Im sorry I waked you, Isabel said; you look too tired.
I feel too tired. But I was not asleep. I was thinking of you.
Are you tired of that?
Very much so. It leads to nothing. The roads long and I never arrive.
What do you wish to arrive at? she put to him, closing her parasol.
At the point of expressing to myself properly what I think of your engagement.
Dont think too much of it, she lightly returned.
Do you mean that its none of my business?
Beyond a certain point, yes.
Thats the point I want to fix. I had an idea you may have found me wanting in good manners. Ive never congratulated you.
Of course Ive noticed that. I wondered why you were silent.
There have been a good many reasons. Ill tell you now, Ralph said. He pulled off his hat and laid it on the ground; then he sat looking at her. He leaned back under the protection of Bernini, his head against his marble pedestal, his arms dropped on either side of him, his hands laid upon the rests of his wide chair. He looked awkward, uncomfortable; he hesitated long. Isabel said nothing; when people were embarrassed she was usually sorry for them, but she was determined not to help Ralph to utter a word that should not be to the honour of her high decision. I think Ive hardly got over my surprise, he went on at last. You were the last person I expected to see caught.
I dont know why you call it caught.
Because youre going to be put into a cage.
If I like my cage, that neednt trouble you, she answered.
Thats what I wonder at; thats what Ive been thinking of.
If youve been thinking you may imagine how Ive thought! Im satisfied that Im doing well.
You must have changed immensely. A year ago you valued your liberty beyond everything. You wanted only to see life.
Ive seen it, said Isabel. It doesnt look to me now, I admit, such an inviting expanse.
I dont pretend it is; only I had an idea that you took a genial view of it and wanted to survey the whole field.
Ive seen that one cant do anything so general. One must choose a corner and cultivate that.
Thats what I think. And one must choose as good a corner as possible. I had no idea, all winter, while I read your delightful letters, that you were choosing. You said nothing about it, and your silence put me off my guard.
It was not a matter I was likely to write to you about. Besides, I knew nothing of the future. It has all come lately. If you had been on your guard, however, Isabel asked, what would you have done?
I should have said Wait a little longer.
Wait for what?
Well, for a little more light, said Ralph with rather an absurd smile, while his hands found their way into his pockets.
Where should my light have come from? From you?
I might have struck a spark or two.
Isabel had drawn off her gloves; she smoothed them out as they lay upon her knee. The mildness of this movement was accidental, for her expression was not conciliatory. Youre beating about the bush, Ralph. You wish to say you dont like Mr. Osmond, and yet youre afraid.
Willing to wound and yet afraid to strike? Im willing to wound him, yesbut not to wound you. Im afraid of you, not of him. If you marry him it wont be a fortunate way for me to have spoken.
If I marry him! Have you had any expectation of dissuading me?
Of course that seems to you too fatuous.
No, said Isabel after a little; it seems to me too touching.
Thats the same thing. It makes me so ridiculous that you pity me.
She stroked out her long gloves again. I know youve a great affection for me. I cant get rid of that.
For heavens sake dont try. Keep that well in sight. It will convince you how intensely I want you to do well.
And how little you trust me!
There was a moments silence; the warm noontide seemed to listen. I trust you, but I dont trust him, said Ralph.
She raised her eyes and gave him a wide, deep look. Youve said it now, and Im glad youve made it so clear. But youll suffer by it.
Not if youre just.
Im very just, said Isabel. What better proof of it can there be than that Im not angry with you? I dont know whats the matter with me, but Im not. I was when you began, but it has passed away. Perhaps I ought to be angry, but Mr. Osmond wouldnt think so. He wants me to know everything; thats what I like him for. Youve nothing to gain, I know that. Ive never been so nice to you, as a girl, that you should have much reason for wishing me to remain one. You give very good advice; youve often done so. No, Im very quiet; Ive always believed in your wisdom, she went on, boasting of her quietness, yet speaking with a kind of contained exaltation. It was her passionate desire to be just; it touched Ralph to the heart, affected him like a caress from a creature he had injured. He wished to interrupt, to reassure her; for a moment he was absurdly inconsistent; he would have retracted what he had said. But she gave him no chance; she went on, having caught a glimpse, as she thought, of the heroic line and desiring to advance in that direction. I see youve some special idea; I should like very much to hear it. Im sure its disinterested; I feel that. It seems a strange thing to argue about, and of course I ought to tell you definitely that if you expect to dissuade me you may give it up. Youll not move me an inch; its too late. As you say, Im caught. Certainly it wont be pleasant for you to remember this, but your pain will be in your own thoughts. I shall never reproach you.
I dont think you ever will, said Ralph. Its not in the least the sort of marriage I thought youd make.
What sort of marriage was that, pray?
Well, I can hardly say. I hadnt exactly a positive view of it, but I had a negative. I didnt think youd decide forwell, for that type.
Whats the matter with Mr. Osmonds type, if it be one? His being so independent, so individual, is what I most see in him, the girl declared. What do you know against him? You know him scarcely at all.
Yes, Ralph said, I know him very little, and I confess I havent facts and items to prove him a villain. But all the same I cant help feeling that youre running a grave risk.
Marriage is always a grave risk, and his risks as grave as mine.
Thats his affair! If hes afraid, let him back out. I wish to God he would.
Isabel reclined in her chair, folding her arms and gazing a while at her cousin. I dont think I understand you, she said at last coldly. I dont know what youre talking about.
I believed youd marry a man of more importance.
Cold, I say, her tone had been, but at this a colour like a flame leaped into her face. Of more importance to whom? It seems to me enough that ones husband should be of importance to ones self!
Ralph blushed as well; his attitude embarrassed him. Physically speaking he proceeded to change it; he straightened himself, then leaned forward, resting a hand on each knee. He fixed his eyes on the ground; he had an air of the most respectful deliberation.
I believed youd marry a man of more importance.
Cold, I say, her tone had been, but at this a colour like a flame leaped into her face. Of more importance to whom? It seems to me enough that ones husband should be of importance to ones self!
Ralph blushed as well; his attitude embarrassed him. Physically speaking he proceeded to change it; he straightened himself, then leaned forward, resting a hand on each knee. He fixed his eyes on the ground; he had an air of the most respectful deliberation.
Ill tell you in a moment what I mean, he presently said. He felt agitated, intensely eager; now that he had opened the discussion he wished to discharge his mind. But he wished also to be superlatively gentle.
Isabel waited a littlethen she went on with majesty. In everything that makes one care for people Mr. Osmond is pre-eminent. There may be nobler natures, but Ive never had the pleasure of meeting one. Mr. Osmonds is the finest I know; hes good enough for me, and interesting enough, and clever enough. Im far more struck with what he has and what he represents than with what he may lack.
I had treated myself to a charming vision of your future, Ralph observed without answering this; I had amused myself with planning out a high destiny for you. There was to be nothing of this sort in it. You were not to come down so easily or so soon.
Come down, you say?
Well, that renders my sense of what has happened to you. You seemed to me to be soaring far up in the blueto be, sailing in the bright light, over the heads of men. Suddenly some one tosses up a faded rosebuda missile that should never have reached youand straight you drop to the ground. It hurts me, said Ralph audaciously, hurts me as if I had fallen myself!
The look of pain and bewilderment deepened in his companions face. I dont understand you in the least, she repeated. You say you amused yourself with a project for my careerI dont understand that. Dont amuse yourself too much, or I shall think youre doing it at my expense.
Ralph shook his head. Im not afraid of your not believing that Ive had great ideas for you.
What do you mean by my soaring and sailing? she pursued.
Ive never moved on a higher plane than Im moving on now. Theres nothing higher for a girl than to marry aa person she likes, said poor Isabel, wandering into the didactic.
Its your liking the person we speak of that I venture to criticise, my dear cousin. I should have said that the man for you would have been a more active, larger, freer sort of nature. Ralph hesitated, then added: I cant get over the sense that Osmond is somehowwell, small. He had uttered the last word with no great assurance; he was afraid she would flash out again. But to his surprise she was quiet; she had the air of considering.
Small? She made it sound immense.
I think hes narrow, selfish. He takes himself so seriously!
He has a great respect for himself; I dont blame him for that, said Isabel. It makes one more sure to respect others.
Ralph for a moment felt almost reassured by her reasonable tone.
Yes, but everything is relative; one ought to feel ones relation to thingsto others. I dont think Mr. Osmond does that.
Ive chiefly to do with his relation to me. In that hes excellent.
Hes the incarnation of taste, Ralph went on, thinking hard how he could best express Gilbert Osmonds sinister attributes without putting himself in the wrong by seeming to describe him coarsely. He wished to describe him impersonally, scientifically. He judges and measures, approves and condemns, altogether by that.
Its a happy thing then that his taste should be exquisite.
Its exquisite, indeed, since it has led him to select you as his bride. But have you ever seen such a tastea really exquisite oneruffled?
I hope it may never be my fortune to fail to gratify my husbands.
At these words a sudden passion leaped to Ralphs lips. Ah, thats wilful, thats unworthy of you! You were not meant to be measured in that wayyou were meant for something better than to keep guard over the sensibilities of a sterile dilettante!
Isabel rose quickly and he did the same, so that they stood for a moment looking at each other as if he had flung down a defiance or an insult. But You go too far, she simply breathed.
Ive said what I had on my mindand Ive said it because I love you!
Isabel turned pale: was he too on that tiresome list? She had a sudden wish to strike him off. Ah then, youre not disinterested!
I love you, but I love without hope, said Ralph quickly, forcing a smile and feeling that in that last declaration he had expressed more than he intended.
Isabel moved away and stood looking into the sunny stillness of the garden; but after a little she turned back to him. Im afraid your talk then is the wildness of despair! I dont understand itbut it doesnt matter. Im not arguing with you; its impossible I should; Ive only tried to listen to you. Im much obliged to you for attempting to explain, she said gently, as if the anger with which she had just sprung up had already subsided. Its very good of you to try to warn me, if youre really alarmed; but I wont promise to think of what youve said: I shall forget it as soon as possible. Try and forget it yourself; youve done your duty, and no man can do more. I cant explain to you what I feel, what I believe, and I wouldnt if I could. She paused a moment and then went on with an inconsequence that Ralph observed even in the midst of his eagerness to discover some symptom of concession. I cant enter into your idea of Mr. Osmond; I cant do it justice, because I see him in quite another way. Hes not importantno, hes not important; hes a man to whom importance is supremely indifferent. If thats what you mean when you call him small, then hes as small as you please. I call that largeits the largest thing I know. I wont pretend to argue with you about a person Im going to marry, Isabel repeated. Im not in the least concerned to defend Mr. Osmond; hes not so weak as to need my defence. I should think it would seem strange even to yourself that I should talk of him so quietly and coldly, as if he were any one else. I wouldnt talk of him at all to any one but you; and you, after what youve saidI may just answer you once for all. Pray, would you wish me to make a mercenary marriagewhat they call a marriage of ambition? Ive only one ambitionto be free to follow out a good feeling. I had others once, but theyve passed away. Do you complain of Mr. Osmond because hes not rich? Thats just what I like him for. Ive fortunately money enough; Ive never felt so thankful for it as to-day. There have been moments when I should like to go and kneel down by your fathers grave: he did perhaps a better thing than he knew when he put it into my power to marry a poor mana man who has borne his poverty with such dignity, with such indifference. Mr. Osmond has never scrambled nor struggledhe has cared for no worldly prize. If thats to be narrow, if thats to be selfish, then its very well. Im not frightened by such words, Im not even displeased; Im only sorry that you should make a mistake. Others might have done so, but Im surprised that you should. You might know a gentleman when you see oneyou might know a fine mind. Mr. Osmond makes no mistakes! He knows everything, he understands everything, he has the kindest, gentlest, highest spirit. Youve got hold of some false idea. Its a pity, but I cant help it; it regards you more than me. Isabel paused a moment, looking at her cousin with an eye illumined by a sentiment which contradicted the careful calmness of her mannera mingled sentiment, to which the angry pain excited by his words and the wounded pride of having needed to justify a choice of which she felt only the nobleness and purity, equally contributed. Though she paused Ralph said nothing; he saw she had more to say. She was grand, but she was highly solicitous; she was indifferent, but she was all in a passion. What sort of a person should you have liked me to marry? she asked suddenly. You talk about ones soaring and sailing, but if one marries at all one touches the earth. One has human feelings and needs, one has a heart in ones bosom, and one must marry a particular individual. Your mother has never forgiven me for not having come to a better understanding with Lord Warburton, and shes horrified at my contenting myself with a person who has none of his great advantagesno property, no title, no honours, no houses, nor lands, nor position, nor reputation, nor brilliant belongings of any sort. Its the total absence of all these things that pleases me. Mr. Osmonds simply a very lonely, a very cultivated and a very honest manhes not a prodigious proprietor.