Soon afterwards the bell rang, and we returned to the schoolroom. I was put under the tuition of another boy, and took care to learn my lesson. Whether it was that he was tired with the exercise, for he flogged and ferruled a dozen during that afternoon, or that he thought that my morning dose had been sufficient, I received no more punishment on that day.
Chapter Seven
As soon as school was dismissed, I went straight to the rooms of Captain Bridgeman, and told him how I had been treated. As soon as he heard it, he exclaimed, This is really too bad; I will go with you, and I will consult with your aunt Amelia.
It so happened that aunt Milly was alone in the shop when we arrived, and after a detail of what had passed, she told Captain Bridgeman that my grandmother had put me to that school out of feelings of ill-will for the tricks I had played, and had threatened that if I were removed she would leave Chatham and take her away with her. My mother required assistance in the shop, and was afraid to affront my grandmother, who was a very dictatorial, positive old woman, and would certainly keep her resolution; but that rather than I should be treated in such a barbarous manner she would insist upon my mother taking me away, or would herself leave the place.
It would never do for you to leave us, Miss Amelia, replied Captain Bridgeman, there are but few attractions in this place, and we cannot spare you; the whole corps would go into deep mourning.
I dont want to leave the school, interrupted I; I would not leave it till I am revenged, for all the world. Now, Ill tell you what I want to doand do it I will, if he cuts me to pieces. He eats my sandwiches, and tells me if theres not more mustard to-morrow, hell flog me. He shall have plenty of mustard, but he shall have something else. What can I put into the sandwiches, so as to half kill him?
Not a bad idea, my little Percival, said Captain Bridgeman; Ill just ask the doctor how much calomel a man may take without a coroners inquest being required.
Yes, that will do nicely, said my aunt; Ill take care he shall have mustard enough not to perceive it.
Well, Ill go to the barracks and be back directly, said Captain Bridgeman.
And Im ready for the flogging as soon as the sandwiches are down his throat, replied I, laughing, I dont care a fig for it.
Captain Bridgeman soon returned with forty grains of calomel, which he delivered into aunt Millys hands. That is as much as we dare give the strongest man without running great danger; well try the effect of that upon him, and if he dont improve, I think I shall go up to the school myself and threaten him.
As for that, replied aunt Milly, Im sure that sister, if she hears whats going on, as she cannot take Percival away, will order her husband, Ben, to go up and thrash him.
Not a bad idea, Miss Amelia, well try that if we find it necessary; at all events, well see who can persecute most.
Granny has told him to treat me ill, said I, thats very clear, from what he said; never mind, Ill make her sorry for it.
Oh Percival! you must not do anything to granny, said aunt Milly, looking very archly; I must not hear anything of the kind.
The next morning I set off with a full conviction that I should be flogged before night, and notwithstanding that, as full of joy as if I was going to the fair.
The morning passed as usual; I said my lesson, but not very well; I was thinking so much of my anticipated revenge, that I could not pay attention to my teacher, who was, as usual, one of the boys.
Master Keene, said Mr OGallagher, well let the account stand over till the evening, and then Ill give you a receipt in full; I may have one or two lines to add to it before the sun goes down; youll not escape me this time, anyhow.
The boys went out at the dinner hour, leaving me, as before, to wait for my basket, after the tyrant had helped himself. I stood by him in silence while he was rummaging its contents.
Now, Mr Keene, Ill see if youve remembered my particular injunction relative to the mustard.
I told my aunt to put more mustard, sir, replied I, humbly, it she that cuts the sandwiches.
Well, then, if your aunt has not complied with your request, see if I dont flay you alive, you little imp of abomination.
The sandwiches were pulled out of the paper and tasted. Down on your knees, Mr Keene, and thank all the blessed saints that your aunt has saved you from at least one-half of what I intended to administer to you this blessed afternoon, for she has doubled the mustard, you tief, said Mr OGallagher, speaking with his mouth as full as it could hold. Down went sandwich after sandwich, until they had all disappeared. Oh! what joy was mine! I could have tossed up my cap and leapt in the air. Having received the bread and cheese, for he permitted me to have the latter on this occasion I went out and enjoyed my meal, delighted with Mr OGallaghers having fallen into the trap I had laid for him.
The bell summoned us in, and all went on as usual for the first two hours, when I thought Mr OGallagher changed countenance and looked very pale. He continued, however, to hear the lessons, until at last I perceived him pass his hand up and down and across his stomach, as if he had had a twinge; a few minutes afterwards, he compressed his thick lips, and then put his hands to his abdomen.
Ah! he begins to feel it now, thought I; and sure enough he did; for the pain increased so rapidly that he lost all patience, and vented his feelings by beating with his ruler, on the heads of the whole class of boys standing up before him, till one or two dropped down, stunned with the blows. At last he dropped the ruler, and, pressing both hands to his stomach, he rolled himself backwards and forwards, and then twisted and distorted his legs till he could bear the pain no longer; and he gave vent to a tremendous Irish howlgrinning and grinding his teeth for a few seconds, and then howling again, writhing and twisting in evident agonywhile the perspiration ran off his forehead.
Och! murder! Im poisoned sure. Lord save my sinful soul! Ohohoh! eheheh! mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy! Oh holy St. Patrick! Im kilt entirely:and so subdued was he at last by the pain, that he burst out into a flood of tears, crying and roaring like a child.
Again the paroxysms came onMurder, murder, murder! shrieked the wretch at the highest pitch of his voice, so that he was heard at some distance, and some of the neighbours came in to inquire what was the matter.
Mr OGallagher was now in a fainting state, and leaning against the table, he could merely say in a low voice, A doctorquicka doctor.
The neighbours perceiving how ill he was, led him out of the school-rooms into his own apartment, one going for a doctor, and the others telling the boys they might all go home, a notice of which they gladly availed themselves.
I need hardly say, that I made all the haste I could to communicate the successful result of my trick to Milly and Captain Bridgeman. The medical man who was summoned, gave Mr OGallagher some very active medicine, which assisted to rid him of the calomel; of his having taken which, of course, the medical man was ignorant. The violence of the dose was, however, so great, and left him in such a state, that Mr OGallagher could not leave his room for three days, nor resume his seat in the school until a week had elapsed, during which I remained at home plotting still further mischief.
Mr OGallagher resumed his occupations, and I was again sent off to school. When I entered the school-room I found him looking very pale and cadaverous; as soon as he saw me his lips were drawn apart, and he showed his large white teeth, reminding me of the grinning of a hyena; he did not, however, say anything to me. My studies were resumed; I said my lesson perfectly, but was fully prepared for punishment. I was, however, agreeably disappointed; he did not punish either me or any of the other boys.
I afterwards found out the reason was, that, although necessity compelled him to re-open his school as soon as he could, he was too weak to undergo the fatigue of following up his favourite diversion.
When the dinner-hour arrived, and the boys were dismissed, I waited patiently to see what he would do with my basket, which stood beside him. Take your basket, and eat your dinner, Master Keene, said he, walking out of the school-room into his own apartments. I could not help saying, Wont you have the sandwiches, sir?
He turned round and gave me a look so penetrating and so diabolical, that I felt sure that he knew to whom he had been indebted for his late severe illness.
From this day forward Mr OG never interfered with the contents of my basket and I had my dinner all to myself. The shock which had been given to his constitution was so great, that for three or four months he may be said to have crawled to his school room, and I really began to think that the affair would turn out more serious than was intended; but gradually he regained his strength, and as he recovered his vigour, so did he resume his severity.
But I was a great gainer during the three or four months of quiet which reigned during Mr OGallaghers convalescence. Since I have been grown up, I have often thought, and am indeed confirmed in my opinion, that we lose rather than gain by being educated at too early an age. Commence with one child at three years, and with another at seven years old, and in ten years, the one whose brain was left fallow even till seven years old, will be quite as far, if not further advanced, than the child whose intellect was prematurely forced at the earlier age; this is a fact which I have since seen proved in many instances, and it certainly was corroborated in mine.
In six months I could read and write very fairly, and had commenced arithmetic; true, I was stimulated on by the advice of Captain Bridgeman, the love I bore my aunt Milly, and the hatred which I had for my master, which made me resolve that I would not deserve punishment on that score.
It was in May that I administered the dose to Mr OGallagher; in September he was quite well again, and the ruler, the ferrule, and the rod, were triumphantly at work. It is useless to say how often I was punished, for it was every day; always once, sometimes twice; I became completely callous to it, nay, laughed at it, but my mind was ever at work upon some mischief, in the way of retaliation.
I put little pancakes of cobblers wax on Mr OGallaghers throne, and he had the pleasure of finding himself stuck fast by the breeches when he rose up to punish. I anointed the handle of the ferrule and rod with bird-lime; put dead cats under the claret cases, which composed his seat of authority, so that the smell would drive him distracted before he found it out. I drew up with a squirt, all the ink which was in the inkstands fixed in the writing-desks, so as not to be taken out of the sockets, and made good the deficiency with water, which put him to no little expense.
I once made him almost frantic, by rubbing his handkerchief which always laid by his side, and with which he was accustomed to wipe his face every five minutes (for he was profuse in his perspiration), with what is called cow-itch: not being aware of what was the cause, he wiped his face more and more, until he was as red as a peony, and the itching became intolerable.
On such occasions he never inquired who was the party, but called me and Phil Mooney. I, on the other hand, never said a word in way of expostulation. I took my flogging, which was as severe as he could give it, as a matter of course, quite satisfied with the exchange.
As Walter Puddock had told me, and, as I have no doubt, the Eton boys will confirm, after a certain quantity of flagellations, the skin becomes so hard as to make the punishment almost a matter of indifference and so I found it. So passed the time until the month of November, when I was fully enabled to pay off my worthy pedagogue for all that I was indebted to him.
Chapter Eight
The boys had been saving up all their money to purchase fireworks for the celebrated 5th of Novembera day on which it was said that certain persons, finding it impossible to reform the Lords and Commons, had determined to get rid of them at once: why they have not been in similar danger every year since the first attempt was made, I know not; certain it is, that it is the only reform measure that can ever be effectual. Guy Fawkes and his confederates, whether Popish or Protestant, from the disregard of human life, certainly proved themselves the founders of a party, still existing, whose motto is, Measures and not Men.
But to proceed: Mr OGallagher had never before attempted to interfere with the vested rights of urchins on that day; being, however, in a most particular irascible humour, instead of a whole, he made it known that there would only be a half, holiday, and we were consequently all called in for morning lessons instead of carrying about, as we had intended, the effigy of the only true reformer that ever existed in this country.
This made us all very sulky and discontented in the first place, and our anxiety to get out of school was so great, that the lessons were not very perfect in the second. The ferrule and rod were called out and liberally administered; but what was our horror and dismay when Mr OGallagher, about an hour before dinner, announced to us that all the squibs and crackers, with which our pockets were crammed, were to be given up immediately; and that, as we had not said our lessons well, there would be no half-holiday, the whole school were in mute despair.
One by one were the boys summoned up to the throne of Mr OGallagher, and their pockets searched by Phil Mooney, who emptied them of their pyrotechnical contents, all of which were deposited on the daïs of Mr OGallaghers throne, which, I have before observed, was composed of two empty claret cases turned upside down, surmounted by another, on which Mr OGallagher sat, all three covered with old green baize.
By the time that the whole school had been rifled, the heap of fireworks was very considerable, and Mr OGallagher, to prevent any of them being recovered by the boys, lifted up the claret case on which he sat, and which was on the top of the other two, and desired Phil Mooney to put them all underneath it. This was done; Mr OGallagher resumed his seat, and the lessons continued till the dinner hour arrived, but, alas! not the half-holiday or the fireworks.
The boys went out; some mournful, some angry, some sulky, some frightened; a few, a very few, declaiming against such injustice.
I was in a rage; my blood boiled; at last my invention came to my aid, and, without considering the consequences, I determined how to act.
As it was an hour and a half before school would commence, I hastened home, and, having spent all my money, begged aunt Milly to give me some; she gave me a shilling, and with that I bought as much gunpowder as I could procure, more than a quarter of a pound.
I then returned to the school, looked into the school-room, and found it empty; I quickly raised up the claret case, under which the fireworks had been placed, put the powder under it, leaving only sufficient for a very small train, which would not be perceived in the green baize covering; having so done, I left the school-room immediately, and rejoined my companions. I had a piece of touch-wood, as all the boys had, to let off their fireworks with, and this I lighted and left in a corner until the bell should summons us into school.