Dammit! Josh swore.
What the hell? Darcy said, looking back.
She didnt really need to look back. A car pulled alongside them. Mike was at the wheel, in his souped-up old Chevy. The car was a battle-ax with an engine that might have made the grade at the Daytona 500. His window was down. He had a beer in his hand while driving.
Ass! Darcy said.
Josh was quiet, staring ahead. He didnt seem frightened. Onlystrangely resigned.
Mike was making signs for her to roll the window down.
Might as well do it, Josh said.
Hes an idiot. Just drive, Darcy told him.
She looked straight ahead as well. To her amazement, Mike slammed his Chevys tank side right against the Volvo.
She was wearing her seat belt; still, she slammed against Josh. Amazed, she straightened as Josh deftly maneuvered to keep the car on the road.
Josh, Im so sorry! she gasped, real fear starting to trickle down her spine. Shed known that Mike could be a real jerk. She hadnt known that he could be this insane. She stared furiously over at the Chevy, still driving neck-and-neck with them.
The problem with small-town Pennsylvania, of course, could be the roads. Miles and miles of them in almost total darkness, with no one around for help.
Mike knew that. She could tell the minute she saw the grin on his face.
Then, to her great dismay, she saw that Hunter was sitting next to him, in the passengers seat.
She rolled her window down. Surely, Joshs father was going to have a fit about the car. And someone was going to wind up really hurt.
Stop it! You idiots! she shouted.
Ah, come on, you want to play with the geeks? Mike called back.
Wind was racing by them. Darcy was afraid her voice wouldnt carry. Hunter! Make him stop this, now!
Hunter leaned forward and she saw his face. He was as white as a ghost. Darcy, Im trying!
Mike laughed and slammed the car again. Darcy heard the terrible screech of metal against metal.
Stop! Well just stop, Josh, she said. Hunter wont let Mike hurt you. Hes still sober, I can see.
Just as she finished speaking, the Chevy began to veer insanely. She grabbed hold of her seat with a death grip as the Volvo veered accordingly. There was a split second in which she saw Hunter trying to seize the Chevys steering wheel.
Then it all went out of control. The Chevy jackknifed with a roaring vengeance against the nose of the Volvo. Then it flipped, and rolled over and over in front of them. Josh pumped the brakes, but simple physics sent them flying into the body of the Chevy.
For a moment, Darcy felt the weightlessness of flight herself. An air bag suddenly exploded in her face. She felt a thud unlike anything she had ever known before, and the world suddenly turned to an absurd cartoon vision as stars in a field of black velvet swam before her eyes. Then, one by one, the stars twinkled out, and there was nothing but an ebony darkness.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
Darcy attended Joshs funeral with blackened eyes and heavy bruises. They told her that it was only thanks to the integrity of Joshs Volvo that she was still alive.
Mike wouldnt be buried for another two days. Somehow, again miraculously, Hunter had survived as well. Darcy thought that she must still be in shock, unable to really absorb what had happened because, as she stood by Joshs grave site, supported on either side by her parents, she was able to look at Hunter. She could even think that, to his credit, hed had the balls to come here, and that he was weeping like an infant.
The accident had been a wake-up call for the entire school, she thought, for those who had shunned Josh for years had come. He might well have been amused, she thought. But again, every face showed shock and sorrow. Those who had thought themselves young and immortal had discovered that life was fragile and death could come at any time. Who, in their realm of experience, had ever imagined that taunting a nerd could come to such a tragic end?
Joshs father, grave, tall, ancient, and bowed, tenderly kissed the coffin, and laid a flower upon it. His grief seemed beyond tears, and still, when the last words of the priest had faded into the bizarre and beautiful blue beauty of the day, he came toward her. He managed a gentle smile, as if her pain could be as deep as his own, and reached for her hand. She took it, let him lead her to the coffin, where he offered her a flower to cast upon it.
It was a strange moment, for those who had attended seemed to want to come to him, to offer their condolences. Yet, he and Darcy stood in their own little world, and people hesitated, then let them be. Even Darcys parents, loving, kind people, allowed them that moment.
They stood in silence for the longest time. Oddly, Darcy became aware of a bird chirping. At last, she found her voice. It was broken and trembling, but she managed the words she wanted. Im so sorry. So, so, sorry. IIm responsible. That cant help you any, I know, she babbled. But he was my friend, truly, my best friend, always there, and oh, God, I didnt knowI.
Please, Joshs father said softly. Darcy, you did nothing wrong. Its never wrong to be a real friend. He loved you. Not romantically, of course. You didnt love him that way, either. But he knew you really, truly cared about him. You were a special person to him. Incredibly so.
She looked up at the old man who seemed bowed with sorrow, and yet so accepting. She offered him a teary, rueful smile. Please, youre trying to comfort me. Youve lost your only child.
He looked back at her a long time. I always knew that I would, he said quietly. And still, what a fine, bright boy! The love we shared will remain in this old heart as long as it ticks. I was privileged to have him as long as I did. Remember this, those we love do live forever in our hearts. Youll remember his voice. The things he said that made you laugh. I cant explain this, butJosh wasnt really for this world.
He has gone to a far better place, she whispered, wincing at the way the words, sincerely meant, could sound so trite.
He was different, Darcy. You must have known that.
Smart, sweet, wonderful, she whispered.
Joshs father was still smiling. He reached into his wallet suddenly, producing a card. I doubt if Ill be around the old homestead here much anymore. Please, take this. If you ever need help, if you ever need to just talk, call me. Come see me. You have great folks of your own, Darcy. I know theyll help you through. But if youre ever confused, lostcall me. Remember that I amwashis dad. Ill always be there for you. You were always there for my boy. He hesitated. And you may find that you need me. Remember this, please, Ill always be there.
He touched her head gently, then walked away, leaving her at the coffin. She stood there for several seconds, feeling the breeze touch her face, noting again the unbelievable blue of the sky. Down by the road, her parents were waiting. They would give her all the time she needed.
She saw that Hunter, leaning on his crutches, was waiting as well.
She didnt think that she could bear to talk to him.
She knelt down in the earth at the head of the coffin, suddenly overwhelmed with bitterness. Oh, Josh, I will never speak to him again, she whispered softly, then shook her head. God help me!
She closed her eyes. It seemed that Joshs voice entered her head. Darcy, hey, dont be so hard on Hunter. You know, he realized that Mike was being a homicidal jerk. He tried.
The voice was so real that her eyes flew open.
The day hadnt changed. The sky was still blue, the breeze still soft. The coffin still lay in the mechanism that would shortly bring it deep into the ground.
Tears welled in her eyes again. She closed them tightly, and prayed. Then she rose, kissed the coffin, and murmured. Josh, I will never forget you. And like your dad said, you will always be in my heart. Always. If I live to be a hundred.
At last, she turned away. She started for the road where her parents, and Hunter, waited.
For a moment, the hate remained. She couldnt even look at Hunter. Then she remembered Joshs words, so real in her mind. Dont be so hard on Hunter.
He was still crying. She managed to walk to him and place a hand on his arm. You tried, she said very softly.
Oh, Darcy! he whispered sickly.
You tried, she repeated. One dayone day, we can talk again.
Amazingly, she felt better. And she knew that Hunter had tried. She knew, too, that his leg would heal. His heart never would. He would live with the night in which Josh and Mike had died all of his life. And he would fight the guilt in his soul just as long.
Her mother was waiting with outstretched arms. Her father, too. She ran to them, and let them do all the right things they thought that they could do.
That night, her mother gave her a sleeping pill, since she hadnt really slept since the accident.
And it was the pill, she was convinced the following day, that caused her strange dreams.
She was back at the cemetery. It wasnt a blue day anymore. It wasnt exactly gray, either. It seemed that there was a cast of silver, like a mist, over the day. Time had passed, and she walked through the old gnarled trees, ancient graves, and newer ones, that composed the cemetery. Josh had been buried beneath a beautiful old oak. She walked toward it, clad in black, bearing a bouquet of flowers.
And yet
As she neared it, she saw a thin man standing by the old oak. Frowning, she came closer. And it was Josh.
He looked very handsome, dressed in the dark suit, tailored shirt, and crimson tie in which he had been buried. His dark hair was trimmed and brushed, as it had been for the prom. He was leaning against the tree, arms casually crossed, smiling as she came.
For a moment, she was afraid. Only a moment.
Josh?
Darcy, poor Darcy, he said softly. His rueful smile reminded her of his fathers when he had spoken to her over his sons coffin. Darcy, youve got to know. Its okay. Honestly, its okay.
Its not okay, youre dead. She frowned, amazed to realize that she was a little angry with him. You knew it, Josh! You knew you were going to die. The day that Mike threatened youyou said that maybe youd be dead, but hed be dead as well. And he is!
I know. Im sorry. He was a true jerk, but I didnt really hate him.
Josh
Ive got to go, Darcy. I just wanted you to know that Im okay. Im really okay. And youve got to go on.
I will, Josh, butI never knew how much Id miss you, she whispered.
He touched her hair. Except thathe wasnt real, and of course, it was just a whisper of the breeze.
Ill always be with you, Darcy. When you need me, just think of me. Here. He laid his palm against his heart.
Oh, Josh!
He was fading. Into the silver color of the day. Of course. It was a dream. A drug-induced dream.
He smiled. Youre special, Darcy. Youll need to be strong, he said softly.
And then he was gone.
It began the next day.
Her father had determined that he wasnt going into work; neither was her mother. They were going to spend the day with her, take a drive to the nearby mountains, and just spend time in that quite and beautiful part of their state.
He couldnt find his Palm Pilot.
You left it on the counter of your bath, she told him.
How on earth would you know that? Were you in our room, sweetheart? her dad asked.
No, Darcy said, startled herself. I justwell, I guess its a place you might have left it.
He went upstairs to his bathroom and returned with his Palm Pilot, looking at her oddly. Thanks. I guess you know your old man pretty well, huh, kid?
Of course, that was it.
But then
Little pieces of precognition began to come to her, now and then. A few that summer, a few during her first years of college, more after that.
They were disturbing at first. Then she came to accept them. She thought that they were maybe something that Josh had very strangely managed to leave her.
It wasnt until later that she decided it was time to call Joshs father.
When the ghosts came.
1
Jeannie Mason Thomas lay in the white expanse of the four-poster bed in the Lee room at Melody House in pure bliss.
Roger was snoring softly at her side. Men, she thought affectionately. Bless em. Whatever came, they could sleep.
She could not. She had to keep playing over the day, minute by minute. Her wedding day.
There had been the usual hassles in the morning. Her mom had gotten all teary every few minutes, and insisted on giving speeches about sex and marriage that were totally unnecessary. Alice, her matron of honor, had clipped off two of her newly purchased acrylic nails trying to fix Jeannies train. Sandy, another bridesmaid, had gotten too looped on the champagne they had shared while dressing for the service. The limo had been late. Her original soprano had come down with a sore throat leaving Jeannie desperately seeking a new singer at the last minute. But shed managed to find an Irish tenor through the priest, Father OHara, and once she had reached the Revolution-era church just outside town, everything had gone perfectly.
Everyone claimed that it had been one of the most beautiful weddings they had ever seen. Roger had been tall, dark, and glorious in his tux. Her father had been stately, her mother beautiful. Her brother and sister, both part of the wedding ceremony, had been well behaved, joking, laughing, and wonderful. Her first dance with her new husband had been magical, but it was during her dance with her father that she had realized she was one of the luckiest human beings in the world with a tender, tight family, and an incredible groom.
The reception would be the talk of a number of counties for months to come. The Irish tenor had joined with the band. The music had gone from classical to rock and pop to theatrical. The food had been delicious, the cake stupendous.
Then, after fully enjoying their own reception, they had taken off at last for Melody House. And it hadnt been as if making love had been anything new for them, but making love as man and wife was new and therefore, somehow, more sensual, more erotic, and so deeply satisfying. Theyd been hot and heavy, theyd laughed, theyd joked over getting out of clothing, slipping in the shower in their haste, rolling off the bed, and all sorts of little foibles. Theyd had a great deal more champagne, finishing the bottle that had been left in the elegant little silver bucket on the antique table set before the fireplace. Theyd dined on the delicious little snacks left for them, caviar, quiches, chocolate-dipped strawberries and more. Then theyd made love again, all lazy and slow, and it had been incredibly luxurious as well. Melody House had offered everything they had wanted. In the morning, they could go downstairs and be served breakfast in the sunny little nook off the kitchen. They could spend a day indulging in the heated poola recent addition to the colonial manor. They could ride the trails that meandered through miles of forest when the sun was just setting. They could have both privacy and service. Jeannie had every right to be entirely blissful, and also, patient with the fact that her new husband could sleep, while she could not.