He seemed to have no substance in him; he had hardly had energy to undress himself, and she found him with his face hidden on the pillow, shivering audibly, and actually crying. She was aghast.
The boys with whom she had been brought up, would never have given way so entirely without resistance; but between laughing, cheering, scolding, covering him up close, and rubbing his hands with her own, she comforted him, so that he could be grateful and cheerful when his father himself came up with the soup. Albinia noticed a sort of shudder pass over Mr. Kendal as he entered, and he stood close by Gilbert, turning his back on everything else, while he watched the boy eat the soup, as if restored by every spoonful. That was a good thought, was his comment to his wife, and the look of gratitude brought a flush of pleasure into her cheek.
Of all the dinners, this was the most pleasant; he was more gentle and affectionate, and she made him tell her about the Persian poets, and promise to show her some specimens of the Rose Garden of Saadishe had never before been so near having his pursuits opened to her.
What a favourite Gilbert is! Lucy said to Sophia, as Albinia lighted a candle and went up to his room.
He makes such a fuss, said Sophy. What is there in being wet through to cry about?
Albinia heard a little shuffle as she opened the door, and Gilbert pushed a book under his pillow. She asked him what he had been reading. Oh, he said, he had not been doing it long, for the flickering of the candle hurt his eyes.
Yes, you had better not, said Albinia, moving the flaring light to a less draughty part of the dingy whitewashed attic. Or shall I read to you?
Are you come to stay with me? cried the boy, raising himself up to look after her, as she moved about the room and stood looking from the window over the trees at the water meadows, now flooded into a lake, and lighted by the beams of a young moon.
I can stay till your father is ready for tea, said Albinia, coming nearer. Let me see whether your hands are hot.
She found her own hand suddenly clasped, and pressed to his lips, and then, as if ashamed, he turned his face away; nor would she betray her pleasure in it, but merely said, Shall I go on with your book!
No, said he, wearily turning his reddened cheek to the other side. I only took it because it is so horrid lying here thinking.
I am very sorry to hear it. Do you know, Gibbie, that it is said there is nothing more lamentable than for a man not to like to have his own thoughts for his company, said she, gaily.
Ah! but! said Gilbert. If I lie here alone, Im always looking out there, and he pointed to the opposite recess. She looked, but saw nothing. Dont you know? he said.
Edmund? she asked.
He grasped her hands in both his own. Aye! Ned used to sleep there. I always look for him there.
Do you mean that you would rather have another room? I would manage it directly.
O no, thank you, I like it for some things. Take the candlelook by the shuttercut out in the wood.
The boys scoring of E. & G. K., was visible there.
Papa has taken all he could of Edmunds, said Gilbert, but he could not take that! No, I would not have any other room if you were to give me the best in the house.
I am sure not! But, my dear, considering what Edmund was, surely they should be gentle, happy thoughts that the room should give you.
He shuddered, and presently said, Do you know what? and paused; then continued, with an effort, getting tight hold of her hand, Just before Edmund diedhe lay out thereI lay herehe sat up all white in bed, and he called out, clear and loud, Mamma, GilbertI saw himand thenhe was dead! And you know mamma did dieand Im sure I shall! He had worked himself into a trembling fit, hid his face and sobbed.
But you have not died of the fever.
Yesbut I know it means that I shall die young! I am sure it does! It was a call! I heard Nurse say it was a call!
What was to be done with such a superstition? Albinia did not think it would be right to argue it away. It might be in truth a warning to him to guard his waysa voice from the twin-brother, to be with him through life. She knelt down by him, and kissed his forehead.
Dear Gilbert, she said, we all shall die.
Yes, but I shall die young.
And if you should. Those are happy who die young. How much pain your baby-brother and sisters have missed! How happy Edmund is now!
Then you really think it meant that I shall he cried, tremblingly. O dont! I cant die!
Your brother called on what he loved best, said Albinia. It may mean nothing. Or rather, it may mean that your dear twin-brother is watching for you, I am sure he is, to have you with him, for what makes your mortal life, however long, seem as nothing. It was a call to you to be as pure on earth as he is in heaven. O Gilbert, how good you should be!
Gilbert did not know whether it frightened him or soothed him to see his superstition treated with respectneither denied, nor reasoned away. But the ghastliness was not in the mere fear that death might not be far off.
The pillow had turned a little on one sideAlbinia tried to smooth itthe corner of a book peeped out. It was a translation of The Three Musqueteers, one of the worst and most fascinating of Dumas romances.
You wont tell papa! cried Gilbert, raising himself, in far more real and present terror than he had previously shown.
How did you get it? Whose is it?
It is my own. I bought it at Richardsons. It is very funny. But you wont tell papa? I never was told not; indeed I was not.
Now, Gilbert dear, will you tell me a few things? I do only wish what is good for you. Why dont you wish that papa should hear of this book?
Gilbert writhed himself.
You know he would not like it?
Then why did you take to reading it?
Oh! cried the boy, if you only did know how stupid and how miserable it has been! More than half myself gone, and Sophy always glum, and Lucy always plaguing, and Aunt Maria always being a torment, you would not wonder at ones doing anything to forget it!
Yes, but why do what you knew to be wrong?
Nobody told me not.
Disobedience to the spirit, then, if not to the letter. It was not the way to be happier, my poor boy, nor nearer to your brother and mother.
Things didnt use to be stupid when Ned was there! sobbed Gilbert, bursting into a fresh flood of tears.
Ah! Gilbert, I grieved most of all for you when first I heard your story, before I thought I should ever have anything to do with you, said Albinia, hanging over him fondly. I always thought it must be so forlorn to be a twin left solitary. But it is sadder still than I knew, if grief has made you put yourself farther from him instead of nearer.
I shall be good again now that I have you, said Gilbert, as he looked up into that sweet face.
And you will begin by making a free confession to your father, and giving up the book.
I dont see what I have to confess. He would be so angry, and he never told me not. Oh! I cannot tell him.
She felt that this was not the right way to begin a reformation, and yet she feared to press the point, knowing that the one was thought severe, the other timid.
At least you will give up the book, she said.
O dear! if you would let me see whether dArtagnan got to England. I must know that! Im sure there cant be any harm in that. Do you know what it is about?
At least you will give up the book, she said.
O dear! if you would let me see whether dArtagnan got to England. I must know that! Im sure there cant be any harm in that. Do you know what it is about?
Yes, I do. My brother got it by some mistake among some French books. He read some of the droll unobjectionable parts to my sister and me, but the rest was so bad, that he threw it into the fire.
Then you think it funny?
To be sure I do.
Do you remember the three duels all at once, and the three valets? Oh! what fun it is. But do let me see if dArtagnan got the diamonds.
Yes, he did. But will this satisfy you, Gilbert? You know there are some exciting pleasures that we must turn our backs on resolutely. I think this book is one of them. Now you will let me take it? I will tell your father about it in private, and he cannot blame you. Then, if he will give his consent, whenever you can come home early, come to my dressing-room, out of your sisters way, and I will read to you the innocent part, so as to get the story out of your brain.
Very well, said Gilbert, slowly. Yes, if you will not let papa be angry with me. And, oh dear! must you go?
I think you had better dress yourself and come down to tea. There is nothing the matter with you now, is there?
He was delighted with the suggestion, and promised to come directly; and Albinia carried off her prize, exceedingly hopeful and puzzled, and wondering whether her compromise had been a right one, or a mere tampering with temptationdelighted with the confidence and affection bestowed on her so freely, but awe-struck by the impression which the boy had avowed, and marvelling how it should be treated, so as to render it a blessed and salutary restraint, rather than the dim superstitious terror that it was at present. At least there was hope of influencing him, his heart was affectionate, his will on the side of right, and in consideration of feeble health and timid character, she would overlook the fact that he had not made one voluntary open confession, and that the partial renunciation had been wrung from him as a choice of evils. She could only feel how much he was to be pitied, and how he responded to her affection.
She was crossing the hall next day, when she heard a confusion of tongues through the open door of the dining-room, and above all, Gilberts. Well, I say there are but two ladies in Bayford. One is Mrs. Kendal, and the other is Genevieve Durant!
A dancing-masters daughter! Lucys scornful tone was unmistakeable, and so was the ensuing high-pitched querulous voice, Well, to be sure, Gilbert might be a little morea little more civil. Not that Ive a word to say againstagainst youryour mamma. Oh, no!glad to seebut Gilbert might be more civil.
I think so indeed, said Albinia. Good morning, Miss Meadows. You see Gilbert has come home quite alive enough for mischief.
Ah! I thought I might be excused. Mamma was so uneasythough I know you dont admit visitorsmy just coming to seeWeve been always so anxious about Gilbert. Gibbie dear, where is that flannel I gave you for your throat?
She advanced to put her finger within his neck-tie and feel for it. Gilbert stuck his chin down, and snapped with his teeth like a gin. Lucy exclaimed, Now, Gilbert, I know mamma will say that is wrong.
Ah! we are used to Gilberts tricks. Always bear with a boys antics, said Miss Meadows, preventing whatever she thought was coming out of Mrs. Kendals month. Albinia took the unwise step of laughing, for her sympathies were decidedly with resistance both to flannels and to the insertion of that hooked finger.
Mr. Bowles has always said it was a case for great care. Flannel next the skinno exposure, continued Miss Meadows, tartly. I am sureI know I am the last person to wish to interferebut so delicateYoull excusebut my mother was uneasy; and people who go out in all weathers
I hope Mrs. Meadows had my note this morning.
O yes! I am perfectly aware. Thank you. Yes, I know the rule, but youll excuseMy mother was still anxiousI know you exclude visitors in lesson-time. Im going. Only grandmamma would be gladnot that she wishes to interferebut if Gilbert had on his piece of flannel
Have you, Gilbert? said Albinia, becoming tormented.
I have been flannel all over all my life, said Gilbert, sulkily, one bit more or less can make no odds.
Then you have not that piece? said Albinia.
Oh, my dear! Think of that! New Saxony! I begged it of Mr. Holland. A new remnantpink list, and all! I said it was just what I wanted for Master Gilbert. Mr. Holland is always a civil, feeling man. New Saxonythree shillings the yardand trimmed with blue sarsenet! Where is it, Gilbert?
In a soup dish, with a crop of mustard and cress on it, said Gilbert, with a wicked wink at Albinia, who was unable to resist joining in the girls shout of laughing, but she became alarmed when she found that poor Miss Meadows was very near crying, and that her incoherency became so lachrymose as to be utterly incomprehensible.
Lucy, ashamed of her laughter, solemnly declared that it was very wrong of Gilbert, and she hoped he would not suffer from it, and Albinia, trying to become grave, judicial, and conciliatory, contrived to pronounce that it was very silly to leave anything off in an east wind, and hoping to put an end to the matter, asked Aunt Maria to sit down, and judge how they went on with their lessons.
O no, she could not interrupt. Her mother would want her. She knew Mrs. Kendal never admitted visitors. She had no doubt she was quite right. She hoped it would be understood. She would not intrude. In fact, she could neither go nor stay. She would not resume her seat, nor let anything go on, and it was full twenty minutes before a series of little vibrating motions and fragmentary phrases had borne her out of the house.
Well! cried Gilbert, I hoped Aunt Maria had left off coming down upon us.
O, mamma! exclaimed Lucy, you never sent your love to grandmamma.
Depend upon it she was waiting for that, said Gilbert.
Im sure I wish I had known it, said Albinia, not in the most judicious manner. Half-past eleven!
Aunt Maria says she cant think how you can find time for church when you cant see visitors in the morning, said Lucy. And oh! dear mamma, grandmamma says gravy soup was enough to throw Gilbert into a fever.
At any rate, it did not, said Albinia.
Oh! and, dear mamma, Mrs. Osborn is so hurt that you called on Mrs. Dusautoy before returning her visit; and Aunt Maria says if you dont call to-day you will never get over it, and she says that
What business has Mrs. Osborn to ask whom I called on? exclaimed Albinia, impatiently.
Because Mrs. Osborn is the leading lady in the town, said Lucy. She told Miss Goldsmith that she had no notion of not being respected.
And she cant bear the Dusautoys. She left off subscribing to anything when they came; and he behaved very ill to the Admiral and everybody at a vestry-meeting.
I shall ask your papa before I am in any hurry to call on the Osborns! cried Albinia. I have no desire to be intimate with people who treat their clergyman in that way.
But Mrs. Osborn is quite the leader! exclaimed Lucy. They keep the best society here. So many families in the county come and call on them.
Very likely
Ah! Mrs. Osborn told Aunt Maria that as the Nugents called on you, and you had such connexions, she supposed you would be high. But you wont make me separate from Lizzie, will you? I suppose Miss Nugent is a fashionable young lady.