Thanks, Jane. Jacob snagged hold of the harness, turning his back to Libby. Ive got to take care of these horses. Emma, take Miss Hodges into the cabin.
Can I show her my room?
Libby closed her eyes. She could feel dreams slipping between her fingers, impossible to grasp.
Just dont keep Jane waiting. Jacob led the horses off, the buckboard rattling over the rocks and ruts in the yard.
Jane made chicken pie. Emma slipped her small hand inside Libbys. I helped her. I got to make the dough and everything.
Libby stared down at the hand within hers, so small and trusting. I bet it will be the best chicken pie Ive ever had.
Jane put carrots and peas in it. Emma led the way across the dusty front yard toward the snug cabin.
Heavens. Libby paused in the threshold, glancing about the pleasant room with its puncheon floors and log walls and simple furnishings. Emma bounced through the front room as if there were nothing special about the solid walls so carefully made and sealed tight against the winds. But to her...this cabin came right out of her dreams.
Libby belonged here. She could feel it. A tremble of joy shivered through her.
It isnt much. Jacobs voice startled her, and she spun around.
He could read the surprise on her face. She hadnt heard him approach.
Oh. She placed a slender hand to her chest. This is the most beautiful home. Did you build it yourself?
Yes. Felled the trees. Chinked the walls. Its snug and its sturdy. Pride simmered in his chest. No matter what she was, Elizabeth Hodges was a woman of simple tastes. He liked that.
Its so roomy and bright. Her eyes shone not with greed or want, but with something deeper. Why, with curtains at the windows and a rug on the floor, this would look like a picture in a book.
He smiled. Im glad you think so.
She confused him. He didnt know if he wanted to marry a woman with a questionable reputation. Yet he liked her. She was soft and pretty. He suspected life had not been easy for her, a woman alone in the world.
Pa, come on. Emma crowded next to Elizabeth, grabbing hold of the womans capable hands. Janes puttin supper on the table. I want to show Miss Hodges where to sit.
Alone on the front step, Jacob watched his little girl drag Elizabeth away. It was best not to think of the future.
But as he glanced about his simple, adequate home, he noticed the polished furniture and the glistening windowpanes. Jane and Emma must have scrubbed the room from floor to ceiling hoping to make a good impression.
Now she stood at the table, patiently listening while Emma set her doll down in the chair by the window, as if to make the rag doll a part of the family. Elizabeth leaned down and meant to brush a strand of hair from Emmas eyes but snatched back her hand, uncertain.
Jacobs stomach tightened. He could see the goodness in her. He didnt want to like her.
Come sit down while its still hot, Jane said, barreling around the corner with the potatoes steaming in a glass bowl.
He clomped across the room and pulled back his chair. Elizabeth looked so uncertain. She certainly wasnt a bad woman. He had to give her the benefit of the doubt. Go ahead and sit down. Im wagering Emma has a chair all picked out for you.
Shes sittin beside me. The girl beamed.
I could have guessed that. Jacob sat down in his chair.
Emma grabbed Elizabeths hand and showed her to the chair between them. The woman looked overwhelmed. She lifted her chin and happiness filled her eyes.
This is all so wonderful, she said in a voice as gentle as morning. Im just so grateful to be here.
Im glad, too, Emma chimed.
Guilt kicked Jacob like an ill-tempered mule. Hed not been fair to Elizabeth Hodges from the start. Promising her marriage when he never intended to love her. Hed dreaded her arrival, and if it hadnt been for Emma, Elizabeth wouldnt be sitting at his table right now, pregnant or not.
I picked the beans fresh today. Emma clutched the cut-glass bowl in both small hands. You like beans, dont you Miss Hodges?
I love them. Delight shimmered in her eyes like sunlight playing in the creek.
Hed harbored so many worries. Would she be a decent woman? Would she be a loyal wife? A loving mother? They evaporated now like fog before sun.
Pa bought these hair ribbons just for tonight, Emma chattered. Theyre velvet. For a special occasion, Jane said.
Very fancy. The color makes you look very pretty.
Emma beamed. Tell me about the Indians. They ride their ponies bareback.
Yes, they do.
Jacob could hardly swallow, and he stared down at his empty plate. He hadnt dished up. Now, he wasnt hungry. He reached for the bowl of beans Elizabeth passed to him. His fingers brushed hers, and in that instant of contact he raised his gaze. Their eyes met and held.
He had to start risking again, for Emmas sake. His gut clenched. If only it wasnt so hard. If only...
I want to ride a pony wild in the meadows, Emmas voice broke between them. Would you let me, Pa?
Not a chance.
I knew you were gonna say that.
Unable to move, Libby sat perfectly still, her heart beating wildly like the wings of a grounded bird. Happiness threatened to fill her up so full she couldnt breathe. The normal sounds of the mealEmmas fork scraping against her tin plate, the clink of the pan as Jacob dished up generous pieces of succulent chicken pie, the tinkle of water in the glasses amazed her. Shed never known a home like this, safe and cozy, so happy.
Emma asked questions about riding in the stage. Between mouthfuls of the good food, Libby answered the best she could. No, they didnt meet any road agents on the trail. No, they didnt get robbed. Yes, the teams of horses were pretty.
You can see why my father went deaf, Jacob mumbled.
Pa! Emma protested, laughing at the same time.
Happiness skidded down Libbys spine like cool water, refreshing and sustaining. I think Im losing hearing in this one ear.
Emma giggled.
I told you, you talk too much, Jacob teased.
Oh, no. Libby placed a hand on her stomach. The laughter slid from her mouth and she stood, fighting the abrupt twist of nausea rising in her stomach.
It couldnt be. She knocked over her chair and bolted for the door. Tears blurred her vision as she pounded down the front steps, holding her skirts out of the way as she raced blindly around the house. A second twist of nausea roiled in her belly, and she tasted the acidic burn of bile.
She would not leave a mess in the yard.
The outhouse was a tidy, sturdy building just behind the cabin. Libby raced past the elderly womans surprised face, and flung open the privys simple door. She fell to her knees on the clean floorboards and leaned over the carved hole.
The contents of her stomach hurled violently up her throat, and Libby didnt hold back her hot tears or her choking sobs. After three violent retches, her stomach was empty.
Exhausted and hopeless, Libby leaned against the wall and buried her face in her hands. There was no blaming this on travel sickness. She was pregnant.
Are you all right, dear?
Libby raised her face from her hands and turned to gaze up at the spry, time-weathered woman. A gentle understanding shone in Janes eyes.
Are you all right, dear?
Libby raised her face from her hands and turned to gaze up at the spry, time-weathered woman. A gentle understanding shone in Janes eyes.
I will be fine, Libby insisted, firming her chin. She climbed to her feet and dusted off her skirt.
I only hope it wasnt my cookin, Jane said lightly, although no humor shone in her eyes. My Albert always used to say my cookin could rot a mans gut.
No, it wasnt your cooking, trust me. Libby summoned up a polite smile.
I see. Sober eyes looked up into her own. Well, now, Jacobs here. I suppose youll be wantin to talk to him. Emma, come with me into the house and show me that new doll of yours.
As the woman and small girl ambled off, Libby could feel the weight of Jacobs gaze. The pain of what she had just lost speared through her like an Indians arrowhead. This couldnt be happening.
He said nothing, and the silence stood between them as the weight of the night began to drain the webby light from the sky.
I thought you said you werent sure.
Holding the pieces of her heart, she managed an answer. I wasnt.
The wind tugged at her skirts. An owl hooted from the high boughs of a nearby pine.
Pregnant. Jacob fisted his hands, wanting to will the truth away. He studied her pale face. His gaze swept downward. Her stomach looked so flat. She looked so fragile.
He glanced up to read the pain in her eyes and saw the broken pieces of her heart. He twisted away, marching out toward the stable, then stopped. Frustrated. Angry. He didnt know what to do. You lied to me. You came here tonight knowing your condition.
No, I wouldnt do that to you. To Emma.
You had to know. Were you going to use me? Did you accept my offer to cover your own mistakes? To come here and pretend the bastard was mine?
Not exactly. I wasnt sure
Anger flashed through him. Im not about to let you use me. Or Emma. Shes the reason you are here in the first place.
I never meant
She needs a mother, not a lying woman of questionable reputation. Jacob closed his eyes. It wasnt fair. He was angry with himself. Angry for agreeing to find a mother for Emma. Angry for thinking such a plan would ever work.
Im sorry. The words squeaked, broken by emotion. He looked at Elizabeth. He remembered the look of affection on her pretty oval face when shed shown him the rag doll, remembered the way shed almost brushed the curls from Emmas eyes, and her loving manner as she joked with the girl.
Damn it. The loss was Emmas. Elizabeth would have been the right mother. If only she hadnt... He didnt know what shed done. If she was an innocent forced or went willingly with a lover. He didnt know anything about the woman except she was going to break his little girls heart.
Damn her for doing this to Emma.
Elizabeth surprised him by bursting into tears and without another word, she simply walked away.
He watched her go.
Wheres Miss Hodges? Emma tugged at his shirtsleeve. Dust cast a blue-gray light over the world and shadowed her button face. Is she all right? Jane is afraid her cooking made her sick.
Miss Hodges left. An odd roaring echoed in his head.
If shes feelin better tomorrow, maybe she can come have some of that pie we made. Emmas face wrinkled with worry. You like Miss Hodges, dont you, Pa?
Hope and adoration lit his daughters face. How did he disappoint her? Damn it, how could Elizabeth Hodges disappoint her? Jacob felt ready to explode. He forced the breath from his lungs in a long hiss. No, Emma, I dont like Miss Hodges.
You dont?
Jacob forced the hot rage from his chest. No. Shes not going to stay. Well have to go about finding you another mother.
But she made me a doll! Pain rang high in the girls voice.
I know she did. But its not your decision. Night was falling, in his heart and in the forest. Go inside and finish your meal. Jane will put you to bed.
The girl knew better than to cry. It wouldnt get her what she wanted. Emma hung her head, a single sob escaping as she dashed toward the cabin.
Disappointment battered him. He couldnt change Elizabeths situation. He couldnt allow her to be Emmas mother.
Relief slid through his chest, and Jacob sat down on the front stone steps. Truth be told, he was glad. He didnt want another woman in his house to remind him of Mary. He didnt want the sweet scent of a woman, her touches of softness and care anywhere in his life.
The coming night fell silently, and Jacob didnt move. He watched the skies darken, stealing the last bit of light from the day. Owls screeched, bugs chirruped and bats circled harmlessly overhead, but nothing could penetrate the sadness in his heart.
For a moment, he let himself remember the dark, souldevouring despair that consumed him after Mary died in childbirth. He could not risk going through that again.
Chapter Four
Her heart empty, Libby stepped to the window and gazed out on the main street below. Even this early in the morning, the thriving town, perched on the side of a rugged mountain, buzzed with activity. The sawmill upriver whined, wagons rattled, busy voices rose from the boardwalk below.
Shed learned from the other passengers on the stagecoach yesterday that Cedar Rock was a boomtown. Men came from all parts of the country to work the gold mines or prospect on their own. Montana Territory was filled with stories of men striking it rich on gold and quartz and silver.
There had to be something for her here, Libby reasoned. She did not have the money to return home, if she could call Omaha home. Perhaps she could make her own opportunities, just as she had always done before. She could cook and sew. Libby had never been afraid of hard work.
It wasnt the end of the world, although it felt like it. There was no going back. She had her chanceand lost it. Now she would do what she must.
With trembling hands, Libby tugged her reticule from its place in the bureau drawer and sorted through its contents. Her fingers brushed upon the smooth, heavy parchment folded in neat, even creases. Her hands shook, rattling the paper, as she unfolded the outmost letter.
Dear Elizabeth, she read. I am pleased you have agreed to come visit and see if a marriage between us will work. Emma pesters me daily as to when you shall arrive. I fear she does not understand the great distance involved....
She tore her gaze from the page. Squeezing the tears from her eyes, she removed all of Jacobs letters from her reticule and bundled them in her satchel. Happily-ever-afters dont happen to you, Elizabeth Charlotte Hodges.
After carefully locking her door, she approached the kind man behind the front counter. He politely referred her to a womans boardinghouse off Clinton Avenue.
Armed with determination, Libby stepped out into the already hot morning sun. One thing was certain, she would not be beholden to any man, not even Jacob, for her survival. She could find her own lodging, and pay for it, too.
Good morning, miss. A man balanced a barrel of flour on his shoulder. Nice day.
She dropped her gaze. Good morning, sir.
Strangers unsettled her, and she kept walking. Jacob had never felt like a stranger, not from the first moment she opened his letter.