Well, father, Ill go; but I expect therell be a good deal of ground to march over before Im a general.
And youve a good pair of legs.
So Im told every day of my life. Ill make the best use of them when I start; but its the starting I dont like, and thats the real truth.
The reader may be surprised at the indifference shown by Patrick at the intelligence communicated by his father; but the fact was, Mr Patrick ODonahue was very deep in love. This cooled his national ardour; and it must be confessed that there was every excuse, for a more lovely creature than Judith McCrae never existed. To part with her was the only difficulty, and all his family feelings were but a cloak to the real cause of his unwillingness.
Nevertheless, you must start to-morrow, my boy, said his father.
What must be, must, replied Patrick, so theres an end of the matter. Ill just go out for a bit of a walk, just to stretch my legs.
They require a deal of stretching, Pat, considering youve been twenty miles, at least, this morning, over the mountains, replied the Squireen. But Patrick was out of hearing; he had leapt over a stone wall which separated his fathers potato ground from Cornelius McCraes, and had hastened to Judith, whom he found very busy getting the dinner ready.
Judith, my dear, said Patrick, my hearts quite broke with the bad news I have to tell you. Sure Im going to leave you to-morrow morning.
Now, Patrick, youre joking, surely.
Devil a joke in it. Im an ensign in a regiment.
Then Ill die, Patrick.
More like that I will, Judith; what with grief and a bullet to help it, perhaps.
Now, what dye mean to do, Patrick?
Mean to go, sure; because I cant help myself; and to come back again, if ever Ive the luck of it. My hearts leaping out of my mouth entirely.
And mines dead, replied Judith, in tears.
Its no use crying, mavourneen. Ill be back to dance at my own wedding, if so be I can.
Therell be neither wedding for you, Patrick, nor wake either, for youll lie on the cold ground, and be ploughed in like muck.
Thats but cold comfort from you, Judith, but well hope for a better ending; but I must go back now, and youll meet me this evening beyond the shealing.
Wont it be for the last time, Patrick, replied Judith, with her apron up to her eyes.
If Ive any voice in the matter, I say no. Please the pigs, Ill come back a colonel.
Then youll be no match for Judith McCrae, replied the sobbing girl.
Shoot easy, my Judith, thats touching my honour; if Im a general it will be all the same.
Oh, Patrick! Patrick!
Patrick folded Judith in his arms, took one kiss, and then hastened out of the house, sayingRemember the shealing, Judith, dear, there well talk the matter over easy and comfortable.
Patrick returned to his house, where he found his mother and sisters in tears. They had received orders to prepare his wardrobe, which, by the bye, did not give them much trouble from its extent; they only had to mend every individual article. His father was sitting down by the hearth, and when he saw Patrick he said to him,Now just come here, my boy, and take a stool, while you listen to me and learn a little worldly wisdom, for I may not have much time to talk to you when we are at Dublin.
Patrick took a seat, and was all attention.
Youll just observe, Pat, that its a very fine thing to be an officer in the kings army; nobody dares to treat you ill, although you may ill-treat others, which is no small advantage in this world.
Theres truth in that, replied Patrick.
You see, when you get into an enemys country, you may help yourself; and, if you look sharp, theres very pretty pickingsall in a quiet way, you understand.
That, indeed.
You observe, Pat, that, as one of his officers, the king expects you to appear and live like a gentleman, only he forgets to give you the means of so doing; you must, therefore, take all you can get from his Majesty, and other people must make up the difference.
Thats a matter o course, said Patrick.
Youll soon see your way clear, and find out what you may be permitted to do, and what you may not; for the king expects you to keep up the character of a gentleman as well as the appearance.
O course.
Mayhap you may be obliged to run in debt a littlea gentleman may do that; mayhap you may not be able to paythats a gentlemans case very often: if so, never go so far as twenty pounds; first, because the law dont reach; and secondly, because twenty pound is quite enough to make a man suffer for the good of his country.
Theres sense in that, father.
And, Patrick, recollect that people judge by appearances in this world, especially when theyve nothing else to go by. If you talk small, your credit will be small; but if you talk large, it will be just in proportion.
I perceive, father.
Its not much property we possess in this said county of Galway, thats certain; but you must talk of this property as if I was the squire, and not the steward; and when you talk of the quantity of woodcocks you have bagged, you must say on our property.
I understand, father.
And you must curse your stars at being a younger brother; it will be an excuse for your having no money, but will make them believe its in the family, at all events.
I perceive, replied Patrick.
Theres one thing more, Pat; its an Irish regiment, so you must get out of it as soon as possible by exchange.
For why?
This for why. You will be among those born too near home, and who may doubt all you say, because your story may interfere with their own. Get into an English regiment by all means, and there youll be beyond the reach of contradiction, which aint pleasant.
True enough, father.
Treasure up all I have told youits worldly wisdom, and you have your fortune to make; so now recollect, never hold back at a forlorn hope; volunteer for everything; volunteer to be blown from a cannons mouth, so that they will give you promotion for that same; volunteer to go all over the world, into the other world, and right through that again into the one that comes after that, if there is any, and then one thing will be certain, either that youll be colonel or general, or else
Else what, father?
That you wont require to be made either, seeing that youll be past all making; but lucks all, and lucky it is, by the bye, that I have a little of the squires rent in hand to fit you out with, or how we should have managed, the saints only know. As it is, I must sink it on the next years account; but thats more easy to do than to fit you out with no money. I must beg the tenants off, make the potato crop fail entirely, and report twenty, by name at least, dead of starvation. Serve him right for spending his money out of Old Ireland. Its only out of real patriotism that I cheat himjust to spend the money in the country. And now, Patrick, Ive done; now you may go and square your accounts with Judith, for I know now where the cat jumps; but Ill leave old Time alone for doing his work.
Such was the advice of the Squireen to his son; and, as worldly wisdom, it was not so bad; and, certainly, when a lad is cast adrift in the world, the two best things you can bestow on him are a little worldly wisdom and a little money, for without the former, the latter and he will soon part company.
The next day they set off for Dublin, Patricks head being in a confused jumble of primitive good feeling, Judith McCrae, his fathers advice, and visions of future greatness. He was fitted out, introduced to the officers, and then his father left him his blessing and his own way to make in the world. In a fortnight the regiment was complete, and they were shipped to Liverpool, and from Liverpool to Maidstone, where, being all newly raised men, they were to remain for a time to be disciplined. Before the year had expired, Patrick had followed his fathers advice, and exchanged, receiving a difference, with an ensign of a regiment going on foreign service. He was sent to the West Indies: but the seasons were healthy, and he returned home an ensign. He volunteered abroad again after five years, and gained his lieutenants commission, from a death vacancy, without purchase.
After a fifteen years hard service, the desired Captains commission came at last, and ODonahue, having been so unsuccessful in his military career, retired upon half-pay, determined, if possible, to offer his handsome person in exchange for competence. But, during the fifteen years which had passed away, a great change had come over the ingenuous and unsophisticated Patrick ODonahue; he had mixed so long with a selfish and heartless world, that his primitive feelings had gradually worn away. Judith had, indeed, never been forgotten; but she was now at rest, for, by mistake, Patrick had been returned dead of the yellow fever, and at the intelligence she had drooped like a severed snowdrop, and died. The only tie strong enough to induce him to return to Ireland was therefore broken, his fathers worldly advice had not been forgotten, and ODonahue considered the world as his oyster. Expensive in his habits and ideas, longing for competence, while he vegetated on half-pay, he was now looking out for a matrimonial speculation. His generosity and his courage remained with himtwo virtues not to be driven out of an Irishmanbut his other good qualities lay in abeyance; and yet his better feelings were by no means extinguished; they were dormant, but by favourable circumstances were again to be brought into action. The world and his necessities made him what he was; for many were the times, for years afterwards, that he would in his reveries surmise how happy he might have been in his own wild country, where half-pay would have been competence, had his Judith been spared to him, and he could have laid his head upon her bosom.
Chapter Ten
In which Major McShane narrates some curious Matrimonial SpeculationsOur hero was soon fitted out with the livery of a groom, and installed as the confidential servant of Captain ODonahue, who had lodgings on the third floor in a fashionable street. He soon became expert and useful, and, as the captain breakfasted at home, and always ordered sufficient for Joey to make another cold meal of during the day, he was at little or no expense to his master.
One morning, when Captain ODonahue was sitting in his dressing-gown at breakfast, Joey opened the door, and announced Major McShane.
Is it yourself, ODonahue? said the major, extending his hand; and, now, what dye think has brought me here this fine morning? Its to do a thing thats rather unusual with me,neither more nor less than to pay you the 20 pounds which you lent me a matter of three years ago, and which, I dare say, you never expected to see anything but the ghost of.
Why, McShane, if the truth must be told, it will be something of a resurrection when it appears before me, replied ODonahue; I considered it dead and buried; and, like those who are dead and buried, it has been long forgotten.
Nevertheless, here it is in four notesone, two, three, four: four times five are twenty; theres arithmetic for you, and your money to boot, and many thanks in the bargain, by way of interest. And now, ODonahue, where have you been, what have you been doing, what are you doing, and what do you intend to do? Thats what I call a comprehensive inquiry, and a very close one too.
I have been in London a month, I have done nothing, I am doing nothing, and I dont know what I intend to do. You may take that for a comprehensive answer.
Ill tell you all about myself without your asking. I have been in London for nearly two years, one of which I spent in courting, and the other in matrimony.
Why, you dont mean to say that you are married, McShane; if so, as youve been married a year, you can tell me, am I to give you joy?
Why, yes, I believe you may; theres nothing so stupid, ODonahue, as domestic happiness, thats a fact; but, altogether, I have been so large a portion of my life doubtful where I was to get a dinner, that I think that on the whole I have made a very good choice.
And may I inquire who is the party to whom Major McShane has condescended to sacrifice his handsome person?
Is it handsome you mane? As the ugly lady said to the looking-glass, I beg no reflectionsyou wish to know who she is; well, then, you must be content to listen to all my adventures from the time we parted, for she is at the end of them, and I cant read backwards.
I am at your service, so begin as you please.
Let me see, ODonahue, where was it that we parted?
If I recollect, it was at the landing made at , where you were reported killed.
Very true, but that, I gave my honour, was all a lie; it was fat Sergeant Murphy that was killed, instead of me. He was a terrible fellow, that Sergeant Murphy; he got himself killed on purpose, because he never could have passed his accounts; well, he fought like a devil, so peace be with him. I was knocked down, as you know, with a bullet in my thigh, and as I could not stand, I sat upon the carcass of Sergeant Murphy, bound up my leg, and meditated on sublunary affairs. I thought what a great rogue he was, that Sergeant Murphy, and how hed gone out of the world without absolution; and then I thought it very likely that he might have some money about him, and how much better it would be that I should have it to comfort me in prison than any rascally Frenchman, so I put my hand in his pocket and borrowed his purse, which was, taking the difference of size, as well lined as himself. Well, as you had all retreated and left me to be taken prisoner, I waited very patiently till they should come and carry me to the hospital, or wherever else they pleased. They were not long coming for me: one fellow would have passed his bayonet through me, but I had my pistol cocked, so he thought it advisable to take me prisoner. I was taken into the town, not to the hospital or the prison, but quartered at the house of an old lady of high rank and plenty of money. Well, the surgeon came and very politely told me that he must cut off my leg, and I very politely told him to go to the devil; and the old lady came in and took my part, when she saw what a handsome leg it was, and sent for another doctor at her own expense, who promised to set me on my pins in less than a month. Well, the old lady fell in love with me; and although she was not quite the vision of youthful fancy, as the saying is, for she had only one tooth in her head, and that stuck out half an inch beyond her upper lip, still she had other charms for a poor devil like me; so I made up my mind to marry her, for she made cruel love to me as I laid in bed, and before I was fairly out of bed the thing was settled, and a week afterwards the day was fixed; but her relatives got wind of it, for, like an old fool, she could not help blabbing, and so one day there came a file of soldiers, with a corporal at their head, informing me that I was now quite well, and therefore, if it was all the same to me, I must go to prison. This was anything but agreeable, and contrary to rule. As an officer, I was entitled to my parole; and so I wrote to the commanding officer, who sent for me, and then he told me I had my choice, to give up the old lady, whose friends were powerful, and would not permit her to make a fool of herself (a personal remark, by the bye, which it was unhandsome to make to a gentleman in my circumstances), or to be refused parole, and remain in prison, and that he would give me an hour to decide; then he made me a very low bow, and left me. I was twisting the affair over in my mind, one moment thinking of her purse and carriage and doubloons, and another of that awful long tooth of hers, when one of her relatives came in and said he had a proposal to make, which was, that I should be released and sent to Gibraltar, without any conditions, with a handsome sum of money to pay my expenses, if I would promise to give up the old lady now and for ever. That suited my book; I took the money, took my leave, and a small vessel took me to Gibraltar; so after all, you see, ODonahue, the thing did not turn out so bad. I lost only an old woman with a long tooth, and I gained my liberty.