And remembering.
The long summer day was ending; at last the sun was beginning to set. This was the time when the world was most beautiful. He remembered, thinking as a kid, that his dad was just crazy. Theyd had no air-conditioning, but his father had pointed out that the breeze always came through. The house had seemed a shack, but his dad had pointed out that they didnt need any art on the walls, because they had the most beautiful vista anyone could ever imagine, every night. All they had to do was sit on the rustic porch and watch the sun set, watch as colors came out over the Atlantic, pinks, reds, golds, yellows. Sometimes the skies would be clear and the blue would turn slowly to strange pastels, then indigo, and then night would fall. Sometimes there would be clouds in the sky, and they would become a billowy cobalt before turning into dancing shadows against the moon. When storms came, it was just as beautiful, if different. The lightning would strike the water like bolts cast down by a furious god, and the trees would whip and bend in the wind.
Everything his father had said was true. Now he knew. Just as he knew that no meal in the world was better than fresh fish, just pulled from the sea and thrown on the grill. Odd that he would come to love this place, Hurricane Bay, when he had been so blind to its charms as a kid. Back then, hed had no idea how great it was to own a private island.
He was glad hed had the time to let his dad know how much he appreciated the place and had come to love it.
Sitting on the wooden dock, staring out over the water, he closed his eyes and heard her voice again.
CHAPTER 2
Help me, Dane.
Sheilas voice was an echo in his head. A ghostly reproach.
He didnt need to keep hearing it. Hed already damned himself a hundred times over.
Hed been sitting here that night, just as he was now, the last time hed seen Sheila arrive at Hurricane Bay.
But before that
Would things have been different if he hadnt seen her in action just that day?
Hed been at the Sea Shanty just before she had come over. Hed been drinking soda water with lime, discussing surveillance cameras with Nate. Nothing big had happened. Nate thought that maybe one of his bartenders had decided he wasnt quite making it on tips and was helping himself to the till. Dane didnt intend to work for Nate, and he had no intention of charging for the advice he gave. Sheila had been there, too. She came almost every afternoon at about five.
She never bought her own drinks.
Maybe she hadnt known he was there. Maybe she had known and hadnt cared. Once upon a time, way back when, he and Sheila had been something of a twosome. But he had to admit, hed never been in love with her. From the time he had been a little kid, hed had a path in mind for himself, a plan for his life. A lot of that had come from Mr. Cunningham and Joe, but whatever the reason, his future had been the burning essence in his mind.
He hadnt wanted to wind up a fisherman in Key Largo, hoping for a catch, dodging the tourists, sucking up to the tourists, watching restaurant managers come and go.
If anything, hed been determined he was going to own the restaurants.
And Sheila
Well, at one time she might have loved him in her way. But shed been just as intent on her own path. Shed wanted out. And getting out had meant more to Sheila than attaching herself to a man with no specific prospects, even if he had ambition. Shed spent her high school years sizing up the tourists and the weekendersFloridians who usually lived fairly close to Key Largo, where they kept condos or vacation homes, and left their prestigious jobs in the city on Friday after work and returned Sunday night, ready to go back to work on Monday morning.
But hed always thought he was her friend. Theyd had their occasional thing together, even after their passionate breakup way back when. But not in the last few years. Not since hed finished his military obligations, settled in the St. Augustine area, opened Whitelaw Investigationsand fallen in love with Kathy Malkovich.
Hed seen Sheila a few times since hed retreated back home. Only with other friends, mostly, or sitting around the bar. Shed even shown up at his place once with Nate when theyd made a major dolphin fish haul a few weeks back and barbecued it on the grill at his place. Because of their past history, people were making more of it than it had been.
Nate had talked about Sheilas current activities, then cut himself off, remembering that she and Dane had once been more than friends. The usual guy talk had sounded too coarse, even for Nate.
So he should have known. Sheila had always been a flirt. And she was soundly of the opinion that most people fell out of love in life, and that some guys were good in bed and some guys werent, so going to bed with a man because he could offer her something was in no way a sin. Look at the jerks most women slept with because they thought they were in love, or thought the guy was decent, she always said.
Sheila gave new meaning to the term jaded.
That afternoon, though, just a week ago, he had really seen her in action for the first time. Seen her work her magic at the bar.
So he was a little jaded himself. Not exactly sunk in despair, but then again, not ready to go out and tackle the world. And when he had watched Sheila, hed experienced some strange sensations. Relief, for one. He was thankful theyd never gotten serious orGod forbidmarried each other. He felt sorrow, too, remembering the kid she had been. And he had also felt a bit of disgust, wondering what the hell she was doing. There she was, a beautiful woman, doing things she didnt need to do. She was young, with the world in front of her, and she had seemed to be on the path of self-destruction.
Her sole purpose was apparent from the minute she climbed on a bar stool next to a guy. First there had been the middle-aged Hispanic man sporting the loud jewelry. Heavy gold chains had hung around his neck, and his fingers had been bedecked with gold and diamonds. Sheila had crawled atop a chair with a cigarette, asking for a light. Theyd started talking, and hed bought her a drink, but he hadnt stayed long. There had been a woman waiting for him out on the patio. Before hed left, however, Sheila had written something on a piece of paper and given it to him.
Then there had been the younger guy, maybe twenty-five. His cutoffs had carried a designer label, and his sandals were straight from the pages of GQ. His T-shirt had sported a label, as wellnot just designer but top designer. Even if he ever got as rich as Croesus, Dane couldnt see spending that kind of money on a T-shirt.
Sheila had been studying her drink when the young guy had walked in. She must have had some kind of natural radar, because shed turned around immediately, seen her new quarry, squashed out her cigarette and knocked another out of the pack in front of her.
Theyd talked for a long time. And again Sheila had given him her number.
No one had appealed to Sheila after that. Shed noticed Dane at the back of the bar by then. She might have colored just a little, seeing him there. Then shed tossed her long dark hair and come over.
Soits the long-lost home boy nursing his woes at the shanty bar, huh?
Hi, Sheila.
Shed lit her own cigarette then and tapped her matches on the bar.
See, old flame, men do still find me attractive, shed said softly.
See, old flame, men do still find me attractive, shed said softly.
Sheila, youre beautiful, and you know it.
That had brought a smile to her lips. But it isnt enough, is it?
He remembered lifting his hands with a certain aggravation. It depends on what you want. What the hell are you doing?
She looked at him. Do you remember when you liked me, Dane?
Sheila, I still like you. Youre a friend.
That brought another smile. You never loved me.
That seemed out of the blue. You never loved me.
She looked ahead. We both wanted to get out, and here we are again. You loved her, though, huh? That woman in St. Augustine.
He didnt answer because she didnt allow him to, rushing back in. Whats wrong with me, Dane?
Sheila, theres nothing wrong with you. We just didnt have the commitment, the shared interests, the right whatever.
She shook her head, staring ahead. I couldnt stay with Larry, either. Why not? I should have. Its like Im always looking forI dont know. She stared at him. Hey, want to sleep with me?
Sheila
Oh, yeah. I heard. Youre still in mourning. I wish you werent. Id feelsecure if I were with you.
Sheila, feeling secure isnt a reason to sleep with a guy. Any more than money is.
She turned to look at him with amusement. Money is as good a reason as any. Come on, Dane, arent you feeling just a bit of the old magic? She reached out beneath the bar, long delicate fingers light on his thigh, then zeroing in.
Actually it was the little jump of arousal hed felt that had stirred his temper. Hed gripped her fingers, pushing her hand aside, and risen. No, he told her angrilyand too loudly.
Dane, dont leave me.
Sheila, I cant leave you if Im not with you.
Hed turned and left the bar. Nate had seen them, of course. He hadnt known what they were saying, but since he was at the end of the bar, he must have heard the anger in Danes voice. And damn if Cindy Greeley hadnt been there, too, that dayhe hadnt seen her until then, but there she was, with Nate at the end of the bar, showing him the new T-shirts shed designed for his bar.
Hed said hi to Cindy and gone on.
That night Sheila had shown up at his house. Shed told him not to worry, she was just stopping by, seeing what he was up to. They were still friends, right?
Friends, Sheila, he had told her, and let her in.
At first she had been so casual.
Shed asked him about what had brought him back. Hed told her it had just been time to come home. She hadnt believed him, but she had pretended to.
I think, for you, everything changed with Joe.
He hadnt answered that. Instead hed said, Sheila, what the hell are you doing?
Getting by. I should marry some nice guy and settle down. Problem is, there arent that many nice guys out there. Besides, you knew me when I was young and sweet and innocent. Okay, I was never innocent. But I was a little sweet.
You were married to Larry Miller. Theres a nice guy.
A boring guy, Im afraid. I like excitement. Or maybe every nice guy is a boring guy. I dont know. You know what, Dane? Men just dont come in the kind that I really want to keep. Actually, I may be a real voice for my sex.
Oh?
Sheila had laughed, and looked stunning. Yeah. Guys are usually ratty to women. They fall in lovelust first, most of the time. They marry, they cheat.
Not all of them. Id say its pretty even.
Not on your life! Trust me. Men always seem to need someone to bolster their egos. Some guy told me once that its just natural. You know, survival of the species. Long ago, guys had to sow their seed, just like lions, or some shit like that. Mate all they could so their DNA would go on and on. Instinctively theyre still that wayexcept, of course, that they dont really want to procreate anymore, because on the not so instinctive side, something resembling brains kicks in and they dont want to pay child support. But some guys are innately bad, maybe not even in a way they can help. Look at all the old geezers looking for trophy wives. Sixty-, seventy-, even eighty-year-olds throwing out wives theyve had for years, finding some beach bunny and patting themselves on the back for having a kid when theyre members of AARP. Makes em macho.
Sheila, you know, I have friends who have been left by their wives, taken to the cleaners big time by them.
See, there you go. Defending your sex.
Im not trying to defend anyone. I just think that people in general arent always so great to others. Ive seen plenty of men behave like real assholes. Ive seen some women who are just as cold and calculating.
Different thing, Sheila said, waving a hand in the air. Someone should do a study on it. As for me, well, I guess Ill just go on thinking that Im standing up for my sex, using guys like paper cups, tossing them out as soon as they get a bit soggy. Shed looked at him then. Daneare you sureI mean, sometimes, way back when, wed get together when neither one of us had a steady thing going.
Sheila, youve got to trust me here. Im not what youre looking for. But I will give you a speech, which is what you need. Youre beautiful. You deserve ten times more than youre giving yourself. Not to mention the fact that your lifestyle is dangerous. There are a bunch of assholes out there, not to mention the fact that these days the world is full of sexually transmitted diseases, some of which can kill you.
Shed laughed then. Oh, great! You think Im infectious. Dane, Im careful as hell.
No, youre not. If you were, youd be looking for something more than money.
Its not just money, she said softly.
Then?
I told you, Im making up for all the assholes out there. Shed leaned against the pillows on the sofa then, watching him with a rueful smile. I hear youre in deep mourning over something gone wrong. I can help. I can make you feel better. If only for a night.
He had to admit, the thought had been tempting. But Sheila couldnt really give him anything. And there was nothing he could give her.
No good, Sheila, he had told her softly.
And still shed stayed. Theyd had some wine, played chess. She was a good player. Then theyd had some more wine. And finally it had been really, really late, and she still hadnt gotten up to go.
I wish youd want me, Dane.
Sheila
Whats wrong with me? she asked for the second time that night.
Nothing. Youre beautiful. Its whats wrong with me, and the fact that I dont think were particularly good for each other.
Then that smile. You know what? I dont sleep with that many guys. I string them along pretty far, butI like gifts, good food, expensive bottles of wine. I swear, Dane, Im not diseased or anything. Im smart and Im careful, and more selective than it might appear. And I always carry protection. Dane, dammit, I know youre hurting, butdont you ever just get urges, need some kind of relief? Im perfect for you. I know you dont love me, and I dont want anything from you except to be around sometimes. You can turn off the lights, drink yourself into a stupor, and I wont mind. And its not like its something you havent done before, a place you havent been before.