. For these forty years in that apartment close to a sick woman I felt old myself. It is a shame but when they died I didn't feel grief. I didn't want to cry. I felt nothing. The soul was empty. I wanted to stay alone.
He stopped speaking. The others were silent too. Nobody was going to interrupt him and Sergey continued.
Well, I want to tell you more about my private life.
Are you sure? It is not necessary. Lida said.
Why? It is interesting! Or maybe you thought that I had no private life at all? Well, of course, I had! When I was twenty six, Sergey began to remember. I met the girl who was younger than me Five years younger. Yes, only five. I had met girls at the institute and However, unimportant. But that was the special one whom I wanted to marry. The problem was she had no separate apartments. She lived with parents in a very small apartment. We fell in love and began to date. We loved each other
With these words Angelica began to giggle.
Is it funny? By the way, it was not funny at all. We met waiting while her parents left or my mum went away but behind a wall there was a sick woman who knew everything, more than everything. She was curious, very curious. When the baby was born.
What baby? Vera asked with a surprise.
Why is it so surprising? You don't know how the babies are born, do you?
I do but
You don't think that I could have a baby? But I have a daughter. Sergey was angry.
She is almost an adult and very independent. Sure, we wanted to get married with her mother. But we could not live together. We tried. But I didn't feel comfortable in their apartment and it was far from my work. She lived in the suburbs. And I had to work a lot to earn money and to solve our problems. She could not live with me. We had no separate room and put a screen. That was fifteen years ago. Long fifteen years ago I asked her to rent a separate apartment she refused.
Why? Zhanna asked. She could live there with with the girl.
Women are strange. Sergey smiled. When I had nothing, she loved me. And when I became rich, she left me. We had never lived together. She said that for those years I had changed greatly. She spoke about the Robinson complex in me.
What complex? Angelica was wondered.
Its loneliness. You don't need people around. I became strange. But I want to ask you if it was strange or not? Why did she refuse to live together?
Who thinks Sergey is strange? Ivan asked.
Absolutely not! Angelica said. He is normal!
Thanks. Sergey grinned.
Do you want me to marry you? she could not stop speaking.
Thanks again. But I want my family.
Seva? Ivan asked.
I? he was frightened. We are all very strange. I, for example, too
We will speak about you later. Vera?
I didn't find anything strange. Don't find.
Arthur?
Is he strange? Arthur wondered. I think she is strange. The woman who as you said left you.
You are from the category of men who always accuse women of everything. Lida attacked him. As for me I don't want to comment the situation.
Well. Zhanna? and Ivan looked at the pretty blonde.
I am only twenty five. I am younger than all of you. I can't judge the feelings of people. But I think if she had stopped loving him that's right that why she left.
I did not say: she stopped loving me. Sergey noticed. I think not.
Life is so difficult. Seva tried to express himself. Today she leaves, tomorrow she will return.
But I would like to be sure!
I think, you do not tell us everything. Ivan said. What is it, Sergey? Is there anything else?
Probably.
It is important to know everything.
Well. I met the other woman. Sergey said unwillingly.
Aha! Angelica threatened him by her finger. Here we are! You got confused in your mistresses sorry, women. That's it.
I didn't. Sergey said angrily. I am sure with whom I want to stay.
And with whom? Vera asked very quiet.
Let's stop speaking about the family problems. Arthur stopped them. We are lucky that Sergey has only two women. If I shall start to tell you about mine whom I want or don't want it will take me a week.
Oh! We would like to listen to you with pleasure! Angelica began to clap her hands.
I am not going to listen to it. Lida was against. Let's stop it.
Wow! Angelica was wondered. Are you a virgin?
I am not!
By the way Angelica looked at everybody in the room. Have we got here virgins? I don't want to confuse them. Sometimes I am so shocking!
We are all truthful enough here. Ivan responded to her.
Well, thanks God!
But it does not mean it is necessary to be rude. again very quietly but firmly said Lida.
It's nine. Ivan looked at the watch. It's time for a surprise.
What surprise? greedy asked Angelica.
I found a way how to help you to overcome your own fears. Sergey said he had the Robinson's complex. Actually he likes people and he wants to communicate. Robinson many years lived on an island searching for a way to get out and finally he met Friday. Communication is important for Sergey as well as for the others to get rid of fears. So, cross the past and think about it as you will never return back. It is necessary to move further. The others will speak later. And now I shall bring something.
What is it? Angelica asked impatiently.
Wait a minute.
Ivan got up and left the room. Angelica took from the pack one more cigarette.
You are smoking too much, aren't you? asked Lida.
And what?
Nothing. But you don't think about people around. Men do not smoke so much as you!
As for the other people Angelica enjoyed smoking. I think you are always right. But its boring. Have you got a husband?
That's not your business.
I think you aren't married. And that is your problem!
Totem
Lida became red and wanted to answer but at that moment Ivan came into the reception room. He carried something like a box for voting. Only the smaller size and was made from the other material not wood because it was light. Ivan came to a low little table with a transparent cover from the thick glass and put his box on it.
What is it? Lida asked with interest.
By the way, are you afraid of anything? Angelica laughed. Are you sick? I bet you that it not a bomb!
Sure. Ivan nodded. It is our protective totem.
What is it? Vera hesitated.
Can you see that crack above?
Well, of course. Arthur said.
I guess Sergey's story had left nobody indifferent.
Why have you decided that? Lida tried to put her hair in order nervously.
I see it on your faces. You are thinking about something.You, Lida. You dont tell me anything. Ivan said softly. I suggest you to overcome the fears. When I suffer from something, I act as follows myself. I write the fear on a paper and I burn it. Lets burn the fears.
Burn fears? Zhanna wondered. How?
I shall carry the box in the next room. Put it on the table. There you can find clean white envelopes, pens and paper. Write your fear, put it in the envelope and throw it in the box. You will come in by turns, I understand that you hesitate. It is better to write it in loneliness
And mind printed letters. Arthur added.
Why? Vera asked again.
Who knows what happens. I prefer anonymity.
Then we shall burn the sealed envelopes. Ivan promised. But you can really write printed letters. Or by the left hand.
Change the handwriting. Arthur added smiling.
Arthur is an optimist. Ivan noticed. He is always in a good mood.
I dont understand why has he come here in general? Angelica watched him expressively.
Why? Oh, Ive got the reason to come. Arthur answered. But I like the idea with the envelopes. To say truthfully I have also got my fear. And I dream to burn it.
I shall join this game with pleasure. Angelica began to clap her hands.
You are forty years old and you behave yourself as the little girl. Lida revenged her. It looks ridiculous.
Why do you think that I am forty?!
Ladies, calm down. Ivan tried to stop them. Lida, you quarrel with Angelica as she smokes towards you. Angelica, you know it and directly smoke to her side. Lida, it is evident. For Аngelica you now the weakest person and thats why she attacks you. Thats your irritation, your anger. It is a weakness. Actually you are a kind woman, Lida. Why did you remind Angelica of her age knowing it will be so painful to her?
And she did the same. Well, thats bad. You are right. I apologize.
Thanks. Angelica answered. I also apologize. But I am here the newcomer.
You are deep inside yourself. Ivan smiled. Thats right.
Are you going to comment all the situations? Angelica asked.
Some of them. My aim is to teach you to avoid conflicts. To be self-controlled means to own a situation. So have you got anything against it?
Do you mean against burning our fears? Zhanna asked.
Yes.
I am not against. Sergey shrugged his shoulders.
I agree. Seva added.
I have already showed my opinion. Angelica noticed.
Agree. Arthur said at the same time.
I support all of us. Zhanna dropped quietly.
And I do. Vera said briefly.
So, we have again the majority. Lida signed. I am not lucky today.
Well, lets begin.
Ivan left the room for a minute carrying the box in the next one. Seva sitting in an armchair said.
In a circle, lets begin with Sergey. Please.
Sergey rose and slowly went to the door. Seva was to the left of him and took the pose as in a sports game preparing. As soon as Sergey had left he ran to the door.
You are quick. Vera noticed.
Too quick. Arthur added.
Seva stayed in the room only for a moment. He ran back and fell in his armchair. As if he did the duty, unpleasantly but fortunately as he had already done it. Zhanna rose from her armchair. While she went to a door Angelica looked at her figure. As she had noticed before, the girl was tall. Magnificent light hair shone on her shoulders, jeans fitted her very well.
She could become a model. Lida said suddenly catching that sight.
It is not enough for a model. Angelica answered.
Not enough of what?
Everything!
Tell better that you envy her.
Ivan is looking at us. Do you want to become an object of his psychoanalysis again? I dont.
Zhanna returned quickly and Arthur was going to hide his fear in an envelope. Veras turn was after him. They were there equal quantity of time as if they had agreed. Lida stayed there the longest. And when she returned, Angelica asked her suspiciously:
Have you read everything written by the others?
Lida became red and Ivan noticed.
It is impossible. Only I know how to open the box.
I was thinking! Lida answered her angrily.
Dont think much!
And Angelica jumped out of her armchair and slowly went out showing off her figure. Really she returned quickly. Angelica was the last, Ivan said.
It is my turn. I shall bring the totem back.
In a minute he returned with "the box" and put it on the low little table.
Here there are your fears. We have almost got rid of them. We must burn them now.
And how shall we do it? Zhanna asked.
There is a metal tray in the kitchen. I shall open the box we take out envelopes on a tray and burn them.
And nobody knows what is written inside. Arthur noticed smiling.
Sergey looked at his watch and offered.
Perhaps, shall we have a break? One and a half hour has passed as we here. I suggest to make a break and then to continue. Then we will burn our fears.
I support! Seva supported him with joy.
I dont mind to go out on a balcony to breath fresh air. Angelica said dreaming.
I also want the break. said Lida. Ill go to the bathroom.
And she touched her hair which was really in a disorder.
At last you are in the majority. Vera noticed. I personally dont need the break but if everybody insists so much
So, by the majority of voices it is solved. Ivan summed up. We do a ten-minute break. We may breath in the balcony or smoke in the corridor or whatever.
I can make coffee. Zhanna suggested.
Perfect! Arthur said with enthusiasm. Zhanna, you are the best!
And I want coffee too. Vera signed.
Coffee and cigarettes. Lida condemned them. At night!
Whats wrong, darling? Angelica asked. If you dont want, dont drink! And I do with pleasure! And by the way you are alone again!