Of course I had to turn every single thing out now, and, of course, I could not find it. Of course, I found Georges and Harriss eighteen times over, but I couldnt find my own. I put the things back one by one, and held everything up and shook it. Then I found it inside a boot. I repacked once more.
When I had finished, George asked if the soap was in. I said I didnt care whether the soap was in or whether it wasnt; and I slammed the bag and strapped it, and found that I had packed my tobacco-pouch53 in it, and had to re-open it. It got shut up finally at 10.50 p.m., and then there remained the hampers to do. Harris said that he and George had better do the rest; and I agreed and sat down, and they had a go.
They began in a light-hearted spirit, evidently intending to show me how to do it. I made no comment; I only waited. Harris is the worst packer in this world; and I looked at the piles of plates and cups, and kettles, and bottles and jars, and pies, and stoves, and cakes, and tomatoes, etc., and felt that the thing would soon become exciting.
It did. They started with breaking a cup. That was the first thing they did. They did that just to show you what they could do, and to get you interested. Then Harris packed the strawberry jam on top of a tomato and squashed it, and they had to pick out the tomato with a teaspoon.
And then it was Georges turn, and he stepped on the butter. I didnt say anything, but I came over and sat on the edge of the table and watched them. It irritated them more than anything I could have said. I felt that. It made them nervous and excited, and they stepped on things, and put things behind them, and then couldnt find them when they wanted them; and they packed the pies at the bottom, and put heavy things on top, and smashed the pies in.
They upset salt over everything, and as for the butter! After George had got it off his slipper, they tried to put it in the kettle. It wouldnt go in, and what was in wouldnt come out. They did scrape it out at last, and put it down on a chair, and Harris sat on it, and it stuck to him, and they went looking for it all over the room.
Ill take my oath I put it down on that chair, said George, staring at the empty seat.
I saw you do it myself, not a minute ago, said Harris. Then they started round the room again looking for it; and then they met again in the centre, and stared at one another.
Most extraordinary thing I ever heard of, said George.
So mysterious! said Harris.
Then George got round at the back of Harris and saw it.
Why, here it is all the time, he exclaimed, indignantly. Where? cried Harris, turning round.
Stand still, cant you! roared George, flying after him. And they got it off, and packed it in the teapot.
Montmorency was in it all, of course. Montmorencys ambition in life is to get in the way and be sworn at.54 If he can be anywhere where he particularly is not wanted, and make people mad, and have things thrown at his head, then he feels his day has not been wasted. To get somebody to stumble over him, and curse him steadily for an hour, is his highest aim and object; and, when he has succeeded in accomplishing this, his egotism becomes quite unbearable.
He came and sat down on things, just when they were wanted to be packed; and he laboured under the fixed belief that, whenever Harris or George reached out their hand for anything, it was his cold, damp nose that they wanted. He put his leg into the jam, and he worried the teaspoons, and he pretended that the lemons were rats, and got into the hamper and killed three of them before Harris could calm him with the frying pan.
The packing was done at 12.50; and Harris sat on the big hamper, and said he hoped nothing is broken. George said he was ready for bed. We were all ready for bed. Harris was to sleep with us that night, and we went upstairs.
We tossed for beds, and Harris had to sleep with me. He said:
Do you prefer the inside or the outside, J.?
I said I generally preferred to sleep inside a bed.
Harris said it was old.
George said:
What time shall I wake you fellows?
Harris said:
Seven.
I said:
No six, because I wanted to write some letters.
Harris and I had a bit of a row over it, but at last split the difference, and said half-past six.
Wake us at 6.30, George, we said.
George made no answer, and we found that he had been asleep for some time; so we placed the bath where he could fall into it on getting out in the morning, and went to bed ourselves.
Exercises1. Read the chapter and choose the correct answer.
1. The friends decided not to take
a) a methylated spirit stove.
b) an oil stove.
c) a frying pan.
2. The friend were against any cheese because
a) they dont like cheese.
b) George suggested eggs and bacon.
c) it smells too strong.
3. People, seeing the narrators empty carriage, would
a) go into another carriage.
b) stay at the station.
c) rush for it.
4. Toms wife wanted to
a) eat the cheeses.
b) bury the cheeses.
c) keep the cheeses in a moist place.
5. In case the friends got upset they took
a) a bottle of whisky.
b) some lemonade.
c) beer and wine.
6. The thing that haunts the narrator when he is travelling is
a) his boots.
b) packing.
c) his tooth-brush.
7. The narrator finally shut the bag at
a) 10.00.
b) 10.15.
c) 10.50.
8. George and Harris started packing with
a) squashing a tomato.
b) breaking a cup.
c) stepping on things.
9. Montmorency pretended that
a) the lemons were rats.
b) Harris could calm him.
c) he was helping with packing.
10. The friends agreed to wake up at
a) 6.00.
b) 6.30.
c) 7.00.
2. Learn the words from the text:
significant, scenery, reply, scent, grumpy, compartment, consider, widow, orphan, wander, strap, occur, pretend, waste, aim, accomplish, unbearable, exclaim, crowded, attached.
3. Practice the pronunciation of the following words.
4. Fill in the gaps using the words from the text.
1. You cant tell you are apple-pie or German sausage, or strawberries and cream. It all cheese.
2. I not think they would it, if one of the men put a handkerchief over the horses nose.
3. She said that she sure of that, but that she speak to Tom about it when he back.
4. I replied that he directed they were to in a moist place.
5. I take the children and go to a hotel until those cheeses .
6. My friend, after everything , found that the cheeses him eight-and-sixpence a pound.
7. I impressed the fact upon George and Harris, and told them that they leave the whole matter entirely to me.
8. If he can anywhere where he particularly not wanted, and people mad, and things thrown at his head, then he his day not been .
9. The packing at 12.50.
10. George made no answer, and we found that he asleep for some time.
5. Match the words with definitions.
6. Find in the text the English equivalents for:
8. If he can anywhere where he particularly not wanted, and people mad, and things thrown at his head, then he his day not been .
9. The packing at 12.50.
10. George made no answer, and we found that he asleep for some time.
5. Match the words with definitions.
6. Find in the text the English equivalents for:
один мой друг, многозначительный взгляд, в конце поездки, переполненный поезд, быть сильно привязанным к чему-то, бродить по городу, что касается, сводить с ума, едва уловимый запах, протянуть руку, сделать все остальное, заинтересовать кого-то.
7. Find the words in the text for which the following are synonyms:
pretty, decline, regard, plenty, odour, whether, ambition, labour, reply, intend.
8. Explain and expand on the following.
1. We had taken up an oil-stove once, but never again.
2. Cheese, like oil, makes too much of itself.
3. My friend got rid of the cheeses by burying them on the beach.
4. I said Id pack.
5. My tooth-brush is a thing that haunts me when Im travelling.
6. Harris is the worst packer in this world.
7. Montmorency was in it all, of course.
8. What time shall I wake you fellows?
9. Answer the following questions.
1. Why did the friends take an awful oath never to take paraffine oil with them in a boat again?
2. What did George refuse to take for breakfast? Why?
3. What happened with the horse that carried the cheeses?
4. How did the people who travelled with the narrator behave? Why?
5. Did Toms wife like the cheese? Why / why not?
6. How did Tom get rid of the cheeses?
7. Was the narrator successful at packing?
8. Why does the narrator say that his tooth-brush haunts him?
9. Did George and Harris manage to do the packing? Was it easy?
10. What was Montmorency doing during the packing?
10. Retell the chapter for the persons of the narrator, Tom, Toms wife, George, Harris.
CHAPTER V
It was Mrs. Poppets that woke me up next morning. She said:
Do you know that its nearly nine oclock, sir?
Nine o what? I cried, starting up.
Nine oclock, she replied, through the keyhole. I thought you were oversleeping.
I woke Harris, and told him. He said:
I thought you wanted to get up at six?
So I did, I answered; why didnt you wake me? How could I wake you, when you didnt wake me? he responded. Now we shant get on the water till after twelve. I wonder you take the trouble to get up at all.
Um, I replied, lucky for you that I do. If I hadnt woken you, youd have lain there for the whole fortnight.
We were growling at one another for the next few minutes, when we were interrupted by a snore from George. It reminded us of his existence. There he lay the man who had wanted to know what time he should wake us on his back, with his mouth wide open, and his knees stuck up.
I dont know why it should be, but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, makes me mad. It seems to me so shocking to see the precious hours of a mans life the priceless moments that will never come back to him again being wasted in mere brutish sleep. There was George, throwing away the inestimable gift of time. He might have been up stuffing himself with eggs and bacon or irritating the dog instead of sprawling there.
It was a terrible thought. Harris and I seemed to be struck by it at the same instant. We determined to save him, and our own dispute was forgotten. We rushed to him and pull his blanket off him, and Harris hit him with a slipper, and I shouted in his ear, and he awoke.
Wasermarrer?55 he observed, sitting up.
Get up, you fat-headed chunk!56 roared Harris. Its quarter to ten.
What! he exclaimed, jumping out of bed into the bath; Who put this thing here?
We told him he must have been a fool not to see the bath. We finished dressing, and, when it came to the other procedures, we remembered that we had packed the tooth-brushes and the brush and comb (that toothbrush of mine will be the death of me57, I know), and we had to go downstairs, and fish them out of the bag. And when we had done that George wanted the shaving tackle. We told him that he would have to go without shaving that morning, as we werent going to unpack that bag again for him, nor for anyone like him.
We went downstairs to have breakfast. Montmorency had invited two other dogs to come and see him, and they were whiling away the time58 by fighting on the doorstep. We calmed them with an umbrella, and sat down to chops and cold beef.
Harris said:
The great thing is to make a good breakfast, and he started with a couple of chops, saying that he would take these while they were hot, as the beef could wait.
George got hold of the newspaper, and read us out the boating fatalities, and the weather forecast, which predicted rain, cold, wet to fine59 (the worst thing that may be in weather), occasional local thunderstorms, east wind.
I do think that, of all the silly, irritating nonsense by which we are ill, this weather-forecast fraud is about the most annoying. It forecasts precisely what happened yesterday or the day before, and precisely the opposite of what is going to happen today.
I remember a holiday of mine being completely ruined one late autumn by our paying attention to the weather report of the local newspaper. Heavy showers60, with thunderstorms, may be expected today, it said on Monday, and so we gave up our picnic, and stayed indoors all day, waiting for the rain. And people would pass the house, going off in cabs and coaches as jolly and merry as could be, the sun shining out, and not a cloud to be seen.
Ah! we said, as we stood looking out at them through the window, wont they come home soaked!
And we chuckled to think how wet they were going to get, and came back and made a fire, and got our books, and arranged our collection of seaweed and shells. By twelve oclock, with the sun pouring into the room, the heat became quite oppressive, and we wondered when those heavy showers and occasional thunderstorms were going to begin.
Ah! Theyll come in the afternoon, youll find, we said to each other. Oh, wont those people get wet. What a lark!61
At one oclock, the landlady came in to ask if we werent going out, as it seemed such a lovely day.
No, no, we replied, with a knowing chuckle, not we. We dont mean to get wet no, no.
And when the afternoon was nearly gone, and still there was no sign of rain, we tried to cheer ourselves up with the idea that it would come down all at once, just as the people had started for home, and were out of the reach of any shelter62, and that they would thus get more soaked than ever. But not a drop ever fell, and it finished a grand day, and a lovely night after it.