A few other lads did actually pay toll to the keepers, and some penniless ones were brought before the magistrates and fined for trespass, because they could not afford it, as Caroline said, and to the Colonels great disgust she sent two sovereigns by Allen to pay their fines and set them free.
It was my own money, she said, in self-defence, earned by my models of fungi.
The Colonel thought it an unsatisfactory justification, and told her that she would lay up trouble for herself by thus encouraging insubordination. He little thought that the laugh in her eyes was at his complacent ignorance of his own sons narrow escape.
Allen was at home for Easter, when Eton gave longer holidays than did St. Kenelm, so that his brothers were at work again long before he was. One afternoon, which had ended in a soaking mist, the two pairs of Roberts and Johns encountered him at the Folly gate so disguised in mud that they hardly recognised the dainty Etonian.
That brute Barnes, he ejaculated; I had to come miles round through a disgusting lane. I wish I had gone on. Id have proved the right of way if he chose to prosecute me!
Father says thats no go, said Robin.
I say, Allen, what a guy you are, added Johnny.
And hes got his swell trousers on, cried Jock, capering with glee.
I see, gravely observed Bobus, he had got himself up regardless of expense for his Undine, and she has treated him to another dose of her native element.
She had nothing to do with it, asseverated Allen, she was as good as gold
Ah! I knew he wasnt figged out for nothing, put in Jock.
Dont be ashamed, Ali, my boy, added Bobus. We all understand her little tokens.
Stop that! cried Allen, catching hold of Jocks ear so as to end his war-dance in a howl, bringing the ponderous Rob to the rescue, and there was a general melee, ending by all the five rolling promiscuously on the gravel drive. They scrambled up with recovered tempers, and at the sight of an indignant housemaid rushed in a general stampede to the two large attics opening into one another, which served as the lair of the Folly lads. There, while struggling, with Jocks assistance, to pull off his boots, Allen explained how he had been waylaid by a beast in velveteens, and walked off to the nearest gate.
Will he summons you, Ali? Well all go and see the Grand Turk in the dock, cried Jock.
Dont flatter yourself; he wouldnt think of it.
How much did you fork out? asked Bobus.
Allen declaimed in the last refinement of Eton slang (carefully treasured up by the others for reproduction) against the spite of the keeper, who he declared had grinned with malice as he turned him out at a little back gate into a lane with a high stone wall on each side, and two ruts running like torrents with water, leading in the opposite direction to Kenminster, and ending in a bottom where he was up to the ankles in red clay.
The Eton boots, oh my! cried Jock, falling backwards with one of them, which he had just pulled off.
And then, added Allen, as I tried to get along under the wall by the bank, what should a miserable stone do, but turn round with me and send me squash into the mud and mire, floundering like a hippopotamus. I should like to get damages from that villain! I should!
Allen was much more angry than was usual with him, and the others, though laughing at his Etonian airs, fully sympathised with his wrath.
He ought to be served out.
We will serve him out!
How?
Get all our fellows and make a jolly good row under his windows, said Robin.
Decidedly low, said Allen.
And impracticable besides, said Bobus. Theyd kick you out before you could say Jack Robinson.
There was an old book of fathers, suggested Jock, with an old scamp who starved and licked his apprentices, till one of them dressed himself up in a bullocks hide, horns and hoofs, and tail and all, and stood over his bed at night and shouted
Old man, old man, for thy cruelty,
Body and soul thou art given to me;
Let me but hear those apprentices cries,
And Ill toss thee, and gore thee, and bore out thine eyes.
And he was quite mild to the apprentices ever after.
Jock acted and roared with such effect as to be encored, but Rob objected. He aint got any apprentices.
It might be altered, said Allen.
Old man, old man, thy gates thou must ope,
Bobus chimed in.
Nor force Eton swells in quagmire to grope.
Bother you, dont humbug and put me out.
Old man, old man, if for aught thou wouldst hope,
Thy heart, purse, and gates thou must instantly ope.
Let me but
Get Mother Carey to write it, suggested his cousin John.
No; she must know nothing about it, said Bobus.
Shed think it a jolly lark, said Jock.
When its over, said Allen. But its one of the things that the old ones are sure to stick at beforehand, if they are ever so rational and jolly.
Tis a horrid pity she is not a fellow, sighed Johnny.
And wholl do the verses? said Rob.
Oh, any fool can do them, returned Bobus. The point is to bell the cat.
Thered be no getting in to act the midnight ghost, said Allen.
No, said Jock; but one could hide in the big rhododendron in the wolf-skin rug, and jump out on him in his chair.
In Allens railway rug, Jock rehearsed the scene, and was imitated if not surpassed by both cousins; but Allen and Bobus declared that it could not be carried out in the daylight.
I could do it still better, said Jock, if I blacked myself all over, not only my face, but all the rest, and put on nothing but my red flannel drawers and a turban. Theyd take me for the ghost of the little nigger he flogged to death, and Allen could write something pathetic and stunning.
You might cut human ears out of rabbit-skins and hang them round your neck, added Bobus.
Youd be awfully cold, said Allen.
You could mix in a little iodine, suggested Bobus. That stings like fun, and a coppery tinge would be more natural.
There was great acclamation, but the difficulty was that the only time for effecting an entrance into the garden was between four and five in the morning, and it would be needful to lurk there in this light costume till Mr. Barnes went out. No one would be at liberty from school but Allen, and he declined the oil and lamp-black even though warmed up with iodine.
Could it not be done by deputy? said Bobus; we might blacken the little fat boy riding on a swan, the statue, I mean.
What, and gild the swan, to show how far his golden goose can carry him? said Jock.
Or, said Allen, theres the statue they say is himself, though thats all nonsense. We could make a pair of donkeys ears in Mother Careys clay, and clap them on him, and gild the thing in his hand.
What would be the good of that? asked Robert.
However, the fun was irresistible, and the only wonder was that the secret was kept for the whole day, while Allen moulded in the studio two things that might pass for asss ears, and secreted cement enough to fasten them on. The performance elicited such a rapture of applause that the door had to be fast locked against the incursion of the little ones to learn the cause of the mirth. When Mother Carey asked at tea what they were having so much fun about they only blushed, sniggled, and wriggled in their chairs in a way that would have alarmed a more suspicious mother, but only made her conclude that some delightful surprise was preparing, for which she must keep her curiosity in abeyance.
Nor was she dismayed by the creaking of boots on the attic stairs before dawn, and when the boys appeared at breakfast with hellebore, blue periwinkle, and daffodils, clear indications of where they had been, she only exclaimed
Forbidden sweets! O you naughty boys! when ecstatic laughter alone replied.
She heard no more till the afternoon, when the return from school was notified by shouts from Allen, and the boys rushed up to the verandah where he was reading.
I say! heres a go. He thinks Richards has done it, and has written to Ogilvie to have him expelled.
How do you know?
He told me himself.
But Ogilvie has too much sense to expel him!
Of course, but theres worse, for old Barnes means to turn off his father. Nothing will persuade the old fellow that it wasnt his work, for he says that it must be a grammar-school boy.
Does Dicky Bird guess?
Yes, but hes all right, as close as wax. He says he was sure no one but ourselves could have done it, for nobody else could have thought of such things or made them either.
Then he has seen it?
Yes, and he was fit to kill himself with laughing, though his father and old Barnes were mad with rage and fury. His father believes him, but old Barnes believes neither of them, and swears his father shall go.
We shall have to split on ourselves, elegantly observed Johnny.
We had better tell Mother Carey. Hullo! here she is, inside the window.
Didnt you know that, said Allen.
Therefore the boys, leaning and sprawling round her, half in and half out of the window, told the story, the triumph overcoming all compunction, as they described the morning raid, the successful scaling of the park-wall, the rush across the sward, the silence of the garden, the hoisting up of Allen to fasten on the ears, and the wonderful charms of the figure when it wore them and held a golden apple in its hand. Right of Way, and Let us in, had been written in black on all the pedestals.
It is a peculiar way of recommending your admission, said Caroline.
Thats Robs doing, said Allen. I couldnt look after him while I was gilding the apple or I would have stopped him. He half blacked the little boy on the swan too
And broke the swans bill off, worse luck, added Johnny.
Yes, said Allen, that was altogether low and unlucky! I meant the old fellow simply to have thought that his statue had grown a pair of ears in the night.
And what would have been the use of that? said Robin.
What was the use of all your scrawling, said Allen, except just to show it was not the natural development of statues.
Yes, added Bobus, it all came of you that poor Dickey Bird is suspected and it is all blown up.
As if he would have thought it was done by nobody, said Rob.
Why not? said Jock. Im sure Id never wonder to see asss ears growing on you. I think they are coming.
There was a shout of laughter as Rob hastily put up his hands to feel for them, adding in his slow, gruff voiceA statue aint alive.
It made a fool of the whole matter, proceeded Bobus. I wish wed kept a lout like you out of it.
Hush, hush, Bobus, put in his mother, no matter about that. The question is what is to be done about poor Mr. Richards and Alfred.
Write a poetical letter, said Allen, beginning to extemporise in Hiawatha measure.
O thou mighty man of money,
Barnes, of Belforest, Esquire,
Innocent is Alfred Richards;
Innocent his honest father;
Innocent as unborn baby
Of development of Midas,
Of the smearing of the Cupid,
Of the fracture of the goose-bill,
Of the writing of the mottoes.
All the Brownlows of St. Kenelms,
From the Folly and from Kencroft.
Robert, the aspiring soldier,
Robert, too, the sucking chemist,
John, the Skipjack full of mischief,
John, the great originator,
Allen, the
Allen the uncommon gaby, broke in Bobus. Come, dont waste time, something must be done.
Yes, a rational letter must be written and signed by you all, said his mother. The question is whether it would be better to do it through your uncle or Mr. Ogilvie.
I dont see why my father should hear of it, or Mr. Ogilvie either, growled Rob. I didnt do those donkeyfied ears.
You did the writing, which was five hundred times more donkeyfied, said Jock.
It is quite impossible to keep either of them in ignorance, said Caroline.
Yes, repeated all her own three; Jock adding Father would have known it as soon as you, and I dont see that my uncle is much worse.
He aint so soft, exclaimed Johnny, roused to loyal defence of his parent.
Soft! cried Jock, indignantly; I can tell you father did pitch into me when I caught the old ladys bonnet out at the window with a fishing-rod.
He never flogged you, said Johnny contemptuously.
He did! cried Jock, triumphantly. At least he flogged Bobus, when
Shut up, you little ape, thundered Bobus, not choosing to be offered up to the manes of his fathers discipline.
You think you must explain it to my uncle, mother, said Allen, rather ruefully.
Certainly. He ought to be told first, and Mr. Ogilvie next. Depend upon it, he will be far less angry if it is freely confessed and put into his hands and what is more important, Mr. Barnes must attend to him, and acquit the Richardses.
The general voice agreed, but Rob writhed and muttered, Cant you be the one to tell him, Mother Carey?
Thats cool, said Allen, to ask her to do what youre afraid of.
He couldnt do anything to her, said Rob.
However, public opinion went against Rob, and the party of boys dragged him off in their train the less reluctantly that Allen would be spokesman, and he always got on well with his uncle. No one could tell how it was, but the boy had a frank manner, with a sort of address in the manner of narration, that always went far to disarm displeasure, and protected his comrades as well as himself. So it was that, instead of meeting with unmitigated wrath, the boys found that they were allowed the honours and graces of voluntary confession. Allen even thought that his uncle showed a little veiled appreciation of the joke, but this was not deemed possible by the rest.