You will only injure Mr Cophagus, for the mortar will not then be paid for.
Very true; and as he has just given me five guineas, I will refrain from my just indignation. But now, Japhet, let me speak to you. I dont know how you feel, but I feel as if I could not part with you. I do not want to go in search of my father particularly. They say its a wise child that knows its own fatherbut as there can be no doubt of my other parentif I can only hit upon her, I have a strong inclination to go in search of my mother, and if you like my company, why I will go with youalways, my dear Japhet, continued Tim, keeping in my mind the great difference between a person who has been feed as an M.D., and a lad who only carries out his prescriptions.
Do you really mean to say, Tim, that you will go with me?
Yes, to the end of the world, Japhet, as your companion, your friend, and your servant, if you require it I love you, Japhet, and I will serve you faithfully.
My dear Tim, I am delighted; now I am really happy: we will have but one purse, and but one interest; if I find good fortune, you shall share it.
And if you meet with ill luck, I will share that tooso the affair is settledand as here comes Mr Pleggits assistants with only one pair of eyes between them, the sooner we pack up the better.
In half an hour all was ready; a bundle each, contained our wardrobes. We descended from our attic, walked proudly through the shop without making any observation, or taking any notice of our successors; all the notice taken was by Timothy, who turned round and shook his fist at his old enemies, the iron mortar and pestle; and there we were, standing on the pavement, with the wide world before us, and quite undecided which way we should go.
Is it to be east, west, north, or south, Japhet? said Timothy.
The wise men came from the east, replied I.
Then they must have travelled west, said Tim; let us show our wisdom by doing the same.
Agreed.
Passing by a small shop we purchased two good sticks, as defenders, as well as to hang our bundles onand off we set upon our pilgrimage.
Part 1Chapter VIII
We take a Coach, but the Driver does not like his Fare and hits us foulWe change our Mode of travelling, upon the Principle of slow and sure, and fall in with a very learned man.
I believe it to be a very general custom, when people set off upon a journey to reckon up their meansthat is, to count the money which they may have in their pockets. At all events, this was done by Timothy and me, and I found that my stock amounted to twenty-two pounds eighteen shillings, and Timothys to the five guineas presented by Mr Cophagus, and three halfpence which were in the corner of his waistcoat pocketsum total, twenty-eight pounds three shillings and three halfpence; a very handsome sum, as we thought, with which to commence our peregrinations, and, as I observed to Timothy, sufficient to last us for a considerable time, if husbanded with care.
Yes, replied he, but we must husband our legs also, Japhet, or we shall soon be tired, and very soon wear out our shoes. I vote we take a hackney-coach.
Take a hackney-coach, Tim! we mustnt think of it; we cannot afford such a luxury; you cant be tired yet, we are now only just clear of Hyde Park Corner.
Still I think we had better take a coach, Japhet, and here is one coming. I always do take one when I carry out medicines, to make up for the time I lose looking at the shops, and playing peg in the ring.
I now understood what Timothy meant, which was, to get behind and have a ride for nothing. I consented to this arrangement, and we got up behind one which was already well filled inside. The only difference between an inside and outside passenger in a hackney-coach is, that, one pays, and the other does not, said I, to Timothy, as we rolled along at the act of parliament speed of four miles per hour.
That depends upon circumstances: if we are found out, in all probability we shall not only have our ride, but be paid into the bargain.
With the coachmans whip, I presume?
Exactly. And Timothy had hardly time to get the word out of his mouth, when flac, flac, came the whip across our eyesa little envious wretch, with his shirt hanging out of his trowsers, having called out Cut behind! Not wishing to have our faces, or our behinds cut any more, we hastily descended, and reached the footpath, after having gained about three miles on the road before we were discovered.
That wasnt a bad lift, Japhet, and as for the whip I never mind that with corduroys. And now, Japhet, Ill tell you something; we must get into a waggon, if we can find one going down the road, as soon as it is dark.
But that will cost money, Tim.
Its economy, I tell you; for a shilling, if you bargain, you may ride the whole night, and if we stop at a public-house to sleep, we shall have to pay for our beds, as well as be obliged to order something to eat, and pay dearer for it than if we buy what we want at cooks shops.
There is sense in what you say, Timothy; we will look out for a waggon.
Oh! its no use nowwaggons are like black beetles, not only in shape but in habits, they only travel by nightat least most of them do. We are now coming into long dirty Brentford, and I dont know how you feel, Japhet, but I find that walking wonderfully increases the appetitethats another reason why you should not walk when you can ridefor nothing.
Well, Im rather hungry myself; and dear me, how very good that piece of roast pork looks in that window!
I agree with youlets go in and make a bargain!
We bought a good allowance for a shilling, and after sticking out for a greater proportion of mustard than the woman said we were entitled to, and some salt, we wrapped it up in a piece of paper, and continued our course, till we arrived at a bakers, where we purchased our bread; and then taking up a position on a bench outside a public-house, called for a pot of beer, and putting our provisions down before us, made a hearty, and, what made us more enjoy it, an independent meal. Having finished our pork and our porter, and refreshed ourselves, we again started and walked till it was quite dark, when we felt so tired that we agreed to sit down on our bundles and wait for the first waggon which passed. We soon heard the jingling of bells, and shortly afterwards its enormous towering bulk appeared between us and the sky. We went up to the waggoner, who was mounted on a little pony, and asked him if he could give two poor lads a lift, and how much he would charge us for the ride.
How much can ye afford to give, measters? for there be others as poor as ye. We replied that we could give a shilling. Well, then, get up in Gods name, and ride as long as you will. Get in behind.
Are there many people in there already? said I as I climbed up, and Timothy handed me the bundles.
Noa, replied the waggoner, there be nobody but a mighty clever poticary or doctor, I cant tell which; but he wears an uncommon queer hat, and he talk all sort of doctor stuffand there be his odd man and his odd boy; that be all, and there be plenty of room, and plenty o clean stra.
After this intimation we climbed up, and gained a situation in the rear of the waggon under the cloth. As the waggoner said, there was plenty of room, and we nestled into the straw without coming into contact with the other travellers. Not feeling any inclination to sleep, Timothy and I entered into conversation, sotto voce, and had continued for more than half an hour, supposing by their silence, that the other occupants of the waggon were asleep, when we were interrupted by a voice clear and sonorous as a bell.
After this intimation we climbed up, and gained a situation in the rear of the waggon under the cloth. As the waggoner said, there was plenty of room, and we nestled into the straw without coming into contact with the other travellers. Not feeling any inclination to sleep, Timothy and I entered into conversation, sotto voce, and had continued for more than half an hour, supposing by their silence, that the other occupants of the waggon were asleep, when we were interrupted by a voice clear and sonorous as a bell.
It would appear that you are wanderers, young men, and journey you know not whither. Birds seek their nests when the night fallsbeasts hasten to their lairsman bolts his door. Propria quae maribus, as Herodotus hath it; which, when translated, means, that such is the nature of mankind. Tribuuntur mascula dicas, Tell me your troubles, as Homer says.
I was very much surprised at this addressmy knowledge of the language told me immediately that the quotations were out of the Latin grammar, and that all his learning was pretence; still there was a novelty of style which amused me, and at the same time gave me an idea that the speaker was an uncommon personage. I gave Timothy a nudge, and then replied
You have guessed right, most learned sir; we are, as you say, wanderers seeking our fortunes, and trust yet to find themstill we have a weary journey before us. Haustus horâ somni sumendum, as Aristotle hath it; which I need not translate to so learned a person as yourself.
Nay, indeed, there is no occasion; yet am I pleased to meet with one who hath scholarship, replied the other. Have you also a knowledge of the Greek?
No, I pretend not to Greek.
It is a pity that thou hast it not, for thou wouldst delight to commune with the ancients. Aesculapius hath these wordsAsholderoffmotton accaponpastivenison,which I will translate for theeWe often find what we seek when we least expect it. May it be so with you, my friend. Where have you been educated? and what has been your profession?
I thought I risked little in telling, so I replied, that I had been brought up as a surgeon and apothecary, and had been educated at a foundation school.
Tis well, replied he; you have then commenced your studies in my glorious profession; still, have you much to learn; years of toil, under a great master, can only enable you to benefit mankind as I have done, and years of hardship and of danger must be added thereunto, to afford you the means. There are many hidden secrets. Ut sunt Divorum, Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, Virorum,many parts of the globe to traverse, Ut Cato, Virgilius, fluviorum, ut Tibris, Orontes. All these have I visited, and many more. Even now do I journey to obtain more of my invaluable medicine, gathered on the highest Andes, when the moon is in her perigee. There I shall remain for months among the clouds, looking down upon the great plain of Mexico, which shall appear no larger than the head of a pin, where the voice of man is heard not. Vocito, vocitas, vocitavi, bending for months towards the earth. As in presenti, suffering with the coldfrico quod fricui dat, as Eusebius hath it. Soon shall I be borne away by the howling winds towards the New World, where I can obtain more of the wonderful medicine, which I may say never yet hath failed me, and which nothing but love towards my race induces me to gather at such pains and risk.
Indeed, sir, replied I, amused with his imposition, I should like to accompany youfor, as Josephus says most truly, Capiat pilulae duae post prandium. Travel is, indeed, a most delightful occupation, and I would like to run over the whole world.
And I would like to follow you, interrupted Timothy. I suspect we have commenced our grand tour alreadythree miles behind a hackney-coachten on foot, and about two, I should think, in this waggon. But as Cophagus says, Cochlearija crash many summendush, which means, There are ups and downs in this world.
Hah! exclaimed our companion. He, also, has the rudiments.
Nay, I hope Ive done with the Rudimans, replied Timothy.
Is he your follower? inquired the man.
That very much depends upon who walks first, replied Timothy, but whether or nowe hunt in couples.
I understandyou are companions. Concordat cum nominativo numero et persona. Tell me, can you roll pills, can you use the pestle and the mortar, handle the scapula, and mix ingredients?
I replied, that of course I knew my profession.
Well, then, as we have still some hours of night, let us now obtain some rest. In the morning, when the sun hath introduced us to each other, I may then judge from your countenances whether it is likely that we may be better acquainted. Night is the time for repose, as Quintus Curtius says, Custos, bos, fur atque sacerdos. Sleep was made for allmy friends, good night.
Part 1Chapter IX
In which the Adventures in the Waggon are continued, and we become more puzzled with our new CompanionsWe leave off talking Latin, and enter into an engagement.
Timothy and I took his advice, and were soon fast asleep.
I was awakened the next morning by feeling a hand in my trowsers pocket. I seized it, and held it fast.
Now just let go my hand, will you? cried a lachrymal voice.
I jumped upit was broad daylight, and looked at the human frame to which the hand was an appendix. It was a very spare, awkwardly-built form of a young man, apparently about twenty years old, but without the least sign of manhood on his chin. His face was cadaverous, with large goggling eyes, high cheek bones, hair long and ragged, reminding me of a rats nest, thin lips, and ears large almost as an elephants. A more woe-begone wretch in appearance I never beheld, and I continued to look at him with surprise. He repeated his words with an idiotical expression, Just let go my hand, cant you?
What business had your hand in my pocket? replied I, angrily.
I was feeling for my pocket handkerchief, replied the young man. I always keeps it in my breeches pocket.
But not in your neighbours, I presume?
My neighbours! replied he, with a vacant stare. Well, so it is, I see nowI thought it was my own.
I released his hand; he immediately put it into his own pocket, and drew out his handkerchief, if the rag deserved the appellation.
There, said he, I told you I put it in that pocketI always do.
And pray who are you? said I, as I looked at his dress, which was a pair of loose white Turkish trowsers, and an old spangled jacket.
Me! why, Im the fool.
More knave than fool, I expect, replied I, still much puzzled with his strange appearance and dress.
Nay, there you mistake, said the voice of last night. He is not only a fool by profession, but one by nature. It is a half-witted creature, who serves me when I would attract the people. Strange, in this world, that wisdom may cry in the streets without being noticed, yet folly will always command a crowd.
During this address I turned my eyes upon the speaker. He was an elderly-looking person, with white hair, dressed in a suit of black, ruffles and frill. His eyes were brilliant, but the remainder of his face it was difficult to decipher, as it was evidently painted, and the nights jumbling in the waggon had so smeared it, that it appeared of almost every colour in the rainbow. On one side of him lay a large three-cornered cocked hat, on the other, a little lump of a boy, rolled up in the straw like a marmot, and still sound asleep. Timothy looked at me, and when he caught my eye, burst out into a laugh.