How are you getting on[67]? said the Cat, when its mouth appeared.
I dont think they play croquet, Alice began, and they all quarrel so dreadfully!
How do you like the Queen? said the Cat in a low voice.
Not at all, said Alice: shes a
Just then she noticed that the Queen was near. The Queen was listening. So Alice went on, a very good player, I think I cant win.
The Queen smiled.
Who are you talking to? said the King. He was looking at the Cats head with great curiosity.
Its my frienda Cheshire Cat, said Alice, let me introduce it.
I dont like it at all, said the King, however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.
I do not want it, the Cat remarked.
Dont be impertinent, said the King, and dont look at me like that!
A cat may look at a king, said Alice. I read that in some book, but I dont remember where.
Well, I want to remove it, said the King very decidedly, and he called the Queen, My dear! Please remove this cat!
The Queen had only one answer.
Off with his head! she said.
Very well, said the King eagerly.
Alice watched the game. Three of the players were executed, and she did not like it at all. When she looked at the Cheshire Cat, she was very surprised. A large crowd collected round it. There was a dispute between the executioner, the King, and the Queen.
The executioner said that it impossible to cut off a cats head, because it did not have a body. The King said that every head can be cut off. The Queen said that the best decision was to cut off all their heads.
Alice said, The Cat belongs to the Duchess: let us ask her about it.
Shes in prison, the Queen said to the executioner: fetch her here.
And the executioner went away like an arrow.
The Cats head began to fade away. Soon it entirely disappeared. So everybody went back to the game.
Chapter IX
The Mock Turtles[68] Story
You cant think how glad I am to see you again, my dear! said the Duchess to Alice, and they walked together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that made her so angry.
When I am a Duchess, she said to herself, I wont have any pepper in my kitchen at all. Maybe its always pepper that makes people hot-tempered, she went on, and vinegar that makes them sourand camomile that makes them bitterandand barley-sugar that makes children sweet-tempered
Youre thinking about something, my dear,said the Duchess, and you forget to talk. I cant tell you now what the moral of that is.
Perhaps there is no moral at all, Alice remarked.
What? said the Duchess. Everything has got a moral, if only you can find it.
And she went closer to Alices side as she spoke.
Alice did not like it very much, because the Duchess was very ugly; and because she had a very sharp chin. However, Alice did not like to be rude.
The games going on, she said to keep up the conversation[69] a little.
Exactly, said the Duchess: and the moral of that is Oh, its love, its love, that makes the world go round[70]!
Somebody says, Alice whispered, that its necessary to mind his own business!
Ah, well! It means the same thing, said the Duchess, and the moral of that is Take care of the sense[71]!
Oh, she likes to find morals in everything! Alice thought to herself.
Im not sure about the temper of your flamingo. Does it bite?
It may bite, Alice cautiously replied.
Very true, said the Duchess: flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is Birds of a feather flock together[72].
Only mustard isnt a bird, Alice remarked.
Right, as usual, said the Duchess, what a clear mind!
Its a mineral, I think, said Alice.
Of course it is, said the Duchess, who was ready to agree to everything that Alice said.
Oh, I know! exclaimed Alice, its a vegetable. It doesnt look like one, but it is.
I quite agree with you, said the Duchess; and the moral of that is Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than you are otherwise.
I think I must understand that better, Alice said very politely, if I write that down.
Thinking again? the Duchess asked, with the dig of her sharp little chin.
Ive a right to think, said Alice sharply.
You know, my dear, said the Duchess, the moral of this is
But here, to Alices great surprise, the Duchesss arm began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them.
A fine day, your Majesty! the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
Now, I warn you, shouted the Queen; either you or your head must be off! Take your choice[73]!
The Duchess took her choice, and went away in a moment.
Lets continue our game, the Queen said to Alice; and Alice followed to the croquet-ground.
The other guests were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game. The Queen merely remarked: A moments delay costs you your lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen was quarrelling with the other players, and shouting Off with his head! or Off with her head! All the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution.
Then the Queen stopped the game, and said to Alice, Did you see the Mock Turtle?
No, said Alice. I dont even know what a Mock Turtle is. I never saw one, or heard of one.
Come on, then, said the Queen, and it shall tell you its history.
As they walked off together, the King said in a low voice, to the guests, You are all pardoned.
Oh, thats a good thing! Alice said to herself.
Very soon they met a Gryphon[74], it was sleeping in the sun.
Get up, you idler! said the Queen, and take this young lady to the Mock Turtle. I must go back; and she walked off.
The Queen left Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not like the look of the creature, but it seemed as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen; so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes, then it chuckled.
What fun! said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
What is the fun? said Alice.
She, said the Gryphon. Its a fake, you know, they never execute anybody. Come on!
Everybody says come on! here, thought Alice, as she went slowly after the Gryphon.
Soon they saw the Mock Turtle. It was sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and sighing.
What is his sorrow? Alice asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, Its a fake, you know, it has no sorrow. Come on!
So they went up to the Mock Turtle. It looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
This is a young lady, said the Gryphon, she wants to know your history.
This is a young lady, said the Gryphon, she wants to know your history.
Ill tell it her, said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: sit down, both of you, and dont speak a word. Ill tell a story.
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice waited patiently.
Once, said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, I was a real Turtle.
Next was a very long silence. The Mock Turtle was only sobbing. Alice was going to get up and say, Thank you for your interesting story, but she sat still and said nothing.
When we were little, the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtlewe called him Tortoise
Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasnt one? Alice asked.
We called him Tortoise because he taught us, said the Mock Turtle angrily, and really you are very silly!
Yes, dont ask such simple questions, added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, Go on, old fellow!
And the Mock Turtle went on in these words:
Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you dont believe it
Why? I didnt say that! interrupted Alice.
You did, said the Mock Turtle.
Hold your tongue[75]! added the Gryphon.
The Mock Turtle went on.
We had the best educations in fact, we went to school every day
So what? asked Alice; I go to school everyday, too. Why are you so proud?
With extras[76]? asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
Yes, said Alice, we learned French and music.
And washing? said the Mock Turtle.
Certainly not! said Alice indignantly.
Ah! then your school isnt a really good school, said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. We had washingextra.
What for? asked Alice; You were living at the bottom of the sea.
Yes, I was, said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. I only took the regular course[77].
What was that? inquired Alice.
Reeling and Writhing[78]. Different branches of Arithmetic, the Mock Turtle replied; Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision[79].
I never heard of Uglification, Alice said. What is it?
The Gryphon was surprised.
What! Never heard of that! it exclaimed. You know what to beautify is, I suppose?
Yes, said Alice doubtfully: it means to make something prettier.
Well, then, the Gryphon went on, if you dont know what to uglify[80] is, you are just foolish.
Alice turned to the Mock Turtle, and said What else did you learn?
Well, there was Mystery, the Mock Turtle replied, Mystery,[81] ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling, Stretching[82], and Fainting in Coils.
What was that like? said Alice.
Well, I cant show it you myself, the Mock Turtle said: Im too old for that. And the Gryphon never learnt it.
I had no time, said the Gryphon: I went to the Classics master, though. He was an old crab