All things considered, Mrs. Pawlett was for doing away with the Flower Show that year and giving two prizes next year instead, but one or two other chaps, encouraged by Bobs example, ad given in their names too, and they said it wouldnt be fair to their wives. All the gardens but one was worse than Bobs, they not having started till later than wot e did, and not being able to get their geraniums from is florist. The only better garden was Ralph Thomsons, who lived next door to im, but two nights afore the Flower Show is pig got walking in its sleep. Ralph said it was a mystery to im ow the pig could ha got out; it must ha put its foot through a hole too small for it, and turned the button of its door, and then climbed over a four-foot fence. He told Bob e wished the pig could speak, but Bob said that that was sinful and unchristian of im, and that most likely if it could, it would only call im a lot o bad names, and ask im why he didnt feed it properly.
There was quite a crowd on Flower Show day following the judges. First of all, to Bill Chamberss astonishment and surprise, they went to is place and stood on the eaps in is garden judging em, while Bill peeped at em through the kitchen winder arf-crazy. They went to every garden in the place, until one of the young ladies got tired of it, and asked Mrs. Pawlett whether they was there to judge cottage gardens or earthquakes.
Everybody eld their breaths that evening in the school room when Mrs. Pawlett got up on the platform and took a slip of paper from one of the judges. She stood a moment waiting for silence, and then eld up her and to stop what she thought was clapping at the back, but which was two or three wimmen who ad ad to take their crying babies out trying to quiet em in the porch. Then Mrs. Pawlett put er glasses on her nose and just read out, short and sweet, that the prize of three sovereigns and a metal teapot for the best-kept cottage garden ad been won by Mr. Robert Pretty.
One or two people patted Bob on the back as e walked up the middle to take the prize; then one or two more did, and Bill Chamberss pat was the eartiest of em all. Bob stopped and spoke to im about it.
You would ardly think that Bob ud have the cheek to stand up there and make a speech, but e did. He said it gave im great pleasure to take the teapot and the money, and the more pleasure because e felt that e had earned em. He said that if e told em all ed done to make sure o the prize theyd be surprised. He said that ed been like Ralph Thomsons pig, up early and late.
He stood up there talking as though e was never going to leave off, and said that e hoped as is example would be of benefit to is neighbours. Some of em seemed to think that digging was everything, but e could say with pride that e adnt put a spade to is garden for three years until a week ago, and then not much.
He finished is remarks by saying that e was going to give a tea-party up at the Cauliflower to christen the teapot, where ed be pleased to welcome all friends. Quite a crowd got up and followed im out then, instead o waiting for the dissolving views, and came back arf an hour arterwards, saying that until theyd got as far as the Cauliflower theyd no idea as Bob was so per-tikler who e mixed with.
That was the last Flower Show we ever ad in Claybury, Mrs. Pawlett and the judges meeting the tea-party coming ome, and aving to get over a gate into a field to let it pass. What with that and Mrs. Pawlett tumbling over something further up the road, which turned out to be the teapot, smelling strong of beer, the Flower Show was given up, and the parson preached three Sundays running on the sin of beer-drinking to children whod never ad any and wimmen who couldnt get it.
PRIVATE CLOTHES
At half-past nine the crew of the Merman were buried in slumber, at nine thirty-two three of the members were awake with heads protruding out of their bunks, trying to peer through the gloom, while the fourth dreamt that a tea-tray was falling down a never-ending staircase. On the floor of the forecastle something was cursing prettily and rubbing itself.
Did you ear anything, Ted? inquired a voice in an interval of silence.
Who is it? demanded Ted, ignoring the question. Wot dyer want?
Ill let you know who I am, said a thick and angry voice. Ive broke my blarsted back.
Light the lamp, Bill, said Ted.
Bill struck a tandsticker match, and carefully nursing the tiny sulphurous flame with his hand, saw dimly some high-coloured object on the floor.
He got out of his bunk and lit the lamp, and an angry and very drunken member of Her Majestys foot forces became visible.
Wot are you doin ere? inquired Ted, sharply, this aint the guard-room.
Who knocked me over? demanded the soldier sternly; take your cocoat off lik a man.
He rose to his feet and swayed unsteadily to and fro.
If you keep your lil eads still, he said gravely, to Bill, Ill punch em.
By a stroke of good fortune he selected the real head, and gave it a blow which sent it crashing against the woodwork. For a moment the seaman stood gathering his scattered senses, then with an oath he sprang forward, and in the lightest of fighting trim waited until his adversary, who was by this time on the floor again, should have regained his feet.
Hes drunk, Bill, said another voice, dont urt im. Hes a chap wot said e was coming aboard to see meI met im in the Green Man this evening. You was coming to see me, mate, wasnt you?
The soldier looked up stupidly, and gripping hold of the injured Bill by the shirt, staggered to his feet again, and advancing towards the last speaker let fly suddenly in his face.
Sort man I am, he said, autobiographically. Feel my arm.
The indignant Bill took him by both, and throwing himself upon him suddenly fell with him to the floor. The intruders head met the boards with a loud crash, and then there was silence.
You aint killed im, Bill? said an old seaman, stooping over him anxiously.
Course not, was the reply; give us some water.
He threw some in the soldiers face, and then poured some down his neck, but with no result. Then he stood upright, and exchanged glances of consternation with his friends.
I dont like the way hes breathing, he said, in a trembling voice.
You always was pertikler, Bill, said the cook, who had thankfully got to the bottom of his staircase. If I was you
He was not allowed to proceed any further; footsteps and a voice were heard above, and as old Thomas hastily extinguished the lamp, the mates head was thrust down the scuttle, and the mates voice sounded a profane reveillé.
Wot are we goin to do with it? inquired Ted, as the mate walked away.
Im, Ted, said Bill, nervously. Hes alive all right.
If we put im ashore an es dead, said old Thomas, therell be trouble for somebody. Better let im be, and if es dead, why we dont none of us know nothing about it.
The men ran up on deck, and Bill, being the last to leave, put a boot under the soldiers head before he left. Ten minutes later they were under way, and standing about the deck, discussed the situation in thrilling whispers as opportunity offered.
At breakfast, by which time they were in a dirty tumbling sea, with the Nore lightship, a brown, forlorn-looking object on their beam, the soldier, who had been breathing stertorously, raised his heavy head from the boot, and with glassy eyes and tightly compressed lips gazed wonderingly about him.
At breakfast, by which time they were in a dirty tumbling sea, with the Nore lightship, a brown, forlorn-looking object on their beam, the soldier, who had been breathing stertorously, raised his heavy head from the boot, and with glassy eyes and tightly compressed lips gazed wonderingly about him.
Wot cheer, mate? said the delighted Bill. Ow goes it?
Where am I? inquired Private Harry Bliss, in a weak voice.
Brig Merman, said Bill; bound for Byster-mouth.
Well, Im damned, said Private Bliss; its a blooming miracle. Open the winder, its a bit stuffy down here. Whowho brought me here?
You come to see me last night, said Bob, an fell down, I spose; then you punched Bill ere in the eye and me in the jor.
Mr. Bliss, still feeling very sick and faint, turned to Bill, and after critically glancing at the eye turned on him for inspection, transferred his regards to the other mans jaw.
Im a devil when Im boozed, he said, in a satisfied voice. Well, I must get ashore; I shall get cells for this, I expect.
He staggered to the ladder, and with unsteady haste gained the deck and made for the side. The heaving waters made him giddy to look at, and he gazed for preference at a thin line of coast stretching away in the distance.
The startled mate, who was steering, gave him a hail, but he made no reply. A little fishing-boat was jumping about in a way to make a sea-sick man crazy, and he closed his eyes with a groan.
Then the skipper, aroused by the mates hail, came up from below, and walking up to him put a heavy hand on his shoulder.
What are you doing aboard this ship? he demanded, austerely.
Go away, said Private Bliss, faintly; take your paw off my tunic; youll spoil it.
He clung miserably to the side, leaving the incensed skipper to demand explanations from the crew. The crew knew nothing about him, and said that he must have stowed himself away in an empty bunk; the skipper pointed out coarsely that there were no empty bunks, whereupon Bill said that he had not occupied his the previous evening, but had fallen asleep sitting on the locker, and had injured his eye against the corner of a bunk in consequence. In proof whereof he produced the eye.
Look here, old man, said Private Bliss, who suddenly felt better. He turned and patted the skipper on the back. You just turn to the left a bit and put me ashore, will you?
Ill put you ashore at Bystermouth, said the skipper, with a grin. Youre a deserter, thats what you are, and Ill take care youre took care of.
You put me ashore! roared Private Bliss, with a very fine imitation of the sergeant-majors parade voice.
Get out and walk, said the skipper contemptuously, over his shoulder, as he walked off.
Here, said Mr. Bliss, unbuckling his belt, hold my tunic one of you. Ill learn im.
Before the paralysed crew could prevent him he had flung his coat into Bills arms and followed the master of the Merman aft. As a light-weight he was rather fancied at the gymnasium, and in the all too brief exhibition which followed he displayed fine form and a knowledge of anatomy which even the skippers tailor was powerless to frustrate.
The frenzy of the skipper as Ted assisted him to his feet and he saw his antagonist struggling in the arms of the crew was terrible to behold. Strong men shivered at his words, but Mr. Bliss, addressing him as Whiskers, told him to call his crew off and to come on, and shaping as well as two pairs of brawny arms round his middle would permit, endeavoured in vain to reach him.
This, said the skipper, bitterly, as he turned to the mate, is what you an me have to pay to keep up. I wouldnt let you go now, my lad, not for a fi pun note. Deserter, thats what you are!
He turned and went below, and Private Bliss, after an insulting address to the mate, was hauled forward, struggling fiercely, and seated on the deck to recover. The excitement passed, he lost his colour again, and struggling into his tunic, went and brooded over the side.
By dinner-time his faintness had passed, and he sniffed with relish at the smell from the galley. The cook emerged bearing dinner to the cabin, then he returned and took a fine smoking piece of boiled beef flanked with carrots down to the forecastle. Private Bliss eyed him wistfully and his mouth watered.
For a time pride struggled with hunger, then pride won a partial victory and he descended carelessly to the forecastle.
Can any o you chaps lend me a pipe o baccy? he asked, cheerfully.
Bill rummaged in his pocket and found a little tobacco in a twist of paper.
Bad thing to smoke on a empty stomach, he said, with his mouth full.
Taint my fault its empty, said Private Bliss, pathetically.
Taint mine, said Bill.
Ive eard, said the cook, who was a tenderhearted man, as ow its a good thing to go for a day or so without food sometimes.
Who said so? inquired Private Bliss, hotly.
Diffrent people, replied the cook.
You can tell em from me theyre blamed fools, said Mr. Bliss.
There was an uncomfortable silence; Mr. Bliss lit his pipe, but it did not seem to draw well.
Did you like that pot o six-half I stood you last night? he inquired somewhat pointedly of Bob.
Bob hesitated and looked at his plate.
No, it was a bit flat, he said at length.
Well, I wont stop you chaps at your grub, said Private Bliss, bitterly, as he turned to depart.
Youre not stopping us, said Ted, cheerfully. Id offer you a bit, only
Only what? demanded the other.
Skippers orders, said Ted. He ses were not to. He ses if we do its helping a deserter, and well all get six months.
But youre helping me by having me on board, said Private Bliss; besides, I dont want to desert.
We couldnt elp you coming aboard, said Bill, thats wot the old man said, but e ses we can elp giving of him vittles, he ses.
Well, have I got to starve? demanded the horror-stricken Mr. Bliss.
Look ere, said Bill, frankly, go and speak to the old man. Its no good talking to us. Go and have it out with him.
Private Bliss thanked him and went on deck. Old Thomas was at the wheel, and a pleasant clatter of knives and forks came up through the open skylight of the cabin. Ignoring the old man, who waved him away, he raised the open skylight still higher, and thrust his head in.
Go away, bawled the skipper, pausing with his knife in his fist as he caught sight of him.
I want to know where Im to have my dinner, bawled back the thoroughly roused Mr. Bliss.
Your dinner! said the skipper, with an air of surprise; why, I didnt know you ad any.
Private Bliss took his head away, and holding it very erect, took in his belt a little and walked slowly up and down the deck. Then he went to the water-cask and took a long drink, and an hour later a generous message was received from the skipper that he might have as many biscuits as he liked.
On this plain fare Private Bliss lived the whole of that day and the next, snatching a few hours troubled sleep on the locker at nights. His peace of mind was by no means increased by the information of Ted that Bystermouth was a garrison town, and feeling that in spite of any explanation he would be treated as a deserter, he resolved to desert in good earnest at the first opportunity that offered.