Mom G.s room also was as she remembered. The double bed with its fluffy pink comforter, the dresser cluttered with trinkets and jewelry. The bedside table still held the picture of Mr. Green as a young man.
Rachel headed toward the closet, then stopped as she noticed the new pictures hanging on the wall. They took her breath away.
There were pictures of herself in beautiful frames. School pictures, pictures of her with Mom G., at the prom with Josh at her side, her graduation pictures from high school, college and medical school.
She was very proud of you.
Joshs softly spoken words sent shivers of fire down her spine. If only he could be proud of her. She frowned at the thought and began pulling the pictures from the wall.
Lovingly she wrapped each frame in paper and stacked them in a box Josh had carried in. This time they worked in reverent silence, occasionally sharing memories of Mom G. Rachel kept more of the items from Mom G.s room than she had from any other.
The large armoire that graced the wall next to the closet drew her attention. Shed find a place for it in her apartment. She ran her hand over the gleaming wood.
When I first came to live with Mom G. I was a very scared little girl, she commented aloud. Once again frightened by a new place, a new parent and a new set of rules to learn. One day I hid inside this chest.
What happened? Josh asked as he came to stand beside her, his presence comforting.
She smiled up at him, liking the way his interest was centered on her. Mom G. found me. Instead of the anger I had expected, she lovingly held me and told me stories until the fear went away. She was an awesome woman.
Josh reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His touch was electrifying as his knuckles grazed her cheek. She was.
His gaze trapped hers. She was letting him get too close both physically and emotionally. She didnt want that, couldnt allow it. Only pain would result. She stepped back out of reach and gulped for air. Ill have the shipping company pack up the armoire.
One corner of Joshs mouth tipped up as if he knew how he was affecting her. Disconcerted, she turned her focus to the closet. She touched each garment and Mom G.s scent wafted up from the clothes, tugging at Rachel, making her ache.
Whats that?
She wiped away a tear before facing Josh. What?
He tilted his head upward. There.
She followed his gaze. A white box on the top shelf of the closet bore her name. She glanced at him. Would you mind?
Josh squeezed beside her, eating up space, and Rachel stepped back, nearly falling into the clothes piled on the floor. He reached out to steady her, his huge, strong hand closing around her forearm, sending hot sparks shooting up her arm.
Thanks. She extracted herself from his grip and moved a safe distance way. Joshs proximity and his touch did funny things to her insides and she didnt want funny things going on inside. It made staying focused difficult.
He easily retrieved the box. The living room?
Please. She headed down the hall. Josh set the box on the coffee table. She opened the lid and widened her eyes in pleasure. A tattered teddy bear lay on top of a scrapbook.
Yours?
Yes. She picked up the bear and ran a hand over it. My mother gave him to me before she died. Id thought Id lost him. Mom G. must have packed him up to preserve him. A lump rose in her throat. She held the bear close to ease the tightness in her chest.
Setting the bear aside, she picked up the scrapbook and laid it on the table. She sat on the sofa and flipped through the pages. Josh took the seat beside her, distracting her.
Mrs. G. put effort into this, he remarked.
Its wonderful. She couldnt believe how much she enjoyed looking at the pictures and the little anecdotes written beside the frames. The book chronicled her life with Mom G., starting with the first day shed arrived to the last picture Rachel had sent. On the last line in the book Mom G. had written, The rest of the book is for you to fill with pictures of your family.
Rachel stared at the words. Mom G. was her family. Without her, Rachel was alone.
As if hed heard her thoughts, Josh asked softly, Are those pages going to be filled, Rachel? Do you have someone waiting for you in Chicago?
She slanted him a glance, aware of the anger stirring in her chest. Anger because he had no right to ask her that, anger because the answer was no.
What do you think? No, wait. She held up a hand before he could respond. What was it you said? No man would want to marry a woman whose priority in life was her career. My priority is my career.
His words still haunted her. Every time a man had shown interest in her, shed remember those words, remembered the pain of loving only to have to make a choice between the man and her God-given path. And her choice would always be the same.
Her life was about making a difference, about being a doctor.
Rachel, Im
Youre what? Sorry? Rachel scoffed, her strength rapidly depleting. Dont be. You were right. I wouldnt have accomplished what I have if Id married or stayed in this town. She couldnt stand the pity in his eyes but hated even more that shed validated his position on her career.
She closed the book.
Josh tipped the box forward. Theres something else in here.
She watched as he pulled a large manila envelope from the box and handed it to her. Anxious to get through this, she broke the seal and grabbed an official-looking file. Her name stared at her from the tab.
Ignoring the prickling awareness of Joshs gaze, she flipped open the file. The contents marked her progress through the Department of Child Services, starting with the day she became a ward of the state and continued on, noting every foster home with comments by the foster parents. She quickly read and absorbed the words. For out of the five homes shed lived in, the comments were nearly the same: The child cooperates well, is very quiet and insecure.
Rachels mouth twisted. More like scared to death.
Mom G.s name appeared as the last foster home. The remarks made by Mom G. touched Rachel deeply. To Mom G. she wasnt the child, she was Rachel. A little girl who needed love and affection.
With a snap, she closed the file. She wasnt a little girl anymore, but a grown woman who just lost the last bit of family shed ever known.
The hospital. The people there would be her family now. Her focus would be entirely on the patients, and their care, with no distractions.
Impatiently she dumped out the rest of the manila envelope. A hospital bracelet with her mothers name and the blue and white insignia of Sonora Community Hospital, a birth certificate and a small grouping of photos fell out.
Her breath caught in her throat. With shaky hands, she reached for the top snapshot. The woman in the picture had curly hair, which framed her face, and blue eyes sparkling with intelligence.
Is this your mother?
She nodded, afraid that if she spoke hed hear her anguish. She had one picture of her mother that the social worker had given to her. It sat on her bedside table in a crystal frame.
You look like her.
The compliment nearly shattered her composure.
Gathering every vestige of her control, she spread the rest of the photos out on the table. Five in all. Ive never seen these. I wonder why Mom G. never gave them to me.
Gathering every vestige of her control, she spread the rest of the photos out on the table. Five in all. Ive never seen these. I wonder why Mom G. never gave them to me.
Maybe she thought theyd make you sad.
In one frame, her mother stood on a beach staring out at the waves, her expression pensive. In another, her mother held a tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket. The next was a park setting. A two-year-old Rachel sat on a swing, her mother behind her, joyous smiles on both of their faces. The last photo was of her mother, dressed up and looking like a princess.
I wonder if my father took these? Everything hurt inside and she willed the pain away.
Josh took her hand. His fingers wrapped around hers, anchoring her as the tide of grief began to rise within her.
I dont even know who he was, Josh. What hed been like. Why hed left.
I didnt know, he responded softly. Youd said he was gone. Id assumed he was dead.
He was gone before I was born. She picked up the birth certificate. Her own. She pointed to the line where her fathers name should have been. Unknown? Her voice rose, betraying the anguish building in her chest.
At sixteen shed needed her birth certificate for her drivers license. Any hopes or plans she had of seeking her father out died when shed seen that one word. I cant accept he was some stranger my mother hadnt loved. Some one-night-stand type of deal.
Maybe he hadnt known she was pregnant when they broke up.