Hes not the one. She was imagining all this, right? She was tired, she hadnt eaten since shed been able to work in an early sandwich before the lunchtime rush. She was feeling the weight of being a bridesmaid for the umpteenth time. Not that she minded, no way. And especially because this was her brothers wedding.
But she wanted to be a bride. She wanted the real thing, a sweet storybook wedding with the man she would love for all time. Thats why she was feeling thiswishful thinking. Pretty powerful, but wishful thinking all the same.
The pleasant rumble of his voice from the kitchen drew her attention. It was like a tingling warmth in her heart, and shed never felt that before either. She could hear Sallys answer and then the faint scrape of the wood chair on tile.
Thats why I feel so wowed by him. It all made sense now. She loved a man who was good with children. And his niece was a cutie, that was for sure. It was sweet he was spending time with her. And now that she knew why she was so taken with him, it would be easier to keep things in perspective.
Hey, Rachel. Jake rounded the corner with Sally at his side, her small hand engulfed by his huge one. Mind if she uses the facilities?
First door on the right. Rachel stood, but Jake waved her back and deftly disappeared beyond the edge of the fireplace. In a few seconds, a door closed down the hall.
What she really ought to do was to take another crack at finding that roast. The soda would keepit was fizzing and bubbling merrily in the cartoon cup.
As for her aching feet, she could get a few more hours out of them, she thought as she cut through the dining room and dashed down the basement steps. Her guests would be busy for a few moments, and if she could just find that roast
Running away from me? Jakes baritone was filled with friendly, warm amusement.
Good thing she wasnt affected. Not running any farther than the freezer. Why dont you help yourself to the remote? I dont mean to be a bad hostess, Im just digging stuff out for supper.
Suppose I help you with that? His steps sounded behind her on the stairs.
Oh, I can get things just fine. Actually, what she needed was someone who was tall enough to reach all the way to the bottom of the freezer. Was she going to admit that to him? No. Ill be right up, okay?
No answer was forthcoming, although the approaching rasp of sneakers on the cement floor trailed her to the freezer room. Rachel yanked on the light.
And there he was, hed caught up to her, and let out a breath of awe. Wow. Did you do all this canning?
My sisters lent a hand. She supposed the floor-to-ceiling shelving and all the jars sitting on them did look impressive. We like to can.
Ill say.
Its something our mom used to do. Shed get all of us to help her, even Amy when she was just a preschooler. Wed all peel and cook and fill jars. She reached to open the freezer lid, but his hand was already there, lifting the lid and exposing the icy contents to the glare of the light.
Thats how she felt, illuminated in the deep reaches of her self. How could talking about the preserving jars on the shelf do that? Simple, she realized. It was everything good in our childhoods. Maybe that sounds corny, but the memories are good ones. The kind that really matter.
That make you who you are?
His comment surprised her, this tough commando who had lobbed a rock like a grenade in the driveway as if at war. He was understanding, and she decided she liked him even more. When my sisters and I do our yearly frenzy of making jams and canning, it always brings us back, makes us part again of that time in our childhoods when Mom was alive and her warm laughter seemed to bounce around the kitchen like sunbeams.
Sometimes it hurt to remember, but it hurt even more to forget. And so she remembered. When Dad would come home with packed meals from the diner because he knew Mom would have been so caught up shed have forgotten the time. The whole house would smell like the strawberry jelly simmering on the stove, or the bushels of fresh peaches wed have spent all day sitting around the table slicing.
Ben said you lost your folks when you were young.
It was like the sun going out one day. And that was the part of remembering that hurt most, like a spear through the heart. But Paige was just sixteen then and she took care of us.
You were alone?
We didnt want to be split up, and no one could take on the four of us. Well, the spear remained lodged in her heart and the past was just going to keep hurting if she kept talking about it. She turned her attentionand the conversationto the freezer. You wouldnt want to reach down with those long arms of yours and dig around for a roast, would you?
A roast. Why, maam, Id do nearly anything for a good roast. We dont get those much in the deserts where Ive been spending my time. He leaned down as if to thrust his arm deep into the frosty mists, but stopped in mid-plunge. I cant believe this. You have my absolute favorite fish sticks. I mean, these are the best.
I love those, too. Theyre the best with the tartar we make at the diner. Ive got a jar
Forget the roast. Lets whip up a cookie sheet of these, bake up some Tater Tots and Ill be happy as a Oh boy, youve got real apple pie in here.
Homemade. If you want
Yeah. Yeah, I do. He loaded up with the pie and the fish sticks before closing the lid. You really dont mind?
Are you kidding? Ive been on my feet all day. Tell you what, how long are you staying in town tomorrow?
Uh Dont know. Were on a standby flight back to LA. Ive got the last of the estate stuff to settle, its a long process. The look on his face, one of grief, one of bewilderment kept her from turning off the light.
Estate stuff? Rachels stomach twisted. Before she could ask, Jake reached up and snapped off the light, leaving them in shadows. Sallys mom diedmy sister. Hit by a bus on the way to work one morning.
No. That poor little girl. Rachels heart wrung in sympathy. She knew just what that felt like for a child to lose a mother. And her father?
Nonexistent. Ran off long ago and never wanted to be responsible. No one can even find him now. Thats why I have her. He took off abruptly, speaking over his shoulder, sounding normal but his movements looked jerky and tense in the half-light drifting down the staircase. Thats why shes with me. If I hadnt taken her when I arrived home, then she would have had to stay in foster care while I came here. And she asked me not to leave her. So I didnt.
Im glad you brought her. Well, that was about the saddest thing shed heard in a long time. How long was she alone while you were in the desert?
Nearly seven weeks. Thats a long time.
Too long. Rachels quiet agreement said everything.
I wish I could have gotten to her sooner. There was no getting around that fact. Or the logistical problems of hunting him down in the middle of a covert deployment and getting him back to the States again.
Jake felt the weight of impossible guilt, dragging him downward. Hed done all he could, but it didnt change the fact that Sally had been left alone to grieve in a strangers home, under a strangers care, and she wasnt the same little girl he remembered. It was as if something essentially her had died too, of sorrow. How was he going to fix it for her? He didnt have a single answer.
Maybe the Lord would give him one, since he was all out of ideas. All out of everything.
Ill do what I can to make sure she has some fun, Rachel said.
So much understanding lit her voice, and it struck Jake like a bullet to the heart. He hadnt registered his worries about bringing Sallyabout everything. He didnt want to go there. He would handle it, things would work out. He was Special Forces trained to assess, adapt and overcome. Hed succeeded at every training exercise, every task and every mission. But a child was not a mission.
He headed up the stairs, box in hand, not sure if he could look Rachel in the eye. I figured that since Ben had a nephew about Sallys age, she might not be too out of place.
Oh, of course not. I happen to be in charge of the kids activities. You know, receptions are so boring for the little people. All that sitting still and vows and kisses and then the manners at the sit-down meal. So were going to have our own party outside. Ill take good care of Sally for you. Im sure you and Ben will want to hang out for a while at the reception.
Jake nearly missed the last step up. I hadnt thought about pawning her off on anyone. That wasnt what I meant
I know. But I was simply informing you of our plans. If you want her to be with the other kids, were going to have a lot of fun. Rachel shut the door and followed him to the counter where hed dropped off the fish box. Well have games and races and our own cake. Were having hot dogs and burgers. Its going to be such a blast, I cant wait.
Ben was right. His sister Rachel was the nicest person ever. And she didnt seem to know it, didnt seem aware that she was as incredibly beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. Her loveliness shone outward like sunlight through clouds, and it dazzled.
He had to turn away, blinking hard, affected and he didnt know why. He was used to keeping his feelings under lock and key. Why his emotions were staging a breakout, he didnt know, but he didnt like it. Not one bit.
Rachel clicked on the oven and there was a clatter as she dug a cookie sheet out of the bottom cabinets. Her Oops! was good-natured as she put away the other racks and cookie sheets that had tumbled out with the first one.
She had a patience about her, an inner harmony that he admired. It didnt take a rocket scientist to see that she was probably great with kids. Im sure Sally would like to hang out with you tomorrow. Thanks.
Not a problem. She rose, a petite willow of a woman who moved like poetry, like grace, like all that was good in the world.
It was nice, it was normal. He wasnt used to nice and normal, hed been away from a normal life for so long, he didnt feel as if he quite fit anymore. It was heartening to see, it gave a man pause, to watch a woman in a kitchen preparing supper and to know all was safe here, all was right in this tiny piece of the world.
Maybe he could lay down his responsibilities, the constant on-guard duty he carried, and rest for a short while. He hadnt realized how tired he was, but it washed over him like a warm rain.
Jake, Ill whip you up some homemade fries, she said as she hauled real potatoes out of the pantry. Itll only take a second. Sally is welcome to have her soda in the living room. Why dont I take that in to her before I start getting busy in here?
His throat closed entirely. Unable to know what emotions were whirling around free inside him, and just as unable to speak, he held up his hand, stopping her with what he hoped wasnt too harsh a gesture and grabbed Sallys cup and his soda can.
He walked out of the kitchen and didnt look back, but he swore he left a part of himself standing there, awed by the woman and her kindness.
Chapter Four
It always made Rachel happy to be in the kitchen. With the hum of the TV drifting in through the dining room, she popped the tray of fish sticks and Tater Tots into the oven and plunked the small hill of hand-cut potatoes into the deep-fryer. Cooking was comforting, maybe because she associated it with her mom and dad.
Few things in a day made her happier than having someone to cook for, even temporarily. The fatigue that had built on her in layers throughout the day began to fade. As she set the timer, a new burst of energy lifted her up. The fryers oil sizzled and snapped and the sound was a friendly accompaniment while she dug through the shelving inside the refrigerators door and picked out the appropriate condiments.
After loading up a tray with napkins and flatware, she set out for the living room. The rise and fall of voices from the television grew louder, drawing her closer. On the couch in front of the colorful screen and washed in the glowing light, the big man and little girl sat side by side, intent on the old family movie.
Wow. It was awesome Sally had an uncle like Jake who would take her in without question. Otherwise, shed hate to think of what the child might face. Shed been exposed to that fear as a kid. But probably Sally had it worse losing her home and having to move across the country to the house where Jake was stationed. While Sally battled her grief over her mom, at least she had Jake to love and protect her, to keep her safe from this world that often did not think of children.
Rachel set the tray in the center of the coffee table, leaning just right so she wouldnt block their view of the tube.
Jake stirred from his TV watching. I ought to get off my duff and help you.
Theres nothing left to do.
Heaven save me from this man. It would be nothing at all to simply fall fast and hard in love with him. Well, not real love, that was something that deepened forever between a man and woman, but the initial tumble, that wouldnt take too much if she kept seeing more of his good heart.
Nope, she needed to handle things from here by herself. It was a matter of self-preservation. You stay right there with Sally. She needs your company. Ill be back with supper.
You eat in here?
Why not? Its Friday. Its the tradition in this house.
As she turned her back on the cheerful movie flashing across the screen, it was the past and its cherished memories that came with her. This was why she loved living in this house so much. The four of them together as kids, crowded onto the two couches that used to be in this room, pushing and shoving and laughing in good humor so that it was hard to listen to the movie.
Dad would be manning the grill outside if it was summer, and hed pop his head through the slider door and shout at them to stop hitting one another. As she set up the TV trays, Mom would be laughing, reminding him that he was the one who wanted four kids, remember?
As often as not, one of them would jump off the couches to help her. Soon their favorite meal of cheese-burgers and Tater Tots would be served up on the trays, theyd all be eating and watching the TV. All through the show, Dad would make funny comments meant to make them all howl with laughter.
Yeah, she thought as she whipped the fries from the hot grease, this was the reason she hadnt settled down yet. Because she hadnt settled. How could she want anything less than the family life shed had growing up? One day, the good Lord willing, she would know that brand of happiness again.
Until then, it was nice to dish up plates with everything just right for her guests. Tater Tots done just rightcrispy on the outside and warm and chewy on the inside. Fresh fries still steaming, both heaped on half of the good stoneware shed gotten for Christmas from her sisters, and plenty of golden crispy fish sticks. Small bowls of coleslaw, made fresh at the diner that morning, added the required vegetables to the meal.