How he had come there his elastic tongue explained in tropes and puns and lines of dramatic verse. His patrimony spent, he at once believed himself an actor, and he was hissed off the stage of a provincial theatre.
Ruined, the last ignominy endured, I fled from the gay vistas of the Benchfor they live who would thither lead me! and determined, the day before the yesterdaywhat thinkst thou? why to go boldly, and offer myself as Adlatus to blessed old Cudford! Yes! a little Latin is all that remains to me, and I resolved, like the man I am, to turn, hic, hac, hoc, into bread and cheese, and beer: Impute nought foreign to me, in the matter of pride.
Usher in our old schoolpoor old Jack! exclaimed Evan.
Lieutenant in the Cudford Academy! the latter rejoined. I walked the distance from London. I had my interview with the respected principal. He gave me of mutton nearest the bone, which, they say, is sweetest; and on sweet things you should not regale in excess. Endymion watched the sheep that bred that mutton! He gave me the thin beer of our boyhood, that I might the more soberly state my mission. That beer, my friend, was brewed by one who wished to form a study for pantomimic masks. He listened with the gravity which is all his own to the recital of my career; he pleasantly compared me to Phaethon, congratulated the river Thames at my not setting it on fire in my rapid descent, and extended to me the three fingers of affectionate farewell. You an usher, a rearer of youth, Mr. Raikes? Oh, no! Oh, no! That was all I could get out of him. Gad! he might have seen that I didnt joke with the mutton-bone. If I winced at the beer it was imperceptible. Now a man who can do that is what I call a man in earnest.
Youve just come from Cudford? said Evan.
Short is the tale, though long the way, friend Harrington. From Bodley is ten miles to Beckley. I walked them. From Beckley is fifteen miles to Fallowfield. Them I was traversing, when, lo! near sweet eventide a fair horsewoman riding with her groom at her horses heels. Lady, says I, addressing her, as much out of the style of the needy as possible, will you condescend to direct me to Fallowfield?Are you going to the match? says she. I answered boldly that I was. Beckleys in, says she, and youll be in time to see them out, if you cut across the downs there. I lifted my hata desperate measure, for the brim wont bear muchbut honour to women though we perish. She bowed: I cut across the downs. In fine, Harrington, old boy, Ive been wandering among those downs for the last seven or eight hours. I was on the point of turning my back on the road for the twentieth time, I believe when I heard your welcome vehicular music, and hailed you; and I ask you, isnt it luck for a fellow who hasnt got a penny in his pocket, and is as hungry as five hundred hunters, to drop on an old friend like this?
Evan answered with the question:
Where was it you said you met the young lady?
In the first place, O Amadis! I never said she was young. Youre on the scent, I see.
Nursing the fresh image of his darling in his hearts recesses, Evan, as they entered Fallowfield, laid the state of his purse before Jack, and earned anew the epithet of Amadis, when it came to be told that the occupant of the waggon was likewise one of its pensioners.
Sleep had long held its reign in Fallowfield. Nevertheless, Mr. Raikes, though blind windows alone looked on him, and nought foreign was to be imputed to him in the matter of pride, had become exceedingly solicitous concerning his presentation to the inhabitants of that quiet little country town; and while Evan andthe waggoner consulted the former with regard to the chances of procuring beds and supper, the latter as to his prospect of beer and a comfortable riddance of the feminine burden weighing on them allMr. Raikes was engaged in persuading his hat to assume something of the gentlemanly polish of its youth, and might have been observed now and then furtively catching up a leg to be dusted. Ere the wheels of the waggon stopped he had gained that ease of mind which the knowledge that you have done all a man may do and circumstances warrant, establishes. Capacities conscious of their limits may repose even proudly when they reach them; and, if Mr. Raikes had not quite the air of one come out of a bandbox, he at least proved to the discerning intelligence that he knew what sort of manner befitted that happy occasion, and was enabled by the pains he had taken to glance with a challenge at the sign of the hostelry, under which they were now ranked, and from which, though the hour was late, and Fallowfield a singularly somnolent little town, there issued signs of life approaching to festivity.
CHAPTER XI. DOINGS AT AN INN
What every traveller sighs to find, was palatably furnished by the Green Dragon of Fallowfielda famous inn, and a constellation for wandering coachmen. There pleasant smiles seasoned plenty, and the bill was gilded in a manner unknown to our days. Whoso drank of the ale of the Green Dragon kept in his memory a place apart for it. The secret, that to give a warm welcome is the breath of life to an inn, was one the Green Dragon boasted, even then, not to share with many Red Lions, or Cocks of the Morning, or Kings Heads, or other fabulous monsters; and as if to show that when you are in the right track you are sure to be seconded, there was a friend of the Green Dragon, who, on a particular night of the year, caused its renown to enlarge to the dimensions of a miracle. But that, for the moment, is my secret.
Evan and Jack were met in the passage by a chambermaid. Before either of them could speak, she had turned and fled, with the words:
More coming! which, with the addition of My goodness me! were echoed by the hostess in her recess. Hurried directions seemed to be consequent, and then the hostess sallied out, and said, with a curtsey:
Please to step in, gentlemen. This is the room, tonight.
Evan lifted his hat; and bowing, requested to know whether they could have a supper and beds.
Beds, Sir! cried the hostess. What am I to do for beds! Yes, beds indeed you may have, but bed-roomsif you ask for them, it really is more than I can supply you with. I have given up my own. I sleep with my maid Jane to-night.
Anything will do for us, madam, replied Evan, renewing his foreign courtesy. But there is a poor young woman outside.
Another! The hostess instantly smiled down her inhospitable outcry.
She, said Evan, must have a room to herself. She is ill.
Must is must, sir, returned the gracious hostess. But I really havent the means.
You have bed-rooms, madam?
Every one of them engaged, sir.
By ladies, madam?
Lord forbid, Sir! she exclaimed with the honest energy of a woman who knew her sex.
Evan bade Jack go and assist the waggoner to bring in the girl. Jack, who had been all the time pulling at his wristbands, and settling his coat-collar by the dim reflection of a window of the bar, departed, after, on his own authority, assuring the hostess that fever was not the young womans malady, as she protested against admitting fever into her house, seeing that she had to consider her guests.
Were open to all the world to-night, except fever, said the hostess. Yes, she rejoined to Evans order that the waggoner and his mate should be supplied with ale, they shall have as much as they can drink, which is not a speech usual at inns, when one man gives an order for others, but Evan passed it by, and politely begged to be shown in to one of the gentlemen who had engaged bedrooms.
Oh! if you can persuade any of them, sir, Im sure Ive nothing to say, observed the hostess. Pray, dont ask me to stand by and back it, thats all.
Had Evan been familiar with the Green Dragon, he would have noticed that the landlady, its presiding genius, was stiffer than usual; the rosy smile was more constrained, as if a great host had to be embraced, and were trying it to the utmost stretch. There was, however, no asperity about her, and when she had led him to the door he was to enter to prefer his suit, and she had asked whether the young woman was quite common, and he had replied that he had picked her up on the road, and that she was certainly poor, the hostess said:
I m sure youre a very good gentleman, sir, and if I could spare your asking at all, I would.
With that she went back to encounter Mr. Raikes and his charge, and prime the waggoner and his mate.
A noise of laughter and talk was stilled gradually, as Evan made his bow into a spacious room, wherein, as the tops of pines are seen swimming on the morning mist, about a couple of dozen guests of divers conditions sat partially revealed through wavy clouds of tobacco-smoke. By their postures, which Evans appearance by no means disconcerted, you read in a glance men who had been at ease for so many hours that they had no troubles in the world save the two ultimate perplexities of the British Sybarite, whose bed of roses is harassed by the pair of problems: first, what to do with his legs; secondly, how to imbibe liquor with the slightest possible derangement of those members subordinate to his upper structure. Of old the Sybarite complained. Not so our self-helpful islanders. Since they could not, now that work was done and jollity the game, take off their legs, they got away from them as far as they might, in fashions original or imitative: some by thrusting them out at full length; some by cramping them under their chairs: while some, taking refuge in a mental effort, forgot them, a process to be recommended if it did not involve occasional pangs of consciousness to the legs of their neighbours. We see in our cousins West of the great water, who are said to exaggerate our peculiarities, beings labouring under the same difficulty, and intent on its solution. As to the second problem: that of drinking without discomposure to the subservient limbs: the company present worked out this republican principle ingeniously, but in a manner beneath the attention of the Muse. Let Clio record that mugs and glasses, tobacco and pipes, were strewn upon the table. But if the guests had arrived at that stage when to reach the arm, or arrange the person, for a sip of good stuff, causes moral debates, and presents to the mind impediments equal to what would be raised in active men by the prospect of a great excursion, it is not to be wondered at that the presence of a stranger produced no immediate commotion. Two or three heads were half turned; such as faced him imperceptibly lifted their eyelids.
Good evening, sir, said one who sat as chairman, with a decisive nod.
Good night, aint it? a jolly-looking old fellow queried of the speaker, in an under-voice.
Gad, you dont expect me to be wishing the gentleman good-bye, do you? retorted the former.
Ha! ha! No, to be sure, answered the old boy; and the remark was variously uttered, that Good night, by a caprice of our language, did sound like it.
Good evenings How d ye do?How are ye? Good nights Be off, and be blowed to you, observed an interpreter with a positive mind; and another, whose intelligence was not so clear, but whose perceptions had seized the point, exclaimed: I never says it when I hails a chap; but, dash my buttons, if I mightnt a done, one day or another! Queer!
The chairman, warmed by his joke, added, with a sharp wink: Ay; it would be queer, if you hailed Good night in the middle of the day! and this among a company soaked in ripe ale, could not fail to run the electric circle, and persuaded several to change their positions; in the rumble of which, Evans reply, if he had made any, was lost. Few, however, were there who could think of him, and ponder on that glimpse of fun, at the same time; and he would have been passed over, had not the chairman said: Take a seat, sir; make yourself comfortable.
Before I have that pleasure, replied Evan, I
I see where tis, burst out the old boy who had previously superinduced a diversion: hes going to ax if he cant have a bed!
A roar of laughter, and Dont you remember this day last year? followed the cunning guess. For awhile explication was impossible; and Evan coloured, and smiled, and waited for them.
I was going to ask
Said so! shouted the old boy, gleefully.
one of the gentlemen who has engaged a bed-room to do me the extreme favour to step aside with me, and allow me a moments speech with him.
Long faces were drawn, and odd stares were directed toward him, in reply.
I see where tis; the old boy thumped his knee. Aint it now? Speak up, sir! Theres a lady in the case?
I may tell you thus much, answered Evan, that it is an unfortunate young woman, very ill, who needs rest and quiet.
Didnt I say so? shouted the old boy.
But this time, though his jolly red jowl turned all round to demand a confirmation, it was not generally considered that he had divined so correctly. Between a lady and an unfortunate young woman, there seemed to be a strong distinction, in the minds of the company.
The chairman was the most affected by the communication. His bushy eyebrows frowned at Evan, and he began tugging at the brass buttons of his coat, like one preparing to arm for a conflict.
Speak out, sir, if you please, he said. Above boardno asidesno taking advantages. You want me to give up my bed-room for the use of your young woman, sir?
Evan replied quietly: She is a stranger to me; and if you could see her, sir, and know her situation, I think she would move your pity.
I dont doubt it, sirI dont doubt it, returned the chairman. They all move our pity. Thats how they get over us. She has diddled you, and she would diddle me, and diddle us all-diddle the devil, I dare say, when her time comes. I dont doubt it, sir.
To confront a vehement old gentleman, sitting as president in an assembly of satellites, requires command of countenance, and Evan was not browbeaten: he held him, and the whole room, from where he stood, under a serene and serious eye, for his feelings were too deeply stirred on behalf of the girl to let him think of himself. That question of hers, What are you going to do with me? implying such helplessness and trust, was still sharp on his nerves.
Gentlemen, he said, I humbly beg your pardon for disturbing you as I do.
But with a sudden idea that a general address on behalf of a particular demand must necessarily fail, he let his eyes rest on one there, whose face was neither stupid nor repellent, and who, though he did not look up, had an attentive, thoughtful cast about the mouth.
May I entreat a word apart with you, sir?
Evan was not mistaken in the index he had perused. The gentleman seemed to feel that he was selected from the company, and slightly raising his head, carelessly replied: My bed is entirely at your disposal, resuming his contemplative pose.
On the point of thanking him, Evan advanced a step, when up started the irascible chairman.
I dont permit it! I wont allow it! And before Evan could ask his reasons, he had rung the bell, muttering: They follow us to our inns, now, the baggages! They must harry us at our inns! We cant have peace and quiet at our inns!