There must be an unspoken but ironclad law in hospital administration that states they can only allocate funds for the most uncomfortable chairs on the planet. They would have to buy them on purpose. Theres no way they could find those chairs by chance.
Theres an administrator somewhere in this building who has better job security because of it.
The lobby was quiet this time of evening. To Kendras surprise Cameron stayed by her side as they wound their way to the elevators. He punched the Up button.
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them while they both watched the lit numbers move up and not down in their direction.
What did she say now? She was horrible at making small talk.
A janitor rolled his cart into sight and ambled to the far corner of the lobby. He began washing windows.
Cameron broke the silence. Did you get your horses all tucked in for the night?
Yep.
That had to be tough. They cant be used to being cooped up in a trailer.
No, but Ive worked with a lot of horses over the years. I sweet-talked them.
Cam could see it in his mind as the doors parted and he followed Kendra inside the elevator. Her gentle words and gentle hands, her quiet ways that told those frightened animals only good things were going to happen to them while they were in her care.
See? Hed asked the Lord for another chance and this was it. He had Kendra alone. Trapped, as it were, in the elevator with him. Folks probably asked her advice all the time.
So just do it. He punched the floor button and leaned against the wall. The car zipped upward, reminding him he had only so much time. Say, how much does it cost if someone wanted to board a horse at your place?
Her pretty eyes widened. Had he surprised her that much? She unzipped her good-size purse and started digging through the contents. It depends. I think I have a price list in here. There are different rates depending on the level of care you want and size stall, feeding plans, training and exercising, that kind of thing.
Her hair was unbound, and it was full of light, falling to cover her face as she rummaged past a worn leather wallet and a glasses case. He took his time looking his fill, while she was busy and wouldnt notice him gawking at her.
She was prettiest this close, he decided. He could see the scatter of light freckles across her nose and cheeks, probably brought out by the summer sun, on skin golden brown and as smooth as satin.
Here it is.
He jerked his gaze to the floor at her scuffed white sneakers, as if he hadnt been looking anywhere else.
The rattle of paper drew his attention. He straightened up, all business. It was hard holding back his emotions, but he was a disciplined man with a plan. He admired the cut of her hands, slender and suntanned, callused from her work, with neat short nails painted a shimmering pink.
It dawned on him that she was waiting for him to take the neat brochure. Uh, thanks.
I didnt know you had a horse.
He opened the trifolded lavender paper and stared at numbers that made no sense. His brain couldnt seem to work right. He couldnt believe what he was about to do. Dont back out now, man.
He cleared the nerves from his throat before he spoke. I dont. Yet.
Now there was a dazzling show of his mastery of the language.
She didnt seem to notice. If she did, then she managed to keep her pity for his sorry conversational skills to a minimum. Her voice was as warm as her smile. You can ask me if you have any questions.
Or I could just pull you over the next time you drive through town.
Arent you funny? Abusing your power as an authority figure. She teased him in returnshe couldnt help itas the doors opened to the maternity wing. Have a good night, Cameron.
You, too. Congratulations on becoming an aunt again.
He was gone; the doors slid shut before she could answer, leaving her alone. The chug and chink of the elevators echoed in the quiet. She turned around, eyes down because she knew what was ahead of her.
The viewing window of the nursery where newborns slept tucked tight in their blankets and beds, their dear button faces either relaxed in slumber or screwed up in misery as they cried. A nurse was lifting one tiny unhappy baby into her arms as Kendra passed by.
Dont look. Keep moving.
Her feet refused to work, leaving her trapped in front of the window. It hurt to look. It hurt not to look. She admired the tiny babies, their perfectly formed miniature hands, their sweet faces, and envied their lucky parents.
How was it possible to feel happy and sad at the same moment? Happy for the precious new babies and sad because she would never have one of her own.
How could she? She wasnt ever going to date. Never going to marry. Never trust a man that much.
There would be no babies for her.
The grief struck her as it always did like a boxers blow to her sternum. It was her choice, her decision. She couldnt complain. She wouldnt feel sorry for herself, but when would this consuming longing end?
She turned away before the ache within her could crescendo. Before regret and loss could swallow her whole.
Her sisters were waiting beyond those imposing double doors. Why were her feet dragging? What was holding her back?
It was hard to face how different her life was, from what shed always thought it would be. Thats what. Shed wanted to be a wife and a mother. A horse-woman, yes, but, oh, to be truly and deeply loved by a good man. To have her own children to love and nurture. What could be more important than that?
Dont think about what might have been. She closed her eyes, hoped the Lord would help her find the strength to face her family behind those doors without feeling sorrow over the what-ifs in her life. As hard as it was to see what she might have had, she was truly happy for her sisters and their families. To the depth of her soul.
It wasnt as if she was alone. She was an aunt; she would always have children in her life. She would count the wonderful blessings the Lord had given her.
Not dwell on the ones missing.
She squared her shoulders, forced every piece of grief from her heart. She was ready. Behind that door were her sisters and their husbands and their children. Her warm extended family she loved with all her being.
She refused to feel sad, not tonight. Not when there was so much to celebrate. So much to be grateful for.
Cameron couldnt stop thinking about the brochure hed folded and tucked into his shirt pocket. His mind was half on it all during the time he made sure Mr. Anderson had what he needed for the night. Those prices were reasonable. Better than what hed expected.
I can do this. Excitement zoomed through him as he gave Anderson the number of the hotel his family was staying at. Optimism gave him extra zing as he punched the elevator call button and waited for an empty car in the quiet hush of the corridor.
Money had been tight for a long time, what with Debras medical costs and funeral expenses, and selling their house, hed had to come up with the cash to pay for the closing. Hed worried that buying a horse might be a much more expensive proposition than he could afford, now that his finances were evening out.
The elevator doors opened, the empty car waiting to take him downstairs. He hit the Lobby button and pulled out the brochure as the elevator descended, clicking off the floors.
It had been a long, hard road taking care of Deb, not as hard as the road she walked with her illness. It nearly killed him having to say goodbye to her. Faith saw him through that tough time and after. Hed only been existing, not living. How did a man live with only half of a heart?
Memories tugged him back in time, when he and Deb were newlyweds. Their budget was tight. It had to be. She was finishing up her legal-assistant course at the technical college while he was hoofing it through the academy. Part-time jobs kept them in a small one-bedroom apartment not far from the campus in Bozeman. They had to work to make ends meet, but Deb had made it fun. She was so easy to laugh with. They laughed all the time.
He missed that. He missed the dreams they would talk about over doing the dishes by hand in the cramped kitchen. Deb wanted a sprawling house just out of town, so she could see trees instead of neighbors.
Hed wanted enough land to graze a horse or two on. Shed liked that idea, and wove more dreams of how it would be when times were better, riding their horses in their fields. What a great life they were going to have. Together.
Grief weighed down his soul.
The elevator inched to a halt and the doors whispered open. The outside world beyond the long wall of lobby windows was dark, and he hated the thought of going out in it.
Shed been gone four years, and the pain of heading home to an empty house still ate at him.
Is that going to change anytime soon, Lord?
Then he saw Kendra through a glass partition in the far wall. The overhead light haloed her golden hair and caressed her creamy complexion. She wore a simple T-shirt and her denim shorts, nothing pretty or fancy or extraordinary, and she looked so lovely.
He supposed it was loneliness that made him look. He missed a womans presence in his life. The softness and gentleness, the little bottles all over the bathroom counter He missed all of it.
It was a puzzle, because hed seen plenty of women over the years. Not one of them made him feel as if the world had simply melted away until there was only her.
She didnt know he was watching as she leaned against the counter, turning to talk to her sister. She sparkled, laughing, tilting back her head to study the array of cheerful balloons floating just out of reach.
He couldnt say why that was, but as he strolled through the automatic doors and out into the parking lot, the night didnt seem as bleak or as lonely as it had been before.
Chapter Three
Squinting against the bold afternoon sun blinding her through the windshield, Kendra set the emergency brake. Okay, how was she going to do this? The cookies were in the back seat, all ready to go, but her sister was in the passenger seat beside her. Michelle was bound to notice what was going on.
If only shed had more time! The day following Annas birth had been jam-packed with errands and work and visits to the hospital. Mom and baby were coming home this evening, and there was a lot of work still to be done.
Shed been lucky to get the cookies baked. By the time she might get the chance to deliver them again all by herself, they would be beyond stale and as hard as bricks.
Please dont make a big deal over this, she silently begged Michelle, who was rummaging through her purse looking for her lipstick. Good, she was distracted. You wait right here where its cool. Dont move a muscle. Ill be just a second.
Wait! Where are you going? I thought those cookies were for us. Michelles hand, holding the found lipstick, rested on the small round bowl of her pregnant belly. Theyre not for us?
Nope.
I need cookies.
Dont worry. I saved a small plate for you.
But
Oh, no, here came the questions! Kendra slammed the door shut before Michelle could get out one more word. Not that shed succeeded in keeping her mission secret. No, if anything, she was simply delaying an explanation.
Michelle was bound to notice what was going on, since she had a perfect view of the offices front door. She would be pelted with questions on her return as to why she was leaving cookies for the towns handsome and available sheriff.
Would Michelle believe the truth? Of course not! The truth was too boring. Her lovely sister would see romantic intent in a simple offering of thanks. Kendra would never hear the end of it.
This is what she got for doing the right thing. She heard the buzz of the window being lowered the instant she set foot on the sidewalk.
Ooh, youve got a crush on that new deputy, dont you? Michelle sparkled with complete delight. Sis, youve got great taste. Whats his name? Frank? I knew it. I knew the right man for you would come along if we prayed hard enough.
See? This was exactly the type of thing she was trying to avoid. I dont have a crush on anyone.
Sure. I understand. Youre doing your civic duty. Thanking the eligible bachelor who protects our town.
Its not like that.
Yep, sure, like I understand totally. Michelle feigned absolute empathy, but there was no mistaking that look on her face. Im glad for you, Kendra. You deserve a fine man.
Kendra opened her mouth to argue, but what would she say? Denial would only make it look like the truth. She loved Michelle for her kind words, but Michelle didnt know what had happened that night when everything changed.
Thered be no man for her. It was that simple. Kendra had been in love once and it had hurt worse than anything shed ever known. Shed spent the last half-dozen years picking up the pieces of her life.
She would never give another man that much power over her. She would never trust a man that much. No matter what.
So Michelle could hope all she liked. She could think whatever she wanted. It would not change the facts.
The window buzzed upward, and Kendra could feel Michelles elation. Now her entire family was going to hear about this. Yep, she definitely should have delivered the cookies later in the week, stale or not.
There was Camerons cruiser, parked neatly against the curb, polished and spotless.
And why was she noticing it? Didnt she have enough on her mind with the thousand things she had to do next? She needed to clean Karens house, catch her up on her laundry and do a thorough grocery shop so her pantry would be well stocked. Then she needed to figure out what was she going to cook tonight for dinner for her entire family. Thats what she ought to be thinking about.
Not noticing that she had a perfect view of Camerons desk through the generous front window. And her stomach should certainly not be doing little quakes, as if butterflies were trapped there.
Why was she feeling this way? There was nothing to be anxious about. She intended to say hello, leave the plate on his desk and walk back out. Nothing personal about it. There was nothing personal between them.
Thank the good Lord thats the way Cameron felt about her, too. It wasnt as if he thought, as Michelle did, that romance could be blossoming.
Before she could reach for the tarnished brass knob, the door swung open. Cameron, looking fine in his navy-blue uniform, took a step back.
His smile was dazzling. Come in. I never turn away a woman bringing baked goods.
Its bad form to turn away free food, a second mans voice commented from inside the office.
Kendra pushed her sunglasses off her nose and up over her forehead, and the shadows became a burly uniformed man sitting behind a desk in the corner, but she hardly noticed him. Cameron drew her attention as the surprise on his face turned to appreciation.