What things?
Jacob Stone watched her pale face grow paler beneath the straw brim of her plain bonnet. Her soft blue eyes widened with alarm.
Damn, he knew this wouldnt be easy. Jacob tore his gaze from her pretty face and stared hard at his big hands. I dont know how to begin. I should just say it.
Youve changed your mind? A hint of panic vibrated in her soft voice.
He shook his head. He wanted to change his mind, Lord knew. He didnt want to involve his heart with another woman. And he wouldnt. No, my mind is set. I want to marry again. Emma needs a mother to care for her, not a hired woman, but someone who will love her.
Yes, I know. I read your letters, Jacob
You dont know, he corrected, holding himself rigid in the uncomfortable chair. Her eyes glimmered with hope; he could see her heart shining there. It wasnt right and it wasnt fair. I asked you to marry me for my daughters sake.
Yes, I
Not for mine. His heart broke as understanding struck her like a slap to the face. Her jaw slackened, and she looked lost.
You dont want me. Her blue gaze met his without accusation, but puzzlement. You proposed to me.
I offered an arrangement.
You said your Emma needed a mother. I thought She stopped. I dont understand.
Jacob closed his heart against memories sharp enough to tear him apart. I want you to know this right from the start. I want there to be no misunderstandings between us, only honesty. You will be my wife in name only. Not in my heart and not in my bed.
Elizabeth Hodges glanced up at him, white as snow. Guilt tore through him. How did he tell her what Marys death did to him? Every day had been a battle, from morning until late at night, living without her. He would never give his heart again. Not even to a pretty, slender woman with eyes as blue as morning glories.
But what about children? A tiny wrinkle frowned across her forehead, half hidden by the scatters of wheat blond curls escaping from beneath her bonnet.
I have one child too many. Tiny, helpless dependent creatures who could steal a mans heart. He couldnt bear that. I wanted you to know how it is with me right up front. I never meant to deceive you.
You could have told me. She stared hard at the old reticule clutched in her lap. I know you are widowed. I understand it might take time to finish grieving, even to build a relationship between us.
That isnt what I want.
Beneath the starkness in those gray eyes, Libby caught sight of a kindness, a decency that gave her pause.
Jacob Stone possessed the integrity she had so hoped he might have. She imagined he failed to speak of the death of his wife in his letters because of deep personal pain, but he did so now for the sake of honesty. She respected him for that, even if it left her alone and ashamed. Hadnt she considered deceiving him?
Then he stood, the starkness gone from his eyes and a gentle softness shaping his mouth. He held out one big hand, strong and callused from honest work, and she gave him hers. Her belly twisted, low and pleasant.
Lets see about getting you a room.
Jacob helped her to her feet, and Libby could not stop the awareness trickling through her. Her fingertips tingled long after hed released her hand.
She needed to marry and she wanted him for her husband. But when she looked into his eyes, she saw a good and decent man still hurting from his wifes death. How could she deceive him? How could she tell him the truth?
Chapter Two
Libby waited patiently while Jacob checked her into the hotel, surprising her by paying ahead for the entire week. He stood solemnly, counting out bills.
Every worried knot inside her unraveled. He was an admirable man. Strong. Dependable. He was a man strong enough to be tender.
Last winter she had nearly dropped her newspaper at the sight of the advertisement. Lonely widower seeks kindhearted woman for mother to six-year-old daughter. Just the sight of those words gave her hope; a hope she needed so desperately. Kind. Wife. Mother. Images of a family fell into her mind like the snow from the sky outside the boarding house window.
She had hoped he would never have to know. Honesty. He wanted honesty between them.
Ill take her bags, Jacob said in his low, rumbling voice that skidded down her spine like warm water.
Libby watched him thank the desk clerk. He was wellspoken and polite; she liked that. He ambled toward her, sure and powerful, and the sight of him made her stomach twist.
She followed him up the stairs and into the first room on the second floor. With every step she took, Libby knew she had to be honest with Jacob Stone. He deserved the truth.
He set the bags on the foot of the bed, and she closed the door. A question lit his gray eyes.
You were honest with me, she said, clenching her hands together. She didnt want him to see how she trembled. Its the least I can do for you.
I see. He straightened, a wariness creeping into his face. So, Im not the only one with secrets.
No. Libby squared her shoulders and met his unflinching gaze. What she had to say would not be easy. As you suspect I am not an innocent.
He neither grimaced nor judged her. Jacob Stone merely dipped his head slightly as he answered. That does not matter to me.
Good, because theres more. She would tell him the truth, and he would leave. Libby stared hard at the plank floor. I dont know, I mean, Im not certain.
Its too early to tell.
You dont want to marry me? he asked.
She looked up into eyes filled with concern. His concern for her. She didnt want to say what followed. Best to just blurt it out. I could be pregnant.
Pregnant?
Im not certain, Libby hedged. Hes going to leave me.
But Jacob Stone said nothing. He stared down at his large, empty hands. Libby stood motionless, her heart thudding painfully in her chest. She thought of Emma and that big sparkle of hope in the girls blue eyes.
This is unexpected news. He spoke slowly, as if carefully weighing his words. After all, we have been corresponding.
She could hear his condemnation. I did not come here thinking I could pawn off another mans child on you. Although she had considered not telling him during the overland trip.
I didnt think you would. Jacob Stone faced her, his gaze no longer averted but leveled powerfully on hers. At that moment Libby could not deny the physical strength in the man nor the emotional power she felt with the blast of that gaze. He spoke. In your letters you led me to understand you had no other prospects for marriage.
I have none now, Libby admitted sadly, feeling her heart drum ever harder in her chest.
Not even with the man who may have fathered a child with you? Jacob stepped closer, so close she could see the black flecks of color in his gray eyes and smell the leather and smoke scent of him.
No.
You could have written me about this.
I didnt know what to say, Libby answered honestly. He looked both sad and angry at once with his thick fingers gripping the brim of his hat and his jaw set like stone. He would never understand. You had the same problem, letting me believe you wanted a real wife.
He bowed his head. Yes, I guess thats true. Were even then.
Silence fell between them like sunlight through the windowpanes.
Libby braced herself. If you decide you no longer have any interest in me, I thoroughly understand, Mr. Stone.
There, she had said it. Those words had taken more courage than she knew she had.
Jacob Stone cleared his throat and didnt speak. After a quick glance around the room, he lowered his eyes. Libby watched him, clearly a proper, hardworking and decent man, who had no doubt caught sight of the wide bed in the exact center of the room. A bed she was also aware of.
What must he think of her? She looked at the plain quilted coverlet, once white and already yellowing. Did Jacob Stone look at that bed and wonder what kind of woman she was?
He strode across the small room and tugged open the window. A hot, dry breeze tumbled inside, but it was far from refreshing. The street noise from below blew in with the wind. Libby knew she would never be good enough for him, not now when he knew she had considered deceiving him.
I never wanted a wife. He stood before the opened window, sunlight glinting on his dark hair, brightening it, and cast his face in shadow. I took one look at you and I bolted.
You ran?
Id ventured halfway down the street this morning before I realized my foolishness. I invited you out here, and yet I am terrified of you. Youre young and pretty. From your letters, I expected someone different. Older.
Im not all that pretty, Libby spoke up, touched at once by his words. I just want a home. A real one.
Jacob Stone remained silent, staring out the window still and motionless, outlined by the distant blue-white peaks of the Bitterroot mountains. What was he thinking?
I cant give you what you want. He didnt turn to look at her. He stood broad-shouldered, his muscled legs parted, his booted feet planted on the bare plank boards. Weve spent over six months corresponding. That amount of time should tell you right there how unsure I am of making a marriage again.
Grief haunted his words, and the echoes of that grief hung in the air like the thick Montana dust. She hated seeing him hurt. Libby wanted to reach out and comfort him, but how could she? It was not her right.
He turned, approaching, his jaw set, his gaze intense, a decision clear in his eyes. Tell me something. Will he follow you here?
No.
Then it is none of my concern. Jacob pinned her with his hard, assessing gaze. You say you are not certain.
Libby blanched. No. It is too early yet to know for sure either way.
When will you know?
It was such a private question, and while Libby wanted to say so, she also knew he was affected by the answer. Soon enough, maybe this week.
Fine. He frowned. Libby watched his gaze stray to her bags that were still on the bed where hed left them. Youll stay here until you know the answer to my question. We will make the appropriate arrangements then.
He hadnt sent her away outright. Libbys breath caught. If Im not...will you still wish to marry me?
I dont know. Jacob Stone pinned her with the full weight of his cool gaze. I counted on this match working. Emma needs a mother. Weve spent time exchanging letters, and youve traveled all this way. I dont want to go through that again.
In those eyes Libby didnt see hatred or condemnation, and it surprised her. Standing before him, aware of his height and his breadth and his strength, she saw not his handsomeness but the sadness in his eyes. And an understanding that touched her inside, in her heart where nothing had touched her for years.
Then theres hope? she asked.
I have no promises to give you. Jacob shook his head. You put me in an awkward situation. I dont know how Emma will take this if you have to leave.
He didnt want her now. Libby closed her eyes, tears hot beneath her lids. It was over.
She heard the sounds of the door opening, of Jacob Stones boots striding out into the hall, of the door closing and latching. But when she opened her eyes, Libby still hoped to see him standing there at the window, a man with honesty and compassion ringing in his voice.
Who was she fooling, Libby asked herself. Anyone could see shed ruined her chances of marrying Jacob Stone. She brought up her unvirtuous situation. She caused him to be angry and forced him to walk out on her.
Anyone could see he wasnt coming back.
Jacob pounded down the stairs and through the lobby, out into the glaring summer heat, inwardly cussing himself for what hed done. But any way he looked at itwhether Elizabeth Hodges was pregnant or notshe was not the woman he wanted to raise his daughter.
He marched down the long boardwalk, dodging Mrs. Holt carrying packages out of the mercantile, hardly aware of the traffic on the street and the ever present buzz of the sawmill at the end of town.
He didnt know her well enough to expect her to show up pregnant. No, possibly pregnant. She didnt even know for sure.
Then why the hell did she have to tell him?
Because she was an honest woman.
Pa! Emma hopped out onto the boardwalk in a swirl of red calico. Wheres Miss Hodges?
Jacobs heart wrenched at the sight of hope so bright in his daughters blue eyes. Shes in her hotel room.
Better Emma know nothing of the type of woman who stepped off that stage.
Doing what?
Unpacking. Resting from her long trip.
Emma sighed, sounding disappointed. Shes still comin to supper, right?
Jacob felt the weight of the little girls hope settle on his shoulders. His heart wrenched. Im not sure, Emma.
But you promised. Her quietly spoken words struck him like an ax.
Yes, I guess I did. He had so little to give her. How could he go back on his promise?
Emmas sweet smile stretched across her small face. Pa, I want just one more thing.
One more thing? He rolled his eyes, teasing. Im afraid to ask. What is it?
She giggled. I just want some new hair ribbons for tonight.
Whew. I think we can do that. Have Jane help you.
Oh, Pa. Thank you. I have to look my best for Miss Hodges. Her entire heart shone in those words. She spun away, dashing back into the store, braids flying.
He couldnt disappoint Emma. Yet he couldnt allow her to be hurt, either.
Jacob stepped out into the street and gazed back at the hotel. How could Elizabeth go and ruin everything?
Libby sank onto the soft mattress. She did the right thing, she knew it. Whatever lay ahead, she had faced her greatest fear. Now she could face herself. A lightness settled across her shoulders, and she felt calm for the first time in weeks. Shed done the right thing.
When Jacob had written, asking her to marry him, she sat and cried over what shed done. She feared she could never face him, nor tell him the truth about what happened. But as the long hours passed and the night deepened, Libby began to hope. Maybe it could still be. Maybe Jacob need never know. Perhaps she wasnt pregnant.
Libby had clung to that belief during the trying journey west, but as the nausea hit, she feared it was more than travel sickness. And she told herself it would be all right.
Except now he didnt want a wife in the real sense.