I know, Jack, that thou for thy part, wilt approve of my scheme.
As Lord M. and I, between us, have three or four boroughs at command, I think I will get into parliament, in order to bring in a bill for this good purpose.
Neither will the house of parliament, nor the houses of convocation, have reason to object it. And all the courts, whether spiritual or sensual, civil or uncivil, will find their account in it when passed into a law.
By my soul, Jack, I should be apprehensive of a general insurrection, and that incited by the women, were such a bill to be thrown out.For here is the excellency of the scheme: the women will have equal reason with the men to be pleased with it.
Dost think, that old prerogative Harlowe, for example, must not, if such a law were in being, have pulled in his horns?So excellent a wife as he has, would never else have renewed with such a gloomy tyrant: who, as well as all other married tyrants, must have been upon good behaviour from year to year.
A termagant wife, if such a law were to pass, would be a phoenix.
The churches would be the only market-place for the fair sex; and domestic excellence the capital recommendation.
Nor would there be an old maid in Great Britain, and all its territories. For what an odd soul must she be who could not have her twelvemonth's trial?
In short, a total alteration for the better, in the morals and way of life in both sexes, must, in a very few years, be the consequence of such a salutary law.
Who would have expected such a one from me! I wish the devil owe me not a spite for it.
The would not the distinction be very pretty, Jack? as in flowers;such a gentleman, or such a lady, is an ANNUALsuch a one is a PERENNIAL.
One difficulty, however, as I remember, occurred to me, upon the probability that a wife might be enceinte, as the lawyers call it. But thus I obviated it
That no man should be allowed to marry another woman without his then wife's consent, till she were brought-to-bed, and he had defrayed all incident charges; and till it was agreed upon between them whether the child should be his, her's, or the public's. The women in this case to have what I call the coercive option; for I would not have it in the man's power to be a dog neither.
And, indeed, I gave the turn of the scale in every part of my scheme in the women's favour: for dearly do I love the sweet rogues.
How infinitely more preferable this my scheme to the polygamy one of the old patriarchs; who had wives and concubines without number!I believe David and Solomon had their hundreds at a time. Had they not, Jack?
Let me add, that annual parliaments, and annual marriages, are the projects next my heart. How could I expatiate upon the benefits that would arise from both!
LETTER X
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ
Well, but now my plots thicken; and my employment of writing to thee on this subject will soon come to a conclusion. For now, having got the license; and Mrs. Townsend with her tars, being to come to Hampstead next Wednesday or Thursday; and another letter possibly, or message from Miss Howe, to inquire how Miss Harlowe does, upon the rustic's report of her ill health, and to express her wonder that she has not heard form her in answer to her's on her escape; I must soon blow up the lady, or be blown up myself. And so I am preparing, with Lady Betty and my cousin Montague, to wait upon my beloved with a coach-and-four, or a sett; for Lady Betty will not stir out with a pair for the world; though but for two or three miles. And this is a well-known part of her character.
But as to the arms and crest upon the coach and trappings?
Dost thou not know that a Blunt's must supply her, while her own is new lining and repairing? An opportunity she is willing to take now she is in town. Nothing of this kind can be done to her mind in the country. Liveries nearly Lady Betty's.
Thou hast seen Lady Betty Lawrance several timeshast thou not, Belford?
No, never in my life.
But thou hastand lain with her too; or fame does thee more credit than thou deservestWhy, Jack, knowest thou not Lady Betty's other name?
Other name!Has she two?
She has. And what thinkest thou of Lady Bab. Wallis?
O the devil!
Now thou hast it. Lady Barbara thou knowest, lifted up in circumstances, and by pride, never appears or produces herself, but on occasions special to pass to men of quality or price, for a duchess, or countess, at least. She has always been admired for a grandeur in her air, that few women of quality can come up to; and never was supposed to be other than what she passed for; though often and often a paramour for lords.
And who, thinkest thou, is my cousin Montague?
Nay, how should I know?
How indeed! Why, my little Johanetta Golding, a lively, yet modest-looking girl, is my cousin Montague.
There, Belford, is an aunt!There's a cousin!Both have wit at will. Both are accustomed to ape quality.Both are genteelly descended. Mistresses of themselves, and well educatedyet past pity.True Spartan dames; ashamed of nothing but detectionalways, therefore, upon their guard against that. And in their own conceit, when assuming top parts, the very quality they ape.
And how dost think I dress them out?I'll tell thee.
Lady Betty in a rich gold tissue, adorned with jewels of high price.
My cousin Montague in a pale pink, standing on end with silver flowers of her own working. Charlotte as well as my beloved is admirable at her needle. Not quite so richly jewell'd out as Lady Betty; but ear-rings and solitaire very valuable, and infinitely becoming.
Johanetta, thou knowest, has a good complexion, a fine neck, and ears remarkably fineso has Charlotte. She is nearly of Charlotte's stature too.
Laces both, the richest that could be procured.
Thou canst not imagine what a sum the loan of the jewels cost me, though but for three days.
This sweet girl will half ruin me. But seest thou not, by this time, that her reign is short!It must be so. And Mrs. Sinclair has already prepared every thing for her reception once more.
***Here come the ladiesattended by Susan Morrison, a tenant-farmer's daughter, as Lady Betty's woman; with her hands before her, and thoroughly instructed.
How dress advantages women!especially those who have naturally a genteel air and turn, and have had education.
Hadst thou seen how they paraded itCousin, and Cousin, and Nephew, at every word; Lady Betty bridling and looking haughtily-condescending. Charlotte galanting her fan, and swimming over the floor without touching it.
How I long to see my niece-elect! cries onefor they are told that we are not married; and are pleased that I have not put the slight upon them that they had apprehended from me.
How I long to see my dear cousin that is to be, the other!
Your La'ship, and your La'ship, and an awkward courtesy at every address prim Susan Morrison.
Top your parts, ye villains!You know how nicely I distinguish. There will be no passion in this case to blind the judgment, and to help on meditated delusion, as when you engage with titled sinners. My charmer is as cool and as distinguishing, though not quite so learned in her own sex, as I am. Your commonly-assumed dignity won't do for me now. Airs of superiority, as if born to rank.But no over-do!Doubting nothing. Let not your faces arraign your hearts.
Easy and unaffected!Your very dresses will give you pride enough.
A little graver, Lady Betty.More significance, less bridling in your dignity.
That's the air! Charmingly hitAgainYou have it.
Devil take you!Less arrogance. You are got into airs of young quality. Be less sensible of your new condition. People born to dignity command respect without needing to require it.
Now for your part, Cousin Charlotte!
Pretty well. But a little too frolicky that air.Yet have I prepared my beloved to expect in you both great vivacity and quality-freedom.
Curse those eyes!Those glancings will never do. A down-cast bashful turn, if you can command it. Look upon me. Suppose me now to be my beloved.
Devil take that leer. Too significantly arch!Once I knew you the girl I would now have you to be.
Sprightly, but not confident, cousin Charlotte!Be sure forget not to look down, or aside, when looked at. When eyes meet eyes, be your's the retreating ones. Your face will bear examination.
O Lord! Lord! that so young a creature can so soon forget the innocent appearance she first charmed by; and which I thought born with you all! Five years to ruin what twenty had been building up! How natural the latter lesson! How difficult to regain the former!
A stranger, as I hope to be saved, to the principal arts of your sex! Once more, what a devil has your heart to do in your eyes?
Have I not told you, that my beloved is a great observer of the eyes? She once quoted upon me a text,13 which showed me how she came by her knowledgeDorcas's were found guilty of treason the first moment she saw her.
Once more, suppose me to be my charmer.Now you are to encounter my examining eye, and my doubting heart
That's my dear!
Study that air in the pier-glass!
Charmingly!Perfectly right!
Your honours, now, devils!
Pretty well, Cousin Charlotte, for a young country lady! Till form yields to familiarity, you may courtesy low. You must not be supposed to have forgot your boarding-school airs.
But too low, too low Lady Betty, for your years and your quality. The common fault of your sex will be your danger: aiming to be young too long!The devil's in you all, when you judge of yourselves by your wishes, and by your vanity! Fifty, in that case, is never more than fifteen.
Graceful ease, conscious dignity, like that of my charmer, Oh! how hard to hit!
Both together now
Charming!That's the air, Lady Betty!That's the cue, Cousin Charlotte, suited to the character of each!But, once more, be sure to have a guard upon your eyes.
Never fear, Nephew!
Never fear, Cousin.
A dram of Barbadoes each
And now we are gone
LETTER XI
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. AT MRS. SINCLAIR'S, MONDAY AFTERNOON
All's right, as heart can wish!In spite of all objectionin spite of a reluctance next to faintingsin spite of all foresight, vigilance, suspiciononce more is the charmer of my soul in her old lodgings!
Now throbs away every pulse! Now thump, thump, thumps my bounding heart for something!
But I have not time for the particulars of our management.
My beloved is now directing some of her clothes to be packed upnever more to enter this house! Nor ever more will she, I dare say, when once again out of it!
Yet not so much as a condition of forgiveness!The Harlowe-spirited fair-one will not deserve my mercy!She will wait for Miss Howe's next letter; and then, if she find a difficulty in her new schemes, [Thank her for nothing,]willwill what? Why even then will take time to consider, whether I am to be forgiven, or for ever rejected. An indifference that revives in my heart the remembrance of a thousand of the like nature.And yet Lady Betty and Miss Montague, [a man would be tempted to think, Jack, that they wish her to provoke my vengeance,] declare, that I ought to be satisfied with such a proud suspension!
They are entirely attached to her. Whatever she says, is, must be, gospel! They are guarantees for her return to Hampstead this night. They are to go back with her. A supper bespoken by Lady Betty at Mrs. Moore's. All the vacant apartments there, by my permission, (for I had engaged them for a month certain,) to be filled with them and their attendants, for a week at least, or till they can prevail upon the dear perverse, as they hope they shall, to restore me to her favour, and to accompany Lady Betty to Oxfordshire.
The dear creature has thus far condescendedthat she will write to Miss Howe and acquaint her with the present situation of things.
If she write, I shall see what she writes. But I believe she will have other employment soon.
Lady Betty is sure, she tells her, that she shall prevail upon her to forgive me; though she dares say, that I deserve not forgiveness. Lady Betty is too delicate to inquire strictly into the nature of my offence. But it must be an offence against herself, against Miss Montague, against the virtuous of the whole sex, or it could not be so highly resented. Yet she will not leave her till she forgive me, and till she see our nuptials privately celebrated. Mean time, as she approves of her uncle's expedient, she will address her as already my wife before strangers.
Stedman, her solicitor, may attend her for orders in relation to her chancery affair, at Hampstead. Not one hour they can be favoured with, will they lose from the company and conversation of so dear, so charming a new relation.
Hard then if she had not obliged them with her company in their coach-and-four, to and from their cousin Leeson's, who longed, (as they themselves had done,) to see a lady so justly celebrated.
'How will Lord M. be raptured when he sees her, and can salute her as his niece!
'How will Lady Sarah bless herself!She will now think her loss of the dear daughter she mourns for happily supplied!'
Miss Montague dwells upon every word that falls from her lips. She perfectly adores her new cousin'For her cousin she must be. And her cousin will she call her! She answers for equal admiration in her sister Patty.
'Ay, cry I, (whispering loud enough for her to hear,) how will my cousin Patty's dove's eyes glisten and run over, on the very first interview! So gracious, so noble, so unaffected a dear creature!'
'What a happy family,' chorus we all, 'will our's be!'
These and such like congratulatory admirations every hour repeated. Her modesty hurt by the ecstatic praises:'Her graces are too natural to herself for her to be proud of them: but she must be content to be punished for excellencies that cast a shade upon the most excellent!'
In short, we are here, as at Hampstead, all joy and raptureall of us except my beloved; in whose sweet face, [her almost fainting reluctance to re-enter these doors not overcome,] reigns a kind of anxious serenity! But how will even that be changed in a few hours!
Methinks I begin to pity the half-apprehensive beauty!But avaunt, thou unseasonably-intruding pity! Thou hast more than once already well nigh undone me! And, adieu, reflection! Begone, consideration! and commiseration! I dismiss ye all, for at least a week to come!But remembered her broken word! Her flight, when my fond soul was meditating mercy to her!Be remembered her treatment of me in her letter on her escape to Hampstead! Her Hampstead virulence! What is it she ought not to expect from an unchained Beelzebub, and a plotting villain?