Strangely, the sex with Michael had quickly become a compulsion. After a kiss or two, she couldnt have stopped had her life depended on it. Hed made her feel too damned attractive, and shed craved that after the way Pierce had discarded her.
A minute passed, and then another. The silence between them grew thick and heavy. Michaels eyes were so intense they were giving her a bad case of the chills.
Last year you were so upset with that doctor, you wanted to kill him, he murmured. You over the bastard yet?
The question caught her off guard, and she spoke too abruptly and too defensively. Yes!
He was watching her eyes, reading her. Ever see him?
No! She forced herself to look Michael squarely in the eye.
Ever talk to him?
No! Her heart raced. But why was Michael probing so hard?
After a long moment of scrutinizing her, Michaels hard face relaxed again, and she decided maybe shed pulled it off.
Good, he said, his tone oddly controlled.
Officer Nash, its late, she stated.
Michael, he murmured.
She went to the front door and opened it. She smiled when he grabbed his notebook and got up.
He glanced around. Fortunately, the family photos didnt seem to attract his attention. But hed had a lot of time alone with them in the den. Still, he had no reason to be suspicious. But if he looked at Carmens pictures too closely
Nice house. Nice couch. And the pool. The pools great. You always did like to swim. I remember when we ran away together, how you wanted to go to that beach with all the palms and skinny-dip.
She tensed again but said nothing.
What about your art? You still draw everything you see?
She shook her head.
Thats too bad. You were good. I remember how you wanted to be a famous artist.
His comment made her feel wistful. As a kid shed seen her art as a way out of East Austin and the deadend kind of life Hazel had led, just as Michael had seen playing college football as his ticket to success. Both of them had been through so much. First theyd blamed each other for their fathers tragedy. Only with time had he seen that her pain was as great as his, and their mutual pain had caused them to form a bond. Then shed gotten pregnant and made her decision.
Rosie felt the stirring of a vague, nostalgic longing. For what? It wasnt as if things could have ever worked out between them.
Shed done what shed thought best, and now they both, him unwittingly, had to live with the consequences. Period. There was no going back.
Unable to read her mind, he grinned and changed tack. I notice this house belongs to one of your ex-fiancés ex-wives, Yolie Carver. The fast-food taco queen.
Hed emphasized the name Carver, and Rosie tensed again.
Youre not living with her just to cozy up to his family? Youre not still stalking His eyes darkened.
You were leaving, she reminded him, shakily. Little girl found. Case closed. She tried to make her voice light.
Right. Just curious. You always did want to live high, princess.
Is that a crime?
Some things never change, I guess. Is that what you have against me? That Im a cop? That I cant afford a house like this? If you werent out for revenge, is that why you could bed me, but then be so anxious to get rid of me
Why did you give up being a big pro football star?
You mean whyd I quit, just when I was set to rake in millions?
To become a cop?
You think I was a fool?
I didnt say that.
His daddy had been a cop. And hed said hed hated his daddy. Maybe being a cop was a calling.
Michael had moved up the ranks fast. She wondered if it was because he was good or because he knew the right people. Or because he was on the take like his daddy. Or maybe he felt he had to live down what his daddy had done.
Why are you so damn set against me? he demanded.
Look, I dont need this, she whispered.
He pitched a business card onto Yolies gleaming coffee table.
She felt a strange, aching disappointment that she didnt understand. As if her heart was breaking as it had all those years ago when shed decided to dump him.
Hed ruined her life. Because of what had happened with him, shed given up her artand everything else shed longed to have and be. Now she was a nobody, she, whod been alive with ambition and so damned eager for a ticket on the glittering train car.
She picked up his business card and then set it down again.
Well, you know where to find me, princess.
As he walked toward her, invading her personal space as only he could, his eyes burned her neckline. She blushed and became annoyed that he could upset her just by getting too close.
I just broke up with my girlfriend. Maybe I could take youand Alexis, too, to Zilker Park or something. Maybe teach her to throw a Frisbee. Maybe ride the little trainYou have my card.
I dont think so.
He brushed past her and stepped outside. She shot the bolt and leaned against the door, rasping in quick breaths as his brisk footsteps receded down the walk. For a long time, she just stood there, feeling as if she were melting on the outside but frozen in the middle.
Hed invited Alexis to the park. Why did that touch her? Had he felt some bond with the child? Did he suspect the truth, maybe, on some subconscious level?
Feeling a strange need to call him back, she rushed to her window and watched his lean form slide into a battered, blue Crown Victoria with a tall antenna on the trunk. Her heart caught. He looked so lonely out there in the dark.
Only after his engine started was she able to break the connection and make herself march to the kitchen. She was lusting for Michael, which meant she probably should indulge herself with some of Yolies birthday cake. But when she opened the fridge and saw the huge piece of chocolate cake, the red candle on top of it spelled Forty.
Teeny piece. Trust me.
She pulled the awful candle off and licked the length of it.
Delicious! Sinfully so!
As she threw it in the trash, she imagined herself trying to zip her forty-year-old butt into her new spandex jeans. When she returned to the fridge, she pushed the cake plate behind the milk carton and grabbed an apple. She went to the drawer where she kept her favorite Kasumi paring knife, which Pierce had bought her on a trip theyd made together to Japan.
It wasnt there.
Frustrated, she dashed about the kitchen, jerking all the drawers open. Finally, she settled on a dull blade from Yolies block. Then she sliced the apple into bite-size chunks and poured herself a glass of water.
The knife would probably turn up where she least expected it.
After putting her glass and Yolies knife in the dishwasher, she went upstairs, undressed and got into bed with Alexis. She reached toward the lamp chain to switch on the light and then stopped herself. When her thoughts turned to Michael again, she felt weak and empty and strange.
Her heart pounded as she remembered how lonely hed looked as hed gotten in his car. Hed hit it off with Alexis. Hed wanted to take them to Zilker Park.
Feeling confused, she reached for Alexis and snuggled closer to her and tried to forget Pierce, Michael and her stressful night.
Feeling confused, she reached for Alexis and snuggled closer to her and tried to forget Pierce, Michael and her stressful night.
Forty. Life felt frighteningly too real. She wanted to be a kid again and believe she could have the fairy tale.
One thing was for sure.
She needed to put both her old flames in the pastwhere they belonged.
Four
When the phone rang at 5:00 a.m., Rosies first weary reflex was to reach for Alexis to reassure herself that she was still there. Only after stroking the little girls soft, warm shoulders and fingering her copper curls did she lift the receiver and turn on the light.
Rose Marie!
At her daughters angry shriek, Rosie jerked to a sitting position, both hands shaking. Carmen, who was twenty-onemake that an immature, mixedup and wild twenty-onecalled her Rose Marie these daysto distance herself, shed explained, and rather nastily. Carmen, who shared an apartment with two other dancers, never phoned her if she could avoid it. Obviously, this was an emergency.
Holding the phone, Rosie lay back, feeling groggy with exhaustion. How long had she slept? Two hours, maybe? She shut her eyes and tried to concentrate on whatever it was Carmen was saying.
Hazel called me. Shes out of her mind again. Only worse than usual.
Carmen had started calling her grandmother by her first name, too, which was really annoying to Hazel, especially since Rosie found herself doing it, as well.
Why did Mother call you? Did she forget my number or something?
She says it was a bad birthday for you and she didnt want to make it worse, and that besides, she only wants me, thats shes scared of you.
Deep breath. Scared of me?
She started hollering every time I started to call you. I couldnt call until the doctor came. Hes in with her right now. She keeps saying you killed him.
Killed who? Did I miss something?
Pierce. She says somebody killed him tonight. You havent seen him or been around him lately, have you?
A chill went through Rosie.
Hey, Mom, please tell me you didnt catch him jogging on your way home, and lose it again.
Shed lost it all right.
So had Pierce. That isnt funny, she whispered, her voice strangled.
Carmen heaved out a long sigh. Thats like a huge relief. Huge. With Hazel wicking out all the time, the last thing I need is a homicidal maniac for a mother.
So, at least you still claim me.
As if I have a choice.
Excuse me?
If anything happened to you, who will take care of Alexis?
Where are you? Rosie demanded.
The E.R. Brackenridge Hospital. Youve got to get over here. I cant take much more.
Ditto. It would be an understatement to say that Carmens many talents did not lie in the nursing field. Youll have to take care of Alexis then. And that means being patient and nice and
Fine! Just get here. Another hour and Ill be singing the loony tunes along with Hazel.
Except for her slack mouth, which she licked constantly, and her wild eyes darting everywhere, Hazel looked good. Shed had a lot of work, as Pierce used to say, and such good work, she looked years younger than she was.
She was clutching a stuffed cat and dressed in skintight black slacks and a black, long-sleeved shirt emblazoned with the message, Keep Austin Weird in red. There were red cats all over it.
Her motherthe Cat Woman.
Hazels coppery-gold curls were bright and held back from her face with two red, sparkly, cat-shaped barrettes. Shed obviously had her hair and nails done recently, and her perfectly painted lips were the same bright shade as her nails and the cats on her T-shirt.
Like a lot of women of her generation, Hazel believed it was important to coordinate accessories. Maybe the lipstick and polish and the cats were a little too vivid for a woman her age, but then that was Hazela little bit gaudyand into turning back the clock rather than aging gracefully, whatever the hell that cliché was supposed to mean.
So, why had Hazel snapped this time? Twice before shed lost it after a bout of flu, coupled with sleepless nights.
The date on my tombstone has to be March 2, 1945! Hazel shouted from her gurney to no one in particular as Rosie pushed the door open, tugging a sleepy Alexis inside with her.
Thats your birthday, Mom. And dont shout. Im right here.
Finally! Carmen snapped. Her dark eyes that were too much like a certain cops flashed with irritation as she shot to her feet and yanked Alexis toward her.
Stop it! Youre hurting me! Alexis fought to pull loose.
Dont be such a whiny baby! Were outta here!
Hello to you, too, Rosie said. And, hey, be nice to her. Shes a little girl.
Im being way nicer than you and Hazel ever were to me! Ill park her in front of the TV. Will that make you happy?
Ouch! Rosie said, feeling a guilt pang. She had left Carmen with Hazel when shed gone to college and when shed worked. But shed had to.
Murder, Hazel said. I told you to kill that arrogant bastard. Its about time you killed Carver!
Still worrying about how Alexis would fare with Carmen, Rosie sat down by the gurney. Mom, Pierce is fine, and Id appreciate it if you dont talk about him and me hereat the hospital. People might get the wrong idea.
Hazel stared at the green walls. When did I die?
Youre not dead. Youre going to be fine. You just need to try to calm down and get some rest. Thats why youre here. When youre better, you can go home.
Youre still in love with that motorcycle guy. Hes Carmens real daddy, isnt he? Your daddy shot his daddy. It was an accident, you know.
Rosie covered her face. How much did her mother know? Shed never told Hazel very much about Michael.
Families! Did all families share the obnoxious talent hers had of being able to ferret out its members best-kept secrets and then broadcast them to the universe?
Wheres the doctor? Hazel demanded, frowning in confusion.
Hes already seen you.
When the TV said Pierce was stabbed tonight, I knew right off who killed him. Its in your blood.
Rosie sighed, struggling for professional patience. Mom, Pierce is fine. I saw him earlier.
Youre twelve years old, Rosie. Mother committed suicide. Hazels eyes rounded in fright and then in guilt. She gulped in a big breath and clamped both hands over her mouth. Oops, Im not supposed to tell that. She died in her sleep.
Mom, please. Just dont talk anymore right now.
Youre still in love with that motorcycle guy. Is that why you stabbed Pierce?
Rosie rubbed her brows with a sigh. Mom, please
Your father said murders as easy as dog shit, and he would know, now wouldnt he? Im who I amIm really me!
Rosie popped her knuckles and stared up at the ceiling. She felt so helpless she wanted to scream. Get me out of here!
Its me whos dead over there, Hazel said, staring wildly past Rosie and pointing out the door at a figure on a gurney. Her brow knitted into rigid lines, which meant she was late for her botox shot. Then Hazel slid off the bed and began to pace in small, tight circles. I have to get over thereso Ill see you again.