Li. That's good News, I like your News, and I'll promise to give you a Gospel for it.
Ge. What Gospel? The Gospel according to St. Matthew?
Li. No, but according to Homer. Here take it.
Ge. Keep your Gospel to yourself, I have Stones enough at Home.
Li. Don't slight my Present, it is the Eagle's Stone; It is good for Women with Child; it is good to bring on their Labour.
Ge. Say you so? Then it is a very acceptable Present to me, and I'll endeavour to make you Amends.
Li. The Amends is made already by your kind Acceptance.
Ge. Nay, nothing in the World could come more seasonably, for my Wife's Belly is up to her Mouth almost.
Li. Then I'll make this Bargain with you; that if she has a Boy, you will let me be the Godfather.
Ge. Well I'll promise you that, and that you shall name it too.
Li. I wish it may be for both our Good.
Ge. Nay, for all our Good.
* * * * *MAURICE, CYPRIAN.
Ma. You are come back fatter than you used to be: You are returned taller.
Cy. But in Truth I had rather it had been wiser, or more learned.
Ma. You had no Beard when you went away; but you have brought a little one back with you. You are grown somewhat oldish since you went away. What makes you look so pale, so lean, so wrinkled?
Cy. As is my Fortune, so is the Habit of my Body.
Ma. Has it been but bad then?
Cy. She never is otherwise to me, but never worse in my Life than now.
Ma. I am sorry for that. I am sorry for your Misfortune. But pray, what is this Mischance?
Cy. I have lost all my Money.
Ma. What in the Sea?
Cy. No, on Shore, before I went abroad.
Ma. Where?
Cy. Upon the English Coast.
Ma. It is well you scap'd with your Life; it is better to lose your Money, than that; the loss of ones good Name, is worse than the Loss of Money.
Cy. My Life and Reputation are safe; but my Money is lost.
Ma. The Loss of Life never can be repair'd; the Loss of Reputation very hardly; but the Loss of Money may easily be made up one Way or another. But how came it about?
Cy. I can't tell, unless it was my Destiny. So it pleas'd God. As the Devil would have it.
Ma. Now you see that Learning and Virtue are the safest Riches; for as they can't be taken from a Man, so neither are they burthensome to him that carries them.
Cy. Indeed you Philosophize very well; but in the mean Time I'm in Perplexity.
* * * * *CLAUDIUS, BALBUS.
Cl. I am glad to see you well come Home Balbus.
Ba. And I to see you alive Claudius.
Cl. You are welcome Home into your own Country again.
Ba. You should rather congratulate me as a Fugitive from France.
Cl. Why so?
Ba. Because they are all up in Arms there.
Cl. But what have Scholars to do with Arms?
Ba. But there they don't spare even Scholars.
Cl. It is well you're got off safe.
Ba. But I did not get off without Danger neither.
Cl. You are come back quite another Man than you went away.
Ba. How so?
Cl. Why, of a Dutch Man, you are become a French Man.
Ba. Why, was I a Capon when I went away?
Cl. Your Dress shows that you're turn'd from a Dutch Man into a French Man.
Ba. I had rather suffer this Metamorphosis, than be turn'd into a Hen. But as a Cowl does not make a Monk, so neither does a Garment a French Man.
Cl. Have you learn'd to speak French?
Ba. Indifferently well.
Cl. How did you learn it?
Ba. Of Teachers that were no dumb ones I assure you.
Cl. From whom.
Ba. Of little Women, more full of Tongue, than Turtle Doves.
Cl. It is easy to learn to speak in such a School. Do you pronounce the French well?
Ba. Yes, that I do, and I pronounce Latin after the French Mode.
Cl. Then you will never write good Verses.
Ba. Why so?
Cl. Because you'll make false Quantities.
Ba. The Quality is enough for me.
Cl. Is Paris clear of the Plague?
Ba. Not quite, but it is not continual, sometimes it abates, and anon it returns again; sometimes it slackens, and then rages again.
Cl. Is not War itself Plague enough?
Ba. It is so, unless God thought otherwise.
Cl. Sure Bread must be very dear there.
Ba. There is a great Scarcity of it. There is a great Want of every Thing but wicked Soldiers. Good Men are wonderful cheap there.
Cl. What is in the Mind of the French to go to War with the Germans?
Ba. They have a Mind to imitate the Beetle, that won't give Place to the Eagle. Every one thinks himself an Hercules in War.
Cl. I won't detain you any longer, at some other Time we'll divert ourselves more largely, when we can both spare Time. At present I have a little Business that calls me to another Place.
FAMILY DISCOURSE
The ARGUMENTThis Colloquy presents us with the Sayings and Jokes of intimate Acquaintance, and the Repartees and Behaviour of familiar Friends one with another. 1. Of walking abroad, and calling Companions. 2. Of seldom visiting, of asking concerning a Wife, Daughter, Sons. 3. Concerning Leisure, the tingling of the Ear, the Description of a homely Maid. Invitation to a Wedding. 4. Of Studying too hard, &c.
PETER, MIDAS, a Boy, JODOCUS.
Peter, Soho, soho, Boy! does no Body come to the Door?
Mi. I think this Fellow will beat the Door down. Sure he must needs be some intimate Acquaintance or other. O old Friend Peter, what hast brought?
Pe. Myself.
Mi. In Truth then you have brought that which is not much worth.
Pe. But I'm sure I cost my Father a great deal.
Mi. I believe so, more than you can be sold for again.
Pe. But I'm sure I cost my Father a great deal.
Mi. I believe so, more than you can be sold for again.
Pe. But is Jodocus at Home?
Mi. I can't tell, but I'll go see.
Pe. Go in first, and ask him if he pleases to be at Home now.
Mi. Go yourself, and be your own Errand Boy.
Pe. Soho! Jodocus, are you at Home?
Jo. No, I am not.
Pe. Oh! You impudent Fellow I don't I hear you speak?
Jo. Nay, you are more impudent, for I took your Maid's Word for it lately, that you were not at Home, and you won't believe me myself.
Pe. You're in the Right on't, you've serv'd me in my own Kind.
Jo. As I sleep not for every Body, so I am not at Home to every Body, but for Time to come shall always be at Home to you.
Pe. Methinks you live the Life of a Snail.
Jo. Why so?
Pe. Because you keep always at Home and never stir abroad, just like a lame Cobler always in his Stall. You sit at Home till your Breech grows to your Seat.
Jo. At Home I have something to do, but I have no Business abroad, and if I had, the Weather we have had for several Days past, would have kept me from going abroad.
Pe. But now it is fair, and would tempt a Body to walk out; see how charming pleasant it is.
Jo. If you have a Mind to walk I won't be against it.
Pe. In Truth, I think we ought to take the Opportunity of this fine Weather.
Jo. But we ought to get a merry Companion or two, to go along with us.
Pe. So we will; but tell me who you'd have then.
Jo. What if we should get Hugh?
Pe. There is no great Difference between Hugo and Nugo.
Jo. Come on then, I like it mighty well.
Pe. What if we should call Alardus?
Jo. He's no dumb Man I'll assure you, what he wants in Hearing he'll make up in Talking.
Pe. If you will, we'll get Nævius along with us too.
Jo. If we have but him, we shall never want merry Stories. I like the Company mainly, the next Thing is to pitch upon a pleasant Place.
Pe. I'll show you a Place where you shall neither want the Shade of a Grove, nor the pleasant Verdure of Meadows, nor the purling Streams of Fountains, you'll say it is a Place worthy of the Muses themselves.
Jo. You promise nobly.
Pe. You are too intent upon your Books; you sit too close to your Books; you make yourself lean with immoderate Study.
Jo. I had rather grow lean with Study than with Love.
Pe. We don't live to study, but we therefore study that we may live pleasantly.
Jo. Indeed I could live and dye in my Study.
Pe. I approve well enough of studying hard, but not to study myself to Death.
Pe. Has this Walk pleas'd you?
Jo. It has been a charming pleasant one.
* * * * *2. GILES, LEONARD.
Gi. Where is our Leonard a going?
Le. I was coming to you.
Gi. That you do but seldom.
Le. Why so?
Gi. Because you han't been to see me this twelve Months.
Le. I had rather err on that Hand to be wanted, than to be tiresome.
Gi. I am never tired with the Company of a good Friend: Nay, the oftner you come the more welcome you are.
Le. But by the Way, how goes Matters at your House.
Gi. Why truly not many Things as I would have them.
Le. I don't wonder at that, but is your Wife brought to Bed yet?
Gi. Ay, a great While ago, and had two at a Birth too.
Le. How, two at once!
Gi. 'Tis as I tell you, and more than that she's with Child again.
Le. That's the Way to increase your Family.
Gi. Ay, but I wish Fortune would increase my Money as much as my Wife does my Family.
Le. Have you disposed of your Daughter yet?
Gi. No, not yet.
Le. I would have you consider if it be not hazardous to keep such a great Maid as she at Home, you should look out for a Husband for her.
Gi. There's no Need of that, for she has Sweet-hearts enough already.
Le. But why then don't you single out one for her, him that you like the best of them?
Gi. They are all so good that I can't tell which to chuse: But my Daughter won't hear of marrying.
Le. How say you! If I am not mistaken, she has been marriageable for some Time. She has been fit for a Husband a great While, ripe for Wedlock, ready for a Husband this great While.
Gi. Why not, she is above seventeen, she's above two and twenty, she's in her nineteenth Year, she's above eighteen Years old.
Le. But why is she averse to Marriage?
Gi. She says she has a Mind to be married to Christ.
Le. In Truth he has a great many Brides. But is she married to an evil Genius that lives chastly with a Husband?
Gi. I don't think so.
Le. How came that Whimsey into her Head?
Gi. I can't tell, but there's no persuading her out of it by all that can be said to her.
Le. You should take Care that there be no Tricksters that inveagle or draw her away.
Gi. I know these Kidnappers well enough, and I drive this Kind of Cattel as far from my House as I can.
Le. But what do you intend to do then? Do you intend to let her have her Humour?
Gi. No, I'll prevent it if possible; I'll try every Method to alter her Mind; but if she persists in it, I'll not force her against her Will, lest I should be found to fight against God, or rather to fight against the Monks.
Le. Indeed you speak very religiously; but take Care to try her Constancy throughly, lest she should afterwards repent it, when it is too late.
Gi. I'll do my utmost Endeavours.
Le. What Employment do your Sons follow?
Gi. The eldest has been married this good While, and will be a Father in a little Time; I have sent the youngest away to Paris, for he did nothing but play while he was here.
Le. Why did you send him thither?
Gi. That he might come back a greater Fool than he went.
Le. Don't talk so.
Gi. The middlemost has lately enter'd into holy Orders.
Le. I wish 'em all well.
* * * * *3. MOPSUS, DROMO.