Several years, Granny, he answered in a low whisper while those mourners surrounding them turned to give them scolding, be-quiet looks.
While none of my grandchildren have yet wed.
Not here, Granny.
What will become of the poor thing now?
A good question. Joshua said nothing more as his youngest brother, Jordan, who had no desire to be here as well, gave Joshua a pained, telling look. She always embarrasses us when we take her anywhere.
Jordan was young. Hed had less experience with embarrassment. And since he had his eye on the young Potter girl with whom hed finished public school last year, his apparent reputation seemed at greater risk. He didnt realize that if he succeeded in wooing, courting and wedding the fair Felicity Potter, Grannys behavior would continue to embarrass him after the wedding.
Any woman who would be so bold as to marry into their family may as well know the hazards beforehand.
Felicity, plump and glowing rosy from the cold, offered a shy wave to Jordan across the cemetery, and it made Joshua feel old. Infinitely, accusingly old. Thirty-six was not so ancient, but as he glanced around, he was the only one of an adult age unmarried.
Except for Claire Hamilton. Her heartbreak echoed in great silence that reached him all the way across the cemetery, carried by the persistent wind. The feel of it left him hollow and cold inside.
What have I done?
The ministers final amen ended the ceremony. At last. Aware of Deputy Logans focus on him, he knew he could not leave yet. It would look suspicious if he did not stand in line, but the hell if he could stomach pretending any amount of sorrow.
Have you no manners, boy?
He felt a hard tug on his sleeve. His little grandmother looked sweet, but she was nothing of the sort and he liked her for it. Respected her more for it. In her day, Granny had been one of the first pioneer women in this county. Even now, her skirt hung low on one side, her dark woolen hem skimming the snow from the weight in her pocket.
Good old Granny carried a pistol deep in her skirt pocket, as she had since she was a bride of sixteen. Although the land was no longer untamed and wild.
Come! Hurry along! she demanded.
He didnt argue with her and besides, she wouldnt want to stand in the condolence line alone. For with the way Jordan was smitten with Felicity, he was as good as absent.
Thats why Im never falling in love.
He wasnt about to give that much control of his life, his faculties and his freedoms to a woman who, even if kind, would do anything to get exactly what she wanted.
His own dear sister was no exception.
He swore never to hand his life over to a woman, sweet or harsh, pretty or plain, for they were all the same. They wanted utter and complete control over a man.
No, thank you. Hed rather visit the brothel in town and burn in hell. Or, if his mother ever found out shed likely send him there herself.
Shes such a lovely thing, Granny felt it her duty to add as they took their place in line. Probably will be looking for a husband. You oughta court her.
No. And dont talk about that here of all places.
It was just a suggestion. She leaned around the Potter family to get a better look at the young widow. Shed make a fine wife. Seems as quiet as a mouse. Not at all like Hams mother. All drama, that one.
And youre not? He couldnt resist pointing out the obvious, even if it earned him a playful cuff on his ear. The woolen earflap from beneath his hat took most of the blow. Careful, Granny, Im no longer five and shorter than you.
Her face wreathed up into a crinkled network of laugh lines. For all her hardships and her advancing years, Granny had lived. Not merely existed. Shed wrung the most out of her life.
He envied her that. He was likely to spend the rest of his days branding and fencing and tracking and haying and endlessly looking after his family. A mans duty, even if unmarried, came with responsibilities as it was.
The line shuffled forward, giving him a perfect view of the widow Hamilton.
Now I have one more responsibility.
In no time, he was at the head of the line and there was Claire, looking up at him with her melted-chocolate eyes. Guilt washed over him and in an instant scudded away like wind-driven snow, gone forever. Shed tried to cover it, but a faint bruise darkened her left eye. What purple coloring remained could be mistaken for the shadows of sheer exhaustion.
He knew better.
Her small, gloved hands curled around his big one, and she shook casually as shed probably done with everyone else. But he felt the squeeze of emotion that came with the contact.
Mr. Gable? Her voice was as delicate as spring wildflowers and out of place on this harsh winter day. Im so glad you came. Thank you.
In her dark eyes shone a glint of genuine gratitude. She wasnt thanking him for attending the burial but for carrying her to her bed while Ham lay bleeding after their fight. Behind him yawned the cruel wound of a grave with the gleaming walnut casket within, becoming lost beneath the accumulating snow, making him remember how furious hed been that night.
He fought to swallow past a throat dust-dry and past the lump of emotion lodged beneath his Adams apple. It was no trouble.
He was not speaking of attending the funeral. But of protecting her from her husband. He hadnt done enough, his conscience scolded him.
The bruise beneath her left eye was not the only mark on her face. No one would notice it if they did not know to look, but shed arranged her chestnut tresses so that a wedge of hair, twisted down to hide most of her jaw and cheekbone, was pinned carefully to her cloak and collar. Hiding the bruise Hamilton had obviously given her that night.
The clutches of memory gripped him. Faint, dark images of that brutal night crept up like a wraith and took hold. Images of lightning streaking through a merciless sky and of snow falling like rain threatened to take him back in time.
Hed had more than enough of his own problems, but hed gotten involved. And, in truth, hed wanted revenge. When hed returned from carrying her to the house, Ham was gone, leaving a bloody trail. Hed been forced to fetch the doctor for the woman instead of tracking Ham. And if he had, then he and Haskins wouldnt have returned to find Ham dead behind the barn with a second bullet in his chest. Not the one Joshua had given him.
Guilt choked him. Dont think about it.
But the woman before him did not deserve the consequences. It was not grief, he suspected, but fear and deep worry that pushed fine lines into her soft oval face. She hadnt asked for this to happen. She deserved nothing but his kindness.
Maybe even his pity. Life with Ham could not have been easy. Had she been able to sleep at all? he wondered. Her eyes looked puffy and not from crying, he would wager. The thought of her lying awake throughout the night, aching with anxiety and fear, tore at him.
If only he could do something, say something, anything to comfort her. But whatever he tried, he knew he could not make things right.
Im sorry, Claire. He willed the words into her. Did she sense them?
Tears filled her eyes, the first of the service that hed been able to notice. It gave him hope.
Tears filled her eyes, the first of the service that hed been able to notice. It gave him hope.
As if too overcome to speak, she only nodded her thanks.
He released her hand and moved on, and anyone watching would think she was nothing more than a grieving widow. And, in truth, she was too tenderhearted not to be sad. Love, he knew, was a complicated matter. Once spoken, wedding vows were powerful bonds.
He let Granny step forward to offer her terse condolencesshe wasnt one to soften blows. He was the only family you really had, thats a shame. What? Speak up, girl!
Joshua kept Claire in his peripheral visionthose tears on her soft white cheeks could have been liquid drops of silverwhen he felt a blow strike the middle of his chest and knock him back a stepand perilously close to the edge of the grave.
What the devil? Before he could recover, Hams mother struck him again with all her might. She was a substantial woman, and when the flat of her palm beat against his breastbone, he swore she had the strength to break ribs.
You! Her eyes had gone stone-cold. Cold and black and dense with hatred. You did this! The doc says it was a broken neck, but I saw the gunshot! I saw it with my own eyes.
Panic licked through him like the frigid wind. The doc had sworn hed keep the woman away from Hams body. Haskins was a good man, a man of his word, so what had happened
The deputy saw, too! And I told him what I know. How youve been threatening to shoot him in the back one night! The woman was like a rabid dog, frothing and lost from reason.
He had to stop her. Calm yourself, Mrs. Hamilton. I have threatened him a dozen times before this, as he threatened me in return.
The truth of his confession boomed like thunder and the chatter surrounding him silenced. Joshua felt time stretch between one heartbeat and the next.
I saw the hole in his chest!
Youre overwrought, Mrs. Hamilton, he said gently, because she had the right to her grief. He was surprised he felt so much pity for her, in spite of the fact she was reminding everyone of the fact that he and Ham had come to blows before over the grazing lands. And the sheep. A fact he didnt want to remind the deputy of.
Doc! Before he could cast around through the crowd for sight of the only doctor in the entire county, Haskins was there, capable and calm, with medical bag in hand.
Without exchanging so much as a look, Joshua knew the sawbones was on his side. On Claires side. With his quiet courtesy, the doctor took the older Mrs. Hamilton by the elbow and made calming noises.
Just keep her calm, Doc. Joshua knew they would talk later, but for now, there was nothing more to do.
Excuse me. Joshua touched his hat brim while the woman fell to her knees. Hed help, but he knew it would only aggravate the woman, and that was the last thing he needed or she deserved.
It wasnt her fault that her sons had turned out the way they did. There came a time when a manor womanhad to own up to their shortcomings or hardships in life and take on the responsibility of them. It wasnt Claires fault, either. She could not have forced her husband to walk a straighter path, for in the end, Hams actions were his own choice.
And choices brought consequences.
All too aware of Claires crumpled face, Joshua turned away from her. He could not offer aid, for the deputy was watching closely. Granny was tending to the young widow, whose knees were giving out, and had ordered someone to fetch a chair from inside the church.
Snow pummeled the world as Joshua looked down at the mantled coffin. It was snowing hard enough, as if heaven were in a hurry to bury Hams remains.
Goodbye, Ham. Im sorry, but I think youll finally get what you deserve.
The sound of thunder crashed through his head as he remembered the gunshot booming in the dark, the lash of Hams whip and Claire huddling on the ground at her husbands feet. Joshua tipped his cap to the man dead at his feet and felt justice had been serveda rare thing in this world.
He could leave and draw no ones suspicions since most of the attention went to the widow and Hams mother. Joshua turned his back on the dead and started walking, for he could take no more of it. He did not want to remember that night. Soon, the truth would be buried with Hamilton. It was over.
There was no reason to suspect him, Joshua hoped, despite the feud between him and the Hamilton family. Ham had plenty of enemies and the deputy had no evidence.
Cmon, he commanded his littlest brother, who was in truth a half inch taller than Joshua. Stop slathering over a pretty girl and put your mind on business.
What business? Jordan gave his girl a shrug, as if to say, Who knows what my brother is angry at now? The boy gave her a salute while Joshua pulled him away by the collar.
Its time you learned some family responsibility. When we get home, you and I have tracking to do. Now get the horses and sleigh before I cuff your ears, boy.
Right away, your majesty. Jordan gave a regal bow before he slouched away in his loose-limbed, carefree manner.
Someone should have swatted that boy on the bottom more when he was young. Joshua pretended it bothered him to no end and he barked out orders for Jordan to hurry up. If the storm got any worse, theyd have a hell of a time getting home, much less getting to work and to the herd needing his protection.
But the livestock werent the only ones needing him.
Was Claire Hamilton all right? Worry clutched his chest and he glanced over his shoulder. Granny was holding a flask to Claires lips and speaking to her softly. A swallow of Irish whiskey wasnt likely to cure anything, but she obeyed, choking and gasping. Granny knelt to gather the widows hands in her own, speaking low and soft to her.
Maybe Granny could look after her.
It was a bracing thought. He felt Logans gaze boring into his back. The lawman was staring hard. Did he think he would be able to see Joshuas secrets if he looked long enough? Troubled that the deputy continued to observe him, he forced a slow breath through his teeth and kept moving easy and slow.
Ive got to act like nothing happened. I came to pay my respects, and now Im dragging my lazy brother home. Like he always did. Surely that was all the lawman would be able to see. Instead of Joshuas guilt.
Whats your hurry? Jordan grumbled as Joshua gave him a shove in the direction of the tethered horses. I had Felicity Potter taking a sparkin to me. Do you know how long Ive had to work for that?
You? Work? That was a laugh. Joshua forced his attention ahead, instead of behind him. Get the horses ready and dont complain to me about work.
Golly, whats put you in a bad mood? He went about his work, sloppy as usual.
The boy was gonna have to grow up sometime. Shaking his head, Joshua swept the snow from the sleigh cover. He didnt mind giving up a life of marriage and restriction for the responsibility of taking over after their fathers shocking death.
Hed done what he had to do, making sure the land and animals were managed and the family provided for and protected. But it was more than a one-man job these days.
He sensed the presence behind him a heartbeat before he heard the faint ring of spurs and the pad of a footfall.
Joshua Gable. The words carried on the lethal wind, cold and dark. Youre a dead man.