CHAPTER XXVI
I know something of it.
I was driving by the Place de Grêve once, about eleven oclock in the morning. All of a sudden the carriage stopped.
There was a crowd in the square. I put my head out of the door. Many women and children were standing in the parapets of the quay. Above their heads I could see a species of red scaffold which some workmen were putting together.
A man was to be executed that day, and they were erecting the machine.
I turned away my head as this caught my eye. I heard a woman near me saying, Look! the knife does not slide well, they are greasing the groove with a bit of candle!
Probably they are doing that now. Eleven oclock is just striking. No doubt they are greasing the groove.
Ah! miserable wretch, this time I shall not turn away my head!
CHAPTER XXVII
Oh, my pardon, my pardon! perhaps I shall be reprieved. The king may interfere. Let them run and fetch my counsel to me; quick, my counsel! I choose the galleys; five years should settle it; or twenty years; or a brand with the red-hot iron: but let me have my life! A convict lives, moves, goes and comes, and sees the bright sun in the heavens.
CHAPTER XXVIII
The priest has come back to me.
He has white hair, a gentle manner, and a benevolent face. Indeed, I have heard that he is a really good and charitable man. This morning I saw him distribute the contents of his purse amongst the prisoners. But his exhortations have no effect on me. I was callous to all that he could say, his words slided from my mind as cold rain from a frozen window-pane.
However, his reappearance gave me pleasure. Amongst all those who surround me, he is the only one who still looks upon me as a man, and I am thirsting for kind and cheering words.
We sat down, he on my chair, I on the bed.
My son, commenced he. These words went at once straight to my heart. He continued, Do you believe in God?
Yes, father, I replied.
Do you believe in the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church?
Certainly, answered I.
My son, observed he, I fear that you are a waverer. Then he began to speak again. He talked for a long time; then when he fancied that he had said enough, he for the first time raised his eyes to mine as if to question me mutely.
Well? asked he.
I declare that I had listened to him first with eagerness, then with attention, and lastly with reverence.
I got up from my seat.
Sir, said I, leave me alone, I entreat of you.
When shall I return? asked he.
I will let you know.
Then he left me without another word, shaking his head, as though he were saying to himself:
An infidel!
No, low as I have fallen, I am not an infidel. My God is my witness that I believe in Him. But what has this old man been able to say to me? Nothing that I have felt, nothing that has touched me, nothing that has drawn tears from my eyes, nothing which goes from his soul direct to mine. On the contrary, what he has said to me he might say to any one else, emphasizing his words when his argument had need of depth, full of platitudes when it should have been most simple, a kind of sentimental sermon and theological elegy. Here and there he put in a Latin quotation from Saint Gregory, Saint Austin, or some one else. He had the air of a man who repeats a lesson that he has said many times before, and which, though half forgotten and obliterated from his memory, returns again to him from the fact of his having known it long years before. There is no expression in his eye, no emphasis in his voice; nor do his features add to the power of his oratory.
And how could it be otherwise? This priest is the prison chaplain. His duty is to console and to exhort; he lives by that. He has grown old in preparing men for the scaffold. For many years he has made others tremble, whilst his white hairs never bristle at the horrors that he is a witness of. For him the scaffold and the galley are matters of every-day life. They bore him. Probably he keeps a book of sermonssuch and such a page for those sentenced to death, and another for those in penal servitude. To-day he was warned that some one would require the consolations of religion. He asked whether it was a condemned criminal or a galley-slave, and, upon receiving the reply, turned to the necessary page, refreshed his memory, and came here.
Oh! if instead of sending for him they had sought out some young vicar, some old priest from a remote parish sitting in his chimney corner reading his book, and not expecting the summons; and saying to him: There is a man about to die, come and console him. You will have to be with him when they bind his hands and cut his hair; you must ride in the cart with him, and with the crucifix hide the headsman from his sight; you will be jolting against him on the road to La Grêve; you will pass with him through the terrible crowd thirsting for his blood; you will take leave of him at the foot of the scaffold, and will remain in waiting until his head is in one place and his body in another.
Then when they bring me into his presence trembling from head to foot, when I embrace him and clasp his knees, he will weep; we shall mingle our tears together; he will wax eloquent, and I shall be consoled; my heart will soften to his words, he will take charge of my soul, and I shall rely on his God.
But this old man, what is he to me? What am I to him? A man of the lowest class, a shadow many of which he has seen, a mere unit added to the figures in the list of executions.
I was wrong, perhaps, to send him away as I did; it was he who behaved well, whilst I acted wrongly. It is my breath, that destroys and blasts everything around me.
They have brought me refreshment, fancying that I must be in need of it; a nice enough luncheona fowl, and something else, but after the first mouthful I have been unable to eateverything tasted full of bitterness and corruption.
CHAPTER XXIX
A man has just come in with his hat on; he produced a foot-rule from his pocket, and commenced measuring the stonework of the wall, murmuring to himself, It is so; and again, No, that will not do.
I asked the gendarme who this was. It appears that he is a sort of assistant architect employed in the prison.
He seemed to feel some curiosity about me, for he whispered a few inquiries to the turnkey who accompanied him; then he fixed his eyes upon me, and, shaking his head in a careless manner, began to talk in a loud voice, and continued his measurements.
When his work was over he approached me, and said in a strident voice
My good friend, in six months this prison will be greatly improved.
But his manner seemed to imply, It is a pity you will be unable to enjoy it.
He smiled blandly, and I really thought that he was going to rally me, as you might a young bride on her nuptial morning.
The gendarme in charge of me, an old soldier with several good-conduct stripes, took upon himself to reply.
Sir, said he, you must not talk so loud in the Chamber of Death.
The architect left the room, but I remained there as dumb as one of the stones that he had been measuring.
CHAPTER XXX
Then a ridiculous incident occurred. The good old gendarme was relieved, and I, selfish wretch, had not even shaken hands with him. The new sentinel was a man of vulgar features, bull-eyed, with a foolish expression in his face.
I paid no attention to him. I had turned my back to the door, and, seated at the table, was pressing my hand to my forehead. A light tap upon my shoulder caused me to turn my head. The fresh guard and I were alone.
This is something the way in which he began the conversation, Criminal, have you a kind heart?
No, answered I.
The sharpness of my reply seemed to disconcert him, but he began again after a moments hesitation
But one is not wicked for the pleasure of being so!
Why not? answered I. If you have nothing better to say than that, leave me in peace. What are you aiming at?
Forgive me, criminal, replied he. Suppose that you could ensure the happiness of a poor fellow without its costing you anything, would you not do so?
I shrugged my shoulders.
Have you come from a madhouse? You choose a strange moment to ask a favour. Why should I consult any ones happiness?
He lowered his voice in a mysterious manner, which accorded ill with his idiotic expression.
Yes, criminal, happiness for me, fortune for me, and all coming from you. Look here, I am a poor gendarme. The work is hard, and the pay light. The keep of my horse ruins me; so I put into the lottery to try and square myself. One must have an object in life. Up to this time I have failed to gain a prize because I have never chosen a lucky number. I seek for them in sure places, but am always a little wrong. If I stake on 76, 77 is sure to come up. I do all that I can, but the right one will never come up. A moments patience, please; I am nearly at the end. Here is a lucky chance for me. It appears, criminalforgive methat it is all up with you to-day. It is a well-known fact that those who die as you do, see the lucky number in advance. Promise me that you will come to me to-morrow eveningit will be no trouble for you to do soand to give me three numbers, three good ones. Will you, eh? I am not afraid of ghosts, so be easy. Here is my address: Cassine Popincourt, Staircase A, No. 26, at the bottom of the passage. You will remember that, will you not? Come this evening if that is more convenient.
I should have disdained to answer this fool, if a mad hope had not sprung up in my heart. In the desperate position in which I was placed, it seemed as if I might be able to break my chain with a slender reed like this.
Listen, said I, playing my part as well as I could, I can render you richer than a king; I can give you millions, on one condition.
He opened his dull eyes.
What is it? what is it? anything that you wish.
Instead of three numbers you shall have four. Change clothes with me.
Is that all? exclaimed he, hurriedly unbuttoning his uniform.
I got up from my seat. I watched all his movementsmy heart beat; already I saw all doors opening before the uniform of a gendarme, and the Conciergerie left far behind me.
Suddenly he stopped, with an air of hesitation. Ah! you want to get out of this?
Of course, I replied; but your fortune is made.
He interrupted me.
Ah, no, that will not do; how could the numbers be worth anything if you were not dead?
I sat down in silence; all hope had fled, and again I was plunged in despair.
CHAPTER XXXI
I closed my eyes, and covered them with my hands, striving to forget the present in the past. As I pondered, the recollections of my childhood came back to me, soft, calm, and smiling like islands of flowers, in the black gulf of confused thoughts which turned and twisted in my brain.
I could see myself once again, a laughing schoolboy, playing, running, and shouting to my brothers, in the green avenues of the neglected garden of the home where my earlier years were spent. And then, four years later, I was therestill a child, but full of dreams and sentiments. But there was a girl with me in the lonely garden.
A little Spaniard, with large eyes and long hair, olive-tinted skin, red lips and cheeks, an Andalusian, fourteen years of age, called Pepa. Our mothers had told us to run about together in the garden; we came out and walked about. They had told us to play, but we preferred to talk, children of the same age but different sex.
For more than a year we had been in the habit of playing and quarrelling together. I disputed with Pepita for the ripest apple on the tree, and I once struck her for the possession of a birds nest. She wept, and I said, Serves you right, and we both ran to complain to our mothers, who openly blamed me, but in their inmost heart each thought that her own child was right.
Now she is leaning on my arm; I feel proud and happy. We are walking slowly, and conversing in low tones. She lets her handkerchief drop, I pick it up for her; our hands tremble as they meet. She is talking to me of the little birds, of the sun that we see over there setting in crimson behind the trees, of her schoolmates, of her dress, of her ribbons. We talk of the most innocent things, and yet we blush; the child has become a young girl.
It was a summers evening; we were under the chestnut-trees at the bottom of the garden.
After one of those long intervals of silence which occurred so often in our walks, she suddenly let go of my arm, and cried, Let us run. And she started off in front of me, her figure slender as a wasps, her little feet raising her dress half-way up the leg. I pursued her; she fled. As she dashed along the wind raised her tippet, and showed the olive-tinted hue of her neck.
I was beside myself; I caught her just by the ruined well. As the winner I seized her by the waist, and drew her down upon a bank of turf. She was out of breath, and laughing. I was quite serious, and gazed into her dark eyes, half-veiled by her black lashes.
Sit there, said she to me; there is plenty of daylight, let us read. Have you a book?
I had with me the second volume of the Travels of Spalanzani. I opened it at hazard, and moved close to her; she rested her shoulder against mine, and we began to read upon the same page. Before turning the page she had always to wait for me. Her intellect ran quicker than mine did.
Have you finished? she asked, when I had hardly begun.
Our heads touched, our hair mingled together, and our respirations crossed each other, and then our lips met.
When we wished to begin reading again, the sky was studded with stars.
Oh, mamma, mamma! she exclaimed as she entered the house, how we have been running!
I kept silence.
You say nothing, my boy, said my mother. You look sad.
My heart was full of bliss.
I shall remember that evening until the last day of my life.
The last day of my life!
CHAPTER XXXII
Some hour has struckI do not know which. I can hardly hear the sound; there is a buzzing in my ears, it is my last thoughts that are working in my brain.
At this last moment I fall back upon my recollections. I look upon my crime with horror, but I wish for a longer time for repentance. I had more feelings of remorse before my condemnation; since, it seems that there is room for nothing except the thoughts of death. When my thoughts turn for a moment to my past life, they veer round to the axe which will shortly terminate all, and I shiver as if the idea was a new one. My happy childhood, my glorious youth, the end of which is to be stained with my blood. Between that and the present there is a river of blood, anothers and mine. If any one ever reads my life, they will not believe in this fatal year, which opens with a crime, and closes with a shameful punishment. It would be impossible to credit it.
A sanguinary law, O cruel menand yet I was not naturally wicked.
To die in a few hours, and to think that there was a time when I was free and pure, when I wandered under the trees, when I walked upon the leaf-strewn paths.