He aint goin to better himself much, said Almira. Eunice Emery aint fit to housekeep for a cat. The pie she took to the pie supper at the church was so tough that even Deacon Dyer couldnt eat it; and the boys got holt of her doughnuts, and declared they was goin fishin next day n use em for sinkers. She lives from hand to mouth Eunice Emery does. Shes about as much of a doshy as Rube is. Shell make tea thats strong enough to bear up an egg, most, and eat her doughnuts with it three times a day rather than take the trouble to walk out to the meat or the fish cart. I know for a fact she dont make riz bread once a year.
Mebbe her folks likes buttermilk bread best; some do, said the Widow Buzzell. My husband always said, give him buttermilk bread to work on. He used to say my riz bread was so light hed hev to tread on it to keep it anywheres; but when youd eat buttermilk bread he said youd got somethin that stayed by you; you knew where it was every time. For massy sake! theres the stage stoppin at the Hobsons door. I wonder if Rubes first wifes mother has come from Moderation? If t is, they must a made up their quarrel, for there was a time she wouldnt step foot over that doorsill. She must be goin to stay some time, for theres a trunk on the back o the stage. No, there aint nobody gettin out. Land, Hannah Sophia, dont push me clean through the glass! It beats me why they make winders so small that three people cant look out of em without crowdin. Aint that a wash-boiler hes handin down? Well, its a mercy; hes ben borrowin long enough!
What goes on after dark I aint responsible for, commented old Mrs. Bascom, but no new wash-boiler has gone into Rube Hobsons door in the daytime for many a year, and Ill be bound it means somethin. There goes a broom, too. Much sweepin hell get out o Eunice; its a slick n a promise with her!
When did you begin to suspicion this, Diademy? asked Almira Berry. Ive got as much faculty as the next one, but anybody that lives on the river road has just got to give up knowin anything. You cant keep runnin to the store every day, and if you could you dont find out much nowadays. Bill Peters dont take no more interest in his neighbors than a cow does in election.
I cant get mother Bascom to see it as I do, said Diadema, but for one thing shes ben carryin home bundles bout every other night for a month, though shes ben too smart to buy anythin here at this store. She had Packards horse to go to Saco last week. When she got home, jest at dusk, she drove int the barn, n bimeby Pitt Packard come to git his horse,t was her own buggy she went with. She looked over here when she went int the house, n she ketched my eye, though t was half a mile away, so she never took a thing in with her, but soon ast was dark she made three trips out to the barn with a lantern, n any fool could tell t her arms was full o pacels by the way she carried the lantern. The Hobsons and the Emerys have married one another more n once, as fur as that goes. I declare if I was goin to get married I should want to be relation to somebody besides my own folks.
The reason I can hardly credit it, said Hannah Sophia, is because Eunice never had a beau in her life, that I can remember of. Cyse Higgins set up with her for a spell, but it never amounted to nothin. It seems queer, too, for she was always so fond o seein men folks round that when Pitt Packard was shinglin her barn she used to go out nights n rip some o the shingles off, so t hed hev more days work on it.
I always said t was she that begun on Rube Hobson, not him on her, remarked the Widow Buzzell. Their land joinin made courtin come dretful handy. His critters used to git in her field bout every other day (I always suspicioned she broke the fence down herself), and then shed hev to go over and git him to drive em out. Shes wed his onion bed for him two summers, as I happen to know, for Ive been ou doors more n common this summer, tryin to fetch my constitution up. Diademy, dont you want to look out the back way n see if Rubes come home yet?
He aint, said old Mrs. Bascom, so you neednt look; cant you see the curtains is all down? Hes gone up to the Mills, n its my opinion hes gone to speak to the minister.
He hed somethin in the back o the wagon covered up with an old linen lap robe; t aint at all likely he d a hed that if hed ben goin to the ministers, objected Mrs. Jot.
Anybodyd think you was born yesterday, to hear you talk, Diademy, retorted her mother-in-law. When you ve set in one spots longs I hev, praps youll hev the use o your faculties! Men folks has more n one way o gettin married, specially when they re ashamed of it. Well, I vow, theres the little Hobson girls comin out o the door this minute, n they re all dressed up, and Mote dont seem to be with em.
Every woman in the room rose to her feet, and Diadema removed her murderous eye from a fly which she had been endeavoring to locate for some moments.
I guess they re goin up to the church to meet their father n Eunice, poor little things, ventured the Widow Buzzell.
Praps they be, said old Mrs. Bascom sarcastically; praps they be goin to church, takin a three-quart tin pail n a brown paper bundle along with em. They re comin over the bridge, just as I sposed. Now, if they come past this house, you head em off, Almiry, n see if you can git some satisfaction out of em. They aint hardly old enough to hold their tongues.
An exciting interview soon took place in the middle of the road, and Almira reentered the room with the expression of one who had penetrated the inscrutable and solved the riddle of the Sphinx. She had been vouch-safed one of those gleams of light in darkness which almost dazzle the beholder.
Thats about the confirmingest thing Ive heern yet! she ejaculated, as she took off her shaker bonnet. They say theyre goin up to their aunt Hittys to stay two days. Theyre dressed in their best, clean to the skin, for I looked; n its their night gownds theyve got in the bundle. They say little Mote has gone to Union to stop all night with his uncle Abijah, n that leaves Rube all alone, for the smith girl that does his chores is home sick with the hives. And what do you spose is in the pail? Fruitcake,thats what t is, no more n no less! I knowed that Smith girl didnt bake it, n so I asked em, n they said Miss Emery give it to em. There was two little round try-cakes, baked in muffin-rings. Eunice hed took some o the batter out of a big loaf n baked it to se how it was goin to turn out. That means wedding-cake, or Im mistaken!
There aint no gittin round that, agreed the assembled company, now is there, Mis Bascom?
Old Mrs. Bascom wet her finger, smoothed the parting of her false front, and looked inscrutable.
I dont see why youre so secret, objected Diadema.
Ive got my opinions, and Ive had em some time, observed the good lady. I dont know s Im bound to tell em and have em held up to ridicule. Let the veal hang, I say. If any one of us is right, well all know to-morrow.
Well, all any of us has got to judge from is appearances, said Diadema, and how you can twist em one way, and us another, stumps me!
Well, all any of us has got to judge from is appearances, said Diadema, and how you can twist em one way, and us another, stumps me!
Perhaps I see more appearances than you do, retorted her mother-in-law. Some folks mistakes all they see for all there is. I was reading a detective story last week. It seems there was an awful murder in Schenectady, and a mother and her two children was found dead in one bed, with bullet holes in their heads. The husband was away on business, and there wasnt any near neighbors to hear her screech. Well, the detectives come from far and from near, and begun to work up the case. One of em thought t was the husband,though he set such store by his wife he went ravin crazy when he heard she was dead,one of em laid it on the children,though they was both under six years old; and one decided it was suicide,though the woman was a church member and didnt know how to fire a gun off, besides. And then there come along a detective younger and smarter than all the rest, and says he, If all you bats have seen everything you can see, I guess Ill take a look around, says he. Sure enough, there was a rug with Welcome on it layin in front of the washstand, and when he turned it up he found an elegant diamond stud with a mans full name and address on the gold part. He took a train and went right to the mans house. He was so taken by surprise (he hadnt missed the stud, for he had a full set of em) that he owned right up and confessed the murder.
I dont see as thats got anything to do with this case, said Diadema.
Its got this much to do with it, replied old Mrs. Bascom, that perhaps youve looked all round the room and seen everything you had eyes to see, and perhaps Ive had wit enough to turn up the rug in front o the washstand.
Whoever he marries now, Mis Bascomll have to say t was the one she meant, laughed the Widow Buzzell.
I never was caught cheatin yet, and if I live till Saturday I shall be seventy-one years old, said the old lady with some heat. Hand me Jots lead pencil, Diademy, and that old envelope on the winder sill. Ill write the name I think of, and shut it up in the old Bible. My hands so stiff to-day I cant hardly move it, but I guess I can make it plain enough to satisfy you.
Thats fair n square, said Hannah Sophia, and for my pat I hope it aint Eunice, for I like her too well. What theyre goin to live on is more n I can see. Add nothin to nothin n you git nothin,thats arethmetic! He aint hed a cent o ready money sence he failed up four years ago, thout it was that hundred dollars that fell to him from his wifes aunt. Eunicell hev her hands full this winter, I guess, with them three hearty children n him all wheezed up with phthisic from October to April! Whos that coming down Tory Hill? Its Rubes horse n Rubes wagon, but it dont look like Rube.
Yes, its Rube; but hes got a new Panama hat, n he s hed his linen duster washed, said old Mrs. Bascom. Now, do you mean to tell me that that woman with a stuck-up hat on is Eunice Emery? It aint, n that green parasol dont belong to this village. Hes drivin her into his yard! Just as I sposed, its that little, smirkin worthless school-teacher up to the Mills.Dont break my neck, Diademy; cant you see out the other winder?Yes, hes helpin her out, n showin her in. He cant a ben married moren ten minutes, for hes goin clear up the steps to open the door for her!
Wait n see if he takes his horse out, said Hannah Sophia. Mebbe hell drive her back in a few minutes. No, hes onhitched! There, hes hangin up the head-stall!
Ive ben up in the attic chamber, called the Widow Buzzell, as she descended the stairs; shes pulled up the curtains, and took off her hat right in front o the winder, s bold as a brass kettle! Shes come to stay! Aint that Rube Hobson all over,to bring another woman int this village stid o weedin one of em out as hed oughter. He aint got any more public sperit than ahedgehog, n never had!
Almira drew on her mitts excitedly, tied on her shaker, and started for the door.
Im goin over to Eunices, she said, and Im goin to take my bottle of camphire. I shouldnt wonder a mite if I found her in a dead faint on the kitchen floor. Nobody need tell me she want buildin hopes.
Ill go with you, said the Widow Buzzell. Id like to see with my own eyes how she takes it, n itll be too late to tell if I wait till after supper. If shed ben more open with me n ever asked for my advice, I could a told her it want the first time Rube Hobson has played that trick.
Id come too if t want milkin but Jot aint home from the Centre, and Ive got to do his chores; come in as you go along back, will you? asked Diadema.
Hannah Sophia remained behind, promising to meet them at the post-office and hear the news. As the two women walked down the hill she drew the old envelope from the Bible and read the wavering words scrawled upon it in old Mrs. Bascoms rheumatic and uncertain hand,
themilikinsMillsTeecher.
Well Lucindy, you do make good use o your winder, she exclaimed, but how you pitched on anything so onlikely as her is moren I can see.
Just because t was onlikely. A mans a great sight likelier to do an onlikely thing than he is a likely one, when it comes to marryin. In the first place, Rube sent his children to school up to the Mills stid of to the brick schoolhouse, though he had to pay a little something to get em taken in to another deestrick. They used to come down at night with their hands full o ward o merit cards. Do you spose I thought they got em for good behavior, or for knowin their lessons? Then aunt Hitty told me some question or other Rube had asked examination day. Since when has Rube Hobson tended examinations, thinks I. And when I see the girl, a red-and-white paper doll that wouldnt know whether to move the churn-dasher up n down or round n round, I made up my mind that bein a man hed take her for certain, and not his next-door neighbor of a sensible age and a house n farm n cow n buggy!
Sure enough, agreed Hannah Sophia, though that dont account for Eunices queer actions, n the pacels n the fruit cake.
When I make out a case, observed Mrs. Bascom modestly, I aint one to leave weak spots in it. If I guess at all, I go all over the ground n stop when I git through. Now, sisters or no sisters, Maryabby Emery aint spoke to Eunice sence she moved to Salem. But if Eunice has ben bringin pacels home, Maryabby must a paid for what was in em; and if shes ben bakin fruit cake this hot day, why Maryabby used to be so font o fruit cake her folks were afraid shed have fits n die. I shall be watchin here as usual to-morrow morning, n if Maryabby dont drive int Eunices yard before noon I wont brag any more for a year to come.
Hannah Sophia gazed at old Mrs. Bascom with unstinted admiration. You do beat all, she said; and I wish I could stay all night n see how it turns out, but Almiry is just comin over the bridge, n I must start n meet her. Good-by. Im glad to see you so smart; you always look slim, but I guess youll tough it outs long s the rest of us. I see your log was all right, last time I was down side o the river.