Mr. Ferrars took pity on him, and took him and Gilbert out to call upon Colonel Bury; but this did not lessen his wifes difficulties, for there was a general expectation that she would proceed to confidences; whereas she would do nothing but praise the Dusautoys, ask after all the parishioners of Fairmead one by one, and consult about French reading-books and Italian grammars. Mrs. Annesley began a gentle warning against overtaxing her strength, and Miss Ferrars enforced it with such vehemence, that Winifred, who had been rather on that side, began to take Albinias part, but perceived, with some anxiety, that her sisters attempts to laugh off the admonition almost amounted to an admission that she was working very hard. As to the step-daughters, no intelligence was attainable, except that Lucy would be pleased with a new crochet pattern, and that Sophy was like her father, but not so handsome.
The next division of time passed better. Albinia walked out at the window to meet the gentlemen when they came home, and materially relieved Mr. Kendals mind by saying to him, The aunts are settled in here till they go to Knutsford. I hope you dont thinkthere is not the least occasion for asking them to stay with us.
Are you sure you do not wish it? said Mr. Kendal, with great kindness, but an evident weight removed.
Most certain! she exclaimed, with full sincerity; I am not at all ready for them. What should I do with them to entertain?
Very well, said Mr. Kendal, you must be the judge. If there be no necessity, I shall be glad to avoid unsettling our habits, and probably Bayford would hardly afford much enjoyment to your aunts.
Albinia glanced in his face, and in that of her brother, with her own arch fun. It was the first time that day that Maurice had seen that peculiarly merry look, and he rejoiced, but he was not without fear that she was fostering Mr. Kendals retiring habits more than was good for him. But it was not only on his account that she avoided the invitation, she by no means wished to show Bayford to her fastidious aunts, and felt as if to keep them satisfied and comfortable would be beyond her power.
Set free from this dread, and his familiarity with his brother-in-law renewed, Mr. Kendal came out to great advantage at the early dinner. Miss Ferrars was well read and used to literary society, and she started subjects on which he was at home, and they discussed new books and criticised critics, so that his deep reading showed itself, and even a grave, quiet tone of satire, such as was seldom developed, except under the most favourable circumstances. He and Aunt Gertrude were evidently so well pleased with each other, that Albinia almost thought she had been precipitate in letting him off the visit.
Gilbert had, fortunately, a turn for small children, and submitted to be led about the garden by little Willie; and as far as moderate enjoyment went, the visit was not unsuccessful; but as for what Albinia came for, it was unattainable, except for one little space alone with her brother.
I meant to have asked a great deal, she said, sighing.
If you, want me, I would contrive to ride over, said Maurice.
No, it is not worth that. But, Maurice, what is to be done when one sees ones duty, and yet fails for ever for want of tact and temper! Ah, I know what you will say, and I often say it to myself, but whatever I propose, I always do either the wrong thing or in the wrong way!
You fall a hundred times a day, but are raised up again, said Maurice.
Maurice, tell me one thing. Is it wrong to do, not the best, but only the best one can?
It is the wrong common to us all, said Maurice.
I used to believe in whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well. Now, I do everything ill, rather than do nothing at all.
There are only two ways of avoiding that.
And they are?
Either doing nothing, or admiring all your own doings.
Which do you recommend? said Albinia, smiling, but not far from tears.
My dear, said Maurice, all I can dare to recommend, is patience and self-control. Dont fret and agitate yourself about what you cant do, but do your best to do calmly what you can. It will be made up, depend upon it.
There was no time for more, but the sound counsel, the sympathy, and playfulness had done Albinia wonderful good, and she was almost glad there had been no more privacy, or her friends might have guessed that she had not quite found a counsellor at home.
CHAPTER VI
The Christmas holidays did indeed put an end to the walks to meet Gilbert, but only so as to make Albinia feel responsible for him all day long, and uneasy whenever he was not accounted for. She played chess with him, found books, and racked her brains to seek amusements for him; but knowing all the time that it was hopeless to expect a boy of fourteen to be satisfied with them. One or two boys of his age had come home for the holidays, and she tried to be relieved by being told that he was going out with Dick Wolfe or Harry Osborn, but it was not quite satisfactory, and she began to look fagged and unwell, and had lost so much of her playfulness, that even Mr. Kendal was alarmed.
Sophias birthday fell in the last week before Christmas, and it had always been the family custom to drink tea with Mrs. Meadows. Albinia made the engagement with a sense of virtuous resignation, though not feeling well enough for the infliction, but Mr. Kendal put a stop to all notion of her going. She expected to enjoy her quiet solitary evening, but the result was beyond her hopes, for as she was wishing Gilbert good-bye, she heard the click of the study lock, and in came Mr. Kendal.
I thought you were gone, she said.
No. I did not like to leave you alone for a whole evening.
If it were only an excuse to himself for avoiding the Meadows party, it was too prettily done for the notion to occur to his wife, and never had she spent a happier evening. He was so unusually tender and unreserved, so desirous to make her comfortable, and, what was far more to her, growing into so much confidence, that it was even better than what she used last year to picture to herself as her future life with him. It even came to what he had probably never done for any one. She spoke of a beautiful old Latin hymn, which she had once read with her brother, and had never seen adequately translated, and he fetched a manuscript book, where, written out with unrivalled neatness, stood a translation of his own, made many years ago, full of scholarly polish. She ventured to ask leave to copy it. I will copy it for you, he said, but it must be for yourself alone.
She was grateful for the concession, and happy in the promise. She begged to turn the page, and it was granted. There were other translations, chiefly from curious oriental sources, and there were about twenty original poems, elaborated in the same exquisite manner, and with a deep melancholy strain of thought, and power of beautiful description, that she thought finer and more touching than almost anything she had read.
And these are all locked up for ever. No one has seen them.
So. When I was a young lad, my poor father put some lines of mine into a newspaper. That sufficed me, and he shut the clasped book as if repenting of having revealed the contents.
No, I was not thinking of anything you would dislike with regard to those verses. I dont like to let in the world on things precious, but (how could she venture so far!) I was thinking how many powers and talents are shut up in that study! and whether they might not have been meant for more. I beg your pardon if I ought not to say so.
And these are all locked up for ever. No one has seen them.
So. When I was a young lad, my poor father put some lines of mine into a newspaper. That sufficed me, and he shut the clasped book as if repenting of having revealed the contents.
No, I was not thinking of anything you would dislike with regard to those verses. I dont like to let in the world on things precious, but (how could she venture so far!) I was thinking how many powers and talents are shut up in that study! and whether they might not have been meant for more. I beg your pardon if I ought not to say so.
The time is past, he replied, without displeasure; my youth is gone, and with it the enterprise and hopefulness that can press forward, insensible to annoyance. You should have married a man with freshness and energy more responsive to your own.
Oh, Edmund, that is a severe reproach for my impertinent speech.
You must not expect too much from me, he continued. I told you that I was a broken, grief-stricken man, and you were content to be my comforter.
Would that I could be so! exclaimed Albinia, but to try faithfully, I must say what is on my mind. Dear Edmund, if you would only look out of your books, and see how much good you could do, here in your own sphere, how much the right wants strengthening, how much evil cries out to be repressed, how sadly your own poor sufferoh! if you once began, you would be so much happier!
She trembled with earnestness, and with fear of her own audacity, but a resounding knock at the door prevented her from even discovering whether he were offended. He started away to secure his book, and the two girls came in. Albinia could hardly believe it late enough for their return, but they accounted for having come rather earlier by saying that Gilbert had been making himself so ridiculous when he had come at last, that grandmamma had sent him home.
At last! said Albinia. He set off only ten minutes after you, as soon as he found that papa was not coming.
All I know, said Lucy, is, that he did not come till half-past nine, and said he had come from home.
And where can he be now?
Gone to bed, growled Sophy.
I dont know what he has been doing, said Lucy, who since the suspicion of favouritism, had seemed to find especial pleasure in bringing forward her brothers faults; but he came in laughing like a plough-boy, and talking perfect nonsense. And when Aunt Maria spoke to him, he answered quite rudely, that he wasnt going to be questioned and called to order, he had enough of petticoat government at home.
No, said Sophy, breaking in with ungracious reluctance, as if against her will conveying some comfort to her step-mother for the sake of truth, what he said was, that if he bore with petticoat government at home, it was because Mrs. Kendal was pretty and kind, and didnt torment him out of his life for nothing, and what he stood from her, he would not stand from any other woman.
But, Sophy, I am sure he did say Mrs. Kendal knew what she was going to say, and said it, and it was worth hearing, and he laughed in Aunt Marias face, and told her not to make so many bites at a cherry.
He must have been beside himself, said Albinia, in a bewilderment of consternation, but Mr. Kendals return put a stop to all, for the sisters never told tales before him, and she would not bring the subject under his notice until she should be better informed. His suffering was too great, his wrath too stern, to be excited without serious cause; but she spent a wakeful, anxious night, revolving all imaginable evils into which the boy could have fallen, and perplexing herself what measures to take, feeling all the more grieved and bound to him by the preference that, even in this dreadful mood, he had expressed for her. She fell into a restless sleep in the morning, from which she wakened so late as to have no time to question Gilbert before breakfast. On coming down, she found that he had not made his appearance, and had sent word that he had a bad headache, and wanted no breakfast. His father, who had made a visit of inspection, said he thought it was passing off, smiling as he observed upon Mrs. Meadowss mince-pie suppers and home-made wine.
Lucy said nothing, but glanced knowingly at her sister and at Albinia, from neither of whom did she get any response.
Albinia did not dare to take any measures till Mr. Kendal had ridden out, and then she went up and knocked at Gilberts door. He was better, he said, and was getting up, he would be down-stairs presently. She watched for him as he came down, looking still very pale and unwell. She took him into her room, made him sit by the fire, and get a little life and warmth into his chilled hands before she spoke. Yes, Gilbert, I dont wonder you cannot lift up your head while so much is on your mind.
Gilbert started and hid his face.
Did you think I did not know, and was not grieved?
Well, he cried, peevishly, Im sure I have the most ill-natured pair of sisters in the world.
Then you meant to deceive us again, Gilbert.
He had relapsed into the old habitas usual, a burst of tears and a declaration that no one was ever so badly off, and he did not know what to do.
You do know perfectly well what to do, Gilbert. There is nothing for it but to tell me the whole meaning of this terrible affair, and I will see whether I can help you.
It was always the same round, a few words would always bring the confession, and that pitiful kind of helpless repentance, which had only too often given her hope.
Gilbert assured her that he had fully purposed following his sisters, but that on the way he had unluckily fallen in with Archie Tritton and a friend, who had driven in to hear a man from London singing comic songs at the Kings Head, and they had persuaded him to come in. He had been uneasy and tried to get away, but the dread of being laughed at about his grandmothers tea had prevailed, and he had been supping on oysters and porter, and trying to believe himself a fast man, till Archie, who had assured him that he was himself going home in no time, had found it expedient to set off, and it had been agreed that he should put a bold face on it, and profess that he had never intended to do more than come and fetch his sisters home.
That the porter had anything to do with his extraordinary manner to his grandmother and aunt, was so shocking a notion, and the very hint made him cry so bitterly, and protest so earnestly that he had only had one pint, which he did not like, and only drank because he was afraid of being teased, that Albinia was ready to believe that he had been so elevated by excitement as to forget himself, and continue the style of the company he had left. It was bad enough, and she felt almost overpowered by the contemplation of the lamentable weakness of the poor boy, of the consequences, and of what was incumbent on her.
She leant back and considered a little while, then sighed heavily, and said, Gilbert, two things must be done. You must make an apology to your grandmother and aunt, and you must confess the whole to your father.
He gave a sort of howl, as if she were misusing his confidence.
It must be, she said. If you are really sorry, you will not shrink. I do not believe that it could fail to come to your fathers knowledge, even if I did not know it was my duty to tell him, and how much better to confess it yourself.
For this, however, Gilbert seemed to have no force; he cried piteously, bewailed himself, vowed incoherently that he would never do so again, and if she had not pitied him so much, would have made her think him contemptible.