You shouldnt bother, he said. Its been a hell of a day. And Im not very hungry.
Riley sat down beside him and rubbed his shoulders.
She said, But everythings practically ready. Arent you hungry enough for ribeye steaks?
Ribeyes? Ryan said with surprise. Can we afford it?
Fighting down a surge of irritation, Riley didnt reply. She handled the household finances, and she felt like she knew pretty well what they could afford and not afford.
Apparently sensing Rileys dismay, Ryan said
Ribeyes sound nice. Give me a few minutes to wash up.
Ryan got up and headed for the bathroom. Riley hurried back into the kitchen, took the potatoes out of the oven, and seared the steaks and broiled them so that theyd both be medium rare.
Ryan was seated at the table by the time she put their meals on the table. Hed poured glasses of wine for both of them.
Thanks, Ryan said, smiling weakly. This is nice.
As he cut into his steak he added, Im afraid Ive brought some work home. Ill have to get to it after we eat.
Riley suppressed a sigh of deep disappointment. Shed hoped their dinner would end more romantically.
She and Ryan ate in silence for a few moments. Then Ryan started to complain about his day
This entry level workits practically slave labor. Weve got to do all the heavy lifting for the partnersresearch, writing briefs, making sure everythings ready for the courtroom. And we put in longer hours than the partners by far. It feels like some kind of fraternity hazing, it except never stops.
Itll get better, Riley said.
Then she forced a laugh and added
Someday youll be a partner yourself. And youll have a team of entry level guys wholl go home and complain about you.
Ryan didnt laugh, and Riley couldnt blame him. It seemed like a lame joke now that shed said it.
Ryan kept grumbling during dinner, and Riley didnt know whether she felt more hurt or angry. Didnt he appreciate the effort shed gone to make everything as perfect as she could tonight?
And didnt he understand how much their lives were about to change?
When Ryan fell quiet for a few moments, Riley said
You know, were having a get-together tomorrow at the FBI building to celebrate the end of the internship. Youll be able to come, wont you?
Im afraid not, Riley. This is going to be a seven-day week.
Riley almost gasped.
But tomorrows Sunday, she said.
Ryan shrugged and said, Yeah, well, its like I saidslave labor.
Riley said, Look, its not going to take all day. Therell be a couple of speechesthe assistant director and our training supervisor will want to say a few words. And then there will be some snacks and
Ryan interrupted, Riley, Im sorry.
But Im leaving for Quantico tomorrow, right afterwards. Im taking my suitcase with me. I thought youd be driving me to the bus station.
I cant, Ryan said a bit sharply. Youll have to get there some other way.
They ate in silence for a few moments.
Riley struggled to understand what was happening. Why couldnt Ryan come with her tomorrow? It would only take a couple of hours out of his day. Then something began to dawn on her.
She said, You still dont want me to go to Quantico.
Ryan let out a groan of annoyance.
Riley, lets not get started on this, he said.
Riley felt her face redden with anger.
She said, Well, its now or never, isnt it?
Ryan said, Youve made your decision. I took it to be final.
Rileys eyes widened.
My decision? she said. I thought it was our decision.
Ryan sighed. Were not going to have this conversation, he said. Lets just finish eating, OK?
Riley sat there and stared at him as he continued to pick at his meal.
She found herself wondering
Is Ryan right?
Did I just railroad us both into this?
She thought back to their conversations, trying to remember, trying to sort it out. She remembered how proud Ryan had been of her when shed stopped the Clown Killer
You saved at least one womans life. By solving the case, you may have saved other lives as well. Its crazy. I think maybe youre crazy. But youre also a hero.
At the time, shed thought that was what he wantedfor her to pursue a career with the FBI, to keep right on being a hero.
But now that she thought about it, Riley couldnt remember him saying those precise words. Ryan had never told her
I want you to go to the academy. I want you to follow your dream.
Riley took some long, slow breaths.
We need to discuss this calmly, she thought.
Finally she said
Ryan, what do you want? For us, I mean?
Ryan tilted his head as he looked at her.
Do you really want to know? he asked.
Rileys throat tightened sharply.
I want to know, she said. Tell me what you want.
A pained look crossed Ryans face. Riley found herself dreading what he was going to say next.
Finally he said, I just want a family.
Then he shrugged and ate another bite of steak.
Feeling a glimmer of relief, Riley said, I want that too.
Do you? Ryan asked.
Of course I do. You know I do.
Ryan shook his head and said, Im not sure even you know what you really want.
Riley felt as though shed been punched in the stomach. For a moment she simply didnt know what to say.
Then she said, Dont you think I can have a career and a family?
Sure I do, Ryan said. Women do it all the time these days. Its called having it all, I hear. Its tough and it takes planning and sacrifices, but it can be done. And Id love to help you do all that. But
His voice faded.
But what? Riley asked.
He breathed deeply, then said, Maybe it would be different if you wanted to become a lawyer, like me. Or a doctor or a shrink. Or go into real estate. Or start your own business. Or become a college professor. I could relate to any of those things. I could deal with them. But this whole thing with going to the Academyyoure going to be in Quantico for 18 weeks! How much are we going to see each other during that whole time? Do you thin any relationship can survive so much time apart? And besides
He held Rileys gaze for a moment.
Then he said, Riley, youve almost been killed twice since Ive known you.
Riley gulped hard.
He was right, of course. Her most recent brush with death had been at the hands of the Clown Killer. Before that, during their last semester in college, shed almost been killed by a sociopathic psychology professor who still awaited trial for murdering two other coeds. Riley had known both of those girls. One had been her best friend and roommate.
Rileys help in solving that awful murder case was how shed gotten into the summer intern program, and it was one of the main reasons she was thinking about becoming an FBI agent.
In a choked voice, Riley said, Do you want me to quit? Do you want me to not go to Quantico tomorrow?
Ryan said, It doesnt matter what I want.
Riley was struggling not to cry now.
Yes, it does, Ryan, she said. It matters a lot.
Ryan locked gazes with her for what seemed like a long time.
Then he said, I guess I do. Want you to quit, I mean. I know youve found it exciting. Its been a great adventure for you. But its time for us both to settle down. Its time for us to get on with our real lives.
Riley suddenly felt as though this had to be a bad dream, but she couldnt wake up.
Our real lives! she thought.
What did that mean?
And what did it say about her that she didnt know what it meant?
She only knew one thing for certain
He doesnt want me to go to Quantico.
Then Ryan said, Look, you can work at all kinds of jobs right here in DC. And youve got lots of time to think about what you want to do in the long run. Meanwhile, it doesnt matter if you make a lot of money. Were not rich on what Im making at the firm, but were getting by, and Ill eventually be doing really well.
Ryan started eating again, looking oddly relieved, as if theyd just settled everything.
But had they settled anything at all? Riley had spent all summer dreaming about the FBI Academy. She couldnt imagine giving it up right here and now.
No, she thought. I just cant do that.
Now she felt anger swelling up inside her.
In a tense voice she said, Im sorry you feel that way. Im not changing my mind. Im going to Quantico tomorrow.
Ryan stared at her like he couldnt believe his ears.
Riley got up from the table and said, Enjoy the rest of your meal. Theres some cheesecake in the refrigerator. Im tired. Im going to take a shower and go to bed.
Before Ryan could reply, Riley hurried into the bathroom. She cried for a few minutes, then took a long, hot shower. When she put on her slippers and bathrobe and came back out of the bathroom, she saw Ryan sitting in the kitchen. Hed cleared the table and was working at his computer. He didnt look up.
Riley went into the bedroom and climbed into bed and started crying again.
As she wiped her eyes and blew her nose, she wondered
Why am so angry?
Is Ryan wrong?
Is any of this his fault?
Her thoughts were such a jumble, she couldnt think things through. And a terrible memory started to creep up on herof waking up in this bed with a sharp pain, then seeing that she was soaked in blood
My miscarriage.
She found herself wonderingwas that one of the reasons Ryan didnt want her to go into the FBI? Shed been badly stressed by the Clown Killer case when it had happened. But the doctor in the hospital had assured her that stress had nothing to do with her miscarriage.
Instead, shed said that it had been caused by chromosomal abnormalities.
Now that Riley thought about it again, that word disturbed her
Abnormalities.
She wonderedwas she somehow abnormal, deep down inside where it really mattered?
Was she incapable of having a lasting relationship, let alone a family?
As she drifted off to sleep, she felt as though she knew only one thing for sure
Im going to Quantico tomorrow.
She was asleep before she could think about what might happen after that.
CHAPTER TWO
The man was pleased to hear the womans soft moan. He knew she must be regaining consciousness. Yes, he could see that her eyes had opened a little.
She was lying on her side on a rough-hewn wooden table in the small room that had a dirt floor, cinderblock walls, and low timbered ceiling. She was bound up tightly in a curled up position, taped fast with duct tape. Her legs were sharply bent and tightly bound to her chest, and her hands were wrapped around her shins. Her head lay sideways on top of her knees.
She reminded him of pictures hed seen of human fetusesand also of embryos he sometimes found when he cracked a fresh egg from one of the chickens he kept. She looked so mild and innocent, it was somehow a rather touching sight.
Mostly, of course, she reminded him of the other womanAlice had been her name, he believed. Hed once thought that Alice would be the only one hed treat this way, but then hed enjoyed it and there were so few pleasures in his life how could he stop?
It hurts, the woman murmured, as if out of a dream. Why does it hurt?
He knew that it was because she lay in a thick tangled bed of barbed wire. Blood was already trickling onto the table top, and it was going add to the stains in the unfinished wood. Not that it mattered. The table was older than he was, and he was the only person who ever saw it anyway.
He was hurting and bleeding some as well. Hed cut himself while getting her into the truck with the barbed wire. It was harder to do than hed expected because shed fought back more forcefully than the other one.
She had writhed and twisted while the homemade chloroform was starting to kick in. But her struggles had weakened and hed finally subdued her completely.
Even so, he wasnt much bothered to be hurt by the sharp barbs. He knew from hard experience that such cuts healed up pretty quickly, even if they did leave ghastly scars.
He stooped down and looked closely into her face.
Her eyes were opened almost impossibly wide now. Her irises twitched around as she looked back at him.
Still trying to avoid looking at me, he realized.
Everybody acted that way toward him, wherever he went. He didnt blame people for trying to pretend he was invisible, or that he didnt exist at all. Sometimes hed look in the mirror and pretend that he could make himself disappear.
Then the woman murmured again
It hurts.
In addition to the cuts, he was sure that her head ached badly from the heavy dose of homemade chloroform. When hed first mixed up the stuff right here, hed almost passed out himself, and hed suffered from a splitting headache for days afterward. But the preparation worked very well, so he would continue using it.
Now he was well prepared for what he was about to do next. He was wearing thick work gloves now and a thickly padded jacket. He wasnt going to hurt himself any more while getting the thing done.
He went to work on the mass of barbed wire with a pair of wire cutters. Then he pulled a length of it tightly around the womans body and twisted the ends into makeshift knots to hold the wire in place.
The woman let out a sharp whimper and tried to twist loose from the duct tape as the barbs tore through her skin and clothing.
As he kept working, he said
You dont have to be quiet. You can scream if you wantif it helps.
He certainly wasnt worried about anybody hearing her.
She whimpered louder, and she seemed to try to scream, but her voice was weak.
He chuckled quietly. He knew that she couldnt get enough air in her lungs to properly screamnot with her legs bound up against her chest like that.
He pulled another length of barbed wire around her and stretched it tight, watching as blood dripped from where each barb pierced her flesh beneath her clothes, soaking through the fabric, spreading and making spots much wider than the wound itself.
He kept right on pulling strand after strand around her until she was all bound up like some kind of enormous wire cocoon, not looking human at all. The bundle was making all kinds strange low soundssighs, gasps, whimpers, and groans. Blood trickled here and spurted a little there until the whole tabletop was bathed in red.